It’s been almost an year that quit my job. It’s rightly said that, “An empty mind is devil’s workshop” You all have no idea how much I hate myself for the things that I explored in the past few months.
I started to frequently explore forums on dark web. I went there to find interesting stuff, military weapons, Government documents and all such forbidden things that I wasn’t supposed to see. But, I never found any such forums. It was always some live streams or what seemed to be red room footages or just random chat rooms where people talked gore things about what they wanted to do to people. Not gonna lie, according to my estimates there are about 90% pedos on the dark web. They talk about nothing but things like what they want to do to their own children/how to provide sexual pleasure to a child. But my worst experience reading on these forums was once when a person wrote, “I couldn’t hold it anymore. She was so small and I couldn’t control it no more. But she tasted really good after what I did to her.” I felt empty after reading this. I never wanted to read these things but these were majority of the onion links that I found/popped up on their own.
Trust me when I say, there is live telecast of people using public restrooms, these are all recorded without their knowledge. And I even found a forum, titled something like ‘Airbnb Cam’. It was a live stream of people in their Airbnb from different parts of the world. Some sleeping, some using restrooms, some changing clothes, even a couple having sex being recorded and seen by millions of people without their consent.
All these things I was seeing made me question reality and when there was a little faith in humanity left in me, I came across a forum which claimed to be selling meat. The forum looked pretty well maintained, (unlike the other forums) and they had great advertising on their page with all these professionally chopped up meat photography. At that point I really did wonder what was wrong about this whole forum while it just sold meat. Reading through the page, there were explanations and guides on how to perfectly season the meat, whole recipes along with the cooking time and temperatures required and until how to serve this meat elegantly on a plate. All this was okay, but what I saw at the end of this forum passed chills down my spine. It was HUMAN Meat. At the end of the page there was a sketch of human anatomy with each part circled, when tapped on these circles it would show descriptions on how to butcher that particular part of the body and cook it. This forum also had an option for me to order this meat which they claimed to deliver “Fresh and butchered on demand”. Yeah, I wanna speak nothing but the truth at this point, atleast to relieve my mind from what all I have seen with these damned eyes.
To be honest, these never gave me what I was searching for. My search of finding extremely damned forums and crazy things were not fulfilled until…..
It was this time when everything changed, now to the stage where I want to replace my memories or just wash my brain with bleach. I just want to escape from this hell; the headaches are killing me, I am unable to sleep, I’m unable to eat anything, I don’t want to talk to anyone anymore and therapy isn’t helping. What I expected to be a fun and adventurous experience, betrayed me with things that has scarred me for life. I wish I had just stopped exploring the dark web for good after the meat forum. My own curiosity has now put me deep down a sinkhole that I’m unable to come out of. I can’t manage my thoughts and mood swings anymore and if I don’t talk this out it’s doubtful that I’ll live.
It all started when I accidentally entered a red room live stream. There wasn’t much to see or perhaps nothing had started yet. There were just rooms which looked like possible children rooms. I didn’t want to stay around for that and I tried to leave. My laptop just hung! I couldn’t do anything and I just waited for it to come back to normal. Starring at the screen, my gut told me something wasn’t normal. After a while, my laptop cooled down and I came out of it. I had seen enough for the day and I dozed off. Not too long after I had slept my last peaceful sleep, I woke up to a message. I don’t usually get texts from anyone, so I got up to check. It was from an unknown number. The text read, “Hello, you seemed to be interested in our service. Please copy the following link, convert it into iso onion link and run it in the engine. You will have access to whatever you are seeking.” I knew this was a scam but replied anyways, “What is this about?” They replied, “You don’t have to conceal your fantasies with us, you’ve been searching for it since past 212 days.” Umm.. I had actually started to use the dark web from like 6-9 months and that number seemed pretty accurate. Before I did anything else, I wanted to know who this was and where they were texting me from. I tried tracking them down, I tried all ways to pin them on the grid, but there was not a chance because they were off grid, just like me. But, what I certainly didn’t understand was how they even got my number. I did eventually find that out but that’s a story for another time.
So obviously, I was Scared. I still am because what I saw there, was the stuff of nightmares.
Through this link I was able to hack into the part of the dark web we aren’t supposed to see. Mariana Web. A space that I thought was a myth until now. I’m here to talk about what lies beyond the ‘dark web’ that you all know. The more cryptic and unexplainable part of the internet. There was a infographic that cropped up a while ago on Pinterest/reddit to eight levels of the internet, maybe you’ve seen it. But, I’m not gonna lie, its complete bullshit. Sorry, but the ‘polymeric falsigal derivation’ means nothing in the primark system, well somebody must have been a fan of Warhammer. There are no quantum mechanics involved here. However, that doesn’t mean it was an easy place to find. Now, I’m not gonna begin and tell you how to get there. It’s unlikely that you’d be able to even if I did. I’m not tuning my own horn but I just didn’t have a life outside of this. I was warned of course. They told me I wasn’t gonna like what I saw. I wouldn’t even understand it. Now, I am passing off that warning to you. Try not to look for this. There’s no official name for this place or at least I haven’t seen one.
I can tell you it’s called the Mariana web and the rumors surrounding it however range from an illuminati chat room to a virtual holding cell for an experimental AI gone rouge. In reality, it’s a lot worse. After a long and painful process of breaking down firewalls and descriptions, solving bizarre philosophical riddles, and following hidden links, I was finally able to crack it and it was directed to a page that was blank with one line of text and a text box underneath it. “Quid Quaeris” Latin for “what do you seek?” I remember feeling surprised but in retrospect I didn’t know what I was expecting. I’ll admit I was a bit stumped here partly because I didn’t know the answer to that question. I had no objective. I just wanted to see if I could do it. I tried some generic answers at first, I typed in “The truth” “enlightenment” you know, matrix stuff. Nothing happened. I tried a bunch of answers but none of them worked. I was getting frustrated at this point. Maybe this was a gag, maybe I hadn’t figured out anything.
After a while, I am not sure why this came to me or why I thought it might work. I typed in “what also seeks me.” Now that I began to think about it, this thing might have been AI. To my surprise, the page went blank. Like fully blank. I waited and after about 5 minutes, I was directed to what looked like a forum. No, not even that, it was more basic. Just a list of links over a brownish yellow background. The links themselves were indecipherable. Just seemingly random sequences of characters, symbols, and letters a lot of them I’d never seen before. It almost looked like a made-up language. Just code I didn’t understand at this point.
Expectations were off the wall; each link I pressed on was a shot in the dark. I clicked the first one; it loaded up a live feed of what seemed to be the Paris Catacombs. Next, it was a shaky video in a dark setting but I could make out men in tactical gear. They were in a house, opening doors, sweeping each room; eventually they kicked one down reveling a tall humanoid creature with scaly skin. It was gnawing on what looked like an animal leg. They tried shooting at it and it would escape out of the window. The video stopped. Well I was floored, what the hell was that!? It looked too real to be unreleased film footage. I was officially intrigued.
Maybe this was worth the months of headaches and bloodshot eyes. I couldn’t stop now. I started working down the list of links. With each click, everything got more and more bizarre. More disturbing. I stumbled upon a document called the ‘Paragon Project’ detailing trials of human experimentation, that would lead to superhuman levels of strength and durability. It was an apparent success, it looked official too. There were essays on space time anomalies, glitches in reality, and apparent pictures of alternate dimensions. There were detailed explanations regarding what’s lurking in Area 51 and the Bermuda Triangle, and now these things are just eating me away. Even assassinations, disappearances, in the true nature of the holy grail. One of the most upsetting ones was a document referring to a world ending bomb. A nuke that is 720,000 times stronger than the one dropped on Hiroshima. I don’t know why we would want that or even need that, I found a contingency plan for different kinds of apocalypses. Nuclear winter, biological weapons, and viral outbreaks.
Some more peculiar ones, were the ones that referred to the Mariana’s trench abnormality. The bluntly labeled ‘Strange Man on the 15th Floor’ and one simply referred to the ‘Blackout’. Recovered logs, skinwalkers, hunting expeditions, 911 calls from residents of a town in Texas that went missing in 1977. And even the journals of the people involved in the Diyal Pass Incident. They didn’t go insane because of the snow! I spent hours on there, looking through pages and pages of things I felt like I wasn’t supposed to see. I came across the trailer for a silent film made back in 1910, that made people claw their brains out of their skull after watching it and it almost derailed the whole industry. There was a live stream of a hooded man, sitting in front of the camera. He was crouched down, eventually he lifted his head. Even though he had no mouth, a deep guttural “Hello” came from my laptop. Somehow I knew it came from him. I didn’t stick around for that. There was a series of step by step guides that involved things like creating Frankenstein like creatures, performing religious incantations in middle of the Siberian forest and going to the coordinates that has captive fallen angels. Trust me, I did not understand a word in it because none of the text was in English except for the titles and sub-headings. These guides had a ton of geometric diagrams and weird sketches of unknown organisms.
It was unclear what any of these were supposed to achieve. There were also 20 second long clips titled “The futility of the Living” I didn’t watch it. That’s when I realized there was no way even the highest form of organized government had full control of this. One of the scariest things about the whole experience was that I didn’t find the end of the list. No matter how far I scrolled down.
I think I eventually had a meltdown and passed out because I woke up on my floor in the middle of the night. I looked at my computer screen to see a looped helicopter footage of massive crab like creatures tearing apart a coastal island. I clicked off it and just sat there for the longest time. I couldn’t comprehend what I was seeing and don’t think I wanted to know. I’m not sure why I kept going, my brain was screaming for me to take the laptop out my lawn and smash it into pieces, but I didn’t. I noticed something I hadn’t before. A small message at the bottom left hand corner of the screen. I don’t know if it was always there or not. In order to read it I had to squint. More latin translated into “Are You Satisfied?” There were two options underneath. It was a yes or a no. Now I knew the answer to this question. No, I wasn’t satisfied, I was horrified and scared. Scarred for life. I shouldn’t have, but I clicked on ‘No’. If I had just clicked on ‘yes’ it would have taken me out of that god forsaken place back to comfort and sanity. Even right now, I can’t tell you why I clicked ‘No’. But, once I did, the top page seemed to refresh. It was still the same basic set up except there was only 4 links this time.
This time, there were no recognizable numbers, characters or anything. Hell, I didn’t even know what it was. I had never come across it in this world. Just a collection of extremely crude symbols, they didn’t give off any pattern or direction. I clicked on the first link after about 20 seconds I slammed my computer shut. I can’t describe to you what I saw. All I know is that it wasn’t supposed to be seen by anybody in this world. Nobody should ever see something like that. I couldn’t begin to grasp the images I was seeing. It wasn’t even graphic/gore or anything like that. I just…. couldn’t recognize it. I could not make out things moving in a way that I’ve never seen any creature move on this earth. Colors that I’ve never seen before, just thinking about it gives me a splitting headache.
This is my best attempt at visualizing it:
We have 3 dimensions here on earth. We can move forwards, backwards, left, right, 70 degrees south west etc.. These things weren’t restricted to any of that. I can’t explain it any further. All I know is, that I didn’t want to watch it for one more second. I don’t think I would have been able to. I left my room for the first time in a while. I was planning on leaving my house. I needed fresh air to take a walk or something. Hell, I was thinking about running a Marathon in the middle of the night, just to get my mind off the crap for a few hours.
I was putting on my jacket when I heard a knock at the door. I stopped dead in my tracks. I wasn’t opening up about a minute and five more knocks came before somebody spoke up, “We know what you did. But we’re not here to hurt you, we just want to talk” The tone wasn’t threatening. Eventually I obliged. I opened up my door, two tall slim men in suits. They smiled, “Can we come in?” I still don’t know how they found me. I thought I for sure was off the grid. We sat down on the couch. I guess I was just waiting for answers at this point. One of them looked at me and said “Well, did you find what you were looking for?” “I don’t know but I’m not going back” I responded. He smiled again, like that’s what he wanted to hear. The other one piped up, “whom do you work for?” his tone was a bit more aggressive. I just shook my head, “Look, I didn’t know what I was getting into. I wasn’t looking for anything” They just stared at me for a while. “I’m not going to tell anybody, trust me” I urged. They finally responded, ‘We’re not worried about that, doubt anybody would believe you anyway” Another smile, somehow it felt gentle. “We just want to know what your priorities were.” In retrospect, that was a very strange question. “Just do us a favor, and we’ll leave you alone.” They said. I perked up. “Give us the device that you used to access it” I didn’t ask any questions, I ran upstairs and tossed them my laptop. They both smirked at me one last time before heading for the door. Just as they were about to leave, one of them turned back and said, “I don’t think you’ll need to be told, but don’t try this again, or show anybody else how to get there.” “Okay” I replied.
I didn’t ask who they were. I’m not sure I would have wanted to know. It’s been a week now. I don’t go on the internet so much anymore after this. I’m going to try and forget not to try and think about it anymore. I’ve started having horrific nightmares, been seeing a therapist for a while, but don’t think it’s helping anyways. I’m not going to let this consume the rest of my life. The thing is I’m afraid this might not be possible. There are some things we aren’t supposed to know about. Probably for our own safety and sanity. Don’t try and seek them out, it’s better that way. However it might be too late for me.
Coming from a ruined soul; never, I mean, NEVER seek things like these, I just can’t tell you how important it is to not watch certain things. There are things that I watched and don’t wanna talk about it anymore. This has just changed me. For what I know, the world is cruel, everyone is just wearing an innocent mask, people are just rotten from the core and even if what ever I saw were editings and just computer generated, (which I don’t think is) it’s just not possible for individuals to make it seem so realistic unless they are a big team of production facility who are professionals in film making & have a lot of money. But, what I saw was definitely real.
Thanks for reading this, I probably would have been dead by now if I hadn’t typed this out and freed my head a bit. See, there’s nothing to me in writing a long fake story, I know I am speaking truth and believing me is upto you.