Back when I was barely an adult, and still seen as a kid by anyone who mattered, I was on the streets - causing as much trouble in the background, as I could. I was looking for my old man, who left us when I was just hitting puberty - which is great timing for a scumbag.
I decided to follow in his footsteps, and try out the game. I knew who in the family to ask, and who needed getting drunk first - we were close, and even closer when it came to spitting poison on the name of my pops, if anyone stupidly dropped his name, or even referenced him.
“Forget about that old has-been,” my aunt told me. “He ain’t no real nothing, or any shit stain worth bleaching on a tired old pair of my fuckin panties.”
I had her pretty drunk, and I’d been practicing - just to keep up with her. She loved to talk, almost as much as she hated her old brother in law.
“You remember Leroy,” my aunt told me. “That old, stupid fuck - blind in one eye? Well, you were young, and he didn’t much come around here - but his nephew, you know.”
It all clicked into place, as my mom’s big sister talked some mad shit about everyone in the neighborhood. I still remember the feeling, on that muggy ass night - smoke swirling around in the still night’s air, as we sat under the moon on a moldy old porch - the feeling of everything making sense, finally.
I was going to get in the game. I knew who to talk to, and what gang to get in with. I had to work my way to the top, and get a meeting with the mother fucker. Would he recognize me with my face all tatted up, and a big scar on my face? What if I had some work done? What then?
This is where the shit got real. I was twenty-four, and running shit in a new city - the right city, if I was gonna get to my old man. I wasn’t actually running shit, as far as the city was concerned, but I was running something - running a scam game against the rival gang, and trying to make it work.
Leaving alone the city, and names of the guys involved - I was with a group of three, rolling up on a big play - and the whole block goes dark; we kind of laugh to ourselves, at the opportune power outage - until my dude behind the wheel gets his head exploded, followed by the loud pop of a high caliber rifle.
We fucking panic and leave the car in the middle of the pitch black street, taking cover in alleyways. Actually, I’m not sure what the others did; I never saw their asses again. What I remember most in that moment, is clutching my piece so tightly, that it went off while I ran for cover.
This neighborhood was an absolute shit hole - one I wanted to get in and then promptly out of, after making the deal. After the shots, I knew the deal was off. It didn’t matter who was shooting. I just had to get out.
A supposed crackhead was passed out on some steps behind an old club, or apartment building. It was dark as fuck. I couldn’t even see his eyes, or know for sure he wasn’t just waiting for me to pass. I pointed the gun at him for just a second - checking for movement.
I turned a corner, and another crackhead - lounging in some trash, like he was just enjoying the night. He looked right at me and smiled. “Candy, sir?” He said, smacking his lips, and presenting a small bag of colored candies.
“Shut the fuck up,” I whispered. “Don’t fucking talk to me…”
He chuckled softly, and I kept him in sight, until quickly turning another corner. I can see some light in the distance - the rest of the city, with power.
Then, it started raining - soft at first - until peaking at a steady pour. I couldn’t hear or see anything. Cool, I thought. No one can see me, either. I’m just a sheet of rain, in the wind. I was getting the fuck out of there.
I made my way towards the light, until I saw it - the thing that stopped me dead in my tracks. A bloody man, crawling towards me - splashing his hands and knees in forming puddles, turning them red.
“What the fuck!?” I horsely demanded, pointing the gun at him.
“Don’t fuck the hoes here, son…” He whimpered. “They’ll bite your whole dick off, and rip your balls out with their teeth… before crunching them.” He vomited, as I tried to shimmy past him.
Up close, I could see a man in a nice suit, bleeding from his crotch. “They’ll chew up your whole package, right in front of you, with a smile…” He passed out after what were probably his last words.
I never went back to that life. I didn’t even care about my dad anymore; as far as I was concerned, that was my dad - even though I’m sure it wasn’t. I’m good on all that shit.