If you haven’t read the last chapter (Part 2) you can find it here: https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/wrrlbq/i_know_im_not_crazy_but_i_wish_i_was_part_2/
*I was quite hesitant to write this chapter, there are many things that are painful and I feel like I’m pouring my soul to strangers, but this is my weird way of preventing someone from getting where I got.*
Chapter III
Through the small rear window I could see the clouds, as giant and fluffy as one would like; it came to mind: “What a great day to cross the sky”. In the front seats were Alex and Paul.
-Put that book down! We did not invite you to this trip to see you bury your face in those books.- Alex exclaimed ironically. However, he was right, I was so deep in my thoughts and motivated by my search that I forgot to enjoy my company.
-HA!…Leave him alone! You know how he is, he doesn’t know how anything more than devouring those books as fast as humanly possible. - Paul said with a sarcastic note, I knew that he wanted me to stop and live in the moment.
-Yeah… sorry… sorry…-I proceeded to put my book in my bag, with the firm intention of starting a conversation, I took the book with my right hand, and with my left hand I opened a small window in my bag, I introduced the book, and for an instant I could swear that in front of me was a dark hand, emerging through that small opening, similar to a piece of coal, a shade darker than the night, an irregular and rough surface, making a movement as if his intention was to take my hand; and just as fast as I could conceive what was happening in front of my eyes it disappeared, in a blink my bag was closed; As if nothing had happened.
-Everything alright? Do you plan to stay quiet for the entire trip? - Pablo said, from the co-pilot seat, slightly turning his head to the left to be able to observe me. I assumed, because his dark glasses did not allow me to pin-point his eyes.
At that very moment, I understood that it was happening again; an absolute overwhelming silence overcame the small plane, a deafening silence. Dark light leaked through the small windows of the vehicle; caressing with its blinding nature every object in its proximity, making it impossible to see those clouds that it now missed. Paul’s face… if it could still be called a “face” seemed to melt, as if his skin rejected the bones, it looked like the skin was trying to detach itself from his face… to such an extent that it peeled off in large pieces, revealing a face, familiar…unfortunately. Where his eyes should be located I found nothing but his absence, like a pair of black holes sucking out all light around him.
I could barely recognize his face anymore, and if it wasn’t scary enough, his mouth… the position of his mouth… it was open so wide that it disproportionate the normal structure of the skull, at an angle that no living being could articulate, I felt the most intense chills I have ever experienced, in that moment I experienced true and overwhelming despair.
I always thought that the first time I’d feel those “butterflies in my stomach” would be during a beautiful moment in my life, but to my surprise I experienced them for the first time when I felt the plane falling freely towards the ground. The black light dimmed, and the first thing I could see through my window was a large “lake”, which rather than containing water, was filled by a black liquid, like ink and strangely enough I felt like it was pulling us towards it. Upon impact, each of the windows burst letting in black ooze in with terrifying power. Before I could react, the very reduced space of the plane was already full; I couldn’t see anything…only…darkness.
*I can’t help but shudder when writing the following, because living it was torture, a torture that I experienced for what seemed like an eternity in an instant, and absolute loneliness took over me… at an extremely vulnerable moment.*
I felt a presence so close to me, that I could almost feel its skin rest on my face and the icy essence of its breath finding its way to my ear, causing my heart to pound to such an intensity that it aroused a pain in my chest. A deep yet subtle voice ironically whispered freakishly loud the next: “uttaramīmāṁsā maanavata”… to the sound of what seemed like a dozen voices coordinated one after another. Another anticlimactic noise was taking place, vibrating like an old telephone, its volume increasing by the second, until it became almost unbearable, so uncomfortable that it soon became an urgency to stop it.
My hand found the correct button by hitting it hard, I managed to silence the alarm clock to interrupt my sleep. With tears in my eyes, my hands still shaking, my body petrified, and my mind on the verge of breaking down and going insane, I knew what I had to do. I immediately grabbed my journal, which rested on the night table next to the alarm clock, and tried to concentrate in order to remember and write everything down.
It was a Friday, like any other, 6:30 AM and once again I had forgotten to turn off the alarm, my habits still etched into my body like a chisel carving into rock, after all it was only the first few days of my designated sabbatical. My whole family slept, it was the perfect time to try to squeeze every last drop of my still fresh memory. There were times when I felt my will bend, negative thoughts flooded my mind…” Why me? There are 7 billion people in the world; Why is this happening to me? Maybe madness has finally taken over me and I’m just looking for a justification; no one in their right mind would consent to such dark and elaborate thoughts, it could well be all a product of my illness. Is this life really worth living?
Anyways, according to myself there were only a couple alternatives, to continue consenting to my suggested madness, and put an end to my existence, or to believe that everything that has happened represents something much bigger than me. It’s kind of obvious which path I decided to follow, I suppose I convinced myself that if I reached the end of all this it would mean that I did not lose my sanity and I am not sick; even in this miserable life, full of torture and uncertainty, I took comfort in knowing that there was a remote possibility that my efforts would not be directed towards a brick wall.
*I can now see in hindsight how my depression contaminated my thoughts*
“Uttaramīmāṁsā maanavata.” Just being able to write that seemed really difficult to me, it was necessary to consult a dozen books from my collection, in order to make sure I wrote the words correctly; with each dream it became clearer to me, the messages were written in different languages, for this reason my research was once again extremely useful. Understanding Hindu and Sanskrit individually, with their rules and abstractions requires a lot of work, furthermore correctly translating a mixture of both seemed like a titanic effort, but at least not in vain.
The word “uttara” means “last part”, meaning the last part or portion according to the ancient Vedas. The word “mīmāṁsā” seems to be a verb, it means “close to” or “close to”. At this juncture the first word acts as a description of the verb and for this reason they are written together. “Uttaramīmāṁsā” can be interpreted as the “ the last part is approaching”…somewhat disconcerting.
More doubts arose instead of being resolved, I didn’t want to be distracted by letting my mind overthink, so I focused on the next task. “Maanavata” seemed quite familiar, I navigated through through the pages of my logbook, quickly my gaze ran over each line in desperation. My intuition did not fail this time, I found what I was looking for in the “Hindi” section; “Maanav” literally translates as “human”, but it was incomplete. I was able to remember, according to the configuration of the Sanskrit design and its words, the suffix “-ata” connotes a guild, an ensemble, that is to say a collective so… Humanity? Once again I was worried that my paranoia would poison my objective analysis and build aberrant interpretations… but I couldn’t think of another interpretation:
«The end of humanity is near»
This time there was no satisfaction, I did not feel that I achieved something here. To be totally honest, I was trying to process everything that was involved. My mind was in debate, am I losing my mind? Perhaps consenting to this absurdity worsened my illness or could it be that the deep fear of contemplating this reality aroused in me prevented me from believing it and naturally looking for a less horrifying alternative. Again I chose to believe that I am not insane, I would rather cease to exist than live mentally sick. It was then that the conceptual seed that I planted years ago sprouted; whoever or whatever it is behind all of this, wants to torture me and make me suffer.
I have always considered myself a rather skeptical person, however I could not help thinking about it, are entities, beings, or higher figures, in other existential planes real?. Perhaps it’s possible the existence of an entity that rules all that we know, could it be that there is such a thing as god?
God… If it is real why does it allow this to happen to me?… or rather, would it be willing to stop this evil, but can’t? then why consider it almighty? Perhaps it has that capacity but does not desire to stop it, is he a malevolent being? He definitely does not have the disposition and desire, because evil surrounds us every day. Maybe he doesn’t have the disposition, nor the desire, so… why call him god anyways? Every existential crisis I endure takes with it a small piece of my declining will to exist.
- Son! Are you okay? .- My mother said, as she gently knocked on the door of my room.
I looked at the clock; it was 11:30 AM, I completely lost track of time. I was still quite shocked by everything that had happened, but I didn’t mean for my mother to see me like that.
-Uhm yes! Everything’s fine, I’m just waking up. - I said, trying to make my voice sound as sleepy as possible.
-That’s good! It seemed strange to me that you weren’t up, did you have another “bad night”? .- My mother asked, making it seem that she was afraid of the answer.
“No mom, I just forgot to take my medicine on time so I took it at midnight.” It was the only lie that came to mind, I think it was pretty convincing. One of the expected side effects of the medication is drowsiness.
- Oh son! You can’t be so careless, you know what can happen. - My mother could sometimes be very insistent, and totally ignore my discomfort.
“Yes mother…” I nodded as if she could see me through the door, hoping that would make her leave me alone.
“Don’t forget we’re going to eat at your favorite place later.” I could hear her voice gradually drifting away from the door.
Being so immersed in my ideas I had completely forgotten “the plan”, I still had time to collect my composure. If my calculations are correct, I still have a couple of hours to make sure everything goes in my favor. I proceeded to take a bath, although the hot water had a comforting effect, every time I closed my eyes I could see it, as if he permanently occupied a space in my mind, its face was enough to cause chills.
Foam trickled down my shoulders while I washed my hair, when I opened my eyes I told myself: I have to be dreaming! my body was totally dyed in a dark ooze, my heart was contracting so fast and so hard, my breathing became broken. I closed my eyes and covered them with my hands; “This can not be happening!”. And indeed, it was not happening, because as soon as I opened my eyes once again everything seemed totally normal.
As I got dressed I tried to focus on what I had planned; it was almost time to go. The time has come to put the plan into action.
-Mom! HEY! Can you hear me? .- Shout from the first floor of the house.
“Yes son, what do you need?” My mother asked from a distance.
-I’m going to go ahead, I’ll go to the restaurant at once so we don’t lose the reservation.- I knew that my mother would take time to be ready, and I took advantage of the occasion to go separately and alone.
-Okay, be careful.-
I got in the car while I was psyching myself up for the next step, I made my way to the restaurant. Upon arrival, I went to sit at the designated table, and despite it being a simple plan I was a little tense, so I ordered a beer while the rest of my family arrived.
-Hello son, excuse our tardiness… you know your mother.- My father said in a mocking tone with the intention of lightening my wait with a joke.
-“Ha-ha” Very funny Jerry. Anyway, we’re here ready to celebrate your graduation.- While turning his eyes in disagreement. Diverting the subject, while taking a chair to sit down.
We had not had the opportunity to celebrate my recent graduation, my family likes to take us to our favorite places when the occasion calls for it. This time I was the one who suggested the day for this event, conveniently.
-There is no need to apologize, the important thing is that they are here, I took the liberty of ordering their drinks before you arrived.- After so many years, I knew perfectly well which drinks each of them likes.
“We are very proud of you son, your mother and I know you will be a very successful doctor.” My father exclaimed with great enthusiasm as he raised his glass, inviting everyone to a toast.
My brother Javier, who had just turned 18, was the first to take his drink, evidently more interested in his drink than in the speech.
-Cheers! Cheers! Cheers! - All together while we all raised our glasses.
A warm moment, like those spirit-lifting ones… I had almost completely forgotten that feeling. Anxiety, sadness, and despair are evil figures, they know how to perceive when you are enjoying a moment, and they take it away from you. Not intending for them to absorb this moment as well, I prepared myself to enjoy the moment, before inevitably having to interrupt it.
-I would like to thank you for joining me at this time, for celebrating with me. I am convinced that I could not have come this far without your support and faith in me.- As I explained, I could notice my mother’s effort to hold back her tears, a warm smile on my father’s face, and a very aphasic anticlimactic expression on my brother’s face. Naturally I asked myself what is wrong with him? The moment the arrival of our food interrupted us, with the intention of celebrating we ordered what seemed to be a real banquet, it required more than one waiter to deliver it.
In front of me was a large glass wall/window, with a great view of the garden; in its reflection I could see in the distance a waiter approaching with more food, which made me feel a little guilty, because I knew that I would not enjoy that great banquet in order to follow the plan. At the reflection of the window I vaguely observed the waiter’s face nearing the table, his face… I couldn’t believe it, he had no eyes, only holes… a couple of big and dark holes; In a small, rather dramatic jump- turned my body to face the beast face to face, but there was nothing but the friendly face of someone trying his best on getting a nice tip.
-Excuse me young man, I didn’t mean to startle you.- The waiter said a little bewildered by my reaction. He placed his hand on my shoulder, trying to lighten my mood, but my discomfort was quite evident.
- Son, are you feeling alright? .- My father no longer wore that warm smile, just a hard expression. He was worried.
- No, I think I’m having an anxiety crisis. - The plan was to act out a crisis, but obviously it wasn’t necessary, my expression was quite real.
“Oh son!” My mother began to express her nervousness. Her hand squeezing the innocent fork with which she intended to satisfy her appetite as the tension began to seize her. I always noticed difficulty upon keeping her composure in the face of these events, which only made me feel guiltier.
-Kat, we have to keep calm. What do you want us to do son? .- My father said, trying to control the situation as much as he could, nothing new.
“I just want to go home, please don’t interrupt your meal.” I didn’t want them to offer to take me back.
“-Don’t be ridiculous! Let’s go right now, I’m taking you to…-“ My father said in a reassuring manner.
-I want to be alone! .- I exclaimed with a slightly louder volume than I would have wanted. Clearly I was on the verge of a crisis so naturally I wanted to isolate myself.
My father was silent, he looked me straight in the eyes and subtly nodded. I got up from the chair, I apologized for the inconvenience, however I couldn’t help but notice my brother’s expression. Still aphasic, with a lost gaze facing the floor, and a ghost-like skin tone. I was starting to get worried, but after that performance I couldn’t stop, so I walked to my car and headed home.
*Now in hindsight I think the plan went very wrong, I did not mean to worry my family to such an extent, I just wanted a distraction, it was a poor execution of a well-intentioned plan. I must add I cringe as I’m writing this chapter, I cannot believe I pulled this BS on my family.*
I stopped the car on the sidewalk in front of my house, and parked it; From there I could see the package resting on the stairs at my porch, the plan worked. I would have at least an hour to open the package, exchange the cover for another book, and finally put it away somewhere safe. All this before my family arrived.
*I know it’s quite ridiculous to have planned all of that, just to keep my secret, and even more so now knowing what it caused. Honestly, I didn’t accurately measure the possible results of what I had planned, and for that I feel very bad. In my defense I can’t stress this enough, I did not want my family to find these weird books about ancient languages or rituals, I knew they would freak out.*
Suddenly I felt something vibrating in my pants. I was so focused on cutting and sewing the cover that it scared me, my father’s name appeared on the phone’s screen. He probably wanted to make sure everything was okay, so I decided to call him back later, as soon as I finished. Once again he insisted on calling; Maybe it’s something important? I thought out loud. I decided to answer.
-Hello? Son, do you hear me? .- He sounded noticeably more concerned in his tone of voice.
-Hello dad, I hear you clearly. I feel fine, I was able to control the crisis by practicing what Dr. Villarreal recommended. - I said it with the clearest and firmest voice I could, in an attempt to comfort my father’s concern.
-I’m glad to hear that son, but that’s not the reason why I called you. It’s your brother, he’s not feeling well.- In the background I heard my mother whisper “Gerard, tell him to meet us at the hospital as soon as possible”.
-What happened!?. I immediately remembered that during the meal Erick had a bad look on his face, he was pale.
-We don’t know son, he suddenly cramped and said he felt an intense pain in his belly, vomited, and fell to the ground losing consciousness.
At that moment a variety of possibilities were raining through my head, appendicitis? It could be a statistically likely explanation, but a sudden onset? Perhaps gastroenteritis or even diverticulitis. But to be honest none of them were usually presented like this, it seemed quite ominous.
-Son, please come with us, having you here will make your mother feel better, talk to the doctors, so you can explain to us what is happening-. It wasn’t until my father spoke that I realized I had remained silent, wandering in my mind. Perhaps that worried my parents even more.
-Of course, I’m leaving right now to the Crystal Hospital, right? .- It was the closest medical center to the restaurant.
-Yes…- My father expressed, and suddenly ended the call.
I quickly threw the book under my bed, grabbed my car keys, my wallet, and hurried out of the house. I felt terribly guilty, how could I be so selfish? I knew something was wrong with Erick, but I didn’t stop to give him the attention he deserved. So much effort dedicated to my studies, so many years invested and I…I can’t even help my family? I was racing my way there, I didn’t wish to waste another second.
The drive from my house to the hospital would take me about 15 minutes, long enough to catch up with them in the ER, and see my brother before he had his triage and a variety of tests done. To get to Hospital Cristal faster, you had to cross the overpass; In the middle of it there was a big car accident, from where I stopped my car I could see at least 3 vehicles involved in the accident. Totally static traffic and unable to move, I was trapped on the road bypass; the only thing I could think about was my brother. I wanted to be with family at that moment, but it seemed that tragedies were happening around me, at all times. Although I was worried about my brother’s health, the guilt of having abandoned them was drilling holes at my heart.
Two long and exhausting hours took the authorities to release the traffic, during this time I was in contact with my father, to be updated on Erick. The emergency physician on duty took my brother’s case. Appendicitis was suspected from the beginning, which was later confirmed with an imaging study. This put my mind to rest, because even knowing that I would need a surgical intervention, the prognosis was positive.
Finally, I reached my destination. I parked the car in the first stall that caught my eye and headed as fast as I could to the emergency department. I approached the receptionist in order to find my family.
-Hello, uh, can I get information about a patient…?.- Still agitated and somewhat nervous, however trying to maintain my composure.
- Hi. That’s right, here we can help you, who are you looking for? .- Said the woman from her chair, with a friendly voice, full of tranquility; which you would expect from a receptionist who has grown used to the chaotic environment of the ER.
While I detailed my brother’s personal information, I looked every inch of the emergency room looking for my parents or Erick, but I didn’t find anyone. My intuition told me that something was off, I couldn’t explain it, it was just a hunch.
-Indeed sir, your brother is no longer in the emergency room, he was transferred to the intermediate care department.- This time his calm and kindness was not well received. What the hell is happening? It was supposed to be a non-severe appendicitis.
“Thank you…” I expressed it with difficulty, because of my crackling voice.
I headed as fast as I could to the intermediate care unit, and of course, another obstacle. The door had a password, in order to control the number of people getting in and out, because here the protocols are different. I wasted another 5 minutes looking for someone with the authority to let me in.
Finally, I found the room where Erick was staying, looking terrible. I greeted my parents, who did not take their eyes off my brother. I looked at the monitor, his vital signs were painting a negative picture, he seemed to be on the verge of a shock.
-What happened? They said it was a simple appendicitis. - I went to my father, because my mother was not in a position to hold a conversation.
-We don’t know what’s going on. When we got to the emergency room, Dr. Putts told us that he was only a little dehydrated and mentioned that he would ask the surgery service to take a look. A doctor came to introduce himself to Erick, at that time he was still awake and while we were looking through some insurance paperwork.
I told your mother to go listen to what the doctor was saying, but he was already finished by the time she got there; He left some instructions with the nurse and left, although the nurse did not seem to fully agree with the doc. Within 20 minutes your brother’s condition worsened considerably, after which the transfer decision was made.- I could tell that my father made an effort to detail what happened as much as possible.
-This doctor you mention, what is his name? .- It was so much information, in such a short time that I didn’t know what to do.
-I can’t remember him son, but he was a guy with a dark skin tone, very thin; a large nose, brown eyes.- My father said, while his face expressed confusion.
I needed answers, not more questions. I left the room, next to the door you could find a screen with the patient’s vitals and a small table, where the patient’s clinical information folder rested. I looked both ways, made sure no one was watching, and grabbed the folder. Looking for the instructions sheet, I needed to know what they gave Erick that got him so bad. “Hydralazine 1 gram intravenously every 2 hours, Verapamil 1 gram intravenously every 2 hours” my hands were shaking, angry tears were rolling down my cheeks, my blood was boiling and rage was taking over my whole body. That doctor was trying to kill my brother.
*Verapamil and hydralazine in normal doses reduce blood pressure, but if the dose is exceeded it can cause hypotension and even cardiac arrest. ALL DOSES EXCEEDED THE TOXIC THRESHOLD, BY FAR. I have no doubt it was a murder attempt on Erick’s life.
All the rage stuffed inside me like a burning flame was suddenly extinguished; In a split of a second I was totally paralyzed, I felt my body heavy, chills ran through every inch of my body. My breathing became rapid, short and irregular; I could feel my heart on the verge of exploding with every beat. All this was caused by the doctor’s signature at the end of the instructions sheet. “Dr. Abdali Valrayani”
-Hey! Sir! leave that folder in its place! .- The voice of a remarkably irritated woman ran through the corridors.
I immediately reacted, closed the folder and dropped it on the table. I turned around and in front of me was a nurse. A stocky woman in her 50’s, standing around 5 feet 6 inches, wearing a pale ash-blue uniform, her hair cut short and petrified by the copious amount of gel she required to keep it apart in the middle, her face seemed to carry an expression of dullness and boredom.
-Oh yeah! Sorry.- I exclaimed, staring. Something about her seemed strange to me.
“Please return to the room, or leave the unit.” She seemed to say it as if it were a recurring situation.
I immediately returned to the room, with the firm intention of explaining to my parents that I had reason to believe that the doctor really was a malevolent entity, who tried to kill Erick. But it would be impossible to explain and convince them of everything that was happening. Rather than believe me, they would surely think I’ve lost my mind, I would think so in their place too.
-DAD! There is no time to explain. I looked at what that doctor did and it will kill Erick, we need to act fast.- My emotions guided the tone of my voice.
-What are you saying? .-Remarkably confused, but fortunately receptive.
“There is no time to explain…please just trust me on this.” Tears welled up in my eyes as I begged.
Fortunately, I knew good doctors who work there. My father asked my mother to request a second opinion as soon as possible.
We have to let someone know what’s going on. We cannot allow that doctor to harm more people. - My father expressed with great determination. It seemed strange to me that he didn’t question my judgment even for a moment, perhaps he also suspected something strange.
-I’ll take care of it, take care of Erick please.- Whatever it is, I wanted to face it myself.
I left the room and ran into the same nurse again, who was standing in front of the monitor, staring at it, as if trying to memorize the data.
-Sorry to bother you, I need to communicate with the administration area, regarding an incident.- Before I could finish speaking I was interrupted.
-Is this a complaint about Dr. Valrayani?.- She asked, articulating each word as if she hated every second of our interaction.
-Do you know him?…Could you tell me where I can find Dr. Abdali Valrayani…?.- I whispered, afraid of the answer, I wouldn’t know what to do if I had to face it (or the fake doctor) .
For the first time the woman looked away from the monitor, and made eye contact. She stared at me for a few seconds, raised his eyebrows exacerbating the creases in her forehead and just laughed, a cynical and sarcastic laugh was all she replied. She turned and headed in the opposite direction of the room. Before turning at the corner of the corridor, she stopped, subtly turned her head and said: -You’re wasting your time, you won’t find that… doctor.- with the same cynical and sarcastic tone but this time wearing a bizarre grin. She continued on her way until her figure was out of sight, while she took the corner of the corridor.
-Wait! .- I exclaimed while running after her.
When I got to the corner and looked to the other side I found a surprise, she had disappeared in less than 5 seconds. Without leaving a single trace, the long corridor was totally empty.
Extremely scared and bewildered, I went once more to the room. Someone was talking to my parents, Dr. Schawn, who was a mentor to me during my career. I subtly joined the conversation, trying not to interrupt.
-Your son is in a very delicate state, frankly we are lucky that he is still alive. He is young, we trust that his body will resist and overcome this.- These words of encouragement were very much needed from Dr. Schawn, who gracefully handled the situation with audacity. He focused solely on the current situation, my brother’s health, and deliberately avoided talking about the mistakes made earlier. I guess he knew there would be no use in discussing such a thing.
Although the words were comforting, the accumulated stress and sadness dominated our thoughts. It has always seemed very strange to me how fragile and peculiar the human body is, since Erick’s health deteriorated rapidly and severely, but his improvement was so slow that it almost seemed like his body was giving up, his kidneys were not functioning properly and liquid was spilled all over the body, it’s called edema. Fortunately, it was stable after Dr Schawn made the right calls.
-Good evening, I’m Mia Williams. I’m from the management department. I understand there was an incident here; What can I help with? .- A soft and yet energetic voice, coming from a young woman.
My parents and I proceeded to explain in detail everything that happened, while Ms. Williams carefully took notes. I had extensive experience in hospitals during my professional studies, so I knew that the fact that a management representative was talking to us meant that this was quite serious.
-Thank you for taking the time. I want to express on behalf of Crystal Hospital, we are fully willing to solve this problem. Having said this I can assure you that there is no one in this hospital with the name “Abdali Valrayani” .- She said categorically. In her eyes I could see that she believed us, however I can understand her job’s obligation.
My parents were confused and scared, they looked at me with a rather peculiar expression, their gaze hinting a “Do something about it!”. Then I remembered the signature on the instruction sheet, which was still on the table in front of the monitor and gave it to Ms. Williams. Seeing the signature, the friendly smile she wore turned into an expression of nervousness. She looked at us and told us: -I have to go now, we will be back shortly.-. She left, walking quickly towards her destination.
We sat in the room, looking at Erick waiting for him to miraculously wake up and everything being fine again. My mother kept crying, she couldn’t contain her emotions, which were she always wore very superficially. My father would not take his eyes off his shutting-down son for even a second.
I tried to think of anything else, but it was impossible for me not to jump to the next conclusion. Whatever haunted my dreams is quite real, intended to make me suffer and threaten the well-being of my loved ones. This means that I am not insane, but if I had known this would happen, I really would have preferred for all of it to be part of my insanity.
In less than a dozen minutes we were joined by a crowd of hospital executives and police officers. The incident became a scandal, it was presumed that someone pretended to be a doctor, an employee of the hospital. Of course the suspicion had endless loose ends, without a logical explanation. Only I knew the truth, however I knew that I couldn’t tell anyone, it would be an useless effort, and I would also lose the trust of whoever is to listen to me. While my parents made an official statement to the police, I sat there, trying not to lose my composure, on the verge of a panic attack.
*At that moment I felt like I deserved all of that, I deserved to feel like that, but my family was affected, I blamed myself for it, even though I knew there was nothing I could do to stop that.*
*It’s becoming harder and harder to write these chapters, I feel like I’m living through this nightmare again. I’m afraid to write what’s coming, but I feel like I need to. I hope I can get to it soon.*