Like a lot of single gay men in their 30s, I have spent a lot of time on “dating” apps. I say “dating” because frankly, I’ve used most of them for hookups. I did all the big ones of course, Grindr, Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, and even more confidential ones. They worked ok. I knew I wasn’t gonna be everyone’s cup of tea, that with me being black, flabby and a bottom. But a couple of weeks ago, I had a really weird experience ‘cause of one.
We were making out with my sex friend on his couch when the characteristic note of a Grindr notification rang. He tensed:
“You’re still on those fucking apps?! I thought you had stopped that shit! You don’t need them, I can fuck you better than these twinks.” He roared, red faced, expression distorted by anger.
“Huh, I mean, you’re good don’t get me wrong but…”
“But nothing. Stop using those apps, I’m your man now, you don’t need that shit.”
I pushed him away, now I was pissed too:
“What the fuck are you talking about? You’re not “my” anything. We’re sex friends. I’ve always been very clear that I’m not interested in a monogamous relationship. The only thing I agreed to is giving you my full attention while we fuck and hang out, and that’s it.”
“I treat you well and fuck you good, what more do you want? You think these guys are going to give you what I give you?!You’re just a slut who doesn’t know what’s good for her…”
“Fuck you! What you give me I can get from a dildo and friends, and unlike you I have both!”
After that I stormed out of his house, seething.
This is exactly why I usually don’t do sex friends. One night stands are fine, but a lot of people don’t understand that it’s possible to want mutual respect without wanting to play house. And I’ve unfortunately had a lot of experience with guys using no strings attached as a shorthand for abusive, or doing what my sex “friend” had just done… I feel like I’ve tried explaining aromantism a thousand times at this point…
After a night of Netflix binge-watching with my phone off to clear my head, I was expecting an onslaught of messages and angry calls from my soon to be ex sex friend the next day. That wouldn’t have been the first time, sadly. But instead, he had actually sent a single, although quite long, text. I thought about deleting it and blocking his ass, but didn’t. I was too curious about what the message said.
It started as a typical apology for his earlier behavior: Rambling about how sorry he was and how he’d had a bad day blah blah blah… As if I hadn’t heard that before. Except this time, it ended with a link to a dating app he was on and thought I’d like.
“Fucking hypocrite” I thought. Berating me for hooking up while he himself was doing the same thing and hadn’t even been upfront about it. I’d always thought he had a bit of an ego, but damn… Still, I checked the app out of curiosity.
It was called “Riding wood”. The pun made me cringe, but not as much as the whole “Little red riding hood” imagery. The logo for the app was even a stylized forest with a red triangle I assumed was meant to represent the girl from the story.
“The fuck is this?” I texted him.
“An olive branch. It’s an app made only for one night stands. You meet the person once and you never *ever* see them again.”
I was intrigued, it did seem like a good idea after that clusterfuck… I downloaded the app. To my surprise, it asked me very little personal information and was adamant that it didn’t track its users or store their personal info. That was nice, if a little much for a hookup app.
The profile creation page was… Frankly cryptic. It first asked me to choose between three icons, one of a little girl in a red hood, one of a wolf and one of a little girl with a wolf face and ears peaking out of her hood.
“What are these?” I asked my sex friend.
“Just the app’s equivalent of bottom, top and verse. Red = Bottom, Wolf =Top, Red Wolf= Verse.”
“So you’re a wolf?”
“Obviously.”
I rolled my eyes, of course that guy would see himself as a big bad wolf. He kept going on rants about how important masculinity was, and how he liked men who looked like men… Really the only good thing about him was his dick game…
I chose the riding hood icon, then another screen appeared with a long list of emoticons. This one I didn’t need someone else to figure out, it was obviously a list of kinks: There were ropes, knives, gun, masks, fire, water… I didn’t consider myself the most kinky individual but I did enjoy being tied up and could consider knife play in the right context… So I picked the rope and knife then went to the next screen.
Here however, the list of questions was extensive: Size, weight, race, gender, sexual orientation… The usual for hookup apps, but then some questions were really specific like: “Political belief?” Or “Worst fear?” a little surprising for an app where you were only supposed to meet the other person once. And then there were a couple of questions that were just plain bizarre: “Childhood trauma?” “Relationship with your parents?”. “Perfect last meal?”
I left those blank.
Once I had uploaded a couple of photos, and got swiping I was back into familiar territory: Lots of neck down photos of dudes, sometimes shirtless sometimes not. I was surprised to see quite a few women and androgynous people (non-binary maybe?), until I changed my settings to only show men.
The sadly common “no fat no fem no Asian” bullshit was still present, but some other things were quite unusual.
For one: very few men were talking about the size of their dicks, and despite being in a pretty urban environment, there was an insane amount of occasional hunters on there. It got a little nauseating, seeing pictures after pictures of men posing with their guns, proudly displaying dead carcasses of deers hoisted up on their knees. Some skinning pics were really graphic, the focus sometimes entirely on their bloody hands and knives. There were also a lot of bios with somewhat morbid jokes like “Let’s make a killing. ;)” or “I have a bod to die for.”
“What is this, a dating app for rednecks?” I thought while swiping left for what felt like the hundredth time.
Now some profiles were better than others. But even the most tame photos tended to have knives in them.
“That’s what I get for ticking knife play…” I sighed.
The first profile that caught my eye was that of a guy who called himself “Butcher”. Not my usual type, but he was hairy and had arms the size of my head and what can I say, I like my bears. Also, his plastic apron and the tiled background hinted at him being an actual butcher, which I found less weird than all these guys hunting for sports. Not to mention his bio. “I like them loud.” Yeah, hot, me likey.
We matched, and the second we did I got a message:
“Aren’t you a naughty little piggy. Imma make you squeal, slit that chubby throat of yours and make you watch as you bleed out.”
What the fuck?! I had gotten death threats online before but that was a whole other level of messed up!
I tried reporting the profile, but only found a blocking feature. Great, no moderation, this really was a shitty app.
I was about to uninstall it, when the next profile popped up. A youngish sinuous light skinned man, who had filmed himself cooking… And it was nice. Like, really graceful. He had beautiful hands, the way he cut the food showed a certain level of mastery with a knife… I found the tying up of the meat a bit corny, but the context made it ok. I tried my luck.
The first message I got was drastically different from “Butcher’s”.
“Hey, you can call me Nel, nice to meet you.”
After a quick intro I asked some basic questions.
“So, you’re a cook?”
“Nah, it’s more of a hobby. I make a mean chocolate cake though. But it doesn’t really fit the vibe.”
“I must say your profile is a nice change from the dead deers.”
“Yeah, well not everyone is very subtle at showcasing their skills with a knife. I made myself a Red account a while back to see what it’s like and yeah, it was appalling…”
After that our conversation hit the road and we ended up deciding on a date.
He picked me up at a café not too far from my place. I didn’t really know what he looked liked above the neck, only that he drove a dark green van and was planning on wearing a black sweater.
He arrived right on time. His tall lithe body exiting the van gracefully. The natural confidence in his stance and his crooked smile walking the line between sweet and corny.
“Hey.”
“Hi handsome.” I smiled.
“You’re quite a looker yourself.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
He laughed easily.
“I know a spot.”
“Sure.” With that face, body and smile, I was ready to go anywhere.
As it happened he did know a very nice spot. A secluded little clearing in the woods, great to see the stars.
We got out of the van with a couple of beers, enjoying the quiet and fresh air.
“And here I thought we’d just end up in a deserted parking lot. This is way nicer.”
“Right? And convenient too. I found it on another one of these. Dumped the guy somewhere in the woods once I was done with him.”
“You left him all alone out there!?” Nel shrugged:
“He asked me to. Something about liking nature and not wanting his family to find him…”
“Damn. Please don’t do that with me.”
“Don’t worry about it, I’m usually way more cautious.”
The woods were quiet apart from a few nocturnal birds, and the full moon illuminated Nel’s face. We talked for a little longer, he didn’t seem in any hurry to get to the fun part, but didn’t seem to want to avoid it entirely either. I assumed he was letting me set the pace.
“Come closer.” I asked. And as he leaned toward me, I closed the distance between us and kissed him. His body immediately turned to stone under my touch.
“Oh, sorry. I thought…”
“Huh… I mean… I don’t mind?” He replied, sounding stunned.
“If you don’t want to kiss it’s ok.”
“No, no, this is fine, just… Unusual is all.”
I knew there were people who didn’t like to kiss one night stands, but I had no idea it was so common.
We made out for a bit, and it heated up. It was funny to see Nel, who had been so confident up until that point fumble a bit. But we both seemed to be enjoying ourselves so I didn’t pay it too much mind.
“Is that a knife in your pocket?” I asked while rolling my hips.
“Well, no… That is though.” He said, pulling out a really nice Opinel. It glinted in the moonlight and he held it gracefully but firmly. I laughed.
“Figures… So do we do this outside or?”
“Inside, you never know who’s watching.”
“Paranoid much?” He laughed, a little shocked:
“You’re not the one who’ll get arrested if the police shows up.”
“Buddy, if the police shows up, we’re both getting shot.” More shocked laughter:
“Dark, but true.”
I followed him, as he opened the back doors of his van with flourish, knife still in hand… And was suddenly overcome with a strong feeling of unease.
The interior of the van was entirely covered in plastic sheets. The thick and long piece of rope lying on the floor was nothing like the lovingly smoothed, dyed and well maintained ropes of rope artists. It looked corse and rough, more practical than titillating. And there were so many knives. Some beautiful Japanese cooking knives like the one Nel had used in his video, some curved things I could guess would offer a wide range of sensations, long dented blades that made me shiver at the thought of them cutting through my body… And a massive meat cleaver. This wasn’t meant to draw careful lines or scrape skin softly, there was only one thing you could do with a blade that size and a handle that big.
My throat tightened in anxiety and I looked at Nel, waiting for an explanation as to what was happening here. But he didn’t seem fazed. He was still completely relaxed, playing with his opinel. No change in demeanor whatsoever.
Maybe that was just part of the scene he had imagined? We’d talked about knives after all, and how I wasn’t completely against playing with them as long as it was hygienic.
“The plastic sheets are a bit much…” I admitted.
“You’re not wrong. But it’s more practical that way.”
“You have a lot of knives…” I added.
“I thought you didn’t mind a bit of pain but, if you prefer I got some pills. I also know how to make it quick. I can enjoy myself once you’re done.”
I still wasn’t sure. The woods seemed quieter now, the darkness more oppressive. The fact that this man was a stranger more evident. Weirder. He stopped playing with his opinel:
“We can also stop here.” He offered: “No pressure. I leave you at the café, and we’re goody.”
“Really?”
“Of course. You wouldn’t be the first.”
I let out a sigh. There was nothing to be afraid of, I was just overthinking the whole thing. If Nel had wanted to hurt me, he could have drugged my beer, or shoved me in the back of his van way earlier than that. I had fucked in weirder places and with weirder people. That guy just had a flair for the dramatic with his cooking video, clearing under the stars and van full of knives.
Reassured, I put one foot up in the van, Nel’s hand a pleasant warmth on my lower back… When I saw the black sport bag in the corner and suddenly remembered:
“Hey, do you have condoms in there? ‘Cause if not I need to grab mine in the front seat.”
Nel froze. He looked at me, his eyes searching. Then his brow furrowed:
“Condoms? Why would we need them?”
“‘Cause, I don’t do bareback?”
“… Are you worried about STIs?”
“Well yeah, obviously. Aren’t you?”
The hand on my back closed on my sweater in a tight fist and yanked me out of the van, almost sending me tumbling on the ground. Nel’s calm attitude had vanished, and so had his knife, his eyes were very wide and he looked a little frantic.
“What do you think is going on here exactly?”
“Huh, a hookup, I don’t… What do you think is going on?”
“Ok, but like, what do you mean by a hookup? Like… Sex?”
“Yeah, obviously sex.”
“Oh…” An expression I couldn’t decipher flashed across his face: “How… How did you find this app?”
“My sex friend recommended it to me.”
“He uses it?”
“Yeah, he’s a wolf.” Nel’s mood turned sour.
“Oh for fuck’s sake. I imagine you got into a fight recently?”
“Huh, yeah?”
“Goddamnit. I’m gonna have to call management…”
“So this isn’t a hookup app?”
“No… Not really, or at least not the kind you’re thinking of… It’s more about…” It was very obvious Nel was choosing his words carefully: “Like-minded people who meet to hurt each other. And it’s very important that everyone knows what they’re getting into… Especially Reds.”
Oh, of course, I should have expected it to be more kink oriented than sex oriented. That explained all the secrecy.
“Sorry I didn’t realize…”
“It’s fine, don’t worry, you couldn’t have known. I’ll drive you home.” Nel interrupted. His attitude was drastically different now: Careful, guarded.
As he got into the driver’s seat I couldn’t help but ask:
“So no sex then?” Nel blinked at me, obviously taken aback, then laughed, tension bleeding out of him.
“You really have a one track mind.”
He seemed to ponder for a bit then shrugged. His ridiculously charming smile was back: “You know what, sure.”
The rest of the evening was great, if a little more clumsy than I was used to. It was obvious Nel was more used to pleasing people by hurting them than by having sex. Still I think we both had a really good time. On the way back to my place though, Nel seemed pensive:
“Sorry I wasn’t the sub you thought I’d be.” I said in and attempt to lighten the mood. He waved his hand, smiling:
“Don’t worry. That was fun too.” But as he approached my home his expression turned more serious: “You should probably do something about your so called sex friend though. Make sure he doesn’t try that shit again.”
“Come on, it wasn’t that bad, tonight was fun.”
“I’m serious. I used to have a Red Wolf friend. The majority of the Wolves on this app are real dickheads. Like I know I’m not perfect but at least I respect other people’s consent…”
“Yeah, ok, I mean… You’re not wrong, most profiles really sucked. I’ll uninstall the app as soon as I get home.”
“Oh, no need. For Reds it uninstalls automatically as soon as you’ve met a Wolf.”
“Really? Weird.”
“Yeah, well, most Reds only use it once anyway.”
I was about to ask him what he meant but he had already rolled up his window and disappeared into the night.
I’ve been thinking about Riding Wood a lot since then.
I’ve tried finding the app again, but it’s not on the App Store or accessible from any website. Even the link my ex sex friend sent me is dead. I’m torn between sending that asshole a strongly worded text or just blocking him on everything.
I also have the feeling I dodged a bullet here, but I can’t really put my finger on why…