I’m Cynthia, I know this because that’s what they call me, but I do not feel like a Cynthia.. I feel like an.. an Anna. Why does this name keep surfacing in my mind? And why do I keep hearing crying? Jane says not to worry, that it’s all in my head, but I can’t seem to forget. I know they say I’m their family, but they feel like strangers. My mind feels twisted, like it’s not my own. I don’t know what to believe anymore..
It’s 2:30am, Markus wakes me from a dead sleep and tells me Carl is waiting. I rub my eyes and nod my head before getting up to follow him, but a piece of me feels panicked. Fidgeting with the hem of my shirt, I follow him out the front door and over to Carl’s. When Markus unlatches the gate to enter the backyard, my heart jumps into my throat. Why do I feel so nervous? Carl is my uncle, he’s not dangerous. These words ring through my mind as truth, so why does it feel like a lie?
Carl is standing in the center of his backyard, he’s smiling as he stares up at the moon. I don’t know why, but a smile on his face feels foreign. His gaze stays locked on the moon as he speaks. “It’s time to learn some new tricks, my pet.” His words slither into my mind, making me want to do whatever he tells me, but my heart begins racing so fast that if it weren’t caged by my ribs, it would surely leap from my chest and run away. I clear my throat and look up to the sky. “I like tricks…” I spit out subconsciously, my arms instinctively wrapping around myself, maybe because it’s cold, or maybe to keep my racing heart in place.
I didn’t even notice when Markus slipped out of sight and back through the gate to leave. It was just Carl and me, standing there in silence as we stared at the moon. “Sooooo… What’s the trick? Are you teaching me magic?” I asked curiously, wishing to break the silence. He simply shrugged his shoulders, standing there a few more moments before finally responding. “You could say that. Tell me Cynthia…. Do you like your family?” His eyes finally moved from the moon and met mine which were already looking back at him with confusion. “Y-yes… Why wouldn’t I?” I didn’t want to be questioned. It was late and I really just wanted to go back to sleep. “No reason.” He replied, pulling something from his pocket. It looked like a piece of glass, a lens maybe? He began to rub the broken in half, circular piece with his thumb like a worry stone and nodded his head.
It was now 3am… “Scream. Scream as loud as you can.” He instructed, no other explanation came with the command. So I did as I was told and let out a loud scream. “You can do better! LOUDER!” He demanded, his voice more stern this time, sending a shiver up my spine. I screamed again, but it mustn’t have been what he was looking for because suddenly that piece of glass was shoved into my shoulder, forcing a real scream to escape. “I said SCREAM!” His voice was calm but sinister. I didn’t understand what was going on, but here came those mysterious cries again. My head started spinning, my sight growing dim and before I knew it, I was unconscious on the ground.
When I woke the next day, or what I thought to be the next day, everything had felt so distant, it seemed as if it were just a dream. Something I was fully ready to accept until I saw the bandage on my shoulder. I pulled it back to inspect my wound and sure enough it was a moon shaped gash, fully scabbed over as if it happened days ago. I wrinkle my nose, feeling more than a little confused when suddenly there’s a knock on the door. I hadn’t even welcomed her in before Jane was coming through the door with a tray of muffins. It wasn’t until that moment that I realized I was not in MY house, I was in Jane’s guest bedroom. Not a single moment to process things before she’s coming over to the edge of the bed. “Oh good morning, my child! I made you breakfast!” She was far too chipper for the time of day it was and for some reason her, usually delicious smelling, muffins repulsed me.
“Uh… Good morning, Jane.” I had no idea how to respond to anything, everything felt so sped up. “What am I doing here?” I finally asked, feeling a strange churning in my stomach, but also in the back of my head. I’d never felt such a sensation before and it made me pause. Jane smiled and brushed my hair from my eyes with a strange glint in hers. “Oh sweetie, you’ve always been here. Are you feeling okay? Here eat something.” She was quick to shove a muffin in my hand before turning to leave. Again, I was left with no answers, feeling more confused than before. I was halfway through the muffin before realizing it, when did I even start eating? I shook my head and set the other half on the night stand, getting up and going over to the window. My house was in plain view, but… who was that moving in?
A few days pass, I’m settled into my new role with Jane as my guardian. She is such a good mother, I know so, because they tell me so. I haven’t heard the cries in awhile, I’m feeling much better. I grab a basket of muffins off the counter, sneaking one to eat as I head out to greet the newly settled neighbors. They seem nice and for some reason, though I’ve never met them, they feel familiar. I’m a cheerful social college student, on summer break, so that is how I am to act. I knock on the door, a smile firmly plastered on my face as I wait patiently for an answer. A woman answers and for a moment, I feel a deep urge to hug her. Her eyes glisten as if tears are welling up but it quickly fades, seemingly from the both of us. “Hi! I’m Cynthia! I live next door! I just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood! Here, my mother baked these!” The words came out so perfectly, it was as if I had rehearsed them. The woman stared at me a second longer before smiling softly and taking the basket. “H-hi… I’m Sharon, I’m sure my husband Jack will be happy with the muffins. Thank you.” Her words seemed unsure, as if she didn’t want to actually say them. This was turning out to be a strange interaction.
“Please…. come inside.” Her smile was sweet, but I could sense worry in her voice. It made me start to feel anxious and I began to fiddle with my fingers, as I accepted her offer and followed her inside. We chatted for a bit at her kitchen counter, I picked at another muffin, listening to her story about her younger sister. There was that strange churning in the back of my head again, it felt so strange, like fingers pawing at my skull. Suddenly the muffin tasted bitter and I had to force myself to choke down that last bite. “I’m sorry, I think I have to go home now..” I blurted out abruptly, rubbing the back of my head. “T-thanks for the chat, I hope you find your sister.” I don’t know why I did, but I hugged her before quickly rushing to the door and practically running back home. It was still light out, but I felt completely drained, so I decided to go to bed early.
3 am and I’m startled awake by a familiar sound, I have been sleeping so heavily lately, I had forgotten about the screams. I jolt up out of bed and rush to the window, but it isn’t Carl’s house I’m interested in. I know I’m supposed to hope for a reaction, but I can’t help but to wish with all my might that Sharon won’t investigate. “Stay inside… just stay inside.” I hear myself whisper, but I don’t recall actually saying anything. I watch intensely without realizing Jane was coming up behind me. “Oh good. You’re awake.” Those words rang through my head as I swear they have before and I spun around to find her less than a foot away. “Enjoying the view?” She asked, brushing my hair from eyes, again as she has done before. “I-i…. I thought I heard something.” I finally answered, chewing my lip nervously as if I had done something wrong. “Don’t worry about that, back to bed.” She said calmly as she ushered me to the bed and began to tuck me back in.
The bright morning sun wakes me, my eyes are crusted from tears and my throat feels as if there’s a golf ball sized lump trapped in it. What could I possibly have dreamed about that would make me cry? Then I felt it again, that churning in my head. “I am Cynthia.” I whisper silently to myself, as if I’m trying to remind myself, but Anna won’t let me believe it. I sigh and look in the mirror which is fastened to the dresser, somehow it feels like the first time I’ve truly looked at myself. I examine every detail of my face, my eyes are blue, though I swore they were green. My hair, blonde, when I was certain it was brown. “I am Cynthia…” I repeat softly, shaking my head, but I can’t seem to shake hard enough to get her out.
I go downstairs to see what there is to eat, Jane, Carl and even Markus are all sitting at the dining table. “Oh… Good morning.” I say in as chipper a tone as I can muster. “Come sit with us, Cynthia.” It was the strangest thing that they’d all said it together in unison, but I did as I was told and sat at the table. That lump rose in my throat again and I mindlessly started to fiddle my fingers. “We want you to bring the new neighbors to dinner.” Carl spoke on his own this time, stirring his coffee as though he hadn’t already drank half of it. I wanted to question why one of them couldn’t invite the neighbors, but somehow I knew better. I simply nodded, chewing my lip so nervously, it felt like I could gnaw right through it. “Yes sir.” I replied simply, not wishing to upset him, or the others.
Sharon was already at her door when I got to it, opening it before my hand even raised to knock. I felt it strange, but everything felt that way lately, so I brushed it off and smiled. “Hey, my family wanted to invite you and your husband to dinner if that’s alright. So what do you say? Tonight at 6?” My voice was far more cheerful than I felt and it seemed to work, because the woman smiled and nodded her head. “That sounds lovely. Please come in and enjoy a cold glass of sweet tea with me? My husband is at work and I could use the company.” Gosh, she seemed so kind, how could I refuse? So I followed her in. As she closed the door behind us, I heard the lock turn, and suddenly my mind wandered. I remembered so vividly a night that did not happen to me, or… did it?
“I know you don’t remember, Anna. But I’m your sister.” Sharon said softly from behind me, placing her hand on my shoulder. “I-i am Cynthia…” I reminded her, not certain if I too needed that reminder. “That’s what they tell you, isn’t it?” She asked, her hand gripping firmly now on my shoulder. “It’s okay, Anna… I won’t let them take you again.” She continued, causing my head to spin. Who was tricking who? What was going on? I was beginning to feel dizzy. “I…. I’m Cynthia…” I repeated, every time feeling less true than the last. She didn’t let go of my shoulder, and pulled me hard against her. Shoving a rag to my mouth, the bitter smell so strong I went limp. As I began to fade, I could see her step over me to greet a man on the other side of the room. “We’re taking you home, Anna.” His voice cut through the fog of my mind before I lost consciousness completely.
It’s 3 am… I wake up screaming in the back of a car, 2 figures in the seats before me, a man and a woman. They didn’t turn their heads from the road, so I couldnt make out who it was. “Sharon?” I asked in a whisper. Then the woman spoke, her voice sickeningly familiar, “Oh good, you’re awake….”