I am a 32 female,I had always been told my uncle died 15 years ago, but I told my dad I was doing an ancestry DNA test a he got angry. My dad’s go to emotion is happy or any other emotion is converted to anger. Took a few days for him to cool down and explain why it upset him. He sat me down to tell me, my uncle was a serial forced assault on women and murdered many civilian people in Cambodia for fun and bragged about it. He was exiled from the family as a result and eventually long after the fact silently imprisoned 14 years ago.
He said 18ish years ago he picked up a really bad drinking habit after he left the military. 3 years into alcoholism he confessed to my dad what he did and how he enjoyed killing civilians and forcing himself on women of war and drank to numb the mundane life as a civilian and not a murderer. At first my dad didn’t believe him, he is his big brother and always loved him thinking he was a good person ruined by the army life. He wanted to write it off as just a drunken story of self hate…till he told my dad how spending time with my dad’s family ate him up inside because he fantasized about killing us and force assault me and my mom (I was 14 when he said this). How he missed watching unarmed people run away as he shot them.
He told my dad how he forced himself on women in the war and after he retired he forced himself on women he met up with at bars and ladies of the night in the US. This is why my dad panicked at the idea of an ancestry test as he worried any of those women could of given birth to biologically my cousin and thus a good chance finding out myself.
This is one of only 4 times I’ve seen my dad cry, one was when I was in a bad car accident, once when my mom died of lung cancer 5 years ago, and when I got married and mentioned how I wish my mom was there too and thanked my dad for always being there to pick me up for me everytime I failed…. And now this..
He told me he threw up after hearing what his brother told him and was so shaken he had to call my grandma and great aunt to drive him home as he physically could not. He thought long and hard that night if he should tell his mom as it would devastate her and she had only finished chemo for breast cancer a few months before. He decided only thing he could do was go to the police station in the morning. He threw up again at the police station what little food he could stomach and told them what his brother had done.
I remember a time period, I had just turned 21 myself and came home drunk and never could understand why my dad would get so mad at me drinking with my friends, he told me of his countless stories of his drunken college days and couldn’t see what the big deal was as most 21yr old go through that phase. 13ish year’s ago He stepped down from a high management position designing military grade engines and very well paying as he just couldn’t manage while he was going through such turmoil in his heart. (he eventually got a higher up job which he works now after he mentally recovered)
I told my dad all the weird questions my uncle would ask me like if I stuff my bra, if I had sexual thoughts about boys at my school. I kinda just thought he was just trying to be the cool hip uncle and trying to get me to talk about things that would be hard to talk about with my parents. (Both my mom and her sister are phd in psychology so I could open up to my aunt and mom easy). One time he was over for Christmas he kept sneaking me alcohol and when I fell asleep he offered to carry me to my bedroom, but my dad wanted me wide open snoring mouth to be in the Christmas family photos, I remember this because I kept slightly waking up due to all the noise (basically my family posing around me in funny poses, I’ve seen them and they’re mortifying) they just assumed I fell asleep because I played with my Christmas presents since 8am till 9pm when I fell asleep. Few other memories that just sit completely differently now after learning his true nature.
He never told my grandma or my mom but he did tell his sister after my uncle was arrested (they matched his DNA to some assaults and there is a backlog or something where someone told a commanding officer back in the war about my uncle’s crimes but couldn’t prove it, he later testified against my uncle). This was all done so quitely no one knew he was actually locked up, no news on it or anything. I assume maybe the military kept it quite idk. In every sense of it everyone but my dad’s sister thought he died, like there was a fake funeral and all that my dad and his sister orchestrated.
I asked my dad how did him, my aunt and his brother he once looked up to come out so differently and that’s when my dad told me. My grandfather, a war veteran himself forcefully abused my grandma, my dad, his siblings and my older brother too in a way that was sexual…I had thought for 30 years I was the only one and wondered why me, turns out my grandfather was a true monster not just to me. I was kinda angry my dad let me believe I was the only victim but I also know it’s much harder for him to talk about. It makes sense though because my aunt (Paternal) stood by me in court after I told my truth at 13yrs old, and kept apologizing she didn’t protect me, my dad was stone cold for a long time after that, emotionally empty, no love no happiness but a husk , my dad repressed it so hard that he thought his dad wouldn’t do the same to his own children. I know now reason My dad emotionally couldn’t face be was because he knew what My grandfather was and felt huge guilt over leaving me alone with him as did My aunt but she expressed it normally though. My grandfather made a monster, not that it justified my uncle in anyway they are both monsters. To my aunt my siblings and I are her children as she could not have any of her own so I know now just how terrible and sorry she truly is. I think my dad couldn’t face it because of the fear of being called gay especially as a Christian and it’s always hard on men to talk about being sexually assaulted at any age or any orientation because they’re aren’t taken seriously (especially back then) or public opinion represses them to fear others judgement thanks to toxic masculinity issues.
My dad and aunt simply acted as if they had a great childhood, even told me fond stories of my grandfather before I came out. I now know better that pretend she’ll they built. Learning about my uncle they broke down, still managed to keep up an image as if nothing happened, and funeral was absolutely believable.
You truly never know some of the monsters hiding in the dark till they attack or show themselves, and that is absolutely terrifying. To find out my dead uncle who I thought was a fun uncle was the worst kind of human. My dad asked me to no go through with the DNA test and I won’t, I understand it could bring my uncle’s demonic ways to light, and my grandma already suffered enough though her husband (dead 15 years now) and chemo twice for each breast, my dad wants her to live the rest of her life as peacefully as she can, losing a son is hard but finding out he’s a monster would probably be worse. My dad pushed tooth and nail to keep her out of the legal battle as my uncle lawyer wanted her to testify to my uncle’s character as well as my siblings and mom, idk how he kept us out of being summoned because I honestly didn’t understand the legal terms he used but I’m glad he did, I assume because my dad has a pretty high security clearance due to managing the old and new engines of the military and designs yet to be released but idk.
I hugged my grandma today and told my aunt my dad told me everything after she asked why I was so emotional and somber. She hugged me and cried, I cried. I have yet to tell my family I am 10 weeks pregnant as I’m waiting till 20 week at least as I had a miscarriage year ago at 5 weeks and don’t want to go through that publicly again. But if I get to 20 weeks the doctor is pretty positive it will be healthy and to term. I was going to name it after my uncle if it’s a boy…not anymore. I did tell my husband though about everything my father told me and he thinks it best not to go through with the DNA test for now as well. So for now I’m just going to focus on my pregnancy and do as my dad and uncle have done their whole life and keep myself busy and pretend all is well. I hope my child will bring a new chapter to our family, especially so my father and aunt maybe feel a little less weight knowing my child will be loved greatly. Since my 3 brothers are either too youngish (college currently) and my older brother doesn’t want kids and neither does his male partner, my child will be the first next generation of our family and leave the past behind for a better future. So I find solace in knowing my child will never know the horrors of my family and I will give them the best life and my husband will protect our child entirely.
Please be safe out there, you truly never know who could be a monster. I have slept like 3-5 hours a day because I’m so overwhelmed and hoping putting this on no sleep will ease my mind . I need sleep so bad because I really don’t want another miscarriage and I can’t take sleeping pills. Maybe other people knowing might help.