A few years ago I decided to fulfill an item on my bucket list, Osceola Turkey hunting in Florida. It was the middle of March, halfway through the Spring season. I bought my license and booked my accommodation to get this show on the road.
Upon arrival I was given a list of do’s, don’ts and general guidelines on the codes of conduct with the hunting ranch. This wasn’t a true wilderness experience as one would find in a National Park on Public Grounds. There were extensive regulations to ensure the safety of fellow hunters and prevent poaching of wildlife. I had one tag because that’s all I could afford, so I didn’t want to waste it on the first bird I saw.
My first two days were spent hiking about and getting a lay of the land. Looking for identifiers which would indicate the presence of Turkeys in the area. It wasn’t a hard task, it was obvious that there was a crop of turkeys nearby. I just needed to spot the bird I wanted to tag. I hiked and observed many flocks and on day two I found my bird. He was perched in a tree and seemed to be a loner which was particularly weird. I didn’t have my shotgun on me, so my goal was just to patiently observe his movements. He hung around for most of the day and I was certain I’d find him again. I made my way back to the lodge to prep for my hunt the next day.
I woke up early the following day, well before daybreak. I snacked on a dry granola bar and sipped up my coffee before heading out the door with my shotgun, callers and gear. I made my way to the spot I’d discovered the day before and hunkered down observing the area. I had some time before day break so I hunkered down and observed the area before I pulled out my diaphragm caller. I gave a few amateur calls without as much as a response. Weird. If you’ve ever hunted wild turkey before, you’d second the notion that you need extreme patience and perseverance if you want to claim your tag. I gave a few more calls, leaving some gaps of time in between. My calls were crap, plain and simple. I abandoned the diaphragm and settled for my friction turkey caller. The striker made a much better call.
After about five minutes of striking the friction plate and not hearing any response, I was getting ready to move a bit deeper to see if he hadn’t perched up another tree. If I’d found him, I wouldn’t be able to take the shot any way, because one of the rules was to take the bird down in daylight hours. I wanted to be ready though. Before I could get my gear together, I heard heavy panting from the the trees behind me. “Odd” I thought, I wasn’t aware of any predatory species on this part of the ranch. It got louder, obviously meaning it was getting closer. I strained my eyes to see into the darkness, which was starting to lift as dawn was breaking. I smelt it before I saw it. The smell of death and rot was more than any sane human could bear without hurling their guts onto the floor. But what broke out into the clearing horrified me. It looked like a cross between and Iguana and Alligator. It was horrific. “Can’t be!” I murmured. I knew that Iguanas aren’t native to Florida, but it was obviously not an Iguana. It was reptilian for sure though. It broke through the clearing and must have caught my scent as it was downwind from my position. It stood on it’s hind legs like one would expect of a bear and was sniffing the air. It made me quicker than any animal has ever made me before. I expected it to flee, but no. It made a B-line straight for my position. I screamed in abject terror and broke out of my hiding spot. I shot two slugs at the thing, it’s hard scales seemed to protect it because the thing started rushing me quicker than when it had started. I was ironically now prey to something I’d never seen before.
The creature snarled and hissed as it charged after me. I ran as fast as my clumsy legs could take me, getting whacked in the face by wiry branches of trees. As I ran, I passed a few dead turkeys. Had this thing eaten my bird? How ironic, I thought again. As I passed the things “den” (I assumed it was it’s den based on the number of dead birds) the creature seemed to have given up on it’s pursuit of me. I didn’t stop until I made it back to the lodge. I hurriedly reported the events that had unfolded to the guides and was met with incredulous laughter. “I think you need to lay of dem beers boi!” The one yelled at me as he howled with laughter through his rotting teeth. I should have kept my mouth shut. Of course nobody would believe me. I’ve never forgotten that day, that thing still haunts my dreams.