It all began on Valentine’s Day, when I could hear coming from our bedroom my wife’s sobbing. From the early morning hours until midnight, the pain she must endure is excruciating. It happened when my wife and I met her cardiologist on our anniversary, where she was undergoing an MRI and later a CT. I was stuck in the main lobby, with only a long sleeve shirt, I was freezing my ass off.
I mean, why do they always put the ac so damn cold. if I should have known I would’ve bought my Jacket. It just made the tension bad. As the nurse called to me, to return to see my wife, the cardiologist looked a bit pale. as he was trying to wrap his mind around. The poor guy, his glasses literally fell off his face as he came to me. I mean, I know my wife is the one dealing with all of these conditions, yet seeing him was like seeing a guy who lost all of his money on a bet.
We met him at the examination room, and could see the man tremble, which made me so goddamn nervous. Like dude why are you shaking. when he explained to the both of us that she was diagnosed with a case of extreme cardiomyopathy with all of its four chambers that have succumbed to dilation, and that’s not even the worst of it.
He continued on by explaining that she unfortunately has a thoracic aortic aneurysm, which was the size of a grapefruit, a gross pulmonary artery aneurysm and not to mention a rare fusiform aneurysm of her superior vena cava. But this was unexpected, and after seeing the CT scan on the monitor, I was just flabbergasted, and my wife was in shock. Watching her heart was literally massively globular. Now I was the one that began trembling.
Her lungs were pushed back; in fact, you don’t even see them.I am devastated and angry with the news. I was about to lose the love of my life. We had little money, and with our son being just 4 months old, we had to prepare for the worst.
Back home, my wife was still sobbing in our bedroom, knowing that she would die at any moment and that she wasn’t ready for it. I told her that everything would be okay. I mean, when I first met her, she wasn’t such a looker, just an average woman with health problems. But I still loved her. And when we got married, it went downhill for her due to her sickness. I never knew she had heart problems.
I knew it was the end for her, but we were both in denial. However, my wife still loved me so much that we are still in love, and the same is true with our son. However, on that very night, I was awakened by the sound of a pulse coming from within our room. I never knew what it was—probably the AC vents or the AC itself. But I came to the realization that a sound was coming from her. It was my wife’s heart that was literally beating just a few inches away from me. Day and night, I kept hearing her heartbeat, to the point that I was becoming paranoid. It was like a timer, ticking and ticking as I was praying to God that it doesn’t stop.
But for her, I see how soundly she slept. When it’s not easy for her to have a bad heart condition, there are days where she has a hard time breathing. And by using a CPAP machine that helps her breathe normally at night. Yet it is the chest pains that get her. I know she should not be taking way too much medication. But there are days when her headaches get bad, as she has no choice but to take ZzzQuil and Advil PM pills.
And now she is having back problems due to the enormity of her gigantomastia. With the size of her bosoms were becoming such a dangerous problem, she was having difficulty breathing. Sure, at first glance, the sheer weight of them was becoming an issue, first by having back problems and the likeBut that was further from the truth; This happened after our son was born. I believe it was a month and a half ago that occurred, when we began to see them grow little by little, her life was worsening. Now she was just absolutely weak. With some days of her using a wheelchair.
Me, my family, and her family did our very best to keep her alive. While I was out working, my mother and hers sometimes had to babysit the boy and take care of my wife. and my older sister came with my mother, not just to take care of them. In fact, my older sister has a heart problem of her own. My sister was once obese. And her obesity became a hazard to her health. And just like my wife’s, my sister’s heart grew tremendously and caused a severe enlargement where so much fat also accumulated.
And since we have the same cardiologist, the man was wondering why he had to deal with us. But ever since she has gone on a diet, and especially once she has gone on liposuction, she has lost all that fat. Yet she still had that heart problem. Now my sister is slim due to all that dieting. My sister and my wife have been the best of friends.
They sometimes refer to themselves as heart sisters. It made me happy to see them smile. And my wife always wanted to have a sister of her own since she was an only child. But it was going downhill for the both of them. My father had to spend so many hours at work trying to save up his money before he retired. And just like me, he comes home late, extremely exhausted.
And sometimes stop by my house, since it is not too far from his job. My mom and my sister had to stay for the night at my place. Poor man; he’s been working like a dog ever since he married my mother. I’m surprised that his heart was able to deal with all that pressure. But my dad’s like a well-oiled machine. It doesn’t matter how old you are; you still have that energy left in you. My father was used to it ever since he was an army mechanic in Vietnam.
And when my sister once had that severe health issue, He did his utmost to keep her healthy. I mean, my mother had to work before as well. Even though my mother’s now retired, she was there to take care of my wife, my sister, and my son. Which was good for her since it’ll be a good distraction. Sometimes taking them to the park or to a zoo will lighten up the mood.
And the biggest joy that my wife ever had was our son. Holding him in her arms brought the biggest comfort that she could ever have. Seeing his smile has given her warmth. He is her greatest creation, her greatest gift that she brought into the world. And she didn’t let her own health condition get in the way of her loving our son. And she always feared that if she were to pass away, she would no longer see our boy. But she made a promise that she would always take care of him, no matter what, in this life or in the afterlife.
But when they had to return to their house to do some work. As they had some plumbing issues.It happened when I just had the most bad day of work that I came home angry. And top of the bills that kept pouring in, and the loan that I have to pay back. It was becoming too much. Sure having financial issues is bad, but this was getting ridiculous. My wife was trying to help me out. Stating that I should have my parents come over and assist me with my troubles. But one thing led to another, And there I accidentally snapped and cursed my own wife out. I unleashed a barrage of anger towards her, hearing the vile insults she couldn’t take anymore. when I just said that she was the biggest mistake and that I did not love her anymore. My anger got the best of me. If everything that we have been dealing with. I just let it all out and that became my biggest regret.
Upon hearing those words, she fell to the ground and began to have spasms. I immediately called 911, I cursed myself for seeing my wife on the floor. With tears was running down my face as I prayed to God to help my wife. Hearing the sirens felt like a godsend. where the paramedics arrived; however, doing their very best, she was pronounced dead upon arrival at the hospital. The doctor said that she died of a broken heart, or Takotsubo syndrome, as they call it. On that night, I became a broken man. A man that lost the love of his life, a woman he cherished so deeply until my anger got the better of me. And I have to make it up for it. So I spoke to her doctor and to her cardiologist to see if there was somehow a way I could keep her heart intact. It was strange for them to hear this. Though, it wasn’t new to them either.
I didn’t want my wife’s love to be thrown away like that. I mean, I was in mourning, and who could blame me? I loved her so much, and I blamed myself for giving her a heart attack. Love can make a man do crazy things, especially if the person he loves passes away. At least I could do is to keep her heart. As soon as the doctor saw me pouring my eyes out, they decided to do it anyway. When the pathologist presented my wife’s enlarged heart to me with the aneurysms of its great dilated blood vessels on a large styrofoam box, I was completely dumbstruck by the sheer size of it.
But he too was extremely flabbergasted that she also had a grossly massive thoracoabdominal aorta and inferior vena cava that somehow was missed in the CT scan, where I can see it before me, and was surprised by the sheer weight of it when the pathologists and cardiologists weighed her heart as it surpassed over 700+ grams. I knew I had my reasons for keeping my wife’s heart. My son was sleeping in his stroller, not knowing that he would never get to see his own mother.
When I arrived home with my wife’s heart I began to cry uncontrollably, blaming myself for her death. I just hated myself for what I had done; I punched myself in the face multiple times and banged my head on the wall. Not knowing that my son was also crying in his stroller. Days and weeks passed by, and I had to grow accustomed to being a single dad. I had to support my own son, and I worked 16 hours for 4 days and an additional 12 hours for the fifth day. With my parents babysitting my son.
I sometimes have to sleep alone in my house, where my parents are taking care of him in their house. I almost gagged at its very sight. Seeing my wife’s globular, enlarged heart with those dilated aneurysms of her great blood vessels in this large glass jar. What was I even thinking about having the pathologist remove the entire thing from her chest? But! I have to own up to my mistakes. And I didn’t want to let go of it either. Seeing it right before me, the very organ that caused her so much pain and misery.
Yet, I became the one that struck her. My anger, my financial desperation that killed her. My sister didn’t take the news lightly. But within a few days, she too died of a broken heart due to the loss of her friend. My parents were devastated. My father was on the ground, crying his eyes out, as throughout his entire life he had taken care of her. And I just kept on hearing him say that he failed as a father, and that should have been him.
But, as my mother was comforting my dad, it took a while for my father to get himself together. So I told him to watch over my son, as I had basically lied to him that I was about to use the restroom. when, in fact, I went to see the doctor and spoke to him in private. And so my parents took my kid and went back to the family vehicle.
Plus, my dad needed it, as seeing his grandson brought him comfort. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. But the cardiologist already knew what I was thinking. Looking at me with his eyes as if he wanted to punch me in the face. He just gave up and had the pathologist take out my sister’s heart. But as they did so the next day, they weighed her heart, which was about 1106 g.
Which wasn’t too surprising, though she wasn’t diagnosed with cardiomegaly or cardiomyopathy. It was just since her obesity once caused it that way. And he said to me that, in the end, I would be responsible for this. I didn’t tell my parents about it. And when we had a funeral for both my wife and my sister, I was the most paranoid man on the whole planet. I hoped that no one would suspect that I kept both of their hearts. I mean, who could blame me?
I was so attached to my wife and my sister. That even as a fully grown man, I didn’t want to let go of them. I was a teenager all over again. But I had to get a hold of myself. And seeing my wife’s parents and her side of the family there mourning the loss of their daughter. I was close with her parents. Since I worked with her father in my younger days. When I am still working at the lumber yard. Her father is a big dude. I mean, the man’s the size of a refrigerator. And I hope he doesn’t take notice of what I have done. Since I never told him that it was my angry outbursts that caused her death. One punch from him, and my head will go flying.
The next day, I returned to work, hoping to distract myself. Until I heard something throbbing that was repetitive, I wondered what it could be. I looked around to see if it was someone doing construction. Yet I saw nothing. I thought to myself that it was probably my veins pulsing in my ears. But I realized again that it wasn’t. It was close, but not far. I felt pretty uncomfortable upon hearing it. Which was the weirdest thing, as I am using this saw to cut this wood. So I stopped what I was doing, got up, and left to use the restroom, and I heard that throbbing sound following me. I rushed inside the men’s room, where some of the guys looked at me. It felt embarrassing to think that I was crazy or something.
I went to a nearby sink to wash my face. But I have to keep my cool. My hands were shaking a bit, and as I poured water into my face, I heard that throbbing again. I raised my head up, and in an instant I saw my wife’s face in the mirror. I gasped upon seeing her. I backed off and accidentally misstepped as I fell to the floor. The guys in the restroom looked at me, as I was off my meds. I was sweating bullets. And I have never been this scared, to be honest. A million thoughts were going through my mind. And believing that I was going to be punished.
I went to a bar later that night, a perfect place for noise pollution. With loud country music blasting, people were yelling their lungs out, and to make it better for me, I found out that it was filled with bikers.
But! That was when I heard the throbbing. Was I getting a little crazy? However, that changed after I got hot, so I took off my jacket, laughing to myself as I heard that goddamn throbbing. Though these guys didn’t give a shit about what I had done, some of them thought I was drunk. And there I saw my wife again. The throbbing suddenly increased in volume. I placed both my hands on my ears as I walked away from the spot. I was shaking in fear like a pig. Now I felt as if my heart was about to burst out of my chest, feeling it pounding right on my sternum. Carrying a tremendous burden on my shoulders, I felt like the titan Atlas, who held the world. But for me, it was my actions that caused this.
But when I arrived home, I felt uncomfortably scared. It felt like some evil was going to come after me, as I was still hearing that throbbing. It was making me crazy. There, I ran to my room, and what I saw shocked me. I saw my wife’s and sister’s hearts beating within two glass jars. Splashing the liquid preservative with each beat. Seeing those vena cavas pulsating, and that aorta and that pulmonary artery throbbing, I was screaming at them to stop. I was breathing erratically. As if I was trying to swim to the surface, catching some air in my lungs.
But their hearts kept pounding on the glass jar. I think that with each beat, I feel like those two will break it and jump at me with those veins. I placed my hands on the two jars, begging them to stop. When I began to hear footsteps coming from the hallway. My heart was in my throat, wondering who was in my house. I was sweating so profusely that my shirt was beginning to get soaked.
The sound of those footsteps stopped. I looked with wide eyes. I felt a chill run down my spine. But I suddenly felt dizzy as I wasted all my energy screaming at the organ. Until I collapsed to the floor.
The following morning, I woke up on my bedroom floor. My mouth was dry, and with this excruciating headache that came to me, I looked at the two hearts and saw that they were not animated. Was I just imagining it? I dunno. But I couldn’t have this jar in my room. I must bury it with my wife and sister. It is the right thing to do. Like, my God, it felt like a real-life Tall Tale Heart. Probably it was all in my mind, and together with the overtime I have been doing at work and drinking at that bar, it has somewhat contributed. Then again, it felt so real that even thinking of it made my arms tremble.
But I have to get ready for work. And seeing myself in the mirror, I had to change clothes. I smelled like a bar. And the last thing I need is for my boss to think I was drinking on the job. Until I noticed that tomorrow would be the 13th of February. And Valentine’s Day falls on that day. My wife’s favorite holiday as I looked at her heart once more, believing it would suddenly beat. But to my surprise, it didn’t. It was all in my head. I laughed nervously to myself. Shit, I am going to be late.
I came home around 7:00 p.m., took a shower, ate my food alone in my house, and called my mother to see how my son was doing. As I got ready for bed, I was immediately fast asleep by midnight when I suddenly felt something pulsating and vibrating coming from beside my bed, accompanied by a deep throbbing. It woke me up, as I was delirious and groggy, rubbing my eyes, trying to figure out where this sound was coming from. To my complete shock, it was their hearts that somehow reanimated themselves. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I had the whole day to myself throughout the entirety of Valentine’s Day. My wife’s and sister’s hearts continued to beat until way past midnight. I couldn’t stand the sound of their throbbing. as if they were in jubilation over my fear and agony.
Was it punishment for me accidentally killing my wife? Yes, I understand that I was responsible for her death. My anger caused it. I mean, was it God who was doing this to me? I heard two disembodied voices coming from my bedroom. They sounded just like my wife and sister. There I saw two apparitions emerging out of the shadows. Believing that it was all a dream. Unfortunately, it wasn’t. Seeing their silhouettes, they inched closer to me.
I couldn’t take it anymore, not wanting to see their spirits and those horrible organs. I fell off my bed without thinking straight until I ran away from them, ran down the stairs, and hauled my ass out the door. I kept on running, as I could still hear them in my head as the beating grew louder and louder. I kept on running as fast as I could until something hard hit me. There it stopped; it was all blank from then on. I heard various voices when I finally opened my eyes and saw that I was in a room—a hospital room, to be exact. My body was numb, with a synthetic cast on my left arm and both of my legs.
Yet I was covered by bandages, but I can move my hands and arms. My own doctor was there beside me with a nurse, and he explained that I ended up here due to being hit by a car. He said that it would take another week for me to return home . The driver had called 911, stating that I was screaming to myself and having a complete meltdown, so I ran in front of him. I was embarrassed by the notion of me running like a maniac. But, I didn’t want to tell him what was the reason behind it.
And as he left, it was tranquil within the room, with only chatter coming from nurses and guests. I could barely move due to the injuries that I sustained in the accident. At least my phone is undamaged; trying to hold it is kind of difficult with this cast on my arm, but I have seen so many messages. but I didn’t want to go through with them, I was just full of fatigue. And on the following day, I was ecstatic to see my own parents arrive with my son.
Even after seeing them, my father, who has this troubled expression on his face, elaborated that I had received a message from my boss stating that I could return to work once I completely healed up. But seeing my kid was the best thing that could ever happen to me.
However, to my surprise, my father had this huge duffel bag. Being stupefied at the sight of this. I mean, I could see my mother had already brought a bag of clothes. I mean, like, what’s up with this?
He unzipped it and laid the two jars on the table beside me. My eyes widened as I became befuddled, glimpsing what was contained in these two large jars. Greeting me in silence were their hearts. Seeing his angry eyes as he was seething, he then asseverated that my love for them was undying.
Gazing at the disappointment on my mother’s face, I froze in fear as I watched them leave my room with my son. Silence befell the room. Sweating in my bed, my father must’ve been furious to see those two jars. An hour went by as I heard a deep thud and a splash of liquid.
Their grotesque hearts began to beat, and with every throb, I watched these two jars vibrate. Pushing Laying in bed, I can see the two apparitions appearing before me; they are my wife and sister. There I can see her hollow black sockets where their eyes used to be, welcoming me with their unnerving beam.
I wanted to scream, but fear consumed me as I was bound to this bed. The two are clinging closer to me as I try to press the button, hoping that the nurse can come in. But no one came. And I am alone with them.