Hey, my name is Steven, and I’m an alcoholic. That is something I have been saying for years at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. I won’t go into too much detail, but I drank for nearly a decade. Starting at 17, it didn’t take me long to realize how much I loved the feeling of being drunk. Many years later, I ended up hitting rock bottom, and ended up in rehab. After my stay in rehab, I ended up going to my first AA meeting, and now I have 5 years sober.
Last month, my wife started talking to me about taking some time off work and taking a vacation. I really liked the idea, especially since I have been working a lot of over time the past few months. We ended up booking a nice hotel in Florida near the beach. A few days ago we packed our bags, and headed out.
After getting checked into the hotel, me and my wife went to our room, and just decided to lay in the bed and relax for the night. While I laid in bed, I decided to look online for AA meetings around the town. Even on vacation, I need them to stay sober, especially on vacation. Vacations are usually uncomfortable times for me. I always enjoyed vacations because of all the drinking, and I have only takin a few after getting sober.
I looked online and ended up finding a meeting a few minutes away from our hotel. The meeting that I found is 7 nights a week, which is good news for me, because relapse is always around the corner, especially on vacation.
I ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up, me and my wife decided to spend the day at the beach. We had a really good time, but seeing all the people on the beach enjoying beer, and cocktails, I decided I needed to go to a meeting that night.
When we got back to our hotel room, I got on my laptop and got the address for that meeting I saw online the night before. It was a few minute drive, but I decided to walk because the weather outside was really nice. I kissed my wife, and headed out the door. It took about 25 minutes to walk from my hotel room to the building where the meeting was. I got there around 4:50, ten minutes before the meeting was supposed to start. I only saw one car in front of the building, probably the chair person who usually gets there a little early to unlock the door and make coffee.
As I got to the door, I saw a sign that read “Florida group, Follow the rules !”. Usually there are some rules at AA, like give others time to speak, and pick up after yourself. I walked into the building, and I was in a room with a desk behind a glass window, kind of like at a Dr’s office, and one door on the right side. I walked to the glass window and saw a small bell on the desk. I ringed the bell, and A older man walked to the window from a room in the back, and said”Hey, how can I help you today.” I told the man that I was here for the AA meeting. The man told me he was glad to see me here, and that this meeting has kept him sober for 10 years.
The man then handed me a paper, and told me to go over the rules before I walked into the meeting, and that the meeting was in that door that I saw on the right side of the room. I said ok, and walked by the door, and started reading the rules. I figured it would be the same few rules at every meeting, and that maybe they were more strict about it, so they wrote it down, but I started reading, and realized these rules were really strange.
Rule 1 - If you walk into the meeting, and there is more than 10 people sitting in the seats, act like you came to the wrong room, and walk back out the door, and don’t look back until you get back home.
Rule 2 - If there is less than ten people, walk straight to any available seat and sit down.
Rule 3 - If someone in the meeting offers you coffee, don’t take it, no matter how much they insist.
Rule 4 - You can speak if something is effecting your sobriety, in fact I encourage it, just don’t look at anyone in the eyes while you speak.
Rule 5 - When others speak, just look at the floor.
Rule 6 - The meeting last an hour, stay the full hour no matter what.
Rule 7 - You don’t have to stay in your seat if things start to get bad, just don’t walk out the door you walked in to join the meeting.
I thought this was weird, but thought maybe it was some sort of weird joke. After thinking for a second, I walked through the door to join the meeting. I thought I was the first to arrive. I only saw the one car and assumed it was the man who gave me the rules. I was shocked to walk into the meeting to see 5 people. The people looked abnormal. They looked like people, but almost like corpses. Their skin was very pale, and they looked like they haven’t slept in days. I did what the rules said, and went straight to my seat. I didn’t look no one in the eyes, I just looked at the floor.
After a few minutes one of the men said, “ Hi, Im Bill and I’m an alcoholic.” I waited for more, but that’s all he said. After what felt like 5 minutes of silence, A woman said “ Hi, I’m Ruby and I’m an alcoholic.” That was all she said. I kept looking at the floor, and started having this bad feeling of dread, like I was somehow in danger. I looked at my watch hoping the time was going by quick, but I had only been in the room for 10 minutes. After another minutes or so, I felt a tap on my shoulder. The mane beside me asked if I was ok, or if I wanted some coffee. I just said no thank you, I’m ok, he then asked if I was sure, and that the coffee here was to die for. I just said that I was good, but thanked him for the offer.
After was felt like 10 more minutes, someone else finally spoke. “Hi, I’m Chris, and I’m an alcoholic.”I looked at my watch again and saw that I had only been in here 20 minutes. These people were strange, and I was starting to get creeped out. I decided to finally break my eye contact with the floor, when I looked up, I saw an image that will be burned into my mind for as long as I live. Everyone in the room was just staring at me, with the worst smiles I have ever seen in my life. It almost looked like a cartoon, their smiles literally stretched to their ears. They all spoke at the same time, with an almost demonic voice. “Would you like to join our way of living, and be as happy as we are.”
I immediately got out of my seat and went to run. I then remembered rule 7. Don’t walk out of the same door I came in. I looked around the room and saw another door. I was hoping it was an exit, but when I ran out the door, it was a long hallway with lights that only half way worked. I ran down the hall, and ended up at a door at the end of the hall. I turned back to see if the people were following me. They were standing at the door looking at me. I was frozen in fear, but after a second, they shut the door, and I Hurd them walk away.
I turned around and opened the door worried about what I was gonna see. When I opened the door, it was dark. I couldn’t see anything in the room, then suddenly, I felt someone push me into the room. I didn’t even have time to react. The next thing I know, My life is flashing before my eyes. I saw everything I ever did leading up to my first drink I ever took. I saw all the good times, and I saw all the bad times, and then I saw something that I have thought about before. I saw what would happened if I ever relapsed. I saw my wife leaving me and taking the kids that we haven’t had yet. I saw me binge drinking alone, and then I saw my slow, lonely, and painful alcoholic death. It was horrible, and it felt like this was going on for hours, and it felt like I was falling down a bottomless pit. I suddenly realized that if I drank again, my life would end lonely and tragically. I then swore to myself that I would rather die than relapse. Then suddenly I landed on a bed, in a small white room with that same man that gave me the list of rules sitting in a chair looking at me with a smile on his face, and luckily it wasn’t that horrible smile those people had. He the said to me “Hey Steven, welcome back.” I was frozen not knowing what to say. “ I know I know your freaked out, but don’t worry, you made the right choice,” he said.
I asked him what the hell was that and what was that. He said that was the last AA meeting I would ever need, and I found the cure. He told me that this program gets to the deep reason us alcoholics drink in the first place. When he said that I fully understood what he meant, and I had also realized that my desire to drink was fully lifted. I had a lot of questions to ask, but before I could as one he said “ I know you have a lot of questions, but there is no need, I won’t give you my secret, now leave and goi enjoy your new life, the hour is now over.” I stood and went to walk out, but there was one burning question I had to ask. I turned to him and asked who those people were. His smile disappeared, and he looked down with a sad expression on his face. “ those are the men and women who came to this meeting, and didn’t let go absolutely the way you did,” he said. He then told me to leave, and never come back.
I walked out the building, and started heading back toward my hotel. I was stunned at what I had just went through. I also had an overwhelming feeling a fear, that if I would have said something other than I would never drink again, that I would have ended up bring stuck there, with those horrible looking people for all eternity. My desire to drink is gone, and even tho I am a little traumatized about what I had experienced. I also can’t help but think, that that was the best AA meeting that I have ever went too. I am cured, and I hope that any other alcoholic that ends up at that building, decides to get on the wagon for the rest of their life, and mean it like I did. If not, they will end up in a worse fate, then dying drunk, and alone.