For a while now, I’ve been assuming that there’s an animal loose in my house. But what kind of animal can open fridges? It was either that or my memory is getting a lot worse.
I mean, it was a bit frustrating when I went to make a quick PB&J sandwich and realized that my entire jar of peanut butter was gone. Actually, that’s probably what alluded me towards a bigger problem: how did the jar just vanish if I never threw it away?
That’s why I assumed that some kind of animal was hiding out in my house. Raccoons are smart, right? But the idea of a raccoon successfully entering my house and being able to hide felt far-fetched, so I decided to call animal services or something when the problem got bigger.
For now, I assumed that I was just eating everything and forgetting about it. Hell, maybe I was even sleepwalking.
Yesterday, I went to the store and bought a new jar of peanut butter, immediately making a sandwich when I got home. Look, it was late, I was hungry, and I didn’t feel like making anything too complicated.
My house is on a mountain, so I don’t have any next door neighbors. Thankfully, I live near the bottom of the mountain, which is near a town, so the grocery store is only a few minutes drive away.
Shortly afterwards, my mind felt a bit sleepy and I decided to call it a day. Apparently that sandwich wasn’t enough because I woke up at 2:00 am feeling hungry. Curse my laziness!
I got up and flipped the light switch. Stumbling down the hall, I made sure not to step on the figurine that had been knocked off the table. How does that even happen? It wasn’t near the edge and it’s not like wind blew from nowhere and pushed it off. I set it back up and moved on.
Entering my kitchen, I suppressed a yawn and took a step towards my fridge. Honestly, I was barely paying attention to what was in front of me, but when I heard my fridge door slam shut, I jumped and immediately froze.
I was staring at the animal that had been raiding my fridge, but… it wasn’t a raccoon or a rodent.
I could feel my heart beating faster as my eyes started adjusting to the dark. I was fully awake now.
It was tall. Like, too tall. It was taller than me and for a good second I was afraid that I was staring at a bear.
My mind ran a million miles a second as I racked my brain, remembering what to do when you encounter a bear. All the while being too scared to move.
But the bear didn’t do anything, it just stared at me.
After a few seconds of this, I let out the breath I had been holding and realized something. It wasn’t a bear at all.
I wasn’t sure if I was even staring at an animal. The creature in front of me was at least seven feet tall and very hairy, but also quite skinny. It stood on two legs and held the new jar of peanut butter that I had bought.
For a while, it stared at me and I stared at it. I was terrified, waiting for it to analyze and attack me. I know, I have terrible survival instincts. But it just slowly backed away, flinching when I sharply inhaled, and climbed onto the ceiling.
I watched it scuttle away, still too aghast to make my move towards the front door and get the hell out of there.
After another second, I heard the soft sound of something closing shut.
I realized that I had forgotten to breathe out again, and started hyperventilating while cowering behind my kitchen table. Was it going to come back and get me? I was sure at that point that the thing I saw was not an animal, but some kind of monster.
I considered screaming like a normal person would do, but I would just feel dumb doing it so late. Besides, it might alert the creature. What if staying quiet and standing still saved my life?
Looking behind me, I saw my front door and considered running away and calling the police, but I wasn’t sure how well that would pan out.
Maybe if I told them that I saw someone in my house instead of a monster, they would be more willing to investigate and I would be safe. Slowly, I made my way towards the door, trying not to make any noise. Halfway through, I realized that I didn’t have my phone or car keys with me.
Shit. They were both in my room.
I quickly weighed my options. I could either go through the hallway, where the monster went, to my room, and get my phone to call the police, or leave right now and be safe. If I left right now, it would take at least an hour to walk to the nearest person or any type of civilization. It was also pitch dark outside. Having a vehicle on a mountain is kind of a must.
I remembered the sound I had heard when the creature crawled away on the ceiling. It was the soft thump of something closing. Could that have been the attic door?
If the creature was in the attic and already had food, I was probably safe to get to my room, get my phone and car keys, and leave. I scurried towards my room, passing the attic.
The door opened. I froze.
This was a terrible idea. I should have just left when I had the chance.
I was almost too terrified to turn around, but I realized that if something was about to happen to me, I’d rather know when it was about to happen than live in dread.
Turning around, I realized that the creature was not right behind me and ready to bite my head off, but it was poking its head out from the attic and staring at me again. What was this thing?
Its arm moved as if it was grabbing something, and it reached up to its mouth, licking the substance on its hand.
Wait, it was eating the peanut butter. It liked the peanut butter.
If this thing could understand me, this could be an opportunity for negotiations.
“He- hello?” I blurted out, my voice cracking. “Do you like peanut butter? I can get more, I just need to go down to the store.”
It just stared at me, still licking up more peanut butter.
Well then. I wasn’t sure if it knew what I was saying and just didn’t want to answer, or if it was literally incapable of speaking and understanding me. I mean, I felt like this wasn’t just any ordinary creature.
But it also wasn’t hurting me.
I heard what sounded like an angry grumble from above, and I almost bolted down the hallway, but the creature just dropped the jar of peanut butter. It was empty. Wow, this thing ate fast.
Looking up, I felt its eyes on me and I understood that it was still hungry.
“Look, I- I can get you more of it if you want, just let me go down to the store and buy some,” I stuttered out, not sure if it was even able to understand me.
It nodded. It actually nodded.
Taking the chance, I backed into my room, closed it, and locked it. Grabbing my phone and keys, I opened the window latch and jumped out, running towards my car.
I only let out a long sigh of relief when I was in my car and driving away. But the question presented itself: what now?
The logical thing to do would be to call the police, but I wasn’t sure if that was a good idea. The creature didn’t attack me and it seemed like if I gave it food, it would stay passive. But if I brought along cops, I was afraid that they would end up aggravating it.
I had no idea what it could do yet.
My hands clenched up on the steering wheel as I considered my options, which were limited. I could also just move out and never come back without alerting authorities about the creature, but I would feel bad for whoever came to check the house or put it on sale, and it might not go well for them.
Eventually, I realized that the best option would just be to deal with the creature by myself. I was already doing a pretty good job, right?
After buying multiple jars of peanut butter, I drove back to my house.
It took a few minutes, but I eventually worked up the courage to unlock the door and walk in.
I took a single step and immediately felt a presence above me. Something jumped on top of me.
I’m not proud to say that I screamed for about five seconds straight before I realized that the creature was just grabbing at the peanut butter and not trying to eat me.
Again, we stared at each other.
I could tell that it was having trouble opening the jar, from the way it was trying to bite down on the plastic.
For a second, I hoped it didn’t accidentally ingest any plastic while opening the other jars, but then I mentally kicked myself for feeling bad for this thing.
“Uh, here,” I said uneasily, grabbing the jar from the creature’s hands and opening it. I was slightly less petrified now, but still shaking. I mean, the thing was still standing right above me.
“So, you like peanut butter, huh?” I asked.
The creature stopped eating and stared at me. I felt embarrassed for some reason. It’s like when you ask someone a dumb question, and they just stare at you disappointed.
“What’s… that?” it answered.
I did a double take.
“You can talk?! Why didn’t you say anything before?” I exclaimed, shock evident.
It gawked at me, then continued eating the peanut butter. Then it began walking away, presumably to the attic again.
I didn’t bother it.
—
I ended up falling asleep after that. It was late and I was exhausted. I ended up calling in sick to work the next day because of the situation. It was probably believable enough from my voice.
I came to the understanding that the creature only really came down from the attic at night, when I was asleep and it could get food easily. It probably hadn’t been in my house for very long then because I would have caught it earlier.
It’s not something I can just ignore, so I tried calling out to it to make it come down.
I almost thought the whole thing had just been a dream, but there were jars of peanut butter on the counter, and when I woke up, I realized that I had forgotten to close the window. Not very safe if you ask me.
To completely make sure, I decided to go up to the attic myself. This was either a really stupid idea or a really brave one.
Hey, if the creature was that passive during the night, how bad could it be in the morning? Predators are usually less willing to fight in daylight.
I used the attic hook to open the door and pulled down the ladder, feeling terrified of the darkness above, but I sucked it up and went up anyway.
I fumbled around for the light switch and turned it on, failing to suppress a scream when I realized the creature was there.
I mean, I should have expected it, but I had just woken up again and wasn’t even sure if everything that happened last night was real.
This woke the creature up and it started screeching, which caused me to continue screaming. We stopped after about three seconds, realizing what we were doing.
“Uh, hey, hi, I was just- I was making sure you were fine, I’m, uh…” I rambled, not sure what point I was trying to make.
The creature gaped at me, then looked around.
I wonder what it did during the morning when I was home. I never heard anything from up here. Did it just sleep most of the time?
“You know you can come down if you want to,” I invited, “I won’t stop you.”
It seemed nervous, but eventually scampered to the door and crawled down, choosing to go on the ceiling for whatever reason. It saw the peanut butter on the table and jumped down, excitedly biting on the plastic.
“Wait, I can -” I sighed. I wonder why the creature didn’t respond to me most of the time if it knew how to talk. Maybe it just had too many animalistic qualities and rarely let out its intelligent side.
I asked it what it was, or where it came from, but it seemed intent on the peanut butter. I’m not even sure if it even knows the answer to those questions.
I have no idea how long this creature is going to be in my house. I can’t imagine us becoming permanent roommates, but I’m also not sure where it would go if it left. I don’t even know where it came from before it decided to sneak into my attic.
I’m starting to think that maybe straight peanut butter isn’t the greatest diet to have. Wouldn’t it prefer something like meat? I could go buy some. I feel kind of bad just watching it eat peanut butter.
If this thing is going to be living in my house, I’d like to get to know it better.
So I ask:
What should I name him?