I wish i was still 13.
“Its what all teenagers are like” my mum would reassure my dad when he got annoyed with me constantly being in my room or squinting in a mirror. But what would she know. Its not she was ever a teenager, shes always been old and always be old.
But i suppose thats what its like being dead. Not that i would know. Im alive and kicking, well i assume i am, i dont suppose i would know. My parents dont know they’re dead.
I cant be dead though, right? right?! No i cant be, Mandy invited me to her birthday party the other day so therefore im alive.
I love birthday parties. They make me so happy.
Well, i loved birthday parties. One of Mandys ones was weird. My parents were alive then. They always made the best cookies to take. I remember it so well yet i remember none of it.
It was her 13th. The big one. She was now officially a teenager. Brandon and Ely were invited, it was going to be so good. Our first big girl party with boys, well, men now they were 13. It was at Mandys parents summerhouse because Mandys a summer baby, always the last birthday. Mandys parents were going to the bar to have a few drinks so we were left alone to eat pizza and play spin the bottle. Our first big girl party. We played seven minutes in heaven and ate burgers it was so amazing.
Mandy went first obviously and got Jacky (which is bad because shes in love with brandon, not that brandon loves her back because hes in love with Miranda but Miranda loves James but James loves Mandy) and then it was Brandons turn and i dont remember who he got.
Ely got me, of course. We were dating so who else would he get but then i dont remember anything else until bedtime.
At bedtime (not till midnight because we were big girls now) we camped in the garden becuase there was meant to be a shooting star but no one saw it and i fell asleep in Elys arms (How cute!)
And then i remember waking up but not really. Like hazy and half awake. It was a cold morning and not even asleep Ely was keeping me warm. Well he was very pale, he was probably sick. I tried to wake him but he sleeps like the dead apparently. I went into Mandys house to get another blanket and to wee but the door was locked, which was weird because it was midday and i could see people inside. I think they looked like police officers and doctors but i dont know why they would be at a big girl party.
Mandys parents had the news on but i couldnt see it, only hear it. I should have listened because i was a big girl now and the news is big girl stuff. I tried banging on the door but they couldnt hear me. The clock on the wall said it was 3, surely that meant my mum should have come to collect me.
No wait, i remember now. My mum had come to get me, she was on the sofa, with Elys mum and Brandons dad. It looked like they were crying. They probably missed us too much at our first big girl party.
I remember going back and just going back to sleep and when i woke up everyone else was awake and in the house hugging their crying parents. The news was still on and i didnt pay attention to it but i know exactly what was being broadcasted because its been broadcasted every day since. And that was 4 years ago.
Ive aged, and grown mentally and so has everyone, including my parents but if you squint hard enough im still the 13 year old girl and so is everyone else.
Well not my parents obviously. They will always be old and dead. But im not young anymore. Or dead. Well, i assume im not, i dont suppose i would know. My parents dont know they’re dead.
I cant be dead though, right? right?! No i cant be, Mandy invited me to her birthday party the other day so therefore im alive.
Unless we are all dead. Everyone.
No we cant be. We would know if we were dead. It would be on the news. Not that the news changes its always about the same thing, the same virus, the same sleepover, those same kids and that same village.
We would know if we were dead.
Then again, my parents dont know.