Its almost midnight, its heavy on my mind, and im not sure where to post this. Im 15F and I hate english class so dont come after me for punctuation.
Last August we had Band camp for marching band. I was the only one of the intrument I played since im in a small town. The end of the “Band Camp” week had come, I had worked everyday after leaving the band room, and I thought I was just tired from all of the work I’d done that week. I was lying on the floor in the band room, fatigued, as we were taking a water break. The band directors daughter asked if I was Okay, to which I replied “Yeah Im fine, just workin too much is all.”
Everyone at my job had caught covid, I had worked with every single one of these people on this particular week. That didnt come to mind when the daughter asked if I was okay. Or I would have left, I know and love all of my bandmates, and I wouldnt ever want to get them sick.
I spent that night a couple towns over with my freind. I woke up the next mornin not feelin so great. I was again, really fatigued. My freinds birthday was coming up, her parents had taken us to a town close to mine to swim, and eat. We stopped at KFC because the pool was closed. I still felt so tired, I told my freinds mom that I was just going to call my dad to take me home. She said they could take me home, but I didnt want her to have to go too far out of her way, and so I politely declined.
I got home and went straight to my room, where I imediatley passed out. The realisation finally dawned on me that I had closely work with 8 people who had tested pocitive for covid WHILE THEY WERE SICK. I had my mom take me to the health department to get a covid test, and sure enough it was positive.
As soon as we got news back that I had Covid, I texted my band director, so that she could inform the rest of the band. Her being as kind as she was she sent everyone in the band and email, and kept me anonymous. I was so tired that I didnt even have time to be mad about the fact I couldnt go to band practice, I coudlnt be at school for the first week, and would likley have to play catch up when I did get to school.
Fast forward, its my first day in sophonore year, I still cant breathe good from being sick asf. Im walking to my first class worried avout how much ive missed. And stop by the band room to find… My Band Director (who was fully vaccinated) wasnt in her room. Her Door was locked. I asked my classmates if they knew what was up. Nobody had any clue.
Later that week We all received and email that we would not, as a band, be attending the first football game of the year. She had covid. Now it had been a week since I lost my fever of 104. And about 3 weeks having not seen My band teacher. But I was scared that I gave it to her.
She got sicker by the day. We kept practicing, watching her two daughters try not to think about what their mother was enduring. She was in the hospital: covid related pneumonia. The moment I heard what hospital she was goin to be treated for pneumonia at, I said “Shes gone.”
This is the same hospital where three people I knew had went to for pneumonia and died. I knew I was never gonna hear that sweet voice ask “Hows your day goin?” or hear her recite the lords prayer in the middle of our socially distanced huddle. Or see the stare in her eyes as she pointed her finger and said “read my mind!” after a comment she didnt like.
When she passed away I cried the whole night, I cried as I got ready for school. I shed a couple tears every time a teacher said they were sorry for my loss. I avoided the huddle of band kids who were crying. I felt like the cause of their pain. I still do.
Sometime between the death and her funeral, my bandmate (who is a tad full of herself but was probably right) looked at me and said “Yeah, a few of us definitley beleive you gave her covid, but being in a hospital bed killed her.”
Everytime someone talks to me about covid I change the subject. Everytime her daughters hug me and say Hi to me I just wanna cry. I dont want to think about it anymore so I guess Ill stop typing, maybe click post and go to sleep. If anyone from band sees this, Im sorry. Hopefully you dont see the tradgedy as I do. Im sure youll know exactly who typed this, and that youd be right.
P.S. True story. And sorry if it made you sad but this is a reason i dont sleep much.