I cannot fathom what is happening to me right now. I wont be able to even tell if my post, this post, is real or at least, if it ever goes through and others will read it.
It all started when my mother and I moved into a city, near the sea side. I couldn’t walk. My “mother” said it was a birth defect, but I’m starting to not believe that the longer I “exist”.
As I was settling in our new home and school, one of my 2 friends (Which sadly I cannot remember the names of anymore, I don’t even remember their looks or gender, so I’ll be naming them F1 and F2 here), F1 had a chemistry project, and asked me if we could get some specific materials from me. The reason why they asked me is because they knew my mother was working in pharmacy. It wasn’t anything illegal and harmful, but their own supplies ran out and they needed at least a few for their up coming project that was due in a few days.
I figured my mother wouldn’t mind so we went to her work place. Both F1 and F2 came with me as well to help explain. My mother was receptive to the idea and drove us there on the weekend. This was when it all started.
When we arrived, we told me mother what we needed to find so she unlocked and went ahead to find what we asked. It was closed on morning weekends so we had ample time to search.
F2 was just casually looking around. F2 then picked up a bottle from one of the shelves, it was just cough syrup. I moved my wheelchair towards them just to make sure that they wouldn’t just make a mess out of things here, but then my chair got stock on a lose floor tile. But with enough effort I did manage to get over it, but in the process I ran over F2’s foot afterwards, and caught by the sudden pain, dropped the bottle, right over my head. It definitely cracked open on my head first then to the ground, since not only the cough syrup but the liquid dropping down my face and onto my mouth tasted like iron. Some of the glass must have really scratched me there.
My mother immediately came out from the storage area after most likely hearing the shattered glass hit the floor. But what what suddenly caught me off guard was how she looked at me. Panic. Maybe because she saw her own child get hurt, I could understand that. But the panic in her eyes was more intense than what you’d expect. She told my friends to get out, but not me, and they immediately obliged. Leaving me in a silent stand off with my mother.
She quickly came to close me, put her hands on my face and looked straight into my eyes. I didn’t know what she was looking for, but her face that was filled with panic earlier, became one full of terror. But then she closed her eyes, she was suddenly calm.
“It’s okay. Everything’s okay.” she said. But it felt more like she said it to herself, not to me. and started heading back to the storage.
“Mom?” I called her. She didn’t reply.
She came back a min later. Hiding something behind her back. She looked calm. Weirdly calm. And slowly walked behind me. The next second I could remember was a sharp pain at my neck and I lost consciousness
And here’s when things started to get weird.
I awoke the next morning, back at my bed. Did I had a dream? A nightmare? I couldn’t tell at the time. But what really started to not make sense was… my wheelchair wasn’t in my room. Even worse (Or good I guess), I could walk. But. My right arm was broken. Or at least, it wasn’t working.
I went to see my mother, who was usually making breakfast at this time. I asked her if about yesterday and she said we never went to her pharmacy. She looked at me suspiciously, and I told her I had a weird dream and broke some of her stuff. She laughed it off as some nonsense of course.
Maybe it was a dream and that incident never happened? Is what I’d hope to assume sadly.
It was still the weekend. So I went to the local beach by myself. I can at least enjoy having working legs now. As I walked, I saw a figure sitting on a bench, a hat big enough to cover most of the top of his head so that people walking by cant easily tell what he looked like. And a newspaper. I got curious so I leisurely walked closer, then froze.
He looked exactly like my deceased father.
“Go back. Into the storage room.” He said loud enough for me to hear but quietly enough for passers by not to.
My father was a chemist, but he did when I was at least 5. He discovered a new type of virus and made a cure for it immediately, but at the same time he couldn’t cure himself from it. A hero in our time. But I lost him too early too.
I wanted to talk to him. Why did he looked exactly like him? And why did he know about the “Dream” I had?
But for some reason, something inside of me wanted to listen to him. So I called a taxi and told them where to go. But, as I looked back at the bench where he was sitting, and he wasn’t there anymore.
Fast forward, I was able to get the keys from my mother (Without her knowing) and back to the pharmacy and unlocked the storage area. It was a normal typical storage room. Boxes and boxes of medicine and supplies etc. And one laptop, left open at the back.
I opened it. Surprisingly it didn’t have a password. On the desktop was full of word documents. I read the latest one. It seemed like a observation diary.
“Day 263. Still no signs of change. Bad but not good either. Gary (This was my father’s name. Somehow I could still remember it after all that’s happened to me right now, but I couldn’t remember my own’s mothers name) had tested this numerous times and achieved almost 90% good results, yet I haven’t even received a fraction of that, not even bad results!”
“How am I supposed to learn from my mistakes when nothing wrong even happens!”
I’m not sure if the writer is my mother or someone my father knew. But before I could even read more, something crashed on my head, enough force to lose my own balance and started to lose consciousness. But right before I closed my eyes, I saw, my mother was right there behind me.
And then I awoke the “next” morning. Again. In the same… not bed. My bed was bigger this time. At least a few inches wider. My room looked the same though. But instead of my legs or right arm not working. My left eye wasn’t working this time.
I’m now not fully convinced that what is happening to me was a dream. Everything started to get scary now.
I wanted to test something. It was scary, but I had too.
I walked down to the kitchen, my mother was there as usual making breakfast. And I asked her
“Mom. What kind of tests are you doing? Is it something related to what dad did before he died? How you can never lear-“ but before I could complete my sentence, something pierced my skin, like a dart, and I immediately collapsed onto the floor. I was still conscious but my body was numb.
“I’m sorry dear” The way my mother said that sounded cold. Disturbingly cold. “I have to do this now that you know too much.” I saw her in my peripheral picking up a hammer and a really thick nail from one of the cupboards. She didn’t say anything else as I saw her aim the nail on my head, then as she swung down everything went black.
And I woke up again, in my bed, in another morning. But what I lost this time was one leg instead. Not just having a non working leg, but I had stump sticking out. But that didn’t matter anymore. Something was up. And has something to do with what my mother was doing in that pharmacy, or at least what was written in that laptop.
I secretly snuck into my mother’s room to get the key again from the same spot, but this time, it looked different. I decided not to take it and to confirm something else.
“Mom, I think I’m having athlete’s foot. Is it okay we pick up some stuff from the your pharmacy?” And my mother did buy the excuse, but what she said afterword caught me by surprise “Sure, we’ll pick up some. But I don’t work there anymore. I did you forget that when we moved her I got accepted into the local botany lab here?”
And this confirms it. I wasn’t in my own world, I wasn’t dreaming, I wasn’t going back in time or anything like that. I don’t know how I’m doing it or if some higher power is. But I’m jumping universes. A very sci-fi situation.
After the unnecessary powder run. I found myself back in bed trying to figure things out. As I was starting to doze off the sky started to turn an eerie red. I looked out of my window and saw a figure walking towards my house. It was the same man I met at the beach. But something was different. He was flickering in and out of existence. Then in the next moment he was next to me in my room.
“Keep going.” He said. His voice clear, even more clear. He really sounded like my father. “Keep fighting it” And as quick as he appeared, he left. And the sky returned blue again.
Something was happening. I don’t know what that thing is. But I’m sure my mother is behind it. And I have to find out.
Fast forward, I have yet to find any proper clues. Because every time when it seems that I get too close, my mother, or even someone else, “Kills” me and I “repeat” the cycle again. I tried just ignoring it, but now I realized, my mother does want me “dead”. After a year she kills me regardless, with no explanation. Its just that getting close to the truth speeds up the process. I’ve asked for help, only for myself to be found out immediately after. I haven’t seen my “Father” since that last encounter now. Maybe he’s given up on me, or maybe I am getting close, close enough that he doesn’t think I need any guidance anymore.
And this is where my post ends. I post this here in hoping someone could answer my dilemma, if not for myself but for others who are maybe trapped in their own cage too. Or even just share my plight with you. Maybe this world isn’t real either and I’ve been wasting my time sharing this. But I don’t care. I’ve lost track on how many “Deaths” I’ve experienced now. I don’t remember what my friends looked like, what my other relative looks like, or even what my mother’s name is. I only remember who was my father.
Maybe I’m in hell and this is my punishment? Or maybe I’m someone’s lab rat, maybe my mother’s lab rat? Or maybe I’m in an eternal coma, never to wake up?
Just know, there is someone out there struggling. Saying “Fuck you.” to whoever is playing with their lives. I will not give up. Or maybe I already have after writing this… but this current me who’s writing this post will never know.