I know how completely insane that title sounds. Hell if it wasn’t happening to me I would have never believed it because how can this even happen? I know backstory is definitely needed for this but I honestly don’t even know whare to start
I guess my pregnancy is the best place I could start. I (F24) got pregnant with me and my husband’s (M24) first baby, I don’t remember exactly how long ago it was it just feels like a lifetime, like something through the fog that you can just barely make the outline. We were over the moon happy as we had been trying for years. We were excited, our parents were excited as this would be our first grandbaby, our friends were so happy. We even managed to take a bit of a financial risk and buy a new house in a town and neighborhood that we’ve been eyeing for a while, which in hindsight might not have been the smartest idea but we were young and happy.
Then I lost her. We never got the gender confirmed as it was a first trimester miscarry but I knew in my heart that it was our daughter. That day broke me in a way I didn’t think I could be broken, it was like every last bit of hope for the future and joy was sucked out of my very soul. I can’t remember much of anything I did after that, I know my husband was crying for a long time on and off all day and night. My mother-in-law tried to tell me that God planned this or some bullshit and I ended up cussing her out of the house and since then she and father-in-law are no longer speaking to us. My own parents haven’t spoken or called me either since they found out I lost the baby, just radio silence. It’s just been such a mess.
I haven’t been able to get out of bed in days, I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. Nothing is enjoyable anymore and I hate my body for killing her. Every day I go to sleep hoping I’ll be pregnant again, that I’ll just wake up and she’ll be just where she was before. But I’m not here to talk about the hell I went through for the past few months
I had a weird dream a few weeks ago. I was laying on my back which is already bizarre because I like to sleep on my stomach and even when I wake up I’m almost never on my back. My husband was asleep next to me and as I try to reach my hand over to him I realize that I had sleep paralysis, something I hadn’t had in years. As I tried not to panic at the loss of control over my body our bedroom door opened. There was a woman standing there, or at least I think it was a woman, however it definitely could have been a man with long hair. Either way I couldn’t see much of them as their hair floated around them as if they were underwater, a black vail covering their face as they moved towards me. The way they moved disturbed me in its own way, they were to graceful it looked more like they were floating off of the floor then actually walking towards me. In their arms was…God I don’t even know, it looked like a human fetus but something in me knew, I just knew it wasn’t a baby. At least not a human one.
I tried to move as it came over to me and set the…thing on my stomach. Then I woke up, obviously I knew it wasn’t real however it’s still rattled me for a few days, I try to ignore it and go on my day however something in me just refused to let that dream go.
Then I started to get sick, like horribly horribly sick. I started to get tired so much more often that even something like getting out of bed became exhausting. I also started to crave meat, like nothing but meat especially raw stuff. I could stomach few other things but they had to be with meat in some way. Obviously me and my husband were scared, we had no idea what was happening to be and money was a little too tight to go to the doctor’s as soon as we probably should have. It wasn’t until I thought about asking my husband to pick up more tampons for me on his way home from work that I realized something. My period was late. I texted this revelation to my husband and while we tried to be happy thinking that we might be having another baby we were (still are) obviously confused as we hadn’t had any sex since I miscarried. We try to think of maybe another possibly but we don’t have one, I’ve been through this before and I know for a fact that these are pregnancy symptoms but how? I hadn’t slept with anyone in months! How is this happening? We haven’t gone to a doctor’s to check yet however I can’t shake that dream out of my head. I feel like they might be linked in some way? But I obviously can’t be pregnant from a dream. Has this happened to anyone before? Is this maybe my body is way of trying to process the trauma of losing my daughter? I can’t help but think…is this my daughter? Did she come back from whatever is beyond somehow? Is she still here? I need help please help me
EDIT: My husband and I talked about it and we definitely agreed that we need a medical intervention before we do anything else. I should have a update for everyone in a few days