What does one define as a “god”? If I were to go from a personal standpoint, I would describe it as a being of immense power that is not capable of being comprehended by mortals. That is why I can only speculate on the actual definition. Despite what you may think a god truly is, it is undeniable that we, as humans, hold a unique trait that most gods may never hold. That trait is death. At least, that is my personal opinion on the matter. I see death as a release after we’ve lived our mortal lives. Unfortunately, many people face death before they are ever ready due to situations out of their control. A god could never have such glory of eternal rest. However, there is a question that many have probably never considered. What would happen if a mortal were to partake in the essence of a god?
The year is 1821. I was a young lad with his whole world ahead of him. I lived in a small town where everyone knew everyone. No one in our village had much, but we had each other. Father had told me an intense snowstorm was coming in a few days. He’d sent me to the woods to collect lumber. It was nothing I was a stranger to, though. I’d gathered lumber hundreds of times before even killing an Eskimo once. I may not have been good at much as a young man, but I knew how to use an ax.
It was a cold day. The wind was strong. Father warned me to wear lots of warm clothing for the trip. Even the strongest of men would freeze in minutes in this weather. I knew it was serious when I saw the river was completely frozen. Dead fish were numerous among the frozen waters.
“At least they won’t spoil,” I thought jokingly.
No matter how many times I’d done this, the sweet smell of pine never got old. I found a nice set of trees and picked the best one. I didn’t need anything crazy. I just need something big enough to provide a lot of wood but small enough not to be a hassle to move. I settled on a small tree close by the river. It wasn’t exactly a sapling, but it had clearly not reached its full potential. I guess there was some irony in that. Trees are living things, you know. This tree was young, yet here I was chopping it down for the benefit of myself. But it was too cold to be getting philosophical.
I hacked away at the tree. It took a few more swings than I was expecting, but it eventually came down. Snow poured over me as it fell over the river. Now, I was certain this was really serious. The ice over the river didn’t so much as crack from that. Mother Nature impressed me yet again. I began chopping the tree into smaller sections. My nose was running uncontrollably.
“Great,” I thought, “The last thing I need is a cold.”
After a few trips bringing lumber home, I felt we were settled with what we had. I gave myself a firm pat on the back. This was some of my finest work, if I did say so myself. As nightfall came, the wind began to pick up. The temperature dropped lower than it ever had. Father stayed up all night to keep the fire going. This was nothing new to me. I was used to Father staying up all night. As long as he had his trusty bottle of whiskey, he could do anything…except be coherent.
That night, something felt so off about the air. This cold was not only dangerous, it felt unnatural, and the smell of rust was everywhere. I hardly got a wink of sleep this night. As I stared out my window, I began to wonder about my own mortality. Is there a world where things are simple? Does Mother Nature have something against us? Is this a punishment from God? Is there a god? Though my Mother and Father were incredibly religious, I always had a slight sense of doubt in the back of my mind. Either way, wondering about this was not going to keep me warm. I turned over in my bed and attempted to sleep the frosty night away.
The following day was almost historical in nature. Ice and snow cascade every house, every roof, and every tree. Father informed me that there was news that one of the town’s residents passed away of pneumonia last night. People in my village always took the death of one of their own seriously, not saying that all death isn’t serious. It made me wonder yet again. That just goes back to my queries about mortality again. Did that person want to die? Why must life be taken in such ways? I just hope it was painless.
I decided I was going to go for a walk down the trail. While I was out there, I decided I might as well grab some more of that wood. I layered up, grabbed my ax, and proceeded out the door. Of course, Mother warned me not to freeze to death out there. My mother was always a careful woman. I loved her. Sometimes, I swear she saw me as the only man in her life. Father was always to be busy downing a bottle to care about Mother.
On my walk, I noticed something strange. The sky seemed a bit weird. Every few minutes, the sky looked like it had colors morphed into it, like an aurora borealis, but red and orange. It was strange. I’d never seen anything like that here. Regardless, I merely dismissed it as a beautiful phenomenon and proceeded on. I’d returned to the area where I’d originally cut down the tree. To my confusion, the tree was gone. As a matter of fact, it felt like I wasn’t even in the same location. I swore this is where I’d been through.
I began going in a different direction. It was like the woods were shifting as I traveled. The trail became unfamiliar. Some of the trees started not to make sense. I became disoriented. This was when I began to realize something was dreadfully wrong. Suddenly, I began to hear a low voice. It sounded as if something was calling me from a far distance. I began to feel a warm sensation. The feeling was so friendly, soothing, and comforting. The voice was luring me in. The worst part is I couldn’t resist like a moth to a flame.
My legs began to move in the direction of the warmth. All I could think in the back of my mind was that I was going to die. I’m lost, and I’m going to freeze to death out here. Before I knew it, I found myself at an unfamiliar pond. I wanted to call it a pond, but it looked as if it stretched on forever. The sky was an array of colors over the pond. The trees seemed almost to warp away from the body of water. The once pines now resembled fly traps with small face-like holes in them. That’s when I saw it.
A large creature lay beached on the embankment. I don’t even know how to describe it. At first glance, you’d think it was a beached whale. But it was larger than one. However, it had human-like eyes the size of tires, a jellyfish-like body with lobster pincers, and the face was…all too wrong. Its face was far, far too human for what it was. Its teeth were like daggers, and its mouth was unnaturally long for its body; just being near it made my vision scramble like looking into t.v static. Even through my warped vision, I could see it clearly. I was practically burning up in its presence. Somehow, this thing was letting off a massive wave of heat. Though I should’ve been afraid, my brain could not process fear. All I felt was the same feeling I get in the presence of my mother. It was the feeling of safety and comfort.
I began to approach the beast, despite my attempts to turn back. Before I knew it, I was standing mere inches from the creature. The thing did not move, but I could see that it was still breathing. Every few seconds, its lips and tentacles would twitch. This creature was dying.
I began to hear something in my head. The same voice I’d heard in the woods was now circulating around me. Though the creature never moved its mouth, it spoke to me. In my head, I heard it utter only one word.
“Partake,” it uttered.
This creature must’ve had some sort of mental power because I subconsciously knew what it meant. I knew what it wanted me to do. I looked down at my ax. Was I really about to do this? The query that I’ve wondered about all this time began to resonate again. This creature was dying, but here I was about to bring down an ax upon it. Was this indeed a kill of mercy? My heart skipped a beat as it spoke again.
“Consume my hide…and become the heir,” it said.
I raised my ax over my head. I hesitated for a moment. The sky began to warp more and more. The water became more disturbed. The trees almost seemed to sing a hymn in the wind from the faces. With one decisive solid strike, my ax got maybe a fourth of a centimeter into it. I kept hacking into the body of the creature until yellow tar-like blood dipped out. Just before life ceased from its eyes, it looked at me and smiled. Now, there was only one thing left to do.
I dropped to my knees and gazed upon the corpse. My stomach began to growl. It was the strongest growl I had experienced in my nineteen years of life. My mouth began to drool uncontrollably. What was happening to me? I felt like a starving animal. I began to cut into it deeper for what felt like hours with each chop, and my hunger became more and more insatiable. At some point, I no longer felt the cold. The idea of freezing to death meant nothing to me. I kept chopping until my ax head flew off; it was now I realized it was cracked and broken. But I didn’t care I started to tear into the body with my hand. My flesh burned from its blood as it began bleaching my dark brown skin. I finally tore out a chunk that must have weighed more than a hundred pounds despite barely being the size of a softball and began eating it.
It took a moment to get used to the taste. The first bite reminded me of salt mixed with lemon, and then it tasted sweet like an apple. With each chunk I ingested, I began to enjoy it more and more. The lovely hymn of the trees became louder and louder. My body began to warm up. The sweet, delectable flavor was almost sensational. My eyes began to water from the euphoria. I was eating so much of it. This creature was far larger than me. How was I eating so much of it?
After what felt like ten minutes, I’d had enough. What came over me? I’d just done a disgusting thing. I felt like a sickened animal. I sat on the ground for several minutes, trying to regain my composure. That’s when I began to feel it. I felt stronger, smarter, and more aware. It seemed like I’d just opened some sort of sixth sense. Simultaneously, everything stopped. The trees no longer sang. The sky’s colors ceased entirely. The world no longer warped around me. That’s when I began to see them.
I witnessed several strange creatures began to crawl out of the water. The only way I could describe these things is as horrific. Some looked human. Some looked far from human. Some were indescribable. They slowly proceeded toward me. I gripped my broken ax hilt, bracing for the worst. However, these creatures were not a threat, it seemed. All of them, in succession, pointed upward to the sky. I looked up and saw what they were pointing at.
Within the sky, there was a massive vessel of sorts similar to a steam engine. It merely floated there. There was no noise, no movement. I felt my heart stop for moments. I could not bring myself to say a word. I passed out from shock almost immediately. After everything up to that point, I finally passed out. I woke up in my bedroom. At first, I thought it was all just some horrible dream. That was until my father informed me that he’d found me unconscious not far off the trail three weeks prior. He told me that he believed I’d slipped on a patch of ice and hit my head on a stump, knocking myself out. Though Father insists what I told him was a dream, I swear it wasn’t.
I remember everything that happened that day. Years after, I was never able to find an explanation for what happened that day. No matter how people I’ve told, no one ever believed that I, for some reason, partook in the consumption of a god. How do I know it was a god? Ever since the event, I have had dreams that I can only describe as divine. I partook in the consumption of a god ever since I’ve been able to stare into the cosmos and see what awaits beyond.
My questions of morality no longer exist. This is why I see death as a mercy. I understand why mortals are such blessed beings. It’s hard to believe that this took place in 1821. Even after centuries, it still feels like it happened just yesterday. Centuries have passed, yet my age has not changed. Time has lost its effect on me. I’ve had to watch everyone I’ve ever known come and go before me.
In the last days of my mother and father, I saw them stare me in the eyes. I’ve had to suffer from the fact that they, somewhere down the line, saw me as a curse. I never wished to consume godly flesh. I really didn’t have a say in the matter. I was essentially forced into the matter. Or was I? If I had stronger willpower, could I have changed things? Could I have resisted the temptation?
I recently discovered some books that go over the idea of what I may have done. Some of these books go over the idea of interstellar beings with immense power. Some of these are discussed as beings from other worlds or dimensions. Others discuss the idea of “cosmic horrors.” These relate more to some sort of otherworldly gods. Perhaps that may have been what happened. Either I consumed the flesh of some form of alien entity, or I consumed the meat of one of these “cosmic horrors.” I’m not any closer to finding an answer.
One thing I know for sure, I have not gotten closer to death. I currently reside in a time period in which I should not belong. I’ve witnessed the creation of things such as automobiles, television, and phones. In a world where I was familiar with writing letters and visiting in person as the only means of communication, it can now be done while in the comfort of your own home.
Wherever I go, I know that it will only be temporary. I live with the dread that I will probably outlive everything. When the world ends, it will be the end of everything except me. I have tried to kill myself hundreds of times at this point. No matter what happens, I’ll just wake up the next day unscathed. Many people may see immortality as a blessing of divinity, but it is not. The so-called “glory” of immortality is genuinely a nightmarish hell.
I can feel things that no one else can. I see entities that walk among ordinary people. I hear as the trees sing their ominous hymn in my honor. I can see the sky changing over and over again. There it is again. Just above the clouds, I can see that massive vessel floating. It hides so cleverly in plain sight. These poor mortals are none the wiser about what watches them. Now, I get to the final point as to why I have written this.
I don’t know how many of these “gods” there are. Truth be told, I may not even be the only one out there like this. This is my theory on what I think happened. I believe I was the victim of an unfortunate circumstance. The creature I came across that day was some sort of otherworldly being on the verge of death. It coerced me into eating its flesh, and as a result, I gained a great deal of its power. I believe this is where the concept of monsters, demigods, and gods comes from. Now, I have become one of these monsters. Though I do not look like one, I maintain the visions and power held by one of these beasts.
Many see immortality as a gift. I now know it is a punishment. It is punishment for the gift of divine, cognitive thought. It is the punishment for omniscience. It is a punishment for the gift of things that could never be possessed by mortals; at least, it shouldn’t be. I hope that one day I will be released from this hell. There’s nothing I desire more than for this nightmare to end.
Over the past few days, something has been wrong. The trees have begun to sing louder. The sky has become a permanent shade of dark pink. That massive vessel in the atmosphere is starting to move farther and farther away. I think something is coming. I currently sit here with my ax hilt in hand. I’m afraid. I get the distinct feeling something is after me. Those damn trees won’t shut up. It’s making me wonder if something is about to happen to me.
I know I’ve made my mistakes. I know I eagerly yearn for death. However, I’ll be damned if I let something take me out. If I’m going to go out, it’s going to be on my own terms. If something wants me, it’s going to have to fight for me. Who knows. Maybe it’s another god creature coming after me, just in time. I was getting hungry.