This is a true story/srs.
I just finished the gauntlet challenge. The challenge that was popular in 2018 and 2019, where you watch 20 disturbing videos, only now it’s 19. As of 7/21/22, the baby being ran over video was removed. It starts simple, where a woman accidentally snaps her arm. Wasn’t too bad. But then it gets worse. A woman pukes, which isn’t bad for a normal viewer, but I hate vomit. Then a woman gets stabbed by her ex. Then an Asian woman licks an infection off a males dick. Then the Mexican c*rtel beheads someone. And finally, three men one hammer. I think that’s what it was called. Honestly, it wasn’t too bad until the last two videos. But here’s the problem:
I didn’t cry, I didn’t puke. I laughed.
A man cracked his head open, and when doctors were showing how it couldn’t be fixed, I laughed. I don’t know why. I’m the type of person who laughs through a FICTIONAL horror movie, but this man actually died. And I laughed. I have done something like this before, though. I once saw a dead squirrel in the road. I didn’t freak out, I went over to it, amazed by the spilled guts and squished face. But I didn’t touch it, afraid I’d get a disease. I also have real thoughts, not intrusive, of me hurting my peers. I don’t know what’s wrong with me currently. It’s never concerned me until the gauntlet challenge.
While the Mexican c*rtel beheaded a man, I first felt guilt, and was close to crying. But then, the sound of the blood bubbling out caught my ear and distracted me. I almost threw up, but it was interesting that it bubbled out. It didn’t spew, it bubbled like a waterfall. You could hear it even, and honestly, i was disturbed.
When the animals were getting skinned, I nodded and said that this is the country I live in. Not proud of my country, but I accept the fact.
And then I looked at TikToks of people who saw it.
They said they constantly cried, vomited over 3 times, could barely make it through. They said it stuck to them like PTSD. It made my spine chill. Why wasn’t I traumatized after watching multiple accounts of murder, death, and drilling holes in dicks? Why was I so chill with it? I have anxiety, and I have a very weak stomach, yet I made it through. What has happened to me before that made me watch the gauntlet and survive? I still can’t figure it out. Maybe it was because I was showed a horror movie when I was 3, or saw dead ducklings when I was 7, but none of that should effect me seeing murder.
I’m scared of myself right now. My dad is a drug addict, and he has threatened murder. I’ve threatened it before too, which made me terrified of myself for weeks. I refused to talk to anyone. My friends assured me i was okay, and that it was an accident. But I know that was me, just a different me. The me I don’t like to see. The me that may grow up to commit crimes. I’ve never actually harmed anyone. I’ve snuck out to gas stations before, but I always paid. I say please and thank you to everyone, and I refuse to hurt a fly. But im okay with murder.
I’m thinking I should hide myself from the public, keep myself anonymous. I’m too scared to hurt anyone, knowing who I am. Ive only seen that side of me twice, but two times is enough to know im scared of myself.