When we brought Meredith home, we were already prepared for the worst case scenario. She was ninety-eight, her mind was all but gone, and she had lost nearly all motor function two years ago due to an extensive and horrifying attack of multiple strokes that occurred through two months. She was frail and she was on the very precipice of passing on from this place to whatever happens next, but something had decided that now was just not her time to go.
The doctor’s had called us about three months ago and had told us that if we were financially and emotionally up to the option, we could choose to take her home for her final days, just to make her more comfortable and happy. We just had to pay for a hospital bed to be brought into a spare bedroom we had ready for her, along with the machinery that was to go with them, such as a heart monitor, IV drip, so on and so forth. We also had to pay for around the clock care, as I was in no way trained to care for someone in my grandmother’s condition, and my husband Tyler worked in construction; I wasn’t asking a man who works a forklift all day to bathe a fragile old woman when he comes home from work..
We talked it over, and we agreed she should come home. At her age, and in her state, she deserved to be around people who loved her in her final moments alive. She had no other children aside from my mother, who had died when I was fifteen. She was working as a gas station cashier and was stabbed to death by a junkie who wanted the cash in her register, which she obliged to his demand and gave him it all.
Twenty-three dollars was all my mom’s life was worth in the prick’s eyes.
But we’re not here to dwell on that.
Last month, we were finally prepared to bring Meredith home. Tyler had managed to get two weeks off work to help with bringing her in and acclimating her to the new surroundings. She wouldn’t leave her bed, of course, but she had a large window overlooking our yard in her bedroom with a balcony just outside of it, and me and Tyler planned on having that window open as much as we could to let her feel the cool air on her.
When we got to the hospital, we were stopped by the doctor before entering Merideth’s room. He pulled me aside, telling Tyler he could go see her and I would be in shortly. I assumed he was going to give me the cautionary “any moment now” speech, but what I heard was something that gave me chills. Thinking back on what the doctor said now makes a whole lot more sense than it did then.
“Your grandmother…she passed away an hour ago. She was pronounced dead. It seemed natural, as if her body had finally decided to rest. As we began to disconnect her life supporting systems, however, something miraculous happened.” The doctor paused, looking back at my grandmother’s room before returning his eyes to mine, with a look of astonishment, and maybe even fear.
“Danielle, she just woke up. She sat up, she looked around at everyone, hell she even smiled. She was so much more cognitive than we’d ever seen someone be in her state, especially after being pronounced dead for nearly five minutes at that point.”
“So, what is she like now? Is she just…acting normal or something?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, but I wasn’t letting this get my hopes up either.
“No, well, yes and no. She’s returned to her previous state, but she’s alive which to us is amazing. You can still take her home today, we just want you to be prepared for the worst. In situations similar to this, when a patient comes back from shutting down, usually they’re on their final stretch. So don’t be surprised if and when you get home that she seems like a different woman.”
When I entered Merideth’s room and lay my eyes on my grandmother, I was elated. She looked just as I remembered her; she was astoundingly beautiful for a woman who had just died and came back shortly before my entrance into her room. The bed had her in a sitting position, and Ty was feeding her some Jell-O as I approached the foot of her bed.
“Hey, nan. How’re you feeling?”
Her eyes darted to me, looking me up and down like she was trying to recollect who I was to her. I was used to it, it hurt, but she eventually came around and I could make her smirk sometimes. With what physical capabilities she had left, I took what I could get from her.
Her eyes were a deep brown, and her hair was still so long and full on her head. She always cared about her image, and it showed even now.
“You look gorgeous, which is obvious with you. I’m assuming the doctor’s told you the big news?”
Her eyes locked with mine, and for some reason it took the breath from my longs for a moment. I couldn’t exactly place it, but there was this emotion in my grandmother’s eyes just then that I could not describe. It seemed so raw, so primal. I felt so little in her gaze, like she was going to stand up and attack me at any moment. It struck me so much that I had tears swelling my eyes and I was forced to wipe at them. Tyler must have noticed the tears, because he was at my side, his hand on my back trying to console me.
“You’re going to come live with us for a bit, okay? We’re going to give you a better view than this place.”
We packed up her stuff, which was easy as she only had a few hair products and a little bit of makeup, with a small number of pants and sweaters, and packed it all into our car as the paramedics loaded Meredith into an ambulance to follow us to our place.
Before getting into the car, I thought about the way she looked at me again, the feeling of being small, consuming me again and nearly knocking me to my feet. Tyler saw this again, and came over to check on me.
“Do you want me to drive home? You should just relax, it’s going to be a hard day for you, y’know? Getting used to Mer’ being home with us isn’t going to just be hard on her.” I agreed with that, and took the passenger seat instead.
The drive home was relaxing and uneventful with the ambulance behind us for the whole ride. There was a moment, however, that seemed odd to me. It looked as if the vehicle swerved behind us, but it quickly fixed itself.
I decided to ask about that when we arrived home.
As Tyler started bringing in Meredith’s belongings, I waited for the paramedics to unload my grandmother so I could show them where to bring her. Our home is an old two story Victorian home, so they wouldn’t know directions unless given them. When the driver hopped out, he waved me over with a look of fear in his eyes; it reminded me of the emotion I felt earlier.
“Is something wrong with nan? I saw you guys swerve back there. It’s kinda worr-” he began waving his hands to stop me from talking.
“That woman is vicious for her age and condition, lemme tell ‘ya. Mikey was in the back with’er and outta nowhere, the woman grabbed him by his t’roat, cut him open pretty deep too.” We both walked to the back of the ambulance and as the paramedic opened the doors, I was shocked at the site. There was Meredith, strapped down on her stretcher with one arm free and hanging over the side of the bed. The nails were red and dripping. The stretcher was manoeuvred upward like her bed was to put her in a sitting position. The paramedic sitting beside her, Mikey was his name, had been in the process of bandaging his neck when we opened the door. He was pale white and his jacket was covered in blood.
“The lady’s a fuckin’ fighter, lemme tell ‘ya.” He laughed a weak laugh, his voice hoarse for obvious reasons. “You mind helping Paul get her in? I’m not really feeling up to snuff to be doing any heavy liftin’ right about now.”
“Oh of course!” I replied. “I’m so sorry this happened, apparently she’s having a feisty day from what the doctor told me.”
It didn’t take us long to get her situated. The paramedic, Paul, told us that she may be a bit on edge from the change of scenery for the next little bit so we shouldn’t take her mood swings to heart as it was very common. He then told us that the nurse that was hired to care for her should arrive within the hour.
And then he left.
And there were the three of us.
The next few months flew by. Clara, the nurse, was one of the friendliest women me or Tyler had ever met, and having her stay with us round the clock was a blessing. She was so good with Meredith as well, she was sweet and kind to her and so soft with her every need and it seemed like nan enjoyed her company just as much. I often heard Clara in nan’s room with her, singing or humming or just speaking with her. She was even there for me when Tyler couldn’t be. There were times where Meredith’s condition would dip, and we would have to prepare for her to go, and every single time it would rip my heart from my chest.
Clara would often find me in the kitchen with a cup of coffee in the middle of the night, bawling my eyes out silently, trying not to wake Tyler. Every time, she would sit with me and tell me stories of her own grandmother who seemed unable to give up also.
“She passed when I was eighteen, but I swear the woman fought off every angel who came knocking on her door.” The way Clara spoke of her nan, you could just feel the love emanating from her. It was so special, the way her eyes sparkled when she thought of her, the way her lips would curve every time she would begin to tell a tale. She was a beacon of confidence, and it was all thanks to her grandmother.
The first time Clara kissed me, I didn’t know how to react. She was beautiful, the way her black hair had this natural way of slipping over one of her forest green eyes all the time. The way her olive skin looked so smooth, so gentle in candlelight. We shared one too many stories that night. She had just finished telling me of her last breakup with a woman who was stealing money from her bank account without her noticing. I had been drinking, so the only thing I had taken from the story was that Clara was of the same sex love life, and it made me go into a tangent about how I had never kissed a woman in my life and it was so hard because there’s so many beautiful women in the world and I loved Tyler with everything in me but-
She shut me up with her eyes first, and then her lips.
I let it happen, hell, I even kissed her back. But then I stopped, I couldn’t let that happen. She apologised profusely, said she’d find a replacement to work with Merideth. But I refused for that to happen as nan loved her already and I enjoyed her company.
So when the affair truly started, I couldn’t blame anyone but myself.
There were nights, however, that I swear when me and Clara were in the kitchen, I felt afraid. Not of being caught by Tyler, but more that we weren’t alone in that room. My hair on my arms always stood on end and I was constantly looking over my shoulders. I swear there was one time that, and I’m not exaggerating when I say this, I saw Meredith on the ceiling, staring at us. When I looked up at her, however, she was gone. I don’t know how to explain any of that fear, but I just know that it happened.
Life was easy for about a month, until last month happened. I don’t even know how to explain it or how to logic away the events that occurred and how fast that they began, but nothing, nothing in this world could have prepared any of us for the coming events.
It was the first day of August, and me and Clara were in Meredith’s room together. I was sitting beside nan, listening to the radio with her. Clara was on the balcony, having a cigarette and talking with Tyler. I held nan’s hand, and told her all about Tyler’s job, how he was constructing a new law office downtown. Tyler and Clara joined us for a moment before going to the kitchen, Ty said he was going to make Clara a coffee as she “blew the stink off of her”, which I happily obliged as it gave me and nan some time alone.
As they left the room, I returned to my discussion with nan. “So, where was I? Oh yeah, with the money Tyler’s making on this job, we’re planning on renovating our-” I was cut off but Meredith’s eyes, shooting that hateful gaze into me again. I choked, trying to catch my breath as she looked at me like that. There was nothing but pure, unbridled hatred in her eyes as she stared at me.
“You’re a fucking hateful thing.” She spoke. The words and the voice that said them didn’t belong to Meredith. They seemed to belong to something else, something I could not see.
“You’re going around with that fucking thing downstairs while you’re idiot of a husband turns a blind fucking eye. You think he doesn’t know what’s going on? He sure as fuck does, you fuck. He knows you’re sleeping with her, and he gets off on it.”
I sat there, my skin growing cold and my mouth running dry. I wanted to cry, I wanted to beg her to stop, but nothing came out of my mouth.
“Your dear old grandma’s dead, you fucking bitch. She died in the hospital and I’ve just been playing with this fucking meatsack the whole time. Jokes on you.”
“What do you want from me?” Was all I could choke out.
“I don’t want anything and I don’t need anything. Just know that when your time fucking comes, I’ll be the one waiting for you.”
The words sent this burning pain down my spine. I couldn’t feel my legs, they were completely numb. When I tried to stand, my spine just didn’t react.
Meredith’s eyes went blank as she looked at me, and I heard the heart monitor go flat as whatever I had just witnessed had ceased to exist.
I began to scream.
I don’t remember Tyler or Clara entering the room, or the events that took place after. Everything is a blank memory of events until I came to the hospital room, a doctor talking to Tyler and Clara in a hushed voice. Apparently I was in a state of “fear paralysis”, a severe case according to the doctor. I lost my ability to walk and talk, which leaves me here, typing out the events I’ve had to live through for the past year and a half. Apparently my ability to speak and walk will come back in its own time, Tyler just has to be patient with me.
Meredith finally passed away that day, and nobody had any idea of what had happened in that room except for me and her, or whoever it was that was speaking to me.
But now, that fear that I had in the kitchen, the feeling that nan was staring at me from places I couldn’t see, I have that everywhere I go. It’s like there’s something just on the edge of my periphery, and if I stop paying attention to it, it’s going to hurt me.
God save me.