I was sat in a small, dimly lit room by one of the elder monks. I was waiting for about 10 minutes, then a young, bald monk wearing brown robes with an upside down cross entered. He sat directly across from me.
“Hello there, I’m Ash,, how are you?”
“I am well thank you. My name is brother Michael”
“Nice to meet you Michael, my brother’s name is Michael too”
He was not amused at my attempt at humour
“So Michael, you’re aware of why I’m here correct?”
“Yes, so you came here to interview a junior monk. I was chosen by brother Matthew to be the junior monk you interviewed”
“That is correct”
“Is this your first interview”
“Yes”
“First time for everything I guess”
“Yes”
“How old are you now, Michael?”
“I am 24 years of age as of last week”
“Oh my God, me too”
He looked offended
“Please do not use God’s name in vain”
“Apologies”
“You are forgiven”
“So, what do you do here on a daily basis as a junior monk”
“Praying, reading and eating breakfast, dinner and supper which is cooked by the elders”
“What do you eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner?”
“I eat meat”
“Just meat? What kind of meat”
“I do not know what meat it is”
“Is it good”
“Yes. It tastes good”
“The elders, what are they like?”
“They are very kind”
“And do they treat junior monks such as yourself good?”
“Yes. They treat us as if we were their own sons”
“That’s good. So I’ve heard a rumor that junior monks in this monastery have never seen a woman before, is that true?”
“Yes, that is correct”
“Don’t you have a mother?”
“Yes, but she passed before I was born. I hope to see her in heaven when, I, too, pass”
“I’m sorry”
“Why do you apologise?”
“It’s just a thing us outsiders too. So why is it junior monks such as yourself have never seen a woman before”
“We are not allowed leave the monastery and women are not allowed enter the monastery”
“You’re not shocked at all to see me?”
“I do not understand. Why would I be?”
“I’m a woman, silly”
“That’s a lie. The elders don’t allow women on the premises. Besides, you don’t even have tits”
“Boobs come in all different shapes and sizes. Some big, some small”
“Why are you here? Why did they let you in?”
“Can I tell you a secret brother Michael?”
“What is it?”
“I pretended to be a man to get in here”
“Why?”
“To get you out of here, Michael. You’re my twin brother, you were stolen from your buggy from these psychos as a baby. I’ve come to take you home”
“That’s a lie”
“I know how it sounds but you have to believe me”
“Why would I believe you?”
“Good question. Hmm, have you ever wondered why the elders don’t tell you what they feed you”
“No, why?”
“It’s because they feed you women”
“I’m getting out of here”
“Michael, listen to me”
He got up from his seat and went to the door but it was locked
“BROTHER MATTHEW, BROTHER SEBASTIAN, THERE’S A WOMAN HERE”
I got up and pulled Michael away and covered his mouth
“Shhhhh. If they figure out I’m a woman they’ll kill me”
I could start to hear footsteps coming down the hallway towards the room Michael and I were in
“When he opens the door, we run. Got it”
He nodded his head.
As I heard the door open, I took hold of Michael’s hand and I prepared to run.
The door opened and I ran but was pulled back by Michael.
“Well done brother Stephen, you did good”
“Brother, Stephen?”
“Yes you fool” said Michael. “She’ll make for a good supper tonight brother Matthew”
Michael left the room licking his lips
“Did you think we were that stupid to believe you were a man” I’m Ash from The Sun newspaper and I’d like to interview one of your junior monks”. Pfft, clear bullshit. Brother Stephen did good with keeping you here long enough for the pot to be boiled. I can’t wait fo see what you taste like”
“You asshole”
I tried to run again but was pushed to the ground by brother Matthew and dragged across the ground to a kitchen where an elderly monk stood stirring in a pot. When he turned around and noticed me, he quickly picked up a knife from the counter”
“Put down the knife brother Markus,!I want this one cooked alive”
“They taste better slaughtered, brother Matthew” said brother Mark
“Brother Marcus, brother Sebastian put me in charge while he was away remember. Do as I say”
“Apologies brother Matthew. The pot is at a good boiling temperature now. Place her in it when you’re ready”
Brother Matthew picked me up and brought me over to the large pot, filled with the limbs and heads of women
“STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP. YOU FOOLS,PUT ME DOWN” I said deepening my voice
“Why does she sound like a man” asked brother Marcus
“Because I am you idiots”
“Why did you act as a woman then?” asked brother Marcus
“I’m a journalist, I’m writing an article on this place. I wanted to see if the stories were true”
“Hmm, but now you’ve seen too much”
“Shall we kill him, brother Matthew”
“No brother Markus, it’s against the commandments to kill another man, remember”
“Aye, but he has seen too much”
“I know he has. Hmmm, Brother Ash..”
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