I have this condition since childhood where I can talk in a low voice but I don’t know how to whisper. I have had many people accuse me of lying over the years, to the point of getting bullied in school too. But the truth remains, that I can’t whisper.
It’s not like I never could though. There was a time when I was a baby that my mom said I used to whisper and giggle in the middle of the night. Such a strange thing to do as a five month old, especially since whispering is a learned experience and not something most babies inherently know how to do. And yet, as I grew up, I was robbed of that capability.
Anyway, it’s not like I am missing out on anything major, barring the few funeral talks that I till date cannot do. Other than the obvious embarrassing situations, I have lived a quite normal life. That is, up until today.
Today, as I was running an errand, I saw a woman in the neighbourhood costco that seemed almost eerily familiar, jetblack hair, a long white dress and a blue faded denim jacket over it. She was in the aisle shopping for breakfast cereals when I passed by, walking towards the checkout counter and she quickly overtook me, as if she was in a hurry to get her cornflakes before I got my rotisserie chicken. What a strange woman I thought.
But I let her go. I was in no rush, it was a weekday anyway, and an introverted, socially awkward writer like me who always had more time in hand than most people, had really no inclination to start an argument with her at 10 in the morning. So I go on, take the next checkout queue. And right as I am paying for my things, she passes by and whispers something into my ear.
At first it seemed gibberish, I paid no heed to it. But while driving back home, I kept replaying the moment and to my utter horror, realised what she had said. I am immediately transported back to my only ever trip to India, where my parents are from.
One day, as a three year old, playing in my grandparents’ verandah, I saw the very lady, but in a saree. Buying vegetables alongside my grandma from the cart vendor who halted in front of our gate. She had the same jetblack hair, the same eerie face but she seemed younger. I was playing with a ball then, which accidentally went and hit the pot overhead and landed on her head.
I faintly remember people gathering around, her bloodied hair and me going there to see what happened. Grandma was trying to help as the woman called me, I leaned in and she whispered into my ear the same words after which I lost my ability to whisper.
“Bolna mat”
It meant “Don’t speak” in Hindi. I don’t know if she died or is still alive and has come for revenge. Or if she’s trying to haunt me for my naive mistake. But as I sit in this car at the stop signal, and try to call my wife, I realise I have lost the ability to speak as well. No voice.
Any idea how I could get my voice back? Please help me.