I once had a multi-layered dream deeply engraved within my memories. Basically, I dreamed of a dream device that made me dream within my dream.
This is a confusing story, so let me narrate it in this way. I will address the ‘me’ in reality who is writing this story as the ‘reality me’ while the ‘dream me’ is the one in my dream.
I’m 21F, and I live in a small district here in the Philippines. This happened three to four years ago when my family still lives in an almost dilapidated residence. It’s a two-floor house made of light materials where the ground floor has a literal ground (soil) floor, while the second floor has wooden planks. It is actually a bit scary because if someone walks heavily upstairs, everything shakes as if the walls and the foundation will fall apart. But yeah, we got used to it and it is not unusual here in my country to have such a shelter.
Elle (my younger sister) and I share the same small room upstairs, we sleep on the floor because we don’t have a bed. We just lay a mat and a sheet, some pillows, and blankets, then attach a mosquito net to survive each night. Every morning, we’ll fix our ‘bed’ by folding and setting aside all of these in a specific corner of the room then place everything again as the sun comes down.
This dream of mine occurred on a typical evening. I ate dinner, washed the dishes, did some homework, then dozed off at 10 pm. From here, I awakened in this strange dream. I call it strange because it did not feel like a dream at all. With Elle by my side and the scent of dust around us, it felt so real. I heard my mother shouting downstairs to get our asses up already because we were gonna be late. Right, I am still a student, I am actually in college. (I know some of you’ll ask ‘why still live in the same house as your parents?’, well this is normal in most Asian countries so don’t worry about it)
I quickly did my morning rituals, got out of the house, and went to the jeep terminal. (Note that all of these are happening in my dream) On my way to school, that’s when I noticed the major difference between reality and this dream, holograms. My university is in the city proper so I always take a passenger jeepney to get there, a 30-minute trip. As I looked at the street billboards and signages, holograms seem to be a typical marketing tool by several companies. There’s this holographic billboard of a real estate firm near a certain intersection. It was huge but it did not have a physical build, only lights (if that’s what it’s called) depicting households coming from a tiny box below it.
The dream flows as if it’s real, it’s not like the typical ones where you jump off from one setting to another. ‘Dream me’ also acts like how I normally act at school. The next scene I remember is when I was browsing the internet, I got to know about this trend. It’s like the popularity of the fidget spinner and ice bucket challenge.
It’s the so-called DREAM DEVICE.
I’m pretty sure it has a name but I forgot what it’s called so let’s just refer to it as the dream device. It was so popular in my dream that YouTubers, celebrities, and influencers make content out of it. Game developers also shared about getting inspiration from their dreams brought about by this device.
‘Dream me’ was enticed by it, but sadly, it is quite expensive. I can’t afford one, I am a part of the less fortunate sector and the fact that I am in college is only because of a scholarship. What a waste! I really want one.
But luck is on my side in that dream, I wasn’t sure how I did it but I got the dream device for free from a certain raffle draw. I was so happy and excited. As soon as I got home, I called Elle and told her that we should try it out. She then suggested we do it on Friday so that no matter how long we dream, she will not be late for school the next day. She kinda sounds suspicious but that’s a good point, so I hid the device and waited for the end of the week to come.
-
I don’t have classes on Fridays so I just waited the whole day for my sister to finish school. As soon as Elle arrived home and fixed her things, we squatted on the floor of our room facing each other while the dream device was in the middle. School ends at 4 - 4:30 pm, so I think it was a quarter past five when we set up the device. It looks like a black box, maybe some router-looking thing, and completely black. In front of me (behind Elle) is a large window, and there I can clearly see that the sun is about to set. On my left (Elle’s right), is the corner that contains the bedsheet, pillows, and blankets I piled this morning. The device is securely packaged and just like any other gadget, there is a manual. This is the notable information that I vaguely remember:
-A person can dream with full awareness (not control) of the dream if the device is used -Two or more people can be a part of the same dream as long as they are together when the device turns on -There is a single remote attached to the device -The remote has 3 features: it has a button (I am not really sure if it’s a button or a switch, but let’s go with a button), it has a led light on the upper portion, and it has a time indicator -When the device turns on, the light will turn green, press the button and it will bring you to your dream -Once the dream starts, the light will turn red. The remote will still be present in the dream. -Press the button again if you want to end the dream, the light will turn back to green *To reiterate, green light means reality while red light means dreaming. -The time indicator presents the actual time in the reality of ‘dream me’
With excitement running through my veins, I exclaimed that we should start already. My sister, on the other hand, was not having it as if she was forced to do something against her will. Our plan is to try it out at night, maybe from 9 pm onwards, but I can’t wait for another couple of hours. Elle just sighed and reminded me that we should be back at 6 o’clock for dinner. I agreed and took the remote. It is tiny, only the same size as half of my palm. I don’t know what powers the device, I don’t remember plugging it into an outlet nor installing some batteries in it. But we did something and the remote lit green. I then pressed the button and we started dreaming.
Just like what the manual said, the remote is still in the hand of ‘dream me’ with red light emitting from it. My sister is with me, whose face is now glowing unlike earlier. I don’t clearly remember what ‘dream me’ dreamt of that time, but I sure remember feeling comforted and freed from all the problems I have. It lasted for hours but the time indicator showed that only minutes passed in real time.
I think it was nearly 6 pm so we decided to go back, and this was when it started… I pressed the button of the remote, and we were back sitting across from each other. From a utopia to this dusty place. ‘Dream me’ felt so light after dreaming such a good dream. Elle also smiled happily as if getting satisfied with her cravings. We talked about the shared dream we had, and the room was filled with laughter.
We were about to fix everything in the room when I noticed something does not sit right. The dream device wasn’t there.
Staring at each other shocked, Elle and I started looking for it frantically, even the house itself was shaking. This can’t be. Although we have poor security, it is unlikely for a burglar to come inside without us or the neighbors noticing. As we were busy panicking about the lost device, I failed to consider the one thing attached to it. The remote, yes! I am holding it, it’s right he…re.
To my surprise, the light is red.
Frightened, my hand was shaking as I showed it to my sister. “Oh no, maybe it’s a glitch? a bug?” Elle nervously uttered.
“Yes, maybe. Let’s try pressing the button again, we might still be dreaming,” I replied.
As I suggested, I pressed the button. Once again, we’re back in the room sitting across from each other but the device is still not there, the light is still red. My heart started to beat faster as if it was jumping out of my chest. I looked at Elle, she was about to cry.
I press the button again
We’re sitting across from each other.
I press it again.
We’re in the room
I press it again.
The device is still not there.
I press it again.
The light is still red.
This happened repeatedly and we’re not yet back to the reality of ‘dream me’. This repetition also made me notice odd things in our room whenever we get back to sitting across from each other. There are times that the window in front of me shows it’s morning or snowing outside, which is impossible since we turned on the device late in the afternoon and the Philippines is a fucking tropical country. This surely means that we are not yet back to the reality, but stuck in multiple copies of a dream where my sister and I are in this room looking for this stupid missing device. If you ask me about the time indicator, it is not working at all. It seems like it stopped at a certain time, I can’t remember the exact time.
I was so annoyed and scared. Did we miss an instruction? What the heck is happening? I restlessly walked around our room while Elle was bawling her eyes out. I stopped pressing the button because it was not getting us anywhere. I am not good with comforting my sister, so I just let her be until she calms down on her own. I stared blankly at the wall, the window; the floor, trying to make sense of what was going on. When my sister finally composed herself, the two of us did not talk for a while. It was so quiet that even my breath seemed echoing. But Elle broke this silence when she suddenly talked. She suggested that we don’t ever press the button again and wait for our parents to wake us up in the real world.
Ok, we just have to wait. I couldn’t find myself disagreeing with her. That was actually the best solution for us. Thank goodness my sister is able to think straight and gives us a glimpse of hope. But this is strange tho. Elle is never thinking straight when we’re together, she panics more than me during times like this. It takes time for her to calm down and even though she already is, she never thinks clearly and will eventually start nagging me. Now that I think of it, not even once did she utter a word that pisses me off.
This is when it hits me. I am dreaming. The ‘dream me’ is stuck in this dream loop but the ‘reality me’ is actually the one who is dreaming. I think this is called a lucid dream when you become aware that you are dreaming but not waking up.
Words aren’t enough to describe how my mouth gaped due to this realization. I looked at Elle and lingered my sight around our room. It feels so weird when you have full awareness that you are in a dream, it’s like you are wearing an oculus or something but with great realistic graphics. I took a deep breath, and got back to my previous posture. Elle is now looking at me full of confusion. I then started looking for ways to wake the ‘reality me’. Should I kill myself? Nah, that’s ridiculous. With the remote in my hand, I decided to continue pressing the button as if it was the only thing I could do.
I press the button
We’re sitting across from each other.
I press it again.
We’re in the room
I press it again.
The device is still not there.
I press it again.
The light is still red.
This loop goes on and on, a hundred times or maybe a thousand. I don’t know anymore, I lost track of how many times we’re back in this room without the device and with the light still red. I lost hope as well, I wanted to wake up but I couldn’t. We have this elderly saying that if you get stuck in your dream, you should feel your pinky toe and do everything you can to move it in order to wake up. I tried this but do not feel my body at all, the body of ‘reality me’.
More signs of inconsistencies within our room started to get obvious. There were times that the pile of blankets and pillows wasn’t there by my left side. There were times that the floor wasn’t wood, the walls were pure white, and many more I couldn’t remember. I started tearing up. This is a nightmare, this is worse than death. I was reminded of my hardships, my family, my sister. Elle is actually a great artist. She loves drawing and is planning to create her own webtoon. I promised I’m gonna be her first reader before she publishes it. How am I gonna do that if I were not to wake up?
The thought that I might not be able to go back to reality is terrifying. I vigorously wiped my tears when my sister in this dream yelled and begged me to stop pressing the button. I couldn’t picture her facial expressions anymore, my vision was blurry due to the tears piling up in my eyes. No, you don’t understand, I do feel pity and sad for you sobbing non-stop but you are not really my sister. You are just a part of this dream. My real annoying sister, Elle, is out there waiting for me.
I was losing my strength, my knees even gave up. Kneeling on the floor, holding a remote with both hands while sweating and crying. Damn, I looked like I’m begging someone to not kill me. There are tons of things going on inside my head at that time but I bet on this one final thing. I prayed.
I pressed the button, once again. But this time, what occurs to us is different from the other repetitions. We are back in our room but we can see ourselves lying sideways on the floor, and the device was exactly where we placed it. My face lit up despite seeing our unconscious bodies with dead eyes and pale lips. For some reason, it seems like I was not terrified by the sight, maybe because I was about to lose my sanity. This is better than being stuck in that endless dream loop.
We were like ghosts floating. I still have the remote in my hand but instead of pressing the button, I held my sister’s hand and moved toward our bodies like ghosts possessing ourselves.
I woke up.
I gasped for air and was breathing heavily. I was laying on the bed sheet on the floor and Elle was right next to me. It was morning. She’s awake as well, her brow furrowed looking at me. I bet she’s thinking “WTF is going on with this bitch.” Seconds passed before I was able to compose myself. I asked Elle about a dream device but her response did not show any signs that it exists.
I feel relieved. I am home, back to the real world. The ‘reality me’ is awake. It was weird timing that I woke up on a Saturday. The ‘dream me’ tried the device on a Friday, and now that the ‘reality me’ has awakened, it is the day after.
My weekend goes as usual. As an introverted lady, I just stayed at home, watched some anime, read some books then went to sleep. I did not dream for two nights.
Monday came. I packed up for school and was a bit excited for some reason I can’t explain. I took a tricycle-ride to get to the jeep terminal, for this is my main transport going to my university. For those who are not familiar with a jeepney, it is like a modified military transport vehicle where there are two sets of 10-passenger seats in front of each other (if you still can’t visualize it, better google it) As soon as I reached the terminal, I hurriedly rode the jeep which is about to leave. When the engine started, I closed my eyes. I usually take naps on my way to school, 20-30 minutes of travel is more than enough for a power nap.
For some time, the jeepney stopped. I think it was due to traffic. I opened my eyes and looked around. This is a familiar street, this is the intersection where I saw a holographic billboard of a real estate advertisement in my dream. It’s right on this side of the….
I froze as I turned my head to that side of the highway. The holographic billboard still exists.
Everything went in slow motion, as my excitement for the day gradually faded. I felt a sting in my heart and in my stomach. That same feeling of hopelessness when I was trapped in the dream loop occurred to me. No, I’m still in a dream. I feel nauseated, I think I turned pale. The faces of other passengers look like they are starting to get worried. They might be thinking that I am about to pass out due to motion sickness. What do I do now? I continued looking around, panicking, hoping I could get signs of reality, but there were none.
-
This was the last vision I remembered. I do not know how I escaped that world. The next thing I know, I am here. Tears ran down my face as soon as I woke up. This time, not a false awakening. I hope so… It was like I finally got my life back that was temporarily stolen from me. I checked on my sister, mother said she was at school. Ahh, that means I woke up on a weekday. I, afterwards, googled holographic billboards across m*ar highway and thankfully there are none.
I still have that fear of being stuck in that dream forever. I know I am living a cruel life in this reality, but it is still a life that I don’t want to lose.
This happened three to four years ago but I wonder how I can still remember a lot of details. I’m so confused, hence why I decided to share it here. I also ponder about it sometimes.
What if it was not a dream?
What if it was an alternate reality where ‘reality me’ glitched due to ‘dream me’ constantly pressing the button of that dream device?
What if… it was actually a memory?