Ever since I was a child I have experienced otherworldly things. Even as a little boy who was still learning to speak, I remember looking up at the sky and seeing a staircase going up into the thick clouds. The staircase looked ancient like the ones you would see at historical sites carved or made out of rock, aged and blackish. On this staircase I saw people climbing up.
Not too long later I was at my 13th floor balcony of our old apartment and saw two beings male and female on the roof of another apartment next to ours. They were dressed in silver iron suits. The female was climbing upon the back of a flying vehicle on which the male was already seated on. The vehicle had handles or that it appeared similar to a motorcycle before moving out of sight. I remember even at that age I was captivated by that female.
I suffer from sleep paralysis a lot, especially from the age of 15 and I hate it. The worst ones would feel like an electric current to my brain which would leave me drained afterwards. I would then suffer the week with brain fog, low energy and lack of interests in anything.
From the age of 18 or 19 I began to be overwhelmed by recurrent dreams, visions and rarely voices. They were all about religions, myths, history and conspiracies. I learned about fascinating things from my dreams, visions and voices before I had even read about them. I began to believe that everything was connected or that there is truth in most of it if not all. From Gods and myths of different religion whether ancient or modern to mythological figures or characters, “aliens”, conspiracy theories and what not.
I was always an introvert and withdrew myself from the crowd. But it was obvious at this point that I am different or plain weird and I had trouble fitting in society. I am often alone but never feel lonely or that I feel lonely but never alone. It is because of how strange I feel. I do have my family and I cherish them the most.
My life drastically changed one night and it started with a voice which began speaking to me. Just out of the blue, while I was outside watching fashion models doing their rehearsals on stage. I think it felt feminine and she said, “look..” and I looked. What I saw when I looked changed me forever and my life was never the same again. I saw that everything was a lie. It was as if she stripped the whole world and exposed the lies to me. I do not know how to describe this but everything appeared fake to me. The amount of things that are made up and forced upon ourselves as hard truths in which our lives and identities depended on was heart breaking. Everything was a lie, that’s what I learned that night. She asked me, “is this what you think of as great? Is this what you look up to?” And I just died inside.
I was a very motivated and goal driven young man who was going after worldly success and recognition but that night her voice cruely killed my heart and left me aimless, lost and depressed. I left home with tears flowing down my cheek. I knew it was all over for me and I was terrified! My passionate heart was now a dark empty hole and I became merely a lifeless statue of my former self. I withdrew myself from everyone and spent most of my time in my room. This was noticed by my family members and I gave them a hard time in trying to help me recover. They never gave up on me but I was cursed.. I could not fit anywhere.
The dreams and visions continued and quite rarely voices too. Even though I was born in a different religion, I have by that time grew fond of Jesus Christ because He was my first vision at the age of 18 or 19. But the voice I described came about a year or two later. I guess He had warned me or had come to save me.
Sadly, years would pass with me suffering in depression. I let myself go and secretly searched all I could about a question that had often bugged me..who am I? I searched and read about anything that I could learn concerning my dreams and visions. Some of them even felt like they could be my former lifetimes. I have even dreamed about how I had come down to earth and looked for my mother to be born here and just how crazy that sounds!
Amongst the very few names revealed to me in my dreams and visions concerning my identity, one was surprisingly a male voice that came much later. One afternoon as I had gone to take a quick nap, a male voice just spoke saying, “you are the grandson of_____.” I had not even fallen asleep, it appeared right after I had shut my eyes. Surprised, I opened my eyes immediately and saw that there was nobody there. I grabbed my cell phone and searched the name that was revealed to me. I was amused to see that there was indeed a mythological character with such a name. I traced the lineage of that name which would make me (if this is true) a great great great grandson of Zeus, who was the King of the Greek Gods.
I thought this was funny, I mean these myths, they couldn’t be real, right? Right?
Inevitably, a time came when I was angry that all of these experiences had wasted my time and left me missing out on real life opportunities. I met my school friends many years later and I was embarrassed of myself. They had jobs, cars and some of them their own houses. Some of them had also gotten married. But here I was the loser who had no clue what to say to them about why I had done nothing much with myself. “Well, actually guys I heard a voice.. and the visions and dreams..,” no I wasn’t going to do that!
I couldn’t accept my fate and blamed it all for taking my life away from me. I was angry at God and I was angry at life. Why me? I remembered the female voice from that night and cursed her for ruining the life of a young man. It was clear to me that I needed to fight for my life. I needed to be a responsible and rational man. I needed to participate in my family and society and create myself anew. I must become an established man. And what about my dating life? I had wasted so many opportunities. I began to think that I was possibly suffering from mental health. Perhaps I was delusional or schizophrenic.
I had always prayed to God since this otherworldly experiences took off from the age of 18 or 19. And along the way, I had become fond of some Gods and Goddesses too because I believe they helped me to survive my difficult times. But no one can give back the years that flew by. I just prayed I would at least become an established man instead of living my life in regret.
I had lost a successful fashion modelling career and I took a long time to finally complete my law degree. Thanks to my family who are always supportive and loving.
To this day I still suffer with the emptiness but the years have taught me to be wise and act smart instead of losing myself on an impulse or emotional downfall. Do what is right instead of following my empty feelings, I will thank myself in the long run. I still suffer with sleep paralysis but it has reduced. I still experience the dreams and visions but they have lessened also.
I am 38 now and hoping to live a normal life with healthy relationships and career. Jesus Christ has become my Lord and Savior for strong reasons but I do not speak or express this openly. I keep it personal. I do however communicate with or express gratitude to other dieties for their valuable roles in my life. I do not discriminate nor am I disrespectful. They could be Angels of the Almighty or benevolent ones from heavenly realms or kind old ancestors. Life is bigger than you think. I still do not know everything, neither do you. And I admit to feel a strong connection with Zeus but I still do not know who he truly is, the actual Zeus. I just hope it is not The Devil pulling his tricks on me all this while haha! Believe me when I say, that whatever evil thing is possibly real.
I hope to give my all to my family and help those I can along the way. I really hope I can be a useful man to society in a way that I contribute to their wellbeing. I know that I will feel most meaningful in such a valuable role.
I have stopped asking who I am. It does not matter who I am. It only matters what I do. And when there are so many people suffering out there praying for help, it is wrong for me to sit and entertain such thoughts. I am not special and will not waste my time. We are all in this together. Take care and thank you for your time.