It’s been a week. I feel better: not completely back to normal, but better.
First thing’s first: the illness wasn’t anything supernatural, nor was it any kind of shock. Doctor diagnosed me with good ol’ fashioned flu, recommended some Advil and told me to get lots of rest.
So that’s what I did. I spent the week curled up in bed, trying to watch trashy Netflix shows while Dad brought me hot soup. I also thought about everything I’d seen. Thoroughly.
She’s still in my dreams. Not as much, now: after a few days of me ignoring her, it seems like my nocturnal visitor has decided to tone down the creepy for a little bit, or at least let me get a good nights sleep.
I’m still thinking about it, though. About her, and the noise she made.
And…slowly, I realised something: she might be the only one who can give me answers.
Sure, other people may know what’s going on, but I can’t ask the cult what they’re doing and I don’t know if I can trust Dad, assuming he wouldn’t just lie to me about it anyway.
But Chorus…she would know. And if she’s so determined to try and reach me, maybe she wouldn’t mind giving me an answer or two.
The Herald of Humanity, huh? Well, I’m human. And with the way things are going, I could really use a herald.
I asked Dad if he had any books on her. He said yes, though he had to collect them from the stronghold, and throughout the last waves of my flu I read up on every bit of Chorus lore I could get my hands on.
First and foremost: the books, if they’re to be believed, do corroborate Father Lucan’s claims about the Church going back hundreds and thousands of years. Though the books aren’t that old, they detail stories of ancient worship in such detail I find it hard to believe it’s made up.
This is a little concerning, but overall not what I was looking for. As for what I was looking for…well, there was plenty on that, as well. It was mostly in story format, as to be expected from information regarding old gods, but I could make sense of it alright.
The Chorus, like Dad and Father Lucan said, was the Herald of Humanity; the guide of our species, said to have helped humanity in its earliest days and weakest moments. They claim that, if she hadn’t been around, we as a species would never have reached the heights we have today.
They say she had once had her own day of power and her own foothold in our world. Once a year, on the ‘Rite of Heart’, she would touch our world, and in those twenty four hours in which she did, she would do everything in her power to progress humanity. She performed miracles.
These miracles include more or less what you’d expect. Gifting us fire. Building the pyramids. Diverting asteroids. The books on the Chorus attribute her with every manner of miracle throughout history.
But, they say, she didn’t just perform widespread miracles. She also made time every year to help people out with the littlest things: a child sleeping through the night, or a pet recovering from illness. That’s what made her ‘true’; she doesn’t just care about humanity as a whole, she cares about the individuals.
However, a long long time ago - a lot of people say the industrial revolution - things changed. Those who had worshipped her in silence spoke up, and others listened.
When her next Rite rolled around, the people were waiting. She tried to help each and every one, for she felt herself unable to turn her back on the kind and the wicked alike. Her only actions against humanity were on those who truly did wrong, a duty which she reportedly seemed to struggle with.
She performed too many miracles over the next few years. Humanity burst forwards at unprecedented speed while at the same time spiralling out of control as the Chorus tried desperately to do right by the species she loved.
Eventually, the other entities had had enough. Alarmed by the chaos and the rate at which humanity was progressing, they sent Chorus away. They took her day of power and sent her back to their realm, only able to glance at the world she once guided.
And there she stayed. Until now, where apparently the Church of the Thirteenth Hour has managed to drag her back into our world. And where they’re now trying to give her a body.
…Is that who that woman was meant to be? Was she meant to house the Chorus?
Stuffing a god inside a person, huh? I don’t know for sure what that would do, but if I were to guess…well, what I witnessed last week wouldn’t be far off what I’d expect. It was brutally horrific, but put with these stories and Chorus saying they ‘made her’, it adds up. It makes sense.
Of course our Herald would need a human body.
Maybe it’s arrogant of me to assume the wishes of a god, but having read all those stories one solid thought keeps coming back to me: if this is all true, there’s no way she’d want it like this.
I don’t want this either.
I think I have to talk to her.
It sounds crazy, all this talk of gods and possession, but I know what I heard. Maybe I’m losing my mind. Or maybe this is all real, and I can do something about it, even if that something is just finding some evidence and calling the police. I mean, I watched a woman die: I can’t just ignore that. I won’t.
Maybe that’s what makes humanity ‘true’. Or maybe I need to go on medication.
Either way, I’m going back to the stronghold of the Thirteenth Hour.
I have a god to find.
--
I’m gonna keep my thoughts on this one for the end.
If I start thinking about it, I’m going to start overthinking about it and might never actually get around to telling the story, so, yeah, I’ll save it for the end. But…there’s a lot to process.
I went back to the cult a few days after I decided to talk to the Chorus. I would’ve gone back sooner, but Dad was worried about if I was still sick so I had to wait.
I didn’t realise how nervous I was until we were on our way and I noticed that unless I focused on stopping it, I was trembling. That noise just kept playing in my mind on loop, and that feeling as my mind touched against that…wholeness. What if I heard it again?
The unsettling part is, I didn’t know if I was scared of it…or excited.
Getting away from Dad was actually harder than I expected it to be. I think he might’ve been feeling protective after my flu and I just could not shake him, not in a way that seemed subtle. Eventually I tried the bathroom excuse and, after I told him I knew where it was, no he didn’t need to show me to it, he let me go off to the bathroom with an agreement to meet back up in the main room later on.
I did go to the bathroom, at least. I figured I’d better actually do that in case he decided to check up on me again, though I headed for the trapdoor immediately after.
Honestly, I was almost worried it would be gone. Which was stupid, by the way, it was absolutely still there, just as dusty as before. At least I’d brought a proper torch this time.
I wasn’t planning to go back into the lab area. The more I thought about it, the more I realised how insanely lucky I was that I didn’t get caught the first time around. So no, I wasn’t going back into those clean white hallways; I was going to the dusty brick corridor where I heard the Chorus’ voice in my mind and I was hoping she could still hear me.
It didn’t take me long to find it. The disturbances in the dust were still visible from last time, and it was a simple enough matter to follow my own steps back to the hall. I looked around the dirty corridor: it really didn’t look like somewhere important things happened.
In the stark silence, I could hear my heart pounding. I took a deep breath, then another as I readied myself to do…whatever I could think to do.
In the end, I just called out, “Chorus…?”
I’d been worrying for days about if I’d imagined things. If the dreams were just that. If I’d come back here and I’d hear nothing. As it turns out, I shouldn’t have worried. She came immediately, presence cascading over my mind like water.
My muse. You came back.
“Uh huh. Um. Yup. I’m -‘’ My voice caught in my throat, and I had to cough a few times as I regained my bearings. When I spoke again, my voice was still shaky, but it was better. “I’m here, Chorus. I wanted to talk.”
So do I. I’m glad you returned.
“I…yeah. Look, first thing’s first -” I wasn’t sure what to ask first, but settled on, “Were you giving me dreams?”
Yes. I was trying to talk to you.
“Why?”
Because you are the Muse.
She kept calling me that. The Muse. Her muse. I knew what the word meant, but besides its link to music and the name ‘Chorus’, I couldn’t even begin to figure it out.
“But why? And - what does that even mean?”
It’s…a long story.
“Shorten it.”
I heard her sigh in my mind. As you wish, my muse.
“Tanya,” I told her. “Enough of the muse thing, my name is Tanya.”
…As you wish, Tanya.
“So what’s this whole muse thing, huh? Tell me.” I paused, then, realising that I was talking to a deity and that being a domineering smartass maybe wasn’t the play. “…Please.”
As you wish, she said again.
On a base level, it’s simple. It means that you’re both genetically and mentally on the same…wavelength, as I am. I could tell as soon as our minds touched. Everything else here feels so different from me, but you feel right. Stable.
“And…what does that mean for you? For me?”
…The same thing. That you could host me without repercussions.
I stilled. A part of me had already known, even before she told me, but I couldn’t stop seeing that woman in my mind, screaming and thrashing as this being tore through her. That was an attempt to host the Chorus. So I -
That wouldn’t happen to you, Chorus interrupted. The others die because this church keeps trying to force me into bodies that can’t hold me. Their ritual means I can’t leave peacefully, and their bodies mean I can’t stay. So my entire being pushes until they die. Until I destroy them. Her voice was bitter. Sorrowful.
I understand why. The Church of the Thirteenth Hour, though unintentionally, has managed to turn the Herald of Humanity into something kind of like a human cheese grater, shredding through the victims without any ability to stop it.
“Like opposing magnets,” I murmured.
That isn’t a bad analogy. Yes, it’s very much like that.
“And so you want to possess me?”
…Yes and no. You’d still be in control, I would simply…be along for the journey.
I sank down the nasty wall, putting my head against my knees. “…Shit…”
You don’t have to be afraid.
“Oh, like hell I don’t. I watched someone pretty much implode in some fucked up attempt to force you into them, and don’t say it wouldn’’t happen to me, Chorus, unless you can tell me exactly how you know that I wouldn’t explode. And - and not to mention that I don’t want to be possessed. I don’t want to be your muse. I just want my life to go back to normal.” I couldn’t stop the waver in my voice at that last part. I hadn’t realised how true it was until it came out of my mouth.
I just want my normal life back.
…Tanya.
“What?”
I’m not going to force it onto you. If you don’t want to host me, you don’t have to do so. I won’t try to compel you or enter your body without your consent.
I don’t know why I was surprised by that, after everything I’d heard about the Chorus being kind and gentle to humanity. I guess I was just…expecting the worst.
“What’s the catch?” I asked softly.
…If I stay here, they’ll keep trying.
“Will they ever succeed? What happens if they do?”
I don’t know. I can’t see the future; that’s not what I am. But they’ll keep trying. Maybe one day they’ll find the right person…or make them. I don’t know how someone becomes ‘emotionally and mentally suitable’ to be a vessel, but I can imagine the things they might try.
Chorus sighed then, and I heard it as though the whole world sighed with her. These people are a dark part of humanity. I don’t want them to be the only thing I see, but if they do somehow succeed, that will be all there is. They will worship me until I’m locked away once again.
“What, and you think I’d be any better?”
I thought about what the cult did to that woman. I thought about the idea of Chorus heralded as their god, then about her wearing me like a dress, then about me being in control but entirely ignored by the world; no longer a person, just a vessel.
I shuddered.
That wouldn’t happen, Chorus insisted. No one would know it was you. You could be far, far away by the time they realised I was no longer with them.
I could. I could run away and never come back. But the issue is the same: Dad. He’d still be here. This cult would still have its hold on him, and this cult would still be bringing all the others closer at god knows what cost.
They’re doing evil here, and I can’t just leave him to be a part of it. I’m not convinced I can leave anyone to be a part of it.
Unravel the Thirteenth Hour. That’s what I said.
…Be careful, Tanya, Chorus murmured. Her voice was like a breeze against my mind. There is more darkness here than you know about.
And in that moment, I knew I had to know.
“Tell me,” I asked. “Please. Tell me everything they’ve done. I need your help, Chorus.”
A pause, then another long, echoing sigh. As you wish.
Chorus told me everything they’d done. She told me about the experimentations, especially the ones to do with her. She told me how they’re starting to consider testing on children, in case the adult mind is the problem. She told me how much the rituals hurt them.
She tells me how they worship her, though she never wanted that. How they presume they know best.
She tells me about the body chute just off the hallway, and how many corpses lie in it.
Their families don’t know. Their friends, those of whom still had friends. They chose the lonely, Chorus told me, so there was no one left to look for them. The others with the Thirteenth Hour, should they ask about the dead, are simply told that they’re away on church business.
Some of them knew what they were signing up for. Most of them didn’t, being told simply that they were needed for a sacred duty. They weren’t even told what it was.
No one knew about the pain.
It hurt her too, Chorus said, being forced through these people like cheese wire. It cut her just as badly as she cut them, but she couldn’t die so easy. Maybe she couldn’t die at all.
And so they used her again and again and again.
It’s all so meticulous it makes me sick.
“Could I get the police involved?” I asked.
Maybe. But you’d need proof. You aren’t the first one to try; you’re just the first one to know about the corpses. The police…they don’t seem eager to investigate this place. And what of your father?
I blanched at that. I’d forgotten how involved he was. Half of the stuff in our basement was probably indictable, but I want to save Dad, not prosecute him.
“…How do we stop this?” I asked. I heard the ‘we’ even as I said it, but what was I gonna do on my own? It was becoming more and more clear that we needed each other.
…Father Lucan. He’s the force behind all of this. I don’t think the rest of the cult could do it without him.
“He’s that powerful?”
Yes. He’s the one with the resources, with the power. The others are simply following him.
“So I have to focus on him.”
Yes.
“How?”
I am unsure for now. But I will help you.
“Could I try and get him arrested?”
Possibly. But it wouldn’t be easy.
I huffed at that. “None of this is going to be easy, Chorus.”
I know. Just be careful.
“Course,” I said, knowing I might well be lying to her. I think she knew it too. “I should start by finding the body pit.”
I can lead you to it, she said. But I will warn you: it is…a grim sight.
“A pit full of bodies? Grim? No way.” I let out a quiet, nervous laugh. “None of this is going to be pleasant, either.”
No, she agreed. Do you still want to do it?
“Yeah. But I’ll need more than just the pit, probably. I’ll need to make sure it’s linked directly to Lucan.”
He has an office, but he is in there right now.
“Then I’ll have to come back later.” I felt a thrill go through me - I had so much information now. It made me feel strong. “Is it safe to look for the bodies?”
I can check. Stand by.
“Standing,” I murmured, though I don’t know if she heard me.
Chorus was back in a minute or two. She didn’t even need to tell me; I felt the weight of her mind against mine as soon as she returned, and I greeted her before she had a chance to speak.
“What’s the situation?”
Very few researchers in the area. Those that are seem preoccupied.
“So it’s safe?”
Yes…yes, I believe so. I will keep a watch just in case, but I believe they’re sufficiently distracted.
“Alright.” I tucked my phone away, reaching for the door. I remembered the code with ease, though Chorus chanted it quietly alongside me. I had to admit; it felt nice, having a partner. Like I could relax, just a little bit.
I cracked open the door and slid through the gap.
Oh, and Tanya? Chorus said. You don’t have to speak aloud. I can hear you either way.
…Oh. Obviously. Thinking about it, she’d already answered my thoughts once before. Is that because I’m the ‘muse’, or just a power of hers?
A bit of both, she answered. It’s stronger with you. Careful, crouch past this door.
I obeyed, staying below the window as I moved past. So tell me, Chorus, I thought to her. What happens if I did become your vessel?
I could feel her prick of interest, like her mind turned towards mine. If you’re asking whether I’d be controlling you, the answer is no. You would still be in control. You would still be the primary inhabitant of the body: it is yours, after all.
I darted past another lit window. So why do you want me at all, then?
To be closer to humanity. As I am now, I’m removed from those I serve. I can only spectate from afar, never close enough to touch or feel or truly be among humans. I miss you all, and I miss the world. That’s all I want. She paused for a second, then. That and removing myself from the Thirteenth Hour–hide! Door on your right.
I ducked into a small unmarked door. A second later, I heard a door open and footsteps move down the hall. My heart raced as I watched the line of light under the door. This one didn’t have a window – it looked like a storage closet.
Hey, can I ask you something?
Chorus made a questioning noise. I took that as a yes.
You seem…pretty up to date on the current vocab. I would’ve thought someone who’d been locked away for millennia would sound…older.
Chorus smiled in a way I felt, rather than saw. It was a sad smile, tinted with longing and loss.
I could still feel you all, she admitted. I couldn’t see you as well, but I could feel you. All of humanity, in little glimpses. Your words, your growth…I could see some of it, but never enough. The smile softened. I’m very proud of what you’ve accomplished.
You probably shouldn’t be, I pointed out. We’re a fucked up bunch.
That’s because you only see yourself through your eyes. I can see all of you, and you’re beautiful. Everything humanity has accomplished; you didn’t need me to help you with it. I never thought you did. That’s another reason why I need you: I think it’s better if I’m not known.
What do you mean? I asked.
I mean that my presence would only serve to hinder. Make no mistake; I intend to help you all. Everything is a little bit of a mess, and if I can protect you from it I will give myself gladly. You’ve all worked so hard all this time, it’s the least I can do. It’s what I would do with my day of power.
Her mind turned to me with a new focus. Her tone softened. That’s all I ask of you, Tanya. One day a year. Every other day, I would be nothing more than a passenger. If you wished, I would not even speak. It would be like I wasn’t even there.
The footsteps passed my door. I let out a small breath. I’m considering it, I admitted.
That’s all I ask, she repeated.
There was a soft ding of an elevator, which was news to me. I didn’t realise this place even had an elevator.
He’s gone, Chorus reported a second later. You can come out.
I’m bisexual.
What?
Nothing, I dismissed. Unless that’s a problem?
Not at all! It just came out of nowhere, that is all.
I rolled my eyes, trying not to smile. I was quickly growing to like the Chorus. I’ll explain it to you later.
I crept quickly down the hall, following Chorus’ directions until I was stood in front of a plain white door, locked with a keycode. Fuck. I should’ve seen that coming. I doubted it was the same as the external door, but—
231518198916.
What?
231518198916, Chorus repeated. That’s the code.
Jesus christ. Can you say that a little slower for me?
She did, and I punched in the numbers, careful not to fuck up in case it set off some kind of alarm. When I was done, the light lit up green and the door cracked open.
How did you even remember— I started to ask, before remembering I was talking to a deity who probably didn’t have limits such as ‘fallible human memory’. Ah, right.
I pushed open the door and gasped.
‘Body chute’ was right. For starters, the smell was appalling. A few years back I’d searched how bodies smelt, so I had some idea of what to expect, but nothing could’ve prepared me for the rancid, sickly smell of dozens of rotting bodies.
They were bagged, at least, so I didn’t have to see them, but the smell gave no question as to what lay in those dark bags placed along the wall.
The smell alone would’ve brought tears to my eyes, even without the sheer number of corpses.
Why don’t they get rid of them? I despaired.
I don’t know. They experiment on them sometimes, so perhaps that’s it, but perhaps it’s simply too much of a risk to let their bodies leave the facility.
They don’t have some kind of furnace?
No, Chorus answered simply. They don’t.
I think I’m going to be sick. I was already retching, but if I threw up, they’d know someone had been in here, so I choked it back.
I fumbled for my phone, taking some pictures and a shitty video of what I was seeing. My hands were shaking so badly the footage turned out pretty much unusable, but in the moment I wasn’t aiming for quality. I just took the video and got the fuck out of there.
Chorus suggested I ‘capture the labs’, the way of which she said it made me think she wasn’t entirely sure how pictures worked, but I wasn’t hearing any of it. I just needed to get out and think. I needed to get the smell out of my mind.
I still haven’t, not entirely, but at least I’m not smelling it anymore.
I’m going to destroy them, I thought, somewhat despairingly. I’m going to ruin everything they have.
…That may be necessary at this point, Chorus admitted. I don’t think they’ll stop, not until Father Lucan is gone and this place with him. He must go, Tanya.
Yeah, I got it, I replied. An angry despair had set into me, and I wanted blood. I’ll destroy them. Unravel them.
Chorus was silent, so I asked, Will you help me?
Of course I will, she said simply. Be careful.
We’re going back soon, to check out Lucan’s office while he’s not there. Hopefully I can find the proof I need to bring him to the police.
It’s awful. It’s all so, so awful that it almost fills me up inside, makes me want to hit someone or something. Makes me want to hit Father Lucan, and again for dragging my dad into all of this.
I don’t know how much I can protect Dad. I hope they’ll realise he’s a victim, but if they don’t…there’s too much at stake for me to hold back. I need to do this, and if he goes down with it…
I’m sorry, Dad.
I hope we’ll be alright.
I have to do this.
One last thing, though: I called the police.
I did it from a public phone, I didn’t say who I was and I didn’t give them much detail. All I said was that I was gathering information on a series of murders, including photographs, and I’d have the information for them soon.
I don’t really know why I did it. I hung up before they could say much to me: I knew they’d just press for details I’m not ready to give. Maybe I just hoped that, if they found the pictures before I was ready, I’d have an excuse up my sleeve.
Maybe I just wanted someone to know.
My only ally right now is Chorus. Even my dad isn’t someone I can trust. I’m so, so alone and it hurts. I miss my normal life and my studies and my false sense of security. I miss all of it.
I just hope, when this is all over, I can find it again.