Please hear me out before you dismiss my problem; I swear I’m not crazy. I’m just desperate for advice and I had nowhere else to go.
Some background: I (36M) married my wife, Kat, right after she got pregnant with our son 11 years ago. Honestly, we didn’t really love each other, but due to pressure from our families, we had no choice. I bit the bullet and proposed. We got married quickly, and although my family thinks we’re in love, we barely ever even spoke to each other in private.
My father was extremely rich before he died during my wife’s pregnancy. The inheritance all went to me, and we got his house in the will. It’s huge and in the middle of nowhere, which Kat loved. She rejected any pretense of living in the city and insisted I keep the house, so I did. Frankly, I had to.
My son, Tom, has always been a little weird. He doesn’t talk much and he’s antisocial, pretty much spending all of his time at the lake beside the house. To be honest, I never liked him, and I just wish he was a normal kid. I have no idea what he does at the lake all day - every time I look outside, he’s just staring back at me. It’s like he always knows I’m looking, and he doesn’t do anything while I’m watching. Kat said he was just having fun. Yeah, right.
But here’s the thing that bothers me the most: he’s glued to his mother. They’re attached at the hip. It’s ridiculous, and honestly, it’s embarrassing. He’s a complete momma’s boy, and he never wants to go anywhere if his mom isn’t coming. I dread explaining to other parents that my weird son is rejecting a pity invite because his mom isn’t gonna be there. The looks I get are beyond emasculating.
Anyway, onto my problem. Since his mom disappeared a few years back, Tom has been getting worse. Much worse. He won’t go to sleep, he’s hiding knives in his room and stockpiling food, he vanishes at random points in the day, and he keeps staring at me with this really weird look on his face. There’s just something fucking wrong with his eyes - he looks at me like hes hungry or something.
Now, I’m willing to admit I haven’t been the greatest father of all time. I fuck up, but who doesn’t fuck up once in a while? Every parent can tell you they’ve made mistakes, right? It wasn’t my fault. It was the way I was raised, for Christ’s sake, and I turned out great. We all got whooped every once in a while, right? I’m teaching him some discipline, he’ll be grateful for it when he’s older.
But regardless, I’m beginning to think he’s planning something. I found him hiding in my closet the other day, and glass shards in my breakfast this morning. I didn’t do anything to deserve this, and I don’t know how to fix it. There’s just something wrong with him. The worst part? He keeps trying to break into the cellar. I’ve told him he can’t go in there under any circumstances; I’ve even given him the belt to show him I mean business. But the little shit just keeps trying to bust in there, and I’ve had to padlock it to keep him out. I caught him trying to pick the damn lock the other day.
Honestly, this is his mother’s fault. All she did was coddle him and let him get away with everything. She made all sorts of excuses for him, just letting the little fucker destroy things left and right, stopping me from giving him any punishment. She wouldn’t even let me punish him when I caught him BEHEADING FROGS on the porch. I mean, what kind of kid does something like that? He’s gonna be a serial killer, as far as I’m concerned, and someone’s gotta stop him before he starts hurting people.
Tom is still completely obsessed with his mother, even though I’ve told him she’s not coming back. He constantly tries to sneak into the attic to get her clothes, and he sleeps with her hairbrush. He’s an embarassment, honestly. What he needs to do is forget about his stupid mother and be a man.
Look, I had no other choice. You’ve gotta understand that. This kid was out of control, and Kat had me by the balls. If the truth got out about the nature of my father’s death, I’d be ruined. She told me that night that I owed her a favor, and she would come for it some day. Now, I get that what we did was illegal, but we had no choice. I needed to pay for that wedding, and I was dead broke.
Fucking Tom ruined my life, but of COURSE that was just what his stupid mother wanted. She had it all planned out. She thought she was real smart. She lost in the end. I thought that as long as nobody goes into the cellar, it’ll be like nothing ever happened. I promise I’m not crazy - she had to be stopped. I killed her in self defense! She would’ve ruined my life if I did nothing. You guys HAVE to understand that.
But I see that same fire in Tom’s eyes. He’s playing a game, just like Kat was. I’m not proud to admit I’m afraid of an 11 year old boy, but I feel like prey in my own home. The way he looks at me just isn’t right. Don’t think I didn’t notice him fiddling around in the house. I’m scared to light candles or use anything electrical. I’m scared to eat my food, because it might be poisoned, or maybe it’ll have glass shards in it. It still hurts to brush my teeth after that little stunt.
The little shit isn’t responding to his punishments anymore, and he just keeps upping the ante. I have to be alert at all hours of the day, and I’m scared to look out my windows, because I feel like he’ll be there, fucking staring at me. I can feel his eyes on me all hours of the day, especially when I’m in bed. It’s not like I can get rid of him, because he’s my only son. It would take forever to find another wife, and who’s to say he won’t just kill her? What if people find out Kat’s gone? I just can’t take that risk. I’m stuck here with this insane devil child, and I’m at a loss.
I’ve been sitting here with my stew typing this, and it just smells too much like almonds; I can’t bring myself to eat this. I have no idea how he’s doing all of this. I swear to God I’m not crazy, I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so tired of being hunted like an animal in my own home. As I write this out, that feeling of being watched is coming back stronger than ever. I can just fucking feel his eyes on me. He’s always watching.
I know I fucked up, bad, but I only ever did what I had to do, right? I did what anyone would do. Please help me. I’ll update if anything else happens.