This is the last part of Ilya’s notes, but it’s also the final message from me. People have started disappearing around the village, and we are going to move once more. It’s just too dangerous here. I’m filled with fear, terrified of the things that are closing in on us. I’ve witnessed the eerie shapes in the fog, and I’ve heard their haunting whispers. This is the last part:
**************
Sasha’s small room was brightly lit. He sat on a stool, holding a half-full bottle of vodka in his hand, grinning foolishly. When I entered the room, he pointed to a glass on the table in front of him.
“There, Illya, there! Drink! Drink! Drink with me!”
“What’s wrong, Sasha? Why are you so happy?” I asked.
I wasn’t entirely comfortable seeing him like this, but I still felt sick, and my nose hurt.
“So, did Mary find you? I… I think I love her… Ilya… I…”
He sighed, put the bottle to his lips, and took a big swig. When he held the bottle out to me, I hesitated for a moment, but then I gratefully took it and let the strong drink flow down my throat. It burned a little, but at least it numbed my other aches and pains.
“You love her? Are you sure? She doesn’t trust God,” I remarked.
“Yeeees, yes she does. She assured me she did. Didn’t she… Hehe… Since I’ve been back, since I’ve been back… She’s always been with me, nurturing me. Such a good soul. You just have to get to know her better. And persistent she is as well, if you know what I mean… What a catch… And such a beauty…”
He hiccupped and smiled even wider.
“Sasha, I had a little disagreement with her, gave her a hard time…”
His expression darkened.
“Don’t worry, I didn’t hurt her!” I reassured hastily.
“Well, if you say so, I believe you. You’re the more God-fearing of the two of us. You wouldn’t hurt a fly, would you? Neither would I. Did she hit you back, and that’s why you look like that?”
Sasha regained his composure and now laughed at my bloody nose.
“No, my father. He was there. We were all confused because…”
I fell silent. Could I tell him? He had already been so affected. But I had to tell him.
“The Popovs have been taken by the… things.”
My words hung uncomfortably in the room. Sasha took another swig and slammed the bottle down on the table. Even the vodka couldn’t calm him down.
“It just can’t be. Why won’t they leave us alone? We haven’t done anything!”
“Maybe that’s why…” I said thoughtfully.
“Yes, maybe that’s why. But I don’t want to talk about it, not now that I’ve finally gotten closer to Mary…”
Again, we fell silent. It was uncomfortable for me, especially after what had happened earlier. I didn’t want to tell Sasha about that room, nor about the gruesome lump under the window.
“Ilya…” Sasha suddenly said, carefully.
He smiled a little, looked into my eyes, and made sure that I was listening attentively.
“Ilya, I think… I think there’s a piece of God around here, close to the village…”
What? What did he just say? A piece of God? What did he mean?
“What do you mean by that?”
“Just a feeling. I’ve had it for a while, but couldn’t place it. Maybe that’s why the demons are here, looking for it. Looking for the piece of the Lord that’s somewhere here… Looking… for it…”
That was the last thing Sasha said that day before the alcohol sent him into a deep sleep. I didn’t stay with him much longer and soon got up, staggering home through the muddy streets. As I fell into my bed, half-drunk, the world swirling around me, I couldn’t help but think of the Lord. And of Mary.
Why was she allowed to act on her unholy thoughts? To pretend and subvert our faith? Why didn’t she just disappear, move away? She should have gone to the cities. I heard there were many unbelievers there. Or people who worshipped other gods. Human, false gods. Why didn’t she leave? Surely, she could go with one of the vans that picked up our grain and took it to the cities? I prayed to the Lord for help, for solace, for guidance.
Now she was Sasha’s girlfriend; she would stay here…
Maybe Sasha could convert her. Show her that the Lord was true and great. Surely, she could be saved. I had to believe it, and then it would happen. My faith was strong, after all.
Slowly, I slipped into confused dreams. I ran through the woods, which seemed strange and distant, saw the demons, and was chased by them…
The next morning, there was a knock at the door. It was Sunday, so for once, I didn’t have to go to the field or the carpenter’s workshop. I could focus on our own garden and mow the grass. I had wanted to work in the garden with Zarina to distract her from things for a while now, but the pounding on our door disrupted those plans.
Outside stood Sasha, cheerful, unusually cheerful, grinning at me.
“Ilya, come on, I know now,” he said excitedly.
“What’s going on?” called my mother, who had just come out of my parents’ bedroom.
“Nothing, Sasha is here,” I shouted.
“What do you know… now?” I asked my friend, eager to find out more.
Sasha whispered enthusiastically, ensuring only I could hear him, “I know where the feeling comes from. I know where God is. He is near. Let’s go there! Come on, let’s find Him!”
A thousand thoughts rushed through my head. Had my prayers been answered? Had the Lord come to us? Was Sasha right? I needed to find out.
The peace in Sasha’s eyes fueled my eagerness.
“Let’s go!” I exclaimed excitedly.
After bidding a brief farewell to my parents, we sprinted off, Sasha leading the way and me following closely behind. Our path took us through the village, over the dusty road, and finally into the forest. Despite the pain in my side and the branches slapping my face, the fresh scent of nature inspired me. Soon, we pushed through some bushes and arrived at a clearing. Sasha stopped, laughing, and took a deep breath.
At first, I couldn’t spot anything unusual. We used to play here often when we were younger. The ground was sandy, and the roots of nearby trees sprawled across the clearing, requiring caution to avoid tripping. Everything appeared as it had before, but then… a sense of unease welled up in my heart. Something was amiss. Something was terribly wrong…
Then, not far from a fallen tree, I saw it—a hole in the ground. There was no doubt that the unsettling feeling emanated from that small patch of darkness before me.
The hole wasn’t particularly wide, perhaps about the size of five thumbs in diameter, but after only a few inches, darkness and blackness consumed its interior. It didn’t descend into the earth at an angle but dropped steeply downward. I didn’t know what to make of it, but it frightened me. Merely gazing at it was challenging, and I didn’t dare approach any closer. There it was, nestled in the sand, not far from the roots and the fallen tree, inconspicuous yet captivating once noticed.
The hole seemed to absorb its surroundings and draw one’s gaze.
“Come. Come closer, do you see it?” Sasha asked me, his eyes uncomfortably fixed on the hole, accompanied by a smile.
“Isn’t it beautiful?”
I was at a loss for words. This wretched hole in the ground was the most unsettling thing I had ever encountered. How could Sasha speak of beauty? How could he refer to this gateway to an eternal abyss, this ghastly entrance, as beautiful? How could he claim that a fragment of the almighty Lord resided there? It felt like blasphemy!
Sasha slowly approached the hole, eventually kneeling before it. An overwhelming fear gripped me, fearing that he would somehow tumble in, even though it was far too small for that. I dreaded that hands and claws would emerge, snatching him away…
“Come, come closer…” Sasha murmured once again, his gaze dreamy.
“I felt… this! Yesterday. This was it. This is the fragment of God I was referring to. It’s really here! The Lord is with us, Ilya!”
Could he be right? Had he truly discovered a piece of heaven? It appeared so malevolent, so dark. But perhaps I was mistaken. I could at least take a closer look.
As I cautiously approached, I noticed an indescribable panic growing within me with each step. It was as if my subconscious was pulling me away from this small hole, as if something inside me warned of the horrors lurking deep below. Gasping for air, I broke into a cold sweat—the sweat of fear. Trembling, I couldn’t remain standing and sat down, keeping a distance of around three meters.
Was I unworthy? Had my dark thoughts, which persistently surfaced, angered the Lord, and was He keeping me away from His radiant splendor emanating from that black and chilling ground over there? Sasha remained unaffected. On the contrary, he appeared content and joyful, squatting there and gazing downward as though he could behold paradise itself.
“I’m sorry, I’m just… exhausted. Maybe I’m still feeling the effects of the vodka. I sincerely apologize,” I explained.
Sasha looked disappointed but understanding.
“Alright. I understand, but it’s so wonderful. Perhaps tomorrow…?”
“Yes, maybe tomorrow. I think I need to return home. I have to look after Zarina today, but we’ll talk later, okay?”
“Okay,” Sasha replied, falling silent.
His gaze plunged steeply downward, and I could hear him singing praises. I turned around and began to walk away slowly. Once I left the clearing behind me, I broke into a run. Instinct drove me away, far from that hellish little abyss. I ran and ran, my mind racing, until I reached our gate and could finally catch my breath. I had to forget about that hole, had to forget that just a short distance away, an unspeakable abyss yawned, seemingly swallowing everything good. To distract myself, I tended to the garden with Zarina. We worked in silence, both aware that inexplicable events were unfolding.
“Ilya… Do you think the Lord is angry with us? Because we didn’t immediately search for the angel? Maybe we could have protected it, maybe… I’m afraid it’s all my fault. I should have told the angel about our village in the dream. Maybe then it wouldn’t have… I think it’s all my fault. I’m scared…” Zarina suddenly confessed, pulling a clump of weeds from the soil.
“No! It’s not your fault! We must trust in the Lord! Everything will be alright. You have a good heart, and the Lord knows that. He will protect us. Perhaps there are more unbelievers than we realized. Maybe that’s why they’re being taken. This is a test, and with your goodness, I am certain you will pass it,” I reassured her, trying to alleviate her fears.
“Will you pass it?” she asked.
I froze inside.
“Yes, I will pass it too. I won’t leave you alone, after all,” I assured her.
We continued our work in silence, but my mind raced. Was the Lord testing us? Would the dark thoughts within my soul betray me and drive me into the clutches of the demons as well? I needed to be more devout. I had to protect Zarina and stand by her, extinguishing the darkness within me, the slumbering piece of Satan that exists in every person.
“Ilya, I need your help,” a voice interrupted my thoughts.
I looked up, shielding my eyes from the midday sun with my dirty hands, to see who had spoken. But somehow, I already knew.
Mary’s face bore the marks of a harrowing ordeal. Her lips were tightly pressed together, and her eyes were filled with tears once again.
“I know we’re not friends. I know you don’t like me, and I don’t like you. But Sasha… he needs our help. I don’t know what else to do…” she carefully chose her words, but I could hear the tremor in her voice.
“Yes, I’m coming.”
At least she had dropped the pretense of friendliness. Maybe there was hope for her salvation after all?
“Come,” she murmured, turning away.
I followed her in silence, already aware of where our path would lead. When we emerged from the thicket and entered the accursed clearing, I let out a startled scream. My stomach tightened, and fear surged within me.
Sasha was seated there, by the hole, but…
The hole had grown larger. It now measured almost a meter in diameter. The darkness emanating from it seemed filled with unholy horrors and eternal emptiness. What had transpired?
“Ah, Ilya, you’re here too. Look, the Lord has grown! He is here for us! I have already shown Him to Mary as well. I’m so glad she brought you! Now you can witness the full beauty of the Lord!” Sasha grinned, briefly glancing in my direction before fixing his gaze on the eternal blackness.
“Sasha, come away from there, come back to the village!” Mary pleaded. She looked at me, seeking assistance.
“Please, get him away from there before… before he falls,” she whispered urgently in my direction.
I took a hesitant step forward, but fear paralyzed me. Mary, too, seemed to struggle against it, but her love for Sasha, so fresh and strong, propelled her forward, surmounting the terror. She had already come dangerously close to him when her legs gave way as well.
“Please, darling, come home,” she pleaded.
Sasha appeared oblivious to her words. Saliva dribbled from his mouth as he stared into the depths.
“Darling, step away from this accursed hole!” Mary shouted, her voice trembling.
Taken aback, Sasha turned toward her, anger contorting his face.
“This is a piece of the Lord! How dare you deny it and associate it with Satan! Take that back!” he shouted.
“Sasha, darling, this is not a piece of the Lord. It is dangerous. It has changed you…” Mary tried to talk sense into him.
Sasha’s gaze became hard, his face like a mask. Madness blazed in his eyes. Slowly, barely audibly, he hissed, driven by an indescribable rising hatred that twisted my guts:
“Ilya… Ilya was right… He was right about everything. You… You are not a believer. You are not pious. You are not on the Lord’s side. Did they send you? Are you on their side? Are you a demon, just in disguise?”
His gaze seemed dead, his eyes fixed on Mary.
“No, darling, no, I didn’t mean that. I meant…” Mary stammered, completely thrown off course by Sasha’s mood swing.
She backed away a few steps, looking around for help.
Suddenly, she tripped over an old root in which her graceful red dress had gotten caught. She stumbled backwards and hit the ground hard. A painful whimper escaped her. Sasha did not care. He seemed changed, suddenly smiling sinisterly, as he stood up.
“But maybe you can be saved… Maybe I can save you… I love you, no matter what vile things wander in your heart. The Lord is kind, and so am I.”
“Please, Sasha, darling, please, let’s go home. Let’s just go home and be together. Let’s be together, just the two of us!” Mary screamed.
Tears smeared her eye shadow, and it looked like tar had poured out of her eyes. I wanted to help her, but I was too scared.
“The two of us…? You know we are never just the two of us. The Lord is always with us. How can I possibly teach you that? How can I make you understand His greatness so that you don’t have to sleazily pretend to serve Him anymore? Yes… I know… I will show you… you will see…”
Slowly, purposefully, he strode toward her. She was still whimpering, seeming completely overwhelmed and abandoned by her muscles. Sasha’s wide grin and widened eyes made him look like a lunatic. When he reached Mary, he squatted down in front of her. He looked at her and gently stroked her hair.
“Please, let’s go home… I love you…”
“The Lord is here. Over there,” Sasha said, pointing to the hole not far from him that led into vicious eternity.
“I… I’ll show you, come on,” he murmured and took Mary’s hand, planning to pull her to her feet.
“What? No! No!” she cried as her eyes looked to where he had pointed and saw the patch of darkness on the ground.
“No, I want to leave, with you! That over there is hell! That’s the end of all things!” she panicked.
Suddenly, Sasha grabbed her. The hand that had just been stroking Mary’s hair now clawed at it. Startled and in pain, she cried out and tried to loosen his grip, but she couldn’t.
“No, no, you’re hurting me! Sasha, you’re hurting me, please!” she screamed in pain.
But he ignored her. With a jerk, he began to pull her toward the hole. She tried to hold onto the ground, to grab something on the dry floor with her fingers, but she only tore her hands open. She shrieked and flailed, trying to find a foothold, to get up, but Sasha dragged her away by her hair like a wet sack. I was frozen. The young woman slithered across the floor, being pulled steadily, relentlessly.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, they reached the hole. Mary lay on her stomach, trying to hold herself up, crying and shrieking as Sasha pulled her head over the abyss and held her there. Her face was now hovering over the void, and she was forced to look down.
“Look at it. There, there is the Lord. There is paradise…” Sasha purred dreamily.
I saw Mary try to turn her head, saw her eyes widen, incredulous and full of panic and disgust, almost fainting from fear of what she saw. Sasha held her in place with an iron grip.
“No… Please… That is not paradise… That… That is the end. Hell…” she gasped.
A scream escaped Sasha, enraged.
“Heretic! You wretched heretic!”
He kicked her in the back, and she yelped.
I had to intervene! I had to help her. She was my neighbor, even though a dark part of me loathed her. But defeating that part was what I had to do. I had to help her! But… I couldn’t. Fear still paralyzed me. It made my limbs freeze uselessly.
“But you’ll realize. Once you have descended into the hole, you’ll know,” Sasha purred softly.
“I love you. I want you to experience paradise. I want you to experience it. Even though you are a wretched heretic, you deserve the Lord’s mercy. Once you are in the hole, you will thank me…”
When Mary realized his intention, she began to flail even more wildly.
“No, help! Help!”
Her gaze found mine. I saw her struggling, fighting for her life, her soul. I stood up, fought the fear. She was my neighbor. I had to help her! But I could hardly move. The fear of the eternity of the hole made me sluggish, useless, and my steps were too slow.
When Mary realized that I would not reach her in time, when she understood what was going to happen, humanity left her eyes. Her face. Her otherwise beautiful features became a grimace of terror, and she made indescribable sounds that included despair and unbridled fear.
Sasha pushed her forward while Mary was still kicking, no longer driven by sense but instincts.
It was too late. Her center of gravity crossed the edge. She toppled forward.
The scream she let out as she slid into the deep blackness continued for what seemed like an eternity. I stared at the maw, stared at the deep void that gaped there in the floor. Sasha just squatted there, looking down.
He prayed, thanking the Lord for having given Mary salvation and paradise and for having been allowed to send her there.
I approached slowly, the hole always in sight. The fear of the darkness grew with each step. What had Mary felt when she had descended? Was she still falling? Was she falling through the hellish darkness? Would she hit the bottom, in purgatory, or… would she always fall? Always falling, while her fear and dread grew with each meter, while each additional second drove her more insane?
“Ilya, thank you. You believed in me. You didn’t stop me and gave her what many want more than anything. I know you didn’t like her, but thank you for your kindness. She is now traveling, descending to the Lord…” Sasha said softly and turned his head to me.
“I understand it completely now. This hole… it is my hole. The Lord is calling for me. The Lord has always called for me. His honeyed voice rings in the darkness. I love Him. I love Him and His goodness. I love Him for allowing me to take Mary into this hole… my hole. He made it just for me. He made it just for me, this hole to heaven, to paradise. Thank you, my friend. I will go to Him now…”
Before I could respond, he allowed himself to topple forward, and with a smile on his face and eyes closed in happiness, he too fell into the depths and disappeared.
“No!” I screamed.
What had I done? Why had I let it come to this? Were Mary and he now with the Father? Or had something deceived them? The hole, it had to be from the demons, it had to be! The fear that one felt near it, this fear… it could not be anything else! It was a gateway to hell, and it had taken my friend, just like the others on that pilgrimage, just like Sofia’s parents. And I had done nothing!
I fell to my knees and began to cry. Why? Why was all of this happening? Why?
I hit the ground, and dust swirled up, causing my hand to ache. But I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything. This hole, this cursed hole! It…
I looked up.
It was gone.
The hole was gone. Where it had once been, there was only smooth soil in front of me, inconspicuous, as if the damn thing had never existed, as if it hadn’t just taken my best friend and his lover. That piece of filth! I took a deep breath.
What did the Lord want from us? Why did He allow the demons to torment us and send us their tools of hell? Were we not pious? Was I not pious? Or was I poisoned without knowing it? Corrupt at heart and unworthy of the Lord’s love? Why had I not felt enough charity for Mary to overcome my fear? Had that been a test I had failed? No, it couldn’t be…
Desperate, I got up and made my way home, staggering away. I was unbearably thirsty; I had to drink something.
I said nothing at dinner and went to bed early. I was afraid that the hole would open up under my bed and swallow me, that the demons would come for me. I almost went insane, tossing and turning in bed, yearning for something to drink.
“Are you alright?” Zarina suddenly murmured in the darkness.
“Zarina? Sleep! Everything is fine, everything is fine…”
“What about Mary? I haven’t seen her since you left at noon today. When you came back, I knew something had happened, but I didn’t want to disturb you. Just… I can tell you’re feeling terrible. What happened?”
The image of a beautiful woman falling through eternal darkness, yawning, being torn apart and put back together by demons, forever fading away in pain, cut through my thoughts.
“Nothing. They’re out of town for a few days. Sasha was in a bad mood, and I helped them pack up some things and finally fix Sasha’s old car. Just like Dad showed me. All is well…”
I knew she didn’t believe me. I didn’t need to see her face to know that. We were silent, and fear crept back in. Half asleep, I dreamt of the clearing. It was colorless, dreary, and smelled artificial, and there… there was the hole. The hole leading to unspeakable depths. It had opened again; would it swallow me? If I fell into it now, in my dream, would I wake up again? Was it just a mirage, or something else?
“Ilya. You didn’t help me! You didn’t save me; you left me to the depths of the Lord… It wasn’t my hole; it wasn’t meant for me…”
Mary’s distorted voice reached my ears, wafting among the trees, but I knew where it originally came from: whispering from the depths of the earth before me. I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t. I had to look toward the hole. It was hard to make out, barely visible. And then…
A hand poked out of the hole, jerkingly feeling the earth at the edge, finally finding a hold. A second arm followed, twitching. I couldn’t believe it. This was all my fault!
Slowly, terribly slowly, Mary crawled out of the hole. She crawled out of the hole, or what was left of her. Her hair was disheveled, her eyes insanely large. Her lips gleamed blood-red at me. Her washed-out makeup made her look undead. Twitching and slavering, she crawled toward me.
Once again, I was rooted to the spot, paralyzed by fear. I had to wake up, had to get away…
She crawled closer, and I smelled her stench, the stench of evil. She fixed me with her devilish eyes and her hellish grin…
Finally, she was with me, grabbing me by the ankles, pulling me to the ground. I couldn’t do anything, wanted to fight back, but the dream wouldn’t let me.
Slowly, her face right in front of mine, horrible and alien, she laughed, defiling me with her foul-smelling saliva. She clung to me, hugging me tightly. Her mad, melodic voice reached my ears.
“I will show you what you have done to me. I’ll show you what it means to fall into a hole not meant for you. Such terrors…”
With that, she pulled me ahead, further ahead to the piece of miserable blackness on the ground.
Why couldn’t I wake up? What would I experience, falling into the depths of the earth? Would I go mad?
Mary’s shell laughed, dragging me onward, and the fear and dread of the blackness overwhelmed me.
Then, the light.
I was startled out of sleep. I don’t know exactly when it came, but all at once, I knew that everything was going to be alright. I had the feeling of paradise in my heart. I knew at once that God had not abandoned me, that He was with me, that He loved me, just as I had always known. The Lord was with me. The Lord was near. He was so close… I stayed awake and content in bed for the rest of the night.
The next morning, after breakfast, I left the house and went to the garden. I knew the Lord was near. I knew it, felt it. I felt Him.
And there He was, behind the old, dilapidated woodshed, hidden among the weeds. It was there that I saw God—a small black hole, at the bottom of which lay paradise. I had been such a fool.
“Ilya, the Lord is here!” my neighbor called happily over the fence.
Reluctantly tearing myself away from the profound darkness that promised eternal happiness, I made my way to the garden fence. Old Yuri stood there in his worn-out work clothes, holding a rake, his gaze fixed on something at his feet. I caught a glimpse of a revulsion I didn’t want to dwell on. Something dreadful lay in the ground…
“That’s wonderful,” I said curtly, turning away. I couldn’t bear to keep staring.
Glancing back at the gaping hole in the grass beside me, I marveled at its beauty. It was perhaps ten centimeters wide, and I might not have noticed it if I hadn’t felt it.
Suddenly, it struck me. This was my hole. The Lord had sent it to me. He had been testing me in the past few weeks, and now I was being rewarded. I would go to Him.
Had we misunderstood? Were they not demons but angels—the beings who had brought us the darkness? Had it all been a test of faith? Was that why the people had ventured into the blackness between the trees, Mikhail and the others? Had the Lord taken the Popovs after they had prayed and pleaded? Had there not been a demon by the road but a messenger of God watching over them? Had he shielded them from the hellish fragment that had claimed Sofia’s flesh? Had we been completely mistaken?
Perhaps. But it doesn’t matter now. I am happy. I am writing these words so that you might share in my happiness. I believe the Rapture is imminent. These holes—Sasha’s hole, mine, and even the neighbor’s—I believe they will transport us all to heaven. We have believed in the Lord all these years. We have been devout.
There is a hole for everyone. Yes, I believe everyone will find their own hole and realize that God is there.
Perhaps that’s why Sasha’s hole frightened me so deeply—because it wasn’t mine. I dread the thought of descending into the wrong hole. What would happen then? I am frightened… know that terrible things will occur if you don’t enter the right…
Mary…
I am fine. Everything is fine. The hole is calling to me. I now understand that it’s not hell down there. It is God.
“For darkness is as light to you.”
Perhaps I have always known. It calls to me. I have always known! Darkness is the light of the Lord! For darkness is as light to Him—divine darkness.
The darkness beckons. The eternal darkness in the Lord’s hole will be my salvation.
I am in good health. My mental state is sound. I will be even better soon. I will be eternally happy. My family—my parents, Zarina—I am certain they will follow me soon. They, too, will partake in this Rapture. It eases my mind to know that Zarina will have her own hole. It will be prepared for her. She will also ascend to the Lord. Ascend into the eternal depths.
And now, I will go to it.
Goodbye.
*********************
I am terribly afraid. I have learned about the events that unfolded in this nightmarish village, although I still cannot comprehend anything. I’m hesitant about acknowledging the presence of a divine entity… or whatever it might be. I remain an atheist, but… I’m simply uncertain. Our departure from the village is scheduled for tomorrow. I pray that nothing untoward occurs before then. I hope the figures lurking in the fog will not claim me in the night. I hope that no fresh gorges materialize in the earth… Thank you for taking the time to support me and lift my spirit in these dark days!