I’ll preface this by telling you that I already know I’m very stupid. I’ll also tell you that I haven’t told anyone else about this. I’m afraid I’ll never really get the chance to, so I’m leaving my story here. I guess this is a warning to all of you readers to stay away from those damned boards. Or maybe I’m looking for advice. I’m just so scared all the time, flinching at every scattered noise, too afraid to turn off the lights, absolutely terrified of falling asleep and waking up in the middle of the night, not alone.
As a kid, I was always intrigued by dark and scary things. I watched my first horror movie when I was about four years old. I never shied away from creepy, horrific things, real or imagined. I was always looking for a thrill, hoping to satisfy my curiosity. When I reached my teens, I started looking into things I shouldn’t have. I bought a book about the occult and got into witchcraft, yet didn’t take it seriously enough. I was interested in these things, but I never quite treated them as though they were real. I’m pretty sure I once “sold my soul” just to not fail a class one year.
Now I’m in my early twenties. A few weeks ago, I got a Ouija board. Always wanted one, but I knew my superstitious parents would get so pissed if they ever found it. So I waited until I moved out for college. I have a couple roommates, and I’m friends with one of them. I mentioned the board and how I’d like to play with them, since they like to watch horror movies with me from time to time, but they declined my offer. Said something about how it’s risky because you don’t know what you might end up dealing with. I said I didn’t really believe in it, and I didn’t think they would, either, and they said you never really know until it’s too late.
Well, shit.
I’ll bet you can guess what I did next, dear reader. I played anyway. By myself. And I know I shouldn’t have. I’ve watched countless movies where bad stuff happens because some irresponsible person played with a Ouija board alone. I heard that it’s dangerous because whatever’s on the other side can feed off your energy. I thought that I would be somehow stronger than that, though. Or that if I wasn’t, it wouldn’t matter because it wasn’t real, anyway.
The very first time I played, it was the same night my roommate refused to join me. I waited until some time before midnight to start. I thought it would set the spooky mood better that way. I lit a few candles, and got to it. I asked if there was anyone there who wanted to communicate. No response. I thought my cynicism was perhaps getting in the way, so I said that I was open to anything that would want to talk to me. I think I must have been sitting there for ten minutes with my hands firmly placed on the planchette, doubting it would ever move, but hoping I’d still get something.
Eventually, it slowly started to move. It spelled out, “I am.” I’ll admit, I got a little nervous. I half-wanted to say goodbye right then and there, but instead, I asked, “Who are you?” Nothing happened. I asked again, and it moved. “M-A-M-A.” I was so confused. My mom was just a handful of cities away from where I went to college, perfectly fine, healthy, and alive. So why was something saying that it was my mom? I started to feel a chill across my shoulders. I asked what they meant by “Mama.”
Seconds ticked by like minutes before the planchette started moving again. “Mama.” It paused. Then it kept going, “M-A-M-A-M-A-M-” and I forced my fingers to try to stop the planchette. I moved it to the bottom of the board, and said goodbye. The moving stopped. My heart was racing, and I left the board on the floor, making sure to keep the planchette at least a few inches away from it. I grabbed my phone and climbed into bed. I fell asleep reading stories of other peoples’ experiences.
Over the next few days, I remember doing all sorts of research, trying to debunk it. I think I mostly read articles about how the planchette moving is just from us being unaware that our hands are doing it all. I was doubting my experience, thinking that maybe I was only subconsciously thinking about home, thus explaining, “Mama.” It’s just that when I slid the planchette over the word, “Goodbye,” I could have sworn I felt a force, like another hand was trying to keep going back and forth.
I told myself that my mind was probably playing tricks on me, as science suggested. I might have been into creepy things, but I always considered myself to be a logical person. Maybe just a little impulsive sometimes, but who isn’t?
So I rather impulsively tried again a few days or so after the first time. I just wanted to be sure. I kept my awareness on my body so I would know that it wasn’t me moving the planchette. I asked if there was anyone there. Naturally, no response for a while. So I said something along the lines of, “If you’re real, can you prove it?”
I half-expected something to happen, and half-doubted it. Then the planchette started to move again. I didn’t think it was me doing it this time. I was watching my hands carefully, and made sure to keep all my muscles relaxed. The planchette went to number 3. I asked what that meant, and nothing happened. No responses at all after that. I said goodbye once again, and went to bed.
I woke up the next morning with a sore throat. Long before noon, I was rushing out of class to vomit in the nearest restroom. I went home early and emailed my professors my excuse and got some rest. They probably thought I was bullshitting them because it was the Friday before spring break, and a lot of students were already skipping that day, naturally.
When I woke up from my nap, it was dark outside. I felt worse, too. My throat was so scratchy, and I got up to get water and eat something. But not long thereafter, I vomited again. I climbed back into bed and fell asleep.
It was like that all weekend. I thought it was a stomach virus or the flu, but I didn’t know which. My parents were looking forward to seeing me during break, but since I was so ill, we thought it would be best for me to stay here where I couldn’t get anyone else sick, since my roommates would both be out of town for the week and I could disinfect the apartment by the time they got back.
In the meantime, I was still obsessively looking at Ouija board stories and other superstitious things online. I couldn’t eat without vomiting, so I threw myself headlong into the research to distract myself from the hunger and illness. I think I was really beginning to believe in it, even if just a little.
The next day, I was certain it was real. I woke up feeling completely fine, like I hadn’t just been extremely sick for the entire weekend. I thought it might have been a fluke. I was able to eat breakfast and hold it down, but I was worried it would come back again. But later that day, I remembered: 3. I was so confused before, but it started to make sense. What if it stood for the amount of days I would be sick? Was it just a premonition, or did something do this to me?
I got more curious as time passed. I don’t know why. I just started growing obsessive. It was like an addiction. I had so many questions. Who was “Mama”? How did they know I would get sick, and for how long? And how many spirits are around us that we just can’t see?
I started using the board back to back. Sometimes the answers would be sparse, other times, it felt like I was having full conversations. I stopped asking who I was talking to. I had a feeling the answer would never change. I didn’t think I needed them to repeat themselves again.
But four days after I suddenly got better from that sickness, something changed. I had a bad experience. The session started off normally, but suddenly I asked Mama why they kept coming back to me. I didn’t get an answer, but the planchette started moving erratically, sort of zig-zagging. It was so fast that my fingers slipped off. I could have sworn that I saw what looked to be the shadow of a man cross over the board, and my candles suddenly blew out. I didn’t even feel a draft. I remember flinching, and moving the planchette to say goodbye. I just kept repeating the word like it was going to protect me or something. I was repeating it even after I jumped up to turn on a lamp.
When I went to bed much later that night, I had sleep paralysis for the first time. It was so terrifying. I just had this feeling that I wasn’t alone. I kept my eyes shut because it felt like the only thing that would protect me from seeing something I could never erase from my mind.
That was the last night I ever slept in the dark.
The next morning, the planchette was missing. I remember that I left it on the board when I got scared. I just couldn’t find it. Even now, I don’t know where it is. But I know I don’t need to use it anymore to know that something is here. I keep seeing shadows in the corner of my vision. I can’t eat. I try to sleep as little as I can, but then I accidentally oversleep and miss classes. I don’t call my family anymore. My roommates think I’m standoffish now, so they don’t talk to me, either. I just pretend that I’m under the weather.
I don’t tell anyone I know about this because I don’t think I’ll be believed. And even if I were to be believed, all I’ll get is an “I told you so,” which will do me no good at this point. I’m just so fucking scared now. I get these bad dreams where I’m surrounded by all these shadows, like they’re eating me. And the sleep paralysis… It happens so often now. The other night, I made the mistake of opening my eyes during it, and I saw a shadow in the darkest corner of my room, staring right back at me.
I wish I could stay awake forever, but I can’t. It feels like my life is slipping from my grasp. I have no power. I bought rosary beads online, but I don’t think they help. What did I invite? And how do I send it back? Do I destroy the board, just burn it and never look back? Please, someone, help me.