I shouldn’t have done it. If I knew what would happen when I did it I would never have done it. I didn’t want this. No one would want this. It’s been 3 weeks now.
I was walking through the big nature reserve behind the train lines with my dog, Echo. It wasn’t unusual, I do the walk most mornings. He’s not a huge dog, just a collie mix. He’s harmless and always loves meeting new people when we’re out. That being said, there’s never anyone on this path that we walk. It’s actually not so much a path, it isn’t pavement or concrete, but a faint trail. It’s a lovely route but it’s so hidden that not many people know it’s here. Even locals, like myself, are so blissfully unaware of its beauty and hidden gems. At least that’s what I thought when I moved here 6 months ago and discovered my new favourite trek.
It’s around 30 minutes away from the road and I found it by chance after one very long Sunday exploration and one very excited Echo running off. It was his discovery really. This was back when I first moved here. It had only been about two weeks and I was starting to find my feet at the new house. It was a small house but it was cosy and all I could afford here since my ex, Kendra, had left me. She took the house in the divorce but I got the dog. That stupid little dog that led me to it. It all makes sense why no one goes there now. Maybe it was some sort of natural avoidance people had. I thought it was great at first. So untouched by man. No graffiti on the cliffs and no litter in sight for miles.
I threw Echos favourite blue ball across the field. He loved that thing and took it everywhere with him. He always ends up ruining and chewing through the other ones I get him but this one he hasn’t wrecked yet. He went hurdling after it and disappeared into the thick bushes near the woods. I remember it being so pretty and serene. Not even the noises of birds in the trees or flying ahead. Thinking back I never heard any birds any time I went there. I always just chalked it up to Echo scaring them off or them staying away because of him. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. They knew to stay away from here. Something I didn’t know in time.
He didn’t come back. I shouted for him for what felt like ages. This wasn’t like him. He usually comes running straight away when I shout his name.
“Echo…ECHO.”
I started towards the bushes and woodlands to retrieve whatever had occupied him. As I got close I crouched down to look through the bushes expecting to see my Echo and his little blue ball. I had my hood up to stop the wind when I heard a crunch from behind me. I turned my head to see Echo sitting right there, where I was standing before. I stood up and shouted him over. He bounded up to me excited as ever but he was missing his ball. That little blue ball. It couldn’t be far. I pushed through the bushes to see if I could see it but it wasn’t around. I got my phone out to use the flashlight to see better in the underbrush. The light suddenly went off and my phone shut down. Out of battery. After 10 minutes I felt defeated.
“I’m sorry boy. I’ll get you a new blue ball, hey? How does that sound? We might even find it when we come tomorrow” I say to him as if he can comprehend what I’m saying. That was the weird thing. He didn’t mind leaving the clearing without it. He trotted with me all the way down the path and towards the road home.
It was starting to get dark around 10 minutes into the walk back. We were still a while from the road and walking through the long grass as we always do. I heard a snap of some branches near me which made me turn my head towards the noise. There was a tall man in white walking from my left. I had never seen anyone here before so it startled me but it was public land after all I thought to myself. I smiled at him with that awkward polite smile that you do when you see someone walking by and carried on through the long grass. Echo started a low growl as he crossed in front of us.
“Bad boy. No stop”, I shushed him as his ears flattened and his tail dropped. This was so out of character for him. I apologise to the man as he passes but got no response or remote acknowledgment. I just figured he either didn’t like dogs very much or he was some sort of recluse who doesn’t like people. It would make sense why he walked this trail if it was the latter, I suppose.
By the time we reached the house it was almost completely dark. I unlocked the door and let Echo in. As I was taking off my coat I felt around for my phone and my stomach dropped. I didn’t have it. I had an instant panic. The weather was dry and I had a waterproof case on it so that’s at least a win. I could have dropped it anywhere on the whole walk back. I looked at Echo, with his head in his water bowl. Poor boy missing his blue ball.
His ball! That was when I had my phone last when it died. I looked out the window dreading going back out. I was so tired but I couldn’t really leave it outside till tomorrow. I knew I couldn’t afford another one right now. I opened the kitchen draw and rummaged through. I pulled out a flashlight for the journey back. I grabbed my car keys and headed towards the door. It shouldn’t take long if I drive as close as I can get and I’m walking quickly.
“I’ll be back soon boy”
I drove as close as I could get to the clearing. It would still be a 20 minute walk even with a pace so I decided to jog. It was completely pitch black now. Even more so here. Without the comfort of street lights. I was starting to wish I just waited until tomorrow morning now. Damn phone. It all looked so different in the dark. I couldn’t be sure I was in the right place. For all the times I had been here, I felt completely lost. Nothing looked the same. There were trees that weren’t there before. There were bushes where I thought the path should have been. I wish I could say I just gave up and went back. But I didn’t.
Well I tried to. But that’s the thing when I turned around the route had changed. A stream was behind me that I didn’t walk through. I couldn’t even walk around it. It was over 2 metres wide at every point. I followed it each way for over 10 minutes. I knew I didn’t walk diagonally. It was impossible. The moon was thin and didn’t give much light. But it was in front of me the whole walk here. It was in front of me every way I turned actually. That’s insane. I remember thinking. That can’t be possible. But it was. That’s exactly what was happening. I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t know how long I had been out there. My torch was the only thing I had with me- and the car keys but they were just as helpful as my dead phone would have been, if I had it.
The air was dry and it hadn’t rained for days but my feet were suddenly sinking into wet mud. I was struggling to keep my balance through the mud. If I kept going I had to hit a road. I had to.
That’s when I saw it. So out of place, so random. There was no sign of any buildings anywhere around here. Not even a real path. That’s what made it even weirder. It wasn’t attached to anything. It was just there. It was a stone staircase. Leading straight up to… nowhere. I stopped, for the first time since I got here. It was a calming feeling. I felt relieved. I don’t know why- I was still lost. This didn’t help. I had never seen it before. It’s not like I could use it to find my way back. But I felt calm. It was lighter here too. Maybe that’s why I felt calm. I could see. I wish I could say I thought it through. That I thought it would give me a vantage point. That I could see further. Maybe see the road. But the truth is I felt so drawn to the stairs. They were begging me to climb them. It felt like if I climbed them everything would be okay.
So I did.
I got closer and took a step. It felt so different beneath my foot. Not just solid in comparison to the mud. I can’t describe it. I just felt. There was nothing to hold onto, just the stairs. They kept going higher and higher and I kept climbing. They seemed to never end. They just kept climbing. And so did I. They reached above the trees but I couldn’t see anything. The trees were taller now as I looked out. The further my view got the taller the trees seemed to grow. I looked up at the stairs. They didn’t seem to have an end. I kept telling myself I would go just a little further. I would see the end. But I couldn’t.
I look down and I can’t see the ground. I tried walking back. I walked much longer than I walked up. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m stuck here. On these stairs. It’s been night the whole time too. I can’t remember what day even looks like. I don’t know exactly how much time has passed. I think it’s been about three weeks. I don’t feel tired or hungry. I don’t feel exhausted from walking. It’s like I don’t feel anything. I don’t know where I am. I don’t think I’ll ever get off these stairs or find the bottom again. I think I’ll keep climbing up. It has to end eventually, right?
I’m sitting now, on the stairs. It’s cold but I don’t really feel it, not like I think I should. I’m so high up. I just want to go home. I put my hand in my coat pockets. I feel something that wasn’t there before. I pull it out and look at it. I laugh to myself. It’s that stupid blue ball.