yessleep

The last time I went for a doctor’s visit was when my carpal tunnel started acting up. It’s acting up right now. But when I went to the appointment I was expecting to walk out of there with a prescription for painkillers and a doctor’s note to take the day off from work. Instead, I am now trapped in a hospital, sitting at a computer covered head to toe in blood and filth with barely any hope left.

I live in a small town called [REDACTED] in Ohio. It’s one of those towns where you literally pass it after driving past an exit of the highway. It’s that small. You’ll probably go to look it up and won’t find it either. There’s something going on. I should have paid more attention to the broadcasts and news. I should have paid attention that people were fleeing the state and even the country. I didn’t know until I looked up the amount of people in the U.S. getting passports and getting the hell out of dodge in 2022. I’ve been seeing a lot of nondescript vans and vehicles coming and going lately after the fact. 

It isn’t a stretch to say that I think what is happening to my town and the people here is connected. It may be happening in other places as well. 

I’m getting ahead of myself. 

I walked in to see the usual two or three people in seats looking off in space and signed in with a grunt and a sigh. 

“You in for your arm again, James?” Asked the young front desk lady with a kind smile, but a miserable look in her eyes. Linda, I think. 

“Yeah. It’s pretty bad.” I said. 

I turned and sat down in the waiting room once I was finished. When one of the patients was called, I remember hearing something strange coming from the hallways outside the room. The building we were in was a small general hospital with about 24 to 30 rooms on each floor, give or take. The sounds were audible cries, with something else. They seemed to be coming from a woman, so I figured it had to be another section like the maternal ward or an examination room with procedures being performed and someone was crying out and male doctor maybe calling for help?

Brushing this off, I stared at the chair in front of me and began to experience a sinking feeling in my chest that something wasn’t quite right. Usually when I get uncomfortable, it’s because there’s a sort of “disturbance in the force” that I experience, and I felt it then. Hard.

I looked over to Linda and she was on her cell phone speaking quietly into the receiver. The desk had one of those transparent plastic covers, aside from the fingerprints and markings, that was recently put up due to the Covid-19 outbreak. It was a little funky to see clearly, but we locked eyes for a moment and her expression was grim, with her dark eyes now wide and a look of fear washed over her. She hung up the phone, put it back in her purse and looked down at the desk. 

At that moment, the cries became louder. I realized they were coming from the backroom of the doctor’s office instead. The cries came closer and closer until the waiting door flew open and an elderly woman with tears flowing down her face came through the door. She was doing this.. half laugh, half cry thing while smiling. She walked while doing this and slightly jerked her body and approached Linda. 

“You checking out, Grace?” She asked in a concerned tone. 

“Why, yes I am!” Exclaimed the elderly woman with some vigor. 

The woman was twitching and smiling and giggling in this fashion that I just can’t put into words except that she looked strung out on something, but her eyes were lucid. Aware, even. But still had tears flowing down them. It was for lack of a better term, uncanny to look at. I watched her as she left the room, twitching ever so happily. 

“Mr. Hamilton!” Linda brought me back to reality, although the reality of the situation was that I’m here for my pain and the woman that had just left was here to see my doctor. For pain and general health. I got up and nervously walked to the open door to see a smiling woman holding it open for me, inviting me inside. 

“Dr. Marineau will see you now. Follow me to room four.” Said the woman and I had this struggle for a brief period and brushed it off when I remembered that old people act strange sometimes. My wrist was killing me,right now and it got in the way of my life and job. I’m still working as a carpenter until I can retire. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. The point is, I didn’t really have anywhere else to go for my general health unless I wanted to move somewhere. 

That’s when it hit me, but it was already too late. As I was already in the room waiting for Dr. Marineau to see me. I had this feeling that I should just get up and leave. The door opened and Dr. Marineau appeared before me, shutting the door behind him. When he turned back to me, he graciously put one arm behind his back and the other in front by his chest. A syringe in his hand.

“James. It’s a pleasure to see you again. Feeling some pain, are we?” He asked, smiling. “Uh, what?” I was sitting down and knew that instantly this was wrong. Not only was the syringe jarring, but I knew Dr. Marineau well, he fucking hates the world and basically tolerates me. I had no idea who this guy was. This version of him.

“Tim, buddy, what the hell are you- what’s that?” I got up from the chair.  His smile faded slightly. Mouth twitching as the features eased. 

“What, this?” He replied. “Oh this is help. This is salvation.” He started giggling. Something this guy never does. I was trying to inch towards the door as his eyes peered into me like a watchful owl. 

“I’m good buddy, I’m just gonna go now.” I was making my way closer to the sink that was mere feet from the door.

“You’re not going to like what’s out there without this. That wrist of yours won’t get any better. This will help you. This will save you.” He replied slowly. I was now by the sink.

“It saved me.” Said the doctor. Our eyes now peered into each other and everything was still and silent for what felt like an hour but it was only seconds. I looked down at the injection, which was a clear liquid.

A loud pop and scream rang out somewhere nearby and the doctor yelled as if in protest to the noise outside. I rushed for the door but the doctor lunged at my arm and swung the injection toward my throat. I shot back and he missed but I was panicking horribly and threw the guy into the wall. I got out of the room and sprinted toward the waiting room. I got past a hallway leading into the doctor’s office and crashed through the doors. I stopped instantly and almost tripped.

Someone was on the floor face down by the front desk, which had that plastic cover now tossed aside on the ground near the body. It was the other man that was waiting and there was blood pooling around his head. 

Linda was either gone or crouched under the desk because the phone line was hanging over the edge and I could hear a faint and urgent voice. I had no time to comprehend what was happening.

Dr. Marineau screamed from behind me and I could hear him getting closer. I looked around the room and I backed into a corner. He burst through the door and stopped as I bumped into a waiting room chair. He looked at the dead body and then he spotted me. 

“Come over here, now!”  He started to run at me with the syringe in his hand about to stab me. I had to either run or disarm him. My wrist was hurting so badly! I rushed toward the wooden chair and picked it up with a loud grunt and smashed it over the doctor’s head when he was within reach. He was laughing like a maniac as he went to stab me again with this syringe but the chair got him down. 

I backed away with the chair about to fall out of my grasp when he screamed again and started to get up. My instincts and adrenaline told me to strike him again, and it caused him to flail on the floor. I kept bashing the chair over and over until there was nothing more than a mangled man, shuddering and gasping for air and choking on blood. 

My actions were vicious and I retracted in horror when I came back from my primal rage. I was trying to catch my breath and wiped some blood off of my face, chest and arms. I had just murdered someone and my world was warping into a trance in tandem with my heartbeat. 

Slowly, my stress level and shock was swept away when I noticed Linda slowly rise up from under the desk. A small handgun in her grip pointed at me. 

“S.. Stay back! I’m warning you!” She shouted. 

“No wait, I was attacked. He came at me with that syringe and I had to do something!” 

Her fear slowly faded into a sigh of relief and she spoke again. 

“Oh my god, so did that man. He had a pocket knife and out of nowhere he started laughing and pulled it out. I tried to ask him something, but he got up and started walking towards me!” 

She lowered the gun and looked down at the man, reliving the memory and winced. Her voice began shaking. “He told me he wanted to kill me and I got up and started going to my purse to grab this gun.” 

She wiggled the gun as she spoke. “It was from my husband for self defense and I- I shot him in the head when he came at me.” She said with a deep shudder and began to hold in her cries with quick breaths. She was about to hyperventilate. 

I put my hands up gently towards her. “Hey, it’s alright. You did the right thing. I just went through the same ordeal.” She then looked down at Dr. Marineau’s body and put the gun to her side. 

Another scream rang out in the hospital and this time, it was even louder. “Lock the door!” She shouted at me and I bolted for the door and locked it. Even more cries were present this time. The sounds of people running, things moving and an overall cacophony of panic could be heard. 

“We need to get the hell out of here.” I said and she had the gun aimed at the door. I took the knife the man had and asked if she was going to be okay and wanted to come up with a solution. She shook her head. 

“I’m sorry, I am staying right here until my husband gets here, you, you’re on your own, you can stay put, but I’m not going out there.”

“Do you not realize the only way anyone is getting in or out anywhere is through that door?” She looked at me then back down at the bodies. 

Loud bangs on the doors from inside the office broke the wall of thought and Linda sprang up and aimed the gun at the doors behind her. She screamed as the same woman that led me to the appointment rushed at Linda with a scalpel. She screamed and fired a shot but the woman crashed into her and the bullet hit the wall. I retracted and the gun flew out of her hand and bounced off the desk. I ran to jump over it and help but I couldn’t get there in time.

What I saw next will linger in my thoughts forever. As I sprung over, the woman from before was laughing hysterically while bashing Lindas stomach with the scalpel and when she was unable to move the woman began scooping into Lindas stomach, pulling out several organs and intestines. 

“Have to pull out all that negativity Linda!” The woman cried out in joy and laughter. I did not know what else I could think to do but stop this woman from doing that to me. 

As utterly repulsed as I was, I darted to the gun and hoped there were still rounds in the thing and aimed it at the back of the woman’s head. I fired. Blood sprayed the wall and she fell onto Lindas eviscerated corpse. I couldn’t help it then, I let all the vomit I had out right there on the floor. 

Composing myself moments later, I shoved the knife in my pocket and got up from my daze.

There were minimal options here. The most important being to get the hell out of this place and never look back, another to try and call the police and ask for help. Opting to do both, I walked to the door and pulled my phone out dialing 9-1-1. The sounds of struggle were still present as I listened to the dial tone. 

“911 what’s the location and nature of your emergency?” The woman dispatcher asked. 

“[REDACTED] General Hospital, there’s something going on. People are dying! You need to send officers over now!”

“Sir, I need you to tell me exactly what’s going on. Are you injured?” 

I was about to speak when I remembered that I had just killed two people. What would I say to the police when they arrive? I didn’t answer at first and started panting. 

“I’m sure you are scared. I’ve got a unit on the way. Are you able to get out of the building and wait for the officers to arrive?” She asked and I thought about how I could maybe bash a window open and leave. I spoke again. 

“There’s something wrong with the people here. They are violent and something is going on. I locked myself in a doctor’s office because there are crazy people in the main building. What should I do? Smash a window? I am on the second floor!”

“I will stay on the line with you. Please look for an escape.” She replied. 

“Okay, thank you I’ll check right now.” I went to set the phone down on a chair. The phone screen lit up and I noticed that my phone’s battery level was at 11%. 

“Godammit!” I shouted and picked up the phone. “Listen, I can’t get out right now. I am in the office of Dr. Marineau and my phone is about to die. I don’t know what else to do.” I trembled at my words. There was silence on the other end for a couple of seconds. 

“Just stay put and wait for help to arrive. The officers should be there in five minutes. You can hang up the phone and find a safe place to hide. We know your location. What’s your name?” 

I swallowed and took a deep breath. “James Hamilton.” Another round of silence that lasted longer than before. 

“Okay Mr. Hamilton. We are going to help you now. Please try to remain calm. Goodbye.” I said goodbye and hung up the phone. After shouting some kind of obscenity and shoving the phone into my pocket, I looked at the mess before me. What caused these people to act in such hysteria? My mind flashed back to that syringe that Dr. Marineau had, telling me it was my salvation. How it saved him. Just what the hell is going on here?

There was no other choice. I had to do something. It sounded like more people were going crazy out there and I had no idea what would happen if I opened that door. Maybe I can find a charger in one of these peoples belongings and call some relatives to let them know what’s going on. I can’t believe I am actually saying these things. 

I looked but only found iPhone chargers and some gum. Yeah, android user, here. I didn’t know the passwords on their phones and the main phone here was destroyed from the commotion apparently. Deciding that staying put would probably be a bad idea, I looked out of one of the windows to see if anything was going on outside. Everything seemed normal. It was 5 PM and I looked at the sky for a moment. Patches of mid day blue and orange clouds blended into the horizon and in that instant I heard the distant sounds of helicopters approaching. 

I moved my gaze toward the sound and kept my eyes peeled for them. Once they were in sight, I heard more banging coming from the door. There were more of those crazy people coming for me from within the building and I needed to defend myself. I focused my attention on the waiting room door. Maybe there was another way that led to a different part of the building. The gun was a small revolver, and I popped the chamber out to see there were three rounds left. 

More banging and screaming. 

I still had the knife but it’s not like I know what I am doing when it comes to fighting. I’m just a carpenter about to be forty with carpal tunnel. I didn’t fucking ask for this! But my adrenaline was still keeping me alert and moving despite my wrists. 

I could see now that the door was starting to give and the people, or whatever on the other side either had a large object for smashing into the door, or the weight of that person was enough to make the wood splinter. With every thump and smacking sound I inched closer to that door by the waiting room while stuck in a trance and trying to think of a plan and stay calm. Finally the door gave out and the people that were on the other side stumbled through. I didn’t wait any longer, I just ran to the back and tried to look for an emergency escape.

The people who just came through the door were yelling, shuffling and I quickly glanced back as I was trying to crouch and dart to cover somewhere. There was a small window that you could see through to the waiting room and I noticed they were completely covered in cuts, bruises and had weapons like metal racks and even a fucking computer tower. There were three that I counted.  After they couldn’t find another person to attack, I heard them start tearing into each other. The sounds they made were animalistic and guttural, like something inside of them was changed. I could’ve sworn I heard one of them eating something. I don’t even want to think about that. I know those sounds all too well now.

Thankfully, I found a door that led to some stairs going all the way down to basement level. There were two floors in the building and I found that the staircase was empty. I quickly dashed inside and hoped one of them didn’t notice me. I bolted down the stairs, frantically aiming the gun around.

Finally, getting to the first floor, I pressed myself against a wall by the door leading into the hallway. I listened for any sounds, but there weren’t any. Peeking around through the small slitted vertical window on the door, there wasn’t anyone in sight. I wondered if the first floor didn’t even have any trouble with crazy people. 

Great! I could go out there and get some help!

I rushed forward, through the door and into the hall. All I saw was a regular hospital hallway. Stretching down two ways with doors aligned on the walls. All I heard was the sound of occasional hums of machinery and that drone you hear in an empty liminal space. It felt peaceful and I had some time to compose myself. 

The entrance was just around the corner and there wasn’t an emergency exit that I knew of so the only way I could think to go was the lobby towards the main entrance doors. 

Turning my head to see again that no one was around me, I began to wonder if everything that had just happened was even real. The thing was, I had blood on my clothes, a gun in my hand and a list of things to add to my trauma experiences. That’s when I heard footsteps coming from my right. They were approaching rapidly from around the corner and towards the lobby area.

I had to at least try and see if anyone would at least hear me out or if the people down here were even sane.

“Hey! Is someone there! I need help, something is happening upstairs and there are people dead!” I called out. I approached the footsteps and got within arms reach of the corner wall. 

“You need help? That’s great! I have just the thing.” The male voice said with an intensity. As I was about to turn the corner my instincts told me to stop and a man in a doctor coat with blood smeared across his face and clothes darted from the corner with a syringe in his hand. I raised the gun as he bolted for me again and fired. I hit him in the chest and he staggered back, but he didn’t seem to mind because he raised the syringe again in an instant.

He was about to stab me and I dropped the gun to grab his wrist. He toppled on to me and I struggled with his hands. His strength was almost too much for me. Despite my wrists, I’ve had to get some crazy jobs done that require me to use all of my manpower and I wasn’t about to be a part of this nightmare. I started thinking about MMA fights and hurled my knees into his sides. 

Finally, I got a good one in and he recoiled just enough for me to get my leg up and kick him off of me. The man staggered again, this time enough to lose his balance and drop the syringe. I jumped back and got on my feet. He was fast, already on me and I had to get the knife out quickly. Pulling the blade out he was mere feet from me before I swung it with ferocity and it landed in his neck. The knife embedded into him and I had to grip the knife and kick him off of me. 

It worked well, because he was gripping his neck and doing the hysterical laugh/cry thing. The next thing I did was go for the gun as he was distracted from the pain or whatever he was going through. I picked the gun up but he tackled me to the ground and he was on me again. This time I quickly got him off of me and the knife was closer. Scrambling for it while he was away from me, I could hear him laughing more. Grabbing the knife and turning, the guy was on me again but I jabbed the knife into his chest, face and kicked him away from me. He lunged again but I stuck the knife into his gut over and over and kicked him away from me again. He fell on the ground and kept laughing. 

“Oh stop, please! It hurts! It’s killing me!” He was laughing so hard I could have sworn he would release his bladder if he could. I was terrified. He got up again and slowly came at me. Reaching his hand out, shambling towards me.

“You need to stop hurting me and take the fucking medicine already you fucking piece of shit. If you don’t then I will rip you to pieces!” He replied in a hoarse whimper. 

That confirmed everything. That syringe has something in it that is turning the people into violent psychotic animals. Just what the hell is happening here? The man was bleeding out and walking towards me with hands stretched out like a goddamn zombie. I had to put the guy out of his misery at this point and picked the gun up. 

“It’s our salvation from the pain we go through. There is no god. The New Dawn is upon us.” He told me. 

I had no idea what he meant. The gun was trained on his head and I fired. At this point, blood had to be all over me. I just shuddered and turned away, running to the lobby. In my panic, I remember my hearing was sort of distorted with this sort of ring and my vision was hazy.  As I got to the front desk, my mind adjusted and I nearly collapsed when I saw the state the lobby was in.

There were dozens, if not more dead bodies on the ground, drooping over chairs and tables. Some flayed open. Some even had bullet wounds. All discarded and dead. I couldn’t imagine one of these deranged people with a gun!

I didn’t have anything else in my gut to throw up. I just stared, slack jawed and horrified. I noticed on the ground the school’s gym teacher from a county over that has family here. That elderly woman from before had her arm torn off and one of her legs twisted. Others just.. my god. 

I had to get to the front door and get out of this hell. I couldn’t help but look at the corpses and tremble as I grabbed the door handle. Before that, I noticed how dark it was inside despite the lighting. That’s when it hit me. I couldn’t see anything outside the glass doors, but was instead met with black. I swung the unlocked door open and put my hands on this metal wall blocking the way out. A thick dark metal sheet was covering the way out.

Are you kidding me? What about the police? Was all I could think. I had not one solid clue as to why this was happening. Other than the strange clear liquid that was being dispersed here and apparently causing mass hysteria among the whole building, I had no idea. 

That also got me thinking. If the medical staff were reacting to the injection, then that meant they were using the substance themselves. Upon realizing this, I heard more yelling in the distance. 

Oh my god. I’m stuck here. 

Trying my absolute best to not freeze up and die from the panic from this revelation, I tried to quickly think of a way out or why this even came about. I decided to head to the stairs again. Maybe there was a window that was by a tree I could jump onto and grab. I had to try something.

Now, I felt as if there was more to everything. I thought back to those helicopters. They looked straight out of a military base and I just had to figure out what the hell was going on here. But the looming threat was ever present as I listened again to the yelling getting louder. I quickly thought back to that doctor that spoke to me before I shot him. 

“It’s our salvation from the pain we go through. There is no god. The New Dawn is upon us.”

Maybe he had an office and some information I could find about this place. As horrible as this all was, I needed to search his corpse for some keys. This would have been helpful had I known to do this earlier, but I had no time to think. 

I bolted for the hallway and safely made it to the fallen doctor. As luck would have it, there were some keys on his person and I grabbed his coat and there were a variety of useful items in the pockets after searching them. Cigarettes and a lighter, with some power bars. I’ll need those later I’m sure. I could use a smoke or two if I ever get out of this place and I don’t even smoke anymore. I kicked that habit years ago.

After that, I rushed to the staircase and made it safely back to the second floor door. I was hungry and ate the power bar in a few bites then listened for more signs of violence, or the sounds of people acting insane. I didn’t hear anything, but I still had one shot left in the chamber as well as the knife.  

A few thoughts came to me. As I went to slowly open the 2nd floor hallway door that led to Dr. Marineau’s office, I remembered what he had said as well again, about how it saved him. The guy always complained about his wife, job and how his back and feet always hurt from slouching over at computers and doing operations. 

This made me think back to when he told me about a new drug the hospital just signed a trial for. This was about a couple months ago, so it was just one of those things said in passing. Although in retrospect, that was a pretty important thing to be telling a patient. That guy must have really had no friends, and really enjoyed at least talking to me enough to the point he might have actually slipped up and said something he shouldn’t have to me.

I have to get to his office. He must have some kind of information about it all there. Files, papers.. something. 

I opened the door and saw the long hallway that led to the rooms and scanned the placards for his name. I didn’t see it and needed to get moving. As I turned a corner to the front desk that led to the other hallway for the procedures and where the offices were, I spotted movement going into a room and I quietly crouched down and slowly approached to where it was. I saw what room it was and as I got closer the name shown was Dr. Marineau. The door handle was broken apart and the door was fully open.

Someone was going through his things. It was a man in dark clothing. I could hear papers shuffling and I put my back opposite him. This was my only chance to find out what’s happening and one of those assholes was in here screwing with that. 

I mustered all my courage, peered slowly to see if their backs were turned. It was and I fully understood that if I didn’t take care of this now, then they would spot me and I could be killed. With that in mind, I brought my body out. Aimed the gun at the back of the man’s neck and when his head jerked up just enough, I pulled the trigger. 

The man instantly fell forward and some blood got on the papers he was apparently shoving into a bag. Upon investigating the man I had just killed, I noticed some kind of security body armor. 

Oh my god. I had just killed my help! He was probably doing what I was about to do. See if there was anything they could do to help or find some information! I feel hopeless now. Devastated, even. 

But that’s not all. 

After mulling over my options and concluding that there weren’t any left, I stared at the dead man before me. I noticed something. A logo. Some kind of crest on his shoulder pad. If I had a camera here I’d have uploaded it with this post but I’m running out of time and the connection here is still somehow intact. I’ve posted all over social media trying to tell my story. 

Back to the logo now. It was a shield, with a sun emblazoned behind shining over the shield that housed what looked like a planet and trees. I looked over at the bag the man had. There were papers inside. I moved the body to the side and a submachine gun fell out of his side compartment. To be precise, a silenced MAC-10. He even had a grenade. What kind of security is this? For all intents and purposes, yes, I know how to operate these kinds of firearms and I checked the magazine to see if there were any bullets and it was empty. He probably had to gun down some people to get here.

It was then, I realized who this person was. There was no security hired to guard here at the hospital. There was no help. This was all supposed to happen. The helicopters, the metal wall blocking the door. I rushed to the papers and went through the ones that weren’t covered with blood. Two stuck out. It was a letter of official response to a new drug trial called Nutroxalyne-10. 

A drug that treats a variety of issues like, PTSD, pain, anxiety, depression, fatigue, arthritis and so on. There were names on the paper I didn’t even recognize and it looked legitimate. Despite the bloodstains. However, the second paper that caught my attention was what made me feel boxed in and even more hopeless. 

It was a report to a group called “New Dawn Administration” and they apparently had ties with certain government officials and groups, specifically in the regard for medical services. 

The papers were to be collected by the “agencies” security detail after the drug was administered to collect data and return back to headquarters, so they could enter the data and refine the drug if needed. It claimed that the substance was still being tested and there would be another year before they could get back into this category of science. 

So, if there were any problems, then security would have to step in earlier rather than later when the trial was over. There was a list of towns small enough to use as testing grounds. There was a demographic chart showing the towns and villages that were “less desirable” and had “little impact” on society as a whole. These towns were specifically chosen to be either saved by this drug, or wiped off the map from the subsequent failure of the trial. States like Virginia, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Missouri, Oklahoma and Arizona. This man was trying to grab the papers and probably destroy any evidence and kill anyone who was or wasn’t affected by the drug. 

This probably all sounds unverifiable and downright impossible but you can think what you want. This is happening and the only thing you can maybe do is listen to my story and be warned. Don’t go to any small hospitals and get treated. Stay local or stay indoors. I don’t know how else to warn you. I pulled out the pack of cigarettes the doctor had and I lit one up to calm my nerves. Blood accidentally got on my lips and I wiped it off with my hand.

So, here I am. It’s been a whole day and it’s morning. I don’t know what else I could possibly do. I’ve just been sitting here at this desk for hours. The sun rose hours ago. All of this happened yesterday. And now I am posting this story to tell you about ‘Nutroxalyne-10’ and the ‘New Dawn Administration’. I am on the hospital company computer about to click ‘post’ and either jump out of a window, or maybe get to roof access and jump off the building. There’s no more bullets left and I just can’t go on anymore. 

I’m starting to lose control of my awareness. The thoughts running through my mind are driven by inner impulses that I’ve pushed down for years. My mind keeps going to these dark places that I only could dream up in my nightmares. Thoughts that only a person who experiences pain and suffering would think. 

It makes me want to hurt all the people who ever doubted me. It brings me this urge to rip away the things that bother me, so I can be at peace with myself. My impulses and emotions seem to be elevated at an extraordinarily intense rate. The blood on my skin seems to tingle every time I touch it and it makes me smile. I don’t really want to wipe it off. It smells of regret, pain and suffering. And it makes me want more.

As I type I’m starting to realize something. I feel like I’m being affected by this substance.. maybe the blood? Maybe the hysteria is contagious? I don’t know. What I do know is that my carpal tunnel pain is gone.

And I want to share this feeling with you, too.