“Ben…Ben! Hello? You there?”
I shook my head and rubbed my eyes. I heard Alex in front of me, snapping, but I don’t know how much of the discussion I missed.
“Buddy, are you in or not?” Alex crossed his arms, staring at me from across the room. Other parents were there staring at me, too. The desks they sat at were aligned in a circle for a sort-of parent-teacher conference. A friend of Theo’s–a little girl–father had gone missing and we were organizing a search party.
“S-sorry, man,” I yawned. My brain was exhausted and I could barely keep my eyes from closing and going into sweet, sweet slumber. A bit of whimpering came from the carrier beside me, and I rocked it gently. “Baby’s been keeping me up, so I’m trying. I can leave Isabelle and Theo with my dad and mom, and I’ll come along to help.” Another yawn escaped my mouth.
“I know that look,” another parent chuckled, crossing her legs.
“Cool, we’ll start on Greg’s street, Everstone Road, and make our way north. We’ll scour the forest behind Everstone and see if we can find anythin’. We’ll only go until about 5:00 p.m. to compensate for the return trek from the woods back to the main road since the sun is settin’ earlier now,” Alex pointed at the whiteboard in front of us, marking X’s and circles of where the meetup and search areas were located.
A couple of the parents gossiped while watching Alex.
“Do you think Greg killed himself?”
“I bet he couldn’t handle the divorce.”
“Well, with his wife cheating and all–”
I glared at them. Don’t they have anything better to do? A little girl is without her father.
“Enough,” Alex warned. He grabbed pamphlets with a Google Maps printout of the search area and handed everyone their own copy. “This is important. Gossip will not be tolerated.” He added. “Laura and Ken have graciously accepted to search north Lakeside, since they have extended family there. They will use their resources to help. Lakeside is too big of a terrain for just us to handle.”
Ken nodded, gripping the ever worried Laura’s hand. She was holding back her weeps, tears rolling off her nose and splattering onto the desk. As he leaned in to kiss her head, I looked away and down to Isabelle, who was now snoring softly in her carrier. This isn’t about me, this is about Greg, I reminded myself.
Alex reminded us to meet in front of the school in one hour then proceeded to dismiss us. I unlocked my phone and dialed mom’s number.
“Hi baby!” Mom was ecstatic, but I could tell a bit of worry tinged her tone. “How are you, baby? What’s up?” She tried to act casual.
“Some of the parents are organizing a search party for Greg–the one on Everstone. Can I bring Theo and Isabelle to you and dad?” I really didn’t want to burden my parents or even go to this search party, but I knew it had to be done.
“Of course! I love my grandbabies!” She relayed the information to dad. Theo ran up to me to listen in, as he was playing in a corner with some of his friends. “Granma granpa?” He asked while looking up at me. I nodded with a giant grin to show how exciting this news was. He was elated, bounced a few times then ran back to his friends to say goodbye.
I arrived at the front of the school with other parents. They, of course, were gossiping again. Alex turned around in the small crowd and saw me. He jogged up to greet me, oh boy. I waved awkwardly towards him.
“Buddy! Thank you so much for comin’,” he held out a hand and I shook it. His grip was tough and hurt my knuckles, but I tried not to show the discomfort. “Can I ask ya somethin’?”
Well, that wasn’t something I was expecting. I waited for him to finish.
“So, little Stella is asking Theo to come over all the time. She keeps saying ‘boyfriend’ this, ‘boyfriend’ that,” I noticed he really hadn’t released my hand yet, “Is Theodore telling you this?” I paused. Can a six year-old really have a girlfriend?
“Uh, no,” I replied cautiously, attempting to squirm my hand away gently without trying to upset him. “Theo doesn’t like talking to me, but I think he’s still hurt from, y’know, their mom leaving us and all,” that stung a bit to say out loud as it was still a fresh wound, but it was true.
Alex finally relented, “well, Gloria and I were wondering if you guys wanted to come over for a dinner or barbeque or some shit,” Alex’s reply sounded almost as if he had forced it through his lips. “Stella and Theo are very close, she talks all day about him. I thought maybe they can hang out and we can have you over to get you out of the house,” he waited for an answer as I scratched the back of my head. I opened my mouth to reply but was cut off, “Isabelle is welcome, too. We’re no strangers to baby cries,” he added, chuckling nervously. This guy had clearly never been denied in his life.
“Y’know what, I’d like that,” I smiled back at Alex. He and Gloria were the only ones to check up on me after my wife–ex-wife left me with a newborn daughter and six year-old son. I wasn’t sure why Alex was so tense today, but I just assumed it was from the search and potentially finding a body. He hooped and grabbed me by the shoulders, slapping my left one hard. “Shit, man, you’re strong,” he added, then gestured to the group. Alex was a strange guy ever since I met him, but that was a weird thing to say.
We made our way back to the group and began our search. Various voices called out for Greg in the street, and the parents that stayed home gathered the children into their homes. I looked around, silent, wondering if Greg even wanted to be found. Being a parent is difficult, I can’t imagine also having everyone pity or judge you on top of that after your wife cheated on you. In a sense, both Greg and I were town pariahs. “Alex,” I called out. He whipped around and ran back to me, “I’m sorry if Theo caused any trouble. He just misses his–”
“Hey, bud, it’s alright. No harm, no foul. Okay?” He half-smiled, “let’s just focus on finding Greg.” I nodded and we continued up Everstone into the woods, calling out for Greg. The most we had found all night was a band shirt that he had always used to wear, torn beyond the ability to be worn. The second piece that was even remotely worrisome was an animal carcass nearby, “probly yotes,” Alex said. “Hey, by the way, you good with fresh game for dinner? I hunt every weekend, well except this one for obvious reasons. You okay with next weekend?” I stared at the deer’s lifeless corpse and nodded, even though I wasn’t keen on hunting. Alex slapped my back in a friendly gesture and we made our way back to the edge of the woods to contact the sheriff’s office. The search was over for tonight, the sun had already set and most of us were tending to minor scrapes from the forest’s pitch darkness. We were quite underprepared.
As I returned home after picking up a sleeping Isabelle and Theo from mom and dad’s, I realized exactly how exhausted I was. I set Isabelle in her crib, who wriggled slightly to get comfortable, but quickly resumed her rest. I then carried Theo from the couch, where he had collapsed, to his own bed. I looked at my bedroom. It was cold and overwhelming; the emptiness cracked my heart further–rather whatever was left of my heart when my ex abandoned us, anyway. I dragged my feet back to the couch and laid down, falling into a deep slumber.
I jolted awake, hearing Isabelle stir and whine, and ran to her nursery. Ever since she was born, I had evolved into a light sleeper. “Shhh,” I cooed as I picked her up and rocked her. She let out a small cry, and I realized she needed to be changed. I gently laid her on the changing table near the window and pulled off the soiled diaper. She was actually so tired she slept while I cleaned her. I turned to toss the diaper in the bin and when I turned back the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I dreaded doing it, but I looked up at the window, peeking through the half-drawn curtains.
In the field I could see a figure standing still. I gasped lightly, trying to keep quiet while I stood in absolute terror. Fear held my feet in place as I was at my most vulnerable position: a baby on the table between me and this thing and my son alone in his room. After what felt like hours of staring between this figure and me, I felt a warm sensation on my shirt. By pure reflex, my eyes ripped away from the gaze of the figure and down, realizing Isabelle had also soiled my shirt.
“Shit!” I whispered, carefully finishing and moving Isabelle back to her crib. I removed my shirt and suddenly blood curdling screams tore through the silence, shaking my soul. I backed away from the window, too petrified to look out to see if the figure was still there, picked up Isabelle who was now crying from being woken up by the screams, and hit the light. I carried her, shakily humming a lullaby, while closing her door and then went to open Theo’s door.
The screaming seemed to be right outside of Isabelle’s window, whatever it was, as I briskly walked from her room to Theo’s. Theo beat me, ripped open the door and smacked straight into me as the screaming ceased.
“Hey buddy,” I whispered, “You wanna sleep in the living room with me?” I masked as well as I could, trying to hold back my own shaky voice. He nodded, on the verge of tears. “Don’t worry, buddy, we’ll be safe, alright? Remember the mountain lions that live around here?”
“Big cats,” he whispered back.
“And remember what they sound like?”
“Screaming,” he confirmed.
“That’s it, Theo!” I exchanged a high five with him. If you’ve ever heard a mountain lion screaming, it is probably the most terrifying thing that you can hear out in the sticks. We had only just moved to this neighborhood a few weeks ago. My ex always expressed how this was just a redneck sanctuary–our closest neighbor, besides Greg, was probably a mile down the road or so. Mountain lions loved hunting in the area frequently, even though it still shook our hearts from time to time when we would hear them or the coyotes yipping and howling.
But there was no denying the figure that was watching our home in the field, I was certain of what I saw. I was beside myself as I laid my baby in the small pen next to the couch and watched Theo sleep. I looked at the closet, debating if I should unlock my handgun in case a lion gets too brave. I made my way over and put in the combination on the safe, leaving it open on the top shelf of the closet so that in case of an emergency I could reach it but Theodore couldn’t. I did not sleep the rest of the night.
Part 2 (TW: Depiction of Animal Carving, Some Gore)