I don’t know what to do. What started as possibly the best day of my life turned into… this.
It all started with her. She was perfect. She was everything. I knew it from the moment my eyes fell upon her. I did a double, triple take. Almost crashed my car in the process. The mannequin, so lifelike, just standing on the corner of the street.
What? Some sort of advertisement? I pulled into the parking lot and scrambled out of my car. Thinking back, maybe I was already under its spell even then.
As I approached, people walked to and fro, stepping around it and moving on with their day. Nobody paid it any mind. I couldn’t understand it.
You see, the statue was beautiful.
A tall woman, her silken hair blowing across her nearly bare body. She stared resolutely ahead, right into my eyes…. She captured my gaze, immediately. Cradled me in her vision, stared deep into my soul… saw me… for me. And I could see into her, too. Past her pale exterior, deep into a space of warmth and love and light. The comfort of being held, being known. An eternity of notice and care swept through in the time my breath hitched in my throat.
I blinked before she did. Then, I could breathe again. My vision flowed down her body, following the curve of her breasts, her hips, her thighs and back again, caught in the river of her motionless motion. One hand of hers clutched a ribbon about her, a ribbon that threatened to spill away in the wind and expose all of her.
The other hand reached forward, outstretched, palm up. Fingers extended, just for me.
It made me feel… a lot of things.
Enraptured.
Pitying. She needed someone. She needed me.
Angry. How could no one take notice of the magnificent work before them?
Yes. She needed me, and I needed her.
I stared at her more. Drew closer and closer. Her shapely lips were pursed just a little, as if she’d speak any moment. What words were locked within the marble? A question? An invitation?
No matter what it was, my answer was already yes.
Gods yes.
Anything for you, Yes.
Everything for you, YES.
As I neared enough to take her hand, near enough to almost …kiss… those perfect lips, I noticed the plaque at her feet.
“Take my hand, and be forever changed.”
…y-yes…
She saw me. She knew me.
The people walked past us, ignored us, paid no mind to the moment we were having together.
This wasn’t exactly new for me. At the end of the day, some people are trash. They look down on anyone and anything else… if they bother to see them at all.
…yes…
She… she saw me. In a world where I was shit on by my parents for lackluster grades, hazed by my classmates, overlooked at work, rejected by all the pretty girls…. She could see me, envelop me, let me in.
…Yes….
No one else paid me any mind, but were quick to shut me down if I complained about anything. Always going on about how good I had it, how I was just too lazy, too selfish, too needy, all while taking and taking and taking from me. But not her. She wanted to give.
…YES..
All she asked for was my hand. My company. My embrace…. To give love… to receive love. They were all unworthy, marching on by like the shitty fucks they were, unable to see true beauty. But just as she could see me, I could see her.
Perhaps we were made for each other, because the answer was always yes.
“I wouldn’t do that.”
My reverie shattered into a thousand stained glass pieces, the colors of the day bleeding in.
“What?” I looked around, spotted a kid a few yards off. She was staring at me.
“I wouldn’t do that,” she repeated. “Whatever you’re about to do, don’t.”
I looked back to the statue. The sun broke through the clouds, lit her up in golden hues. Everything about her, around her, perfect. Everything fuller, brighter, louder, more melodious.
I looked back to the kid. She wasn’t quite looking at me after all; not quite looking at my gorgeous goddess either. Her gaze hovered somewhere in between. I sneered.
“Hey kid, you blind? Why don’t you mind your own business?”
The kid didn’t balled her fists and sighed, but didn’t say anything.
“Whatcha gonna do, huh?” I asked. “Nothin. Like I said, mind your business.”
Another kid came up then, taller. He, on the other hand, stared directly at me.
“What?” I took a step toward him. He didn’t flinch. What fuckin brats.
Still staring at me, he said to the girl: “Let’s go.”
She didn’t move.
“Yeah, listen to your boyfriend, ya brat,” I chimed in.
He tugged at her shoulder. “Claudie!”
She sighed and turned to go. “It’ll be our problem later,” she muttered.
I thought about going after them. Who did they think they were, just gawking at me while I’m minding my own business? They probably wanted to make fun of me and even now were likely going to go talk shit.
But then I looked back to Her.
Finally, we were alone. No one else paid us any attention. People sat around, or they walked on by, but no one said anything, no one saw this special connection we had. It was perfect.
I beheld her again. So beautiful. So perfect.
I took her hand. Warm, soft to the touch, not at all like cold marble. As I squeezed it, I could see color spilling across her alabaster skin, filling in flesh tones. Heady at the thought, I watched as veins traced their way through her wrist, forearm. She felt more alive than any woman I had ever touched.
I could feel her movement. I swear her hand was pulling me in, guiding me closer. Her hair and ribbons billowed in the wind as I drew closer and closer to her. The inches between our lips fell away…. She pressed herself against me. Oh gods I could feel her, thin fabric the only separation between us.
My eyes fluttered closed…
And then I was kissing her. No cold, stone lips. They were warm, soft, inviting…yielding. I could feel myself falling into her as our lips met, pushing and vying for space. Hers parted, and my tongue slipped into her mouth. She held me fast against her then, spurred on by my affection.
I could feel my heart racing as we continued, my hands finding her hips and bearing down. It was such a heady thought. How was this possible? Had she been a real person all along? Was I dreaming? Why did it
feel
So
GOOD?
I could feel my knees getting weak. The world spun around me, the deliriously delicious moments had me reeling. I could feel myself clutching her for balance, embarrassment a fleeting thought- but her strong arms held me… I don’t know that I could’ve escaped even if I wanted to.
It was so much. Too much, even.
I opened my eyes to behold her, and…
She was pale again. Not just pale,
Ghastly. Her thin, wire-black hair snapped about ferociously in the breeze, her eyes two smoldering pits of coal burning their way into my soul.
NO!
I screamed and pulled away. Terrified of her fury, I barely registered my heel catching on the concrete until, I was falling backwards, away from all of her once again pristine glory.
I don’t know how long I laid on the sidewalk, trembling, gasping for breath. All I knew was that now people were starting to take notice, looking at me, shaking their heads, pushing past. Disapproving of me, as usual.
Fuck them all.
When I dared look up at the statue, it was as it had always been; the woman of marble, fingers extended. Still beautiful… but where was the heady, divine delight?
…No…
When I looked now, underneath her exquisite form, I could see the ashen skin, the burning eyes, the snarling countenance belied by her angelic perfection. If anything, the glimpses of that presence stung worse than any passerby, condemning me with far more spite and attention that I have ever wanted.
…no…
I pulled myself to my feet, still feeling weak and wobbly. A newborn giraffe, born into a world of disdain- of hate and suffering. I staggered away… back to my car. Back to the humdrum of my ordinary life, mind reeling between submersion in the dull gray of my existence, and the inexplicable.
*
It started when I got home maybe before. As I glanced in the rearview mirror, I noticed my eyes were bloodshot. Not just bloodshot, but leaking blood. Crying crimson tears. I stared at myself for a long moment. Was I imagining this, too?
The longer I stared, the more my eyes began to ache. Pain spread to my forehead, and I got dizzy again. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to steady my fluttering heart and ease the pounding in my head. It helped. A little.
I looked at myself in the mirror again. The faintest clouds tinged purple and black had begun to spread under my eyes.
I had to get inside. I pushed open the car door, my body aching with every motion. I stood, and the world spun, but I managed not to fall over. Glancing into the car, I could see more blood- on the steering wheel, the door. I looked down at my hands. There, trace amounts of scarlet, tiny rivulets flowing in the hills and valleys of my fingerprints.
This was hours ago. Since then, I’ve taken two showers, and the bleeding hasn’t stopped. Sometimes it ebbs in one area, but I am always bleeding somewhere, and my whole body aches. I don’t know what to do. I want to go to the hospital, but I’m afraid I’ll pass out on the road…
I’m feeling weaker by the minute, having dizzy spells, making a mess of everything. But that’s not the worst part.
The worst part is, when I close my eyes, when I start to drift and everything is hazy,
I can still see her.
And damn, I want to kiss her again.