I work as a management consultant. Although I’m based in the Washington, DC area, my business has many clients in New York City so I travel between the two pretty often. At the beginning of this week I took an early morning Acela from Union to Penn Station as part of a two week intensive work period with one of our big clients. Rather than make the train journey every day, I got a hotel room near the client’s office so I could use my time more efficiently. My work lets us expense hotels in situations like this, and we get to splash out a bit and book at really nice places sometimes. New York has lots of really cool high-end hotels and I’ve stayed at quite a few over the years. It always adds some excitement to stay in a new place, explore a new neighborhood, get to know a new building. This time I was booked into one called the Magnum.
While I was on the train up, I got an email from my team’s customer success manager, who’s in charge of all our work with this client. “Hey team,” it read, “slight change of plan with the office situation. [client’s name] is having emergency work done on their office right now. They booked out an entire floor of the Magnum as a substitute space. This is where we’ll be working for the next two weeks. I’m sure this is great news for Casey, whose commute now doesn’t even involve leaving the building. See everyone later today.”
True, my commute would take me from the floor of my room to the floor of my office. That’s cool I guess. But I got a bit of a weird feeling. Living and working in the same building sounded like it could be a little confining. I hoped that my uneasiness was unfounded and decided not to think about it. I pulled out my laptop and got started on some work to see me through the rest of the train journey.
The Magnum had the distinct air of a highly modern luxury hotel. Everything was rendered in sleek geometric shapes, gold-lettered sans-serif signs and notices adorned the walls, and the shades of grayscale laminates gave the place a clean, almost sterile personality. This semi-brutalist look was one I normally associated with office buildings, where it was often combined with towering ceilings to lend gravitas to an entryway, but here it felt almost futuristic. Combined with circular windows and spherical light fixtures it was almost like The Jetsons set in a Cold War-era bunker.
I dropped my stuff in my room on floor 11 and headed down to our temporary office, on floor 10. I could see my co-workers were set up in a room that had been outfitted with some desks lining the walls and a handful of cheap office chairs. All the bedroom furniture had been removed.
“Hey Rachel,” I waved as I walked in and set my laptop down. Rachel was the only one there at the moment; everyone else must have been in a client meeting. “Is everyone else in a meeting?”
“Yeah, except for Jae-min, did you see his email?”
“No,” I replied, “what happened?”
“He was on a train from Pittsburgh and it derailed,” she explained.
“Oh my God! Is he alright?”
“I think he’s not hurt too bad, but he’s getting checked out in the hospital. I think he broke his glasses too so he needs to get some new ones. We might not see him till next week.”
“Wow, that’s awful. I really hope he didn’t get seriously injured.”
I could hear a meeting ending in the next room as people started shuffling out the door. Our software lead Kelly power-walked straight past me and shoved a handful of papers into Rachel’s face.
“I need you to go over this again,” she blurted out. “I’m not sure what happened but this data is not lining up with the customer’s expectations at all.”“Uhh…okay, I can take a second look,” Rachel stammered out shyly.
“Get Jae-min to look at it too.”
“Didn’t you see his email?” I butted in.
“Yeah,” said Kelly, “that’s terrible but I’m sure he’s well enough to look. Just send it.”
Rachel agreed. For the moment I was content to just keep my head down and get on with my own work. I had a meeting with Kelly later in the day anyway.
Afternoon rolled around. Meeting time crept up on me before I even noticed that I’d forgotten to eat lunch. Whatever, I could get some later. Kelly had suggested we meet down in the lobby and then find a nice spot for our one-on-one, so I headed for the elevator at the end of the hall. Just as I approached the end of the hallway, a man popped out holding a leash, and prancing behind him was a little brown Chihuahua.
“Oh hello!” I cooed, as my gaze met the dog’s and it suddenly gave an adorable little grin.
“Do you want to pet him?” the man asked.
“Yes I do! What’s his name?”
“This is Slushie. And my name’s Karthik by the way, you must be Casey.” Karthik worked for our client and was one of our main points of contact. He and I had spoken over email a few times, and it was nice meeting him in person.
“Yeah, that’s me! Nice to meet you Karthik, and you too Slushie!”
Down in the lobby, I spotted Kelly by the front desk. I figured we could go grab food at a bodega nearby and have our meeting over lunch. But Kelly had a different suggestion.
“Let’s have our meeting on the pool deck. I heard it’s nice.” Kelly isn’t great at taking “no” for an answer, so I decided to roll with it. Having a meeting by a pool is pretty weird, but I guess we might as well seize the opportunity of working in a five-star hotel.
The meeting started off normal enough. The pool was very pretty, an ordinary shape but cast in elegant gray stone with a gleaming white deck around it, but the two of us were focused on work topics and our environs didn’t really come up much. Then, out of nowhere, Kelly blurted out almost mid-sentence, “man, it is so nice out here. It’s just great.” As she said it, she reached down and, in a motion so smooth I don’t think I even saw it, took her blouse off, revealing a low-cut cami underneath. Although I thought of Kelly as an extremely straight-laced and professional person, I was surprised to see a number of tattoos on her upper arms. Many of them I couldn’t recognize, but I saw that one near her right elbow was a revolver overlaid atop a heart, and another on her left shoulder seemed to be a huge eel. She leaned forward over the table, gently squeezing her breasts together with her biceps, and continued on her previous train of thought as if nothing had happened.
What the hell…? I remember being in a state of complete shock. Isn’t Kelly married? I didn’t know Kelly was into other women? Is she flirting with me or not? Surely Kelly must have noticed the expression on my face, but she never said anything. The meeting continued on to its end with no mention of Kelly’s bizarre and inappropriate behavior. I barely said a word the whole time. At the end of the meeting, she pulled her blouse back on, got up and motioned for me to head back to the elevator with her. Still not a word about what happened.
The rest of the day was mostly a blur. I tried to stay focused on work, but I couldn’t get my one-on-one with Kelly out of my head. What was she doing? Why didn’t she say anything about it, or acknowledge my obvious surprise? In a daze, I just kept working. This project seemed to have an endless amount of work to do, and no matter how fast I worked I barely made a dent. Before I knew it, the clock on my computer read 2 AM.
I looked around, snapping out of my trance. Outside the windows was pitch black. The office was nearly empty, save for Rachel, who sat against the opposite wall.
“Still working, Rachel?” I asked.
She pulled her headphones down. “Yeah,” she said, “lots of thinking to do. Data analysis. Stuff. You know how it is.”
“I do, yeah,” I replied.
I turned over in my mind whether to tell Rachel about what happened with Kelly. It was dangerous ground to tread on: what if HR got involved? Could either of us lose our jobs? I didn’t want to wade into a she-said, she-said battle with Kelly. And I don’t even know what I would gain. It would be better to not say anything, so that’s what I did.
“I’m gonna knock off now Rachel. See you in the morning.”
“Yeah, the morning,” mumbled Rachel, her headphones back on now.
The next morning I shuffled down to the 10th floor having barely slept. I could feel that I was in that dreamlike state you often find yourself in when you don’t sleep enough, but I had no choice but to power through it. There was simply too much work to do and too little time.
“Morning Rachel,” I said as I slithered into the room. She was exactly where I left her last night.
“Did you see Jae-min’s email?” she asked.
“Oh, is it an update? What happened?”
“He was on a train from Pittsburgh and it derailed. Do you not check your email? What’s the deal?” Suddenly, Rachel sounded annoyed.
“Oh sorry, I thought he sent another update. I saw that one yesterday.”
“Yesterday? He just sent it this morning. Pay attention Casey.”
Things were not making sense. I talked with Rachel about Jae-min’s accident yesterday. We went over it. He was in the hospital, his glasses were broken. I pulled up my email client to check. There was a new email from Jae-min, sent an hour ago, explaining that his train had derailed and he was in the hospital. No mention of his glasses. No email from yesterday.
Was I going insane? Was I being gaslit? I had no idea what was happening now. Yesterday was definitely Monday, and my clock and calendar today say Tuesday.
“Rachel, it’s Tuesday, right?”
She peered at her calendar. “Today is █████,” she said.
“What?”
“I said today is █████. Are you feeling alright?” Rachel’s annoyance seemed to now be mixed with equal parts concern.
“Uh…yeah. I just didn’t sleep well last night.”
What did she say? It sounded like English, like the name of a day of the week, but what was it? It’s like I knew that it was a word, but I couldn’t put my finger on which one it was. Did that mean it was Tuesday or not?
The afternoon crawled by. It felt like I couldn’t get any work done, no matter how much I focused. Lunch time came and went, and again I failed to notice. Then as the afternoon gradually ticked onwards, a notification popped up from my calendar. “Starting in 10 minutes - 1:1 with Kelly.” Why was I having another meeting with Kelly? Did I get in trouble for something? Just as I was wondering this, a message from Kelly popped up on Slack, asking me to meet her in the lobby for our meeting.
I was starting to get a serious sense of deja vu. It felt like I was in some kind of twisted Groundhog Day time loop. What the hell was going on? As I headed for the elevator again. I saw Karthik and Slushie walk past.
“Hello Slushie!” I was relieved to see the cute little guy, and he gave me a big wide smile just like last time.
“Oh, his name’s Plushie,” said Karthik. Plushie? That was definitely not right.
“…My mistake, sorry.”
“And you must be Jae-min, right? I’m Karthik.”
“Oh, actually I’m not Jae-min, I’m Casey. Didn’t we meet yesterday?” I was completely certain we met yesterday.
“Did we? Sorry, I’m so bad with faces.” Karthik seemed genuinely apologetic, and it sounded like we might actually have met yesterday. Maybe things are okay after all, I thought to myself. I figured it could just be a lack of sleep messing with my perception of things. That was probably it.
As I walked into the lobby, the deja vu hit again. Kelly was there, just where she was yesterday. Suddenly my heart was pounding in anticipation. What would Kelly say? Would she suggest we head back up to the pool deck? The thought terrified me. I felt a desperate need for proof that I could still perceive the world normally, that things made sense. Just a few hours prior I was feeling basically normal, just tired, but things had gotten seriously weird and it was making me nervous. All I could think was, please just suggest we go out for lunch. Or take the meeting here, or go anywhere else. Just don’t say the pool deck.
“Hey, wanna head up to the pool deck for our meeting? I heard it’s nice.”
My heart dropped into my stomach. I could practically feel a splash in my gut as I suddenly became dizzy with anxiety. It felt like time slowed down at that moment. I realized then that something was seriously wrong and I didn’t know what it was, or what to do about it. Something fucked up was happening in that hotel and it didn’t seem like anyone else could perceive it as I could.
The meeting went the same way as the day before. Half a normal meeting. Kelly taking her shirt off. The revolver over the heart. On her bicep. Or was it her elbow? Was it left or right? The eel was there too, almost looking like it was smiling. When I looked away from it, in the corner of my eye it looked like the eel was wriggling a little bit. Just a little. But whenever I looked back it was always the same. The meeting carried on. Kelly leaned over the table, squeezing her breasts together in a way that was almost comically suggestive. My heart was slamming into my chest and I felt like I was in a daze, barely able to hear what Kelly was saying. Suddenly though, her voice pierced my fog.
“Casey,” she said.
“Uh, sorry…yeah, what’s up?”
“You’re staying here, right? On the 10th?” Was it the 10th, or 11th?
“Yeah, why?” Somehow her question made me even more nervous.
“I haven’t seen what the rooms normally look like. You should show me your room.” Kelly was almost cooing at me, and she cracked a mischievous smile as she asked. This was going way too far now.
“Kelly,” I said with a heavy sigh, “this is really not okay. We’re colleagues. Don’t flirt with me. You’re nice and all, but I’m not interested in you like that.”
It was like I’d broken a spell over Kelly. She sat in silence for ten or fifteen seconds, the gears of her mind whirring rapidly. Then, once again, as if nothing had happened, she was back on topic. We needed to talk about implementing a new chart format for one of our data analysis projects. She was acting like she hadn’t just tried to hook up with me less than a minute ago.
I realized this was just like yesterday again. My fear was still mounting. What the hell was happening to me? I felt like running. But as we left the pool deck and got back to the lobby, when I looked over to the front door, the feeling was gone, just as fast as it had arrived. I had important work to do, I remembered. The project needed me as much as it needed everyone else.
I worked late again. As hours trudged by I felt like I was getting less and less accomplished, but my determination was unfaltering. I had to keep working, not just because I wanted to finish the project, but because I feared what might happen if I went to sleep. Would anything make sense the next day, or would my world devolve into more chaos? Was my mind deteriorating?Eventually, I couldn’t stay awake any longer. I stumbled out of my chair and saw Rachel, in the same seat as always, working away with her headphones on.
“See you tomorrow, Rachel,” I croaked.
“Hmm,” Rachel mumbled back, hardly bothering to respond.
My sleep was fitful that night, and I woke up exhausted. I almost felt more tired than I had the night before. Please, I thought to myself, let everything be normal. Let me just have a regular work day where typical stuff happens. Don’t make me be stuck again. As I got off the elevator, my throat was tightening. My heart thundered so hard in my chest I could almost feel my vision going dark. It took all the courage I had in me to turn the corner and walk into the office.
“Hey Cassie,” said Rachel. Despite how late she was up last night, she looked like she was in a good mood.
“Hey Rachel,” I replied. “Did things go well last night?”
“Yep! I made a big breakthrough. Things are looking up.”
She didn’t mention Jae-min’s email. Maybe things were normal again. I was starting to feel relief. I had to know, though.
“It’s Wednesday, right?” I asked as a lump crept its way into my throat.
“Let me see…it’s █████” she said.
My eyes went wide. It was still happening. I hadn’t escaped at all, I was just descending further and further.
“Is every██g alright, C█ssie? You look a little ██████. Are you sick?”
Her words weren’t making sense. She was asking how I was, right? Wait, was that about me? What name did she say? Without answering her, I turned to my laptop screen and frantically opened my calendar. I couldn’t read any of the text, it was just gibberish. What was happening to me? I must be having some kind of mental breakdown, I thought. I knew I needed medical help, but when I tried to think of how I could get it, my mind just went blank.
“Hey C████,” said a voice from behind, jolting me back to the present. It was Kelly. “Mind meeting me down in the lobby for our one-on-one?”
I wanted to cry. My limbs were heavy and felt like they had been filled up with rocks. It was like my body was becoming encased in ice while my mind was burning up. I felt my body move. I was getting up, shuffling to the door, turning into the hallway. Kelly was already out of sight as I floated towards the elevator. Right on cue, Karthik appeared. He had two dogs with him.
“Slushie and Plushie?” I asked, almost involuntarily.
“Styx and Charon,” Karthik replied, acting like those were normal names for Chihuahuas who couldn’t have weighed more than 8 pounds each. I looked down at them, hoping for a goofy smile to inject some sense back into my world.
“Go to bed,” said Styx, his mouth unmoving. I knew it was his voice though.
“You need to stay in the hotel and sleep,” concurred Charon.
Part of me felt like screaming. Hearing dogs speak was surely a sign of a breakdown. But another part of me knew Styx and Charon, recognized them, and was comforted by their advice. Finally, I thought, someone else is acknowledging the chaotic pool melted reality that is my mind.
Charon pressed the elevator button. Though he was far too short to reach, he seemed to easily reach the button anyway. The elevator arrived and I rode it down to the lobby. Kelly was there, in the same spot. I already knew she wanted the pool.
“Did you want to do the pool deck? I heard it’s nice.”
In the meeting, I had lost the ability to make sense of my emotions. I could feel my heart still pounding and my stomach still twisting but I couldn’t understand if I was afraid or not. I was just waiting for Kelly’s flirting to start, to see what would happen. Time almost didn’t seem to be flowing anymore. At some point, though, Kelly reached down and took off her blouse, revealing the cami top and the tattoos. She had less this time; only the revolver and eel remained, this time one on each collarbone.
“You probably think I’m flirting with you, yeah?” Kelly said, out of the blue.
It was enough to shock some emotion back into me. This was the first time Kelly had acknowledged the strangeness of her behavior in these meetings.
“That’s so unprofessional, Ca█ie. I get that you might be interested in me, but it’s totally inappropriate. I don’t want to have to █████ but ████ ███████ if I █████.”
I was losing my grip on what Kelly was saying. Had I been flirting with her this whole time? That seemed impossible, I would never do that. Then I looked up and Kelly wasn’t there anymore. It was clearly much later in the afternoon, nearly dusk. The crowd around the pool was completely different. It was like I had jumped forward in time just after Kelly last spoke to me. I could feel myself get up and walk back towards the lobby, but I wasn’t moving my muscles. My body was just going. It went to the lobby, then the elevator. It pressed a button, I didn’t see which, maybe 10 or 11. When it got off the elevator, it walked down the hall to my room, pulled out the room key, and walked into the door. It laid down on the bed, shoes still on, and I fell asleep.
I woke up nauseous. I always traveled with anti-nausea medicine as I have a bit of a weak stomach. Despite still feeling the confusion and haze left from my meeting with Kelly, I knew I should go to the bathroom. There would be a solution there. From the bathroom door I spotted my toiletry kit and realized I should look through it. But before I could even reach, I could feel something coming up my esophagus. I leaned over the sink and heaved. The strain made my vision go black for a split second. When I opened my eyes, an eel was writhing in my sink, its muscular body pounding against the smooth porcelain, splashing mucus all around the bathroom.
As I stared at the eel, its frantic motion driven by a surprising level of power, the curtain around my mind seemed to lift. The last bits of my meeting with Kelly came back to me.
“Look, let’s just put this behind us, okay?” Kelly had said. My body said it agreed with her and we should forget about it. Kelly had reached to put her shirt back on and at that moment, the eel tattoo slithered off her arm and onto the pool deck. Its powerful flopping propelled it towards the pool, where it promptly dove under the water. I leaned over to try and look for it, but the surface of the water was a solid blue, and the eel was nowhere to be seen.
“Damn, I hate when I lose that thing,” Kelly sighed. “Look, I need to go ahead to another meeting. If you happen to spot it, can you grab it and bring it back to me? Thanks so much C███y. I really appreciate it.”
And there it was. It had come up to my room with me somehow. Feeling better than I had almost since arriving, I grabbed the eel with one hand and left for the elevator. My grasp had made the eel relax, but it didn’t seem to be suffocating or dying. It was just sitting there, almost floating along with me. I rode the elevator to the office. When I opened the door, Kelly was in the hallway.
“████ ██ █████ █████ █ C███,” said Kelly.
“Sorry,” I said, not knowing what I was apologizing for. “I found the eel, Kelly! Here, you can have it back.” I thrust my arm out, presenting the eel to her like a trophy. The eel and Kelly disappeared and I was in front of my desk, with the desk chair tucked in neatly. I pulled the chair out. As I lowered myself to sit down, the desk rose up past my head, then the floor, then I was falling down a deep black space. I turned my head and realized it was the elevator shaft. I could see the floor of the elevator below me as I fell towards it.
Then I was inside the elevator. There had been no impact, no crash, no sound at all. I looked up to see where I had fallen from, but the ceiling of the elevator was just a black void. When I looked back down, Styx and Charon were there again.
“Pick a button,” said Styx.
“Pick one,” concurred Charon.
I should pick one. I looked at the button panel and there were two buttons: “WORK” and “SLEEP”. I needed to pick one. Styx and Charon had told me to go to sleep, and I trusted them. I trusted them more than Rachel and Kelly, or Jae-min, or my boss, or whoever. The sleep button was the right choice. I pressed it, and the elevator door crept open to reveal my hotel room. Styx and Charon were right. It was time to sleep.