That goddamm mutt. He’ll ruin me I swear. Our daughter Carol-Ann brought ‘im over for my Ethel near bout five year ago. An I hate ‘im. Lord above I hate that mongrel something fierce.
Carol-Ann didnta want ‘im no more. Something bout not being allowed ta have pets in her apartment complex. Sure. I knew she just wanta be rid of ‘im. So she act like he were a present. A damn gift for her ma’s birthday. And I tell you she didnta remember Ethel’s birthday. Not once. Not never.
Oh but Lord how Ethel squealed and carried on over that bastard. Actin like Carol-Ann just done brought ‘er the moon! Well, I tell ya, Carol-Ann ain’t done visited since she left that mutt here. Ethel called ‘im Kennedy. Like tha damn president. Said he was such a handsome lil boy, just like that poor sod what done got ‘is head blowed off. ‘E wasn’t handsome. ‘E was damn near ugly. Ugly as sin. Matted fur an ratty ears an a crooked tail. Crooked like Nixon, I tell ya.
He damn near ruins everythin. Ethel done grew her a tomato garden, an boy they done shooted up high an red an plump. Just like my Ethel. Round as the sun. An that mutt never done touched a single one-a them plants. Left em all alone sure. But my damn lawn. I spent alla my free time cultivatin, shapin it, see? Making it pristine an perfect. And whaddya think that goddamm mutt did? Well ‘e done tore it up near any goddamm chance ‘e got. Diggin holes here an there. You’d think ‘e was tryin ta burrow his way to blessed China. Tearin down sections of fence whenever it damn near pleased ‘im. Leaving turds the size moonpies anywhere he felt like.
An whaddya think ‘appened when I got after ‘im? Oh well, Ethel’d holler and moan like she was dyin. Swattin at me for going after her precious lil boy. Precious my ass! Cursin me up an down like she were tryin ta summon Old Scratch. An boy did Ethel love ‘im more than she ever did me. Making ‘im steaks. You done think she ever made me a steak? Shoot naw. I done got her dry ass meatloaf and lumpy mashed taters. With alla the hard work I do.
Boy do I hate ‘im. He done ruined everythin. I got sick an tired, see? Sick an tired of her lovin that mutt more than she ever did me. So I did somethin bout it. Sure I did.
But that ol boy will ruin me yet. ‘E keeps diggin up alla my hard work. Dredgin things out tha ground what needs to stay there. Good thing Carol-Ann never visits cause she’d damn near faint if she’d see tha dead things he drags up onta tha porch. Instead a buryin bones he keeps on-a draggin em up inta tha light fer everyone ta see.
Well, today done did it. This is tha last time I tell ya. The last damn time Ima bury Ethel’s bones in tha yard. Ima sick of ‘im. Only kept ‘im around ta get rid a tha meat. Well, I tell ya that was a mistake. Cause now ‘e got a taste for it. Keeps on bringin er bones up ta me like ‘es tauntin me, see? Like this shits funny er somethin. Well, Ima have the last laugh. Cause now that all that meats gone Ima bury them bones one more time. And Ima dig me another hole right next to old Ethel. And this time Ima put that bastard mutt inta tha ground. And believe you me, alla them bones is gonna stay there this time.