I’m writing this so people will know what happens if I die or go missing or something I don’t even fucking know anymore. I loved him, I I loved him for so long, I still love him why? Why is this happening? I know I should get writing this for poof if something happens but I don’t know what to say, my hands are shaking and I’m so fucking scared right now
I meet him four years ago. I was on a Tic Tok account about narcissists and he replied to my comment about my mom. From there we moved to messages and soon met in person
He was everything I wanted in a boyfriend and more. We talked about everything from our fears to our families to our future plans and everything else. I never had many friends, however the few that I did have (But I guess they were always just work acquaintances) tried to warn me about him whenever he came by or video called. They said he was “off” that something was wrong, I hate that I didn’t believe them but it seemed like at that point everyone in my life was an asshole and he was the only one to see it and see how “unfairly” I was being treated by them
The throwing started with little things, his anger issues making him take it out on things like plates and doors, he’d tell me how he loved me so much while throwing glass around out kitchen, I remember the first time he threw something at me directly. I worked as a flight attendant, and obviously they weren’t known for staying in one spot for to long however I didn’t know why this was the work trip he had a problem with but he just did I guess. He was so fucking calm about the whole thing. He we’re sitting on the couch and when I walked in and told him where I was going to be going he just looked ab me and said I wasn’t going. Just flat, no anger or demanding or eveen pretending to care about not seeing me for a while. He just said it.. I don’t know what I did ti make him so mad but then he grabbed the TV remote and it cracked against the side of my face. That was the first buy not the last time he threw something at me. It happened almost weekly after that. Sometimes we’ll just be having dinner and then he’ll do something like throw a glass at my head or stab my hand with his knife. My whole body is sore every day now, I can’t recall a time when I didn’t have scabs and dried blood all over me
He’s been starting to make comments over the last few days. My mind has been such a fog that I can’t remember when they started but I don’t think that matters. If we were watching a TV show and a woman came on he’d say something like “I’d strangle that annoying bitch” or if a child was running around the store while we were out he’d say “they’re lucky that I’m not their parent. I would have crush their throat” and things like that. Of course I was horrified by what he was saying however I also didn’t want ti get something thrown at me when we got home. But how he’s starting hitting me with his hands. Every time he does it he fake lunges for my neck before laughing it off but here’s the thing
Lately he hasn’t been trying to pass it off as a joke like he has all those other times. He just fake moves towards my neck and sometimes even wraps his hands around my throat before laughing and going back to doing whatever it was we were doing. I kn3o this is probably going to sound really dumb because he technically hasn’t done anything but I swear I’ve never felt more terrified in my life. I’m in the bathroom sobbing because I know he’s playing on killing me, he’s practicing it. I’m so scared, I just want ti run ans never come back. I don’t think I’ve been as genuinely scared of someone as I have been my mom and him. We don’t have any pets or kids, his name is on the ded to the house and he’s the one paying most of the bills. Does that mean I can get away since I’m not “locked down? Please help me I’m scared