The envelope that slid under my door caught my interest like a laser pointer to a cat.
What is so important as to slide a note under someone’s door, but not important enough to discuss yourself? Perhaps the person preferred to remain a mystery… after all, they did simply write on the note
“I need to tell you something”
It’s not doing it justice to say the note merely caught my interest; it ignited a curiosity in me that I hadn’t felt in years; a sort of craving for knowledge, not that unlike the desire to figure out a magic trick your mind just can’t wrap its neurons around.
I quickly went to grab the note, only for the feeling of what I could only imagine a lighting bolt would feel like to shoot up through my arm as soon as my fingertips made contact with the letter.
I stumble back in surprise, catching myself as I almost fall onto the hardwood flooring. A bit shaken, but otherwise unfazed, I go to the kitchen and grab my trusty tongs; perfect for flipping pancakes and for picking up a possibly cursed envelope.
I carefully pick up the letter with the tongs. Initially, it seemed to be working, with me slowly carrying it over to the kitchen counter- when I then realized the tongs were starting to warp and the letter was slipping out. I try to catch it with my hand- only to quickly pull my hand back after getting another envelope powered shock. This wasn’t working, I need backup. My buddy Larry worked in construction, I knew he has a really nice pair of gloves for work, that were supposedly resistant to just about anything. It was a longshot as to whether some cut resistant gloves could protect against a magic envelope, but I’m running out of options. I give him a call and tell him to come over with the gloves.
“Did I hear you right on the phone? You called me over, at 2 in the afternoon, while its pouring like some gods taking a piss, about a fucking cursed envelope?” Larry says as he walks in through the oak front door.
“Yeah, though I’m not sure if it’s cursed or not, it just has some sort of magic or hex or something on it that gives me an electric shock. you got the gloves?
“Yeah got ‘em right here, I’m not sure how an old pair of work gloves is gonna help ya, but knock yerself out” Larry snorts as he hands over a pair of work gloves.
The gloves seemed a little strange in texture, quite rough on the outside with a few spots of dotted metal. The inside seemed to be made of some sort of cotton material, very soft to the touch but-
“Hey Charlie! why does this supposedly cursed envelope not even have your address on it?” Larry says, while holding the envelope up to the light to observe it better.
He was holding. The envelope.
The envelope that was shoved under my door. With the message to me. Larry was holding my envelope.
“This envelope doesn’t seem that cursed to me, I’ll just pop it open for ya so we can see what’s inside-”
I rush to the kitchen and lunge at Larry, grabbing his wrist tightly. Too tightly.
“What the fuck are you doing man? Get the hell off of me!” Larry says, not trying to hide his contempt.
“Drop the letter”
“Fine man, whatever the fuck you want”
Larry lets the letter fall from his hand onto the floor.
“You need some seriously fucking help” Larry says as he marches to the front door “your parents are good friends of mine, and they asked me to look out for you as a favor, but I can’t be playing fucking Scooby Doo with a fucking 28 year old man”.
“seriously, no sane fucking person flips their pancakes with fucking tongs” he grumbles as he slams the door behind him.
Whatever, I don’t need him, and he was dumb enough to leave his gloves behind.
I put on the gloves. They feel comfortable, despite being a size to small for me. I flex my fingers a bit, getting a feel for the flexibility, and then go to pick up my envelope.
The feeling of lighting is still there, but it is nullified enough by the gloves to be tolerable. I grab the envelope gently, like it’s made of glass, and delicately set it down on the kitchen counter.
Now was the moment of truth; the moment I finally get to see what’s inside the envelope. The mystery that has captured my consciousness in an inescapable cell. I reach for my trusty letter opener, it’s blade just perfectly sized to open the envelope.
I instantly feel pain shoot through my arm as I slide the letter opener through the envelope, with it more feeling like cutting through a thick slab of meat then an envelope. I saw and push with all my might as my arm burns with pain, the envelope almost feels like it’s taunting me with its unassuming stature. I almost lose consciousness as I make the final push; the pain instantly subsiding as I pull the letter opener away from the now open envelope.
The letter inside feels like it’s glaring at me, daring me to open it. I reach for it with my still gloved hands, practically shaking with anticipation of what I may discover. I pull the letter out, ignoring the screaming pain in my arm as I do. I open the letter slowly and start to read:
YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO RECEIVE A 500 DOLLAR CASH PRIZE!!! SIMPLY GO TO A NEARBY COMPUTER AND TO TO THE WEBSITE WWW.-
It was a fake.
Larry must have taken the real one as I was inspecting the gloves. He knew the letter was special, he just tried to hide it. I’m gonna get the letter back. I’m gonna get my letter back.
No matter what it takes.