The silence that should’ve followed the gunshot was instead replaced by the wooden door giving out, and something scampering in on all fours. I could only imagine what happened next, as I hurled the device across the forest, watching it shatter into countless bits of plastic upon making contact with a tree.
“Max,” She sputtered out, unsure what her next words would end up being. However, a solemn nod of my head answered anything she wanted to say. Her breathing suddenly skyrocketed, her chest pushing out air and pulling it in as if her life depended on it. She stood up, frantically pacing, as if the movement would help keep her mind off the fact that we had just lost yet another person.
“Penny,” I whispered, unsure what to do or say. She ignored me, and her breaths grew more erratic until they became more akin to sobs. Her nails dug into her arms, and if not for the thick layers protecting her, I was sure they would’ve pierced the skin.
“Penny,” I ushered a little louder, but my words seemed to be going in one ear and out the other. She was shivering, mumbling incoherently under her breath. Her body couldn’t wrap around itself further if she tried, and her face was beginning to take on a sickly green.
“We’re going to die,” Penny stated matter-of-factly as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“Penny, don’t say that,” I tried, but she just shook her head, a tear escaping her eye.
“W-we’re going to die,” She repeated, her tone shifting from despair to a forced calm. “I-if not from the monster, then from starvation.”
“No, we have supplies,” I countered, but even to me, it sounded more like an excuse than anything else. “We have a good week’s worth of food, and I’m sure-“
“Nobody’s going to find us out here. We shouldn’t have ventured off so far. This is what we deserve,” It was like I wasn’t even there, the one-sided argument trailing on for several minutes. “Too far. Nobody’s going to find us. We should’ve just stayed on the trail. I knew this was a bad idea. I-I knew it, I told everyone.” As her incessant pacing led her to me, I gripped the ankle of her right foot and swiped, causing her to stumble and fall on her rear. A sharp cry escaped her lips as she hit the ground. She turned towards me, the burst of pain breaking through her current state.
“Penny, with Max gone, I’m going to need you to start bringing in fuel for the fire,” I knew my blunt wording would’ve usually sent her into tears, but the way she was now, nothing else would’ve broken her stupor. She blinked repeatedly, slowly but surely washing away the remnants of her outburst.
“Fire?” She murmured and I nodded, motioning to the fire that consisted of less than a few tongues of flame. She repeated the word, nodding to herself in an attempt to psyche herself up. “Y-yeah, yeah, fuel. Got it.” She stood up, glancing in every direction. “How much do you need?”
“All you can bring,” I replied, and she gave a quick nod that could’ve easily been mistaken for the shiver of her body, before darting off. She came back with a bundle of branches and dropped them onto the pile. As soon as the flames began enveloping them, she returned and did the same, bringing in another load of sticks. Before she could drop them, however, I stopped her. “Woah, easy. You’ll ruin the fire like that. Do it carefully, okay? Spread them out first.” She nodded and stacked them gently on the pile, watching the fire begin to lick them.
“Like this?” She asked, her tone that of a child looking for approval. I wasn’t the one to ask, but it looked to be doing the trick. With my affirmation, a small grin crept across her face, only for it to be washed away. “If Max was here, he would…” Her words died out, and I wouldn’t have paid them any mind if not for the expression she wore. It wasn’t sadness, nor was it despair, but something worse. Vitriol. Her eyebrows dug into her skull and her lips contorted into a sneer not befitting of her face. The moment she realized what she was thinking, shame replaced it.
“I-I’ll bring in more wood,” She blurted, leaving as soon as the words escaped her mouth. Initially, her reaction did upset me quite a bit; My best friend had just died, and that was the expression she wore. But, as the memories of the past few days rushed by, I realized I could not hold it against her, mainly because I too felt the same. It wasn’t anger or hate, no. It was envy.
Envy that he got to take the easy way out.
I didn’t realize how hard I was clenching my fists until my fingers grew numb, and when I attempted to unclench them, they wouldn’t budge. As soon as Penny returned, she went straight back to foraging, not allowing a single moment of rest. Though each trip left her exhausted than the last, at the very least she didn’t have to relive those days with her mind clear.
“Hey, Penny,” I called out once she had begun returning to the camp for the 6th time. The pile near the fire was beginning to grow into a proper stack. She looked over her shoulder, waiting for me to continue. “You’ve done enough for today. Sit down, take a rest.”
“N-no, I can’t,” She shook her head, begging like she was staring down the barrel of the gun. “Just a few more. Just a few more. Then I’ll stop, I promise.” Her eyes were hollow, and the bags underneath were beginning to resemble the ones I had. I was sure that if I were to look in the mirror, I’d see the same thing.
“Penny, if you keep pushing yourself you’re going to keep exhausting our supplies. We have enough wood for at least a few days now, and getting more will just be a waste of your energy,” Penny looked down at the branches accumulating in her arms, the fight in her eyes dissipating. With a defeated sigh, she set the rest of the sticks down and dropped onto the ground.
“I’m sorry, you’re right. I just… Wanted my mind off things, I guess,” She murmured, wrapping her arms around her legs. “I’m so tired, John.”
“W-well… We have some coffee,” I dove into the bag, moving around various supplies until I happened upon the bag of dust. “Or, uh, just the grounds. I guess you could snort it, or something.” My attempt at humour was neither appropriate nor successful, and I immediately regretted it. Until an awkward chuckle escaped her. It went as soon as it came, but those few seconds where wrinkles caused by furrowed eyebrows vanished and her shoulders relaxed was more than I could’ve hoped for.
“John… Do you really think we’re going to make it,” I expected the question to come out of a place of despair, but her wistful tone betrayed the otherwise grim words.
“I do,” While I didn’t believe that completely, I couldn’t let Penny know. The moment either of us loses hope is the moment we lose, and guessing from the events that transpired a few days ago, my mind wasn’t as strong as it used to be. “They know we’re here. Our families will notice we haven’t come back yet and a rescue team will be sent out. As long as we stay here, I seriously doubt anything will happen to us.”
“Right…” She mumbled, sounding a little disappointed at my answer like they were words she already knew. “But I wasn’t really asking if our supplies would last, John. That infection… It looks really bad, and no matter what I do, it’s not healing. What if one day you just drop dead?”
“Er, well-“
“I don’t want to be alone. I can’t be alone. The only reason I haven’t cracked yet is because you’re here. What if you’re not? I don’t think I could survive a day without you,” She rummaged in the pockets of her jacket, and I could only wait as she continued. “That’s why… I brought this.” A small, yellow exacto knife was presented to me.
“Penny,” My voice was low, the words barely a whisper. “Wh-why are you showing me this?”
“I know this is a lot to ask of you, a-and I know I’m being really selfish, but… If you feel like you won’t make it, please… Just don’t leave me alone,” She was struggling to maintain eye contact, the blade reflecting in her pupils. Her words were cryptic, but that was a miracle. If she had stated her request outright, I would’ve probably denied her outright.
“Penny, no,” I tried, but she cut me off.
“I won’t leave you alone. If you want, I can do it too. Then, at the very least, we won’t be apart. We shouldn’t have to go through what Sarah or Max did, right?” Before I refused a second time, I caught a glimpse of her eyes, the child-like hope that seemed to be missing from the world. How could I possibly crush that?
“A-alright,” My mouth moved on its own, but I knew there was no taking it back. Whether I could uphold the promise or not was a different matter entirely, but I’d cross that bridge when I came to it. As of then, the only thing that mattered was the relief that washed over her face.
“Thank you,” She breathed, the weight seemingly being lifted off her chest. She placed the blade into my palm, closing my hand around it with her frail digits. “A-and I’m sorry. For making you do this. But… Thank you. Thank you.” Her voice was shaky, but I could tell she had accepted her fate.
Much to my surprise, Penny’s mood never fell after that. There were times when she would gaze off into the horizon, and times when she would completely forget to feed the fire, but otherwise, her spirit was seemingly lifted. Despite her yielding less wood each day, her skin growing paler and her voice weaker, the promise I made kept her going. She would drag herself through the murky brown slush, her boots digging deep imprints, returning with fuel that revitalized the flames. Each trip, her steps grew heavier, the distance between each one growing, but she persevered.
Until one day.
“Penny,” I ushered, gently shaking her shoulder, to no response. Her sleep had gradually become deeper each day, so this wasn’t a surprise, but it didn’t make it frustrating nevertheless. With a groan, I shook her body harder, rattling her frame. Still, her eyes remained shut, her expression peaceful. “Penny, wake up.” Again, nothing. My voice raised until I was shouting, my hands gripping her tightly, but not a single twitch. My fingers made contact with her exposed neck, and I gasped at how cold she was. The worst-case scenario flashing through my mind, I placed my ear against her chest.
Nothing.
Desperation taking hold. I did every possible method of checking her pulse. No air left her nose, no movement resided in her heart, and no blood flowed in her veins.
She was gone.
As the realization finally sunk in, I fell back against a tree, my head colliding with the wood. I didn’t dare react to the pulsating pain escaping from the point of impact. Penny’s body lay, curled in on itself, gaunt cheeks sunken into her skull. The skin that had grown sickly pale had since taken a deathly grey, her once flowing, luscious hair having fallen out in clumps. The clothes she had worn were now ill-fitting, hanging loosely off her frame. But despite that, her expression was one of bliss. The same expression my grandmother had when she passed surrounded by loved ones.
Each emotion that rushed through me was inconsequential compared to the absolute dread that consumed my soul. All I could do was stare, the realization sinking deeper into my core with each passing second.
I was alone.
My hand, acting out of its own volition, snuck into my pocket, and the small frame of the exactoknife was pressed into my palm. Penny’s words rang in my head, and I realized what had to be done.
“At the very least, we won’t be apart.”
My thumb flipped the guard, the blade springing out and clicking into place. Both sets of fingers encased the hilt, and I pointed the sharp metal against my neck, the tip prodding at the skin, a faint trickle of blood dripping down.
I couldn’t survive without her. That much I knew. Our resources had been depleted, and her death came as a result of that. Without her, there was no way in hell I would’ve been able to gather wood by myself. Even with the sizable pile next to me, it would only last a couple of days. The infection would’ve killed me anyway, so what was the point?
But when faced with the logical solution and the primal fear of death, the human mind always chooses the latter. The knife dropped to the ground, the muddy, wet earth causing the blade to sink into the dirt. This was it. If I was lucky, I would die in my sleep, the infection finally taking hold and claiming my body as its own. If I wasn’t, then hunger would be my end. Even with only one mouth to feed, my resources were wearing thin, with only a few bags of granola and bottles of water left.
I considered burying Penny, as sleeping next to a corpse initially sounded horrifying, but imagining the lack of her form at my side was even worse. So, with my back turned against her, I awaited the inevitable.
And for three days, it was quiet. The only sounds that pierced the air were the howls of the wind and the crackling of the fire, and the only thing I could see was miles upon miles of trees and mud. Days passed by like a blur, life no longer had any meaning to me. This would’ve continued if not for the stench emanating from the corpse not but a few meters away from me. The macabre sight had faded, and my brain no longer processing the image.
However, the scent did not. Not because it disgusted me, but because it made me even hungrier than I was.
Hunger wracked my frame, and my head was filled with nothing but the desire for food. In my delirium, I found myself digging through her pockets, praying that I could find a chocolate bar or some chips, anything to fill the void. But she had nothing on her person, and as I checked every crevice, my search turned to the inside pockets of the jacket. My hand, somehow, found its way to clutching her side, splintered nails digging into her skin. The sensation of it, coupled with the stench that enveloped my nostrils, had a single thought echoing in my mind.
‘Eat.’
I pulled back, grabbing her hand and pulling it up. Separating each digit, which resisted with stiffness, I edged closer and closer to her index finger.
I felt something trickle down my chin, the liquid making my skin more susceptible to the cold. I shook my head, as if telling myself what I was thinking wasn’t just asinine, but the ultimate taboo a human could commit. If I went along with it, how different would I be from that creature?
But when faced with the logical solution and the primal fear of death, the human mind always chooses the latter. My jaw, shaking from the effort, clamped down on her finger. It was nothing like the rumours I heard, that it would feel the same as biting a carrot. No, when my teeth broke through each layer of skin, muscle, and tendon, something as hard as a rock was in its place. I bit down harder, hearing the bone snap, and a small piece broke off, sending an explosion of iron into my mouth.
Bile threatened to spill from my throat, but my already empty stomach helped keep it at bay. I gagged, a primal chill running through every inch of my body demanding me to spit it out. But I couldn’t. The taste of the meat was the only thing keeping me awake, and each chew kept the pain in my head at bay. It took me an agonizingly long time to finally swallow the small morsel, the act draining me of what little strength I had.
As soon as I was aware of myself again, I wanted to do nothing more than throw up. My senses, no longer dulled by the haze of starvation, were bombarded with a psychological onslaught of disgust and despair. I got down onto my fours, heaving, attempting to expel the finger from my system. But the only thing escaping my mouth was more saliva, and the familiar emptiness that came with hunger made itself clear. Though I should’ve been at least a week away from reaching dangerous levels of hunger, my body was already craving sustenance.
I tried to minimize my consumption, starting only with fingers and toes. But still, nothing changed. Even as weeks passed and the state of her body was no longer recognizable, I found myself craving more. The desire for her meat was the only thing keeping me conscious, and eventually, my resolve broke, and there was no longer a body sleeping next to me. Just ragged clothes and a large splotch of mud darker and thicker than the rest.
And when everything was gone, when there was nothing left, all that was left was me, the forest, and that horrid gnawing at the pit of my stomach. It had made me a shell of myself, something that could barely be classified as human. I can’t accurately remember how long it had been. It could’ve been a few days, or it could’ve been weeks. Months, maybe. As morbid as it sounds, keeping track of Penny’s rotting body was the only way to keep a semblance of time. And the the moment she was gone, that’s when I lost myself.
If they hadn’t stumbled upon me, then I don’t know where my depravity would’ve taken me.
“I think we just turn west from here,” A young man spoke, the rustling of paper accompanying his words. Another followed, this time a woman. It had been so many days since I last heard another voice, and, deep in my delirium, something within me snapped. My mouth opened, a low moan escaping my lips, and I began shuffling towards the source of the sound.
“Hey, did you hear that?” The male’s voice was clearer now, and the woman responded.
“No, I didn’t. What are you-“ Her voice cut off, and her scream echoed throughout the forest. A ray of light pierced my retinas, and I screeched, scampering back to behind one of the trees. I expected the sound of footsteps fading to follow, but instead, I was met with the man’s calming tone.
“I-it’s alright, we’re not going to hurt you,” The sound of his footsteps crunching on the snow, moving slowly towards me, was deafening. But with each passing moment, I regained more of my humanity, enough for me to peer around the tree and catch a glimpse of him. “H-hey, buddy. You… Alright?” I could tell he regretted asking something with such an obvious answer, and he quickly tried to rectify the situation.
“Er, uh, can you understand me?” This time, I nodded, the simple action exhausting me. The man breathed a sigh of relief, and his smile was warm, and inviting.
“I…” The voice that left my mouth was foreign to me, coarse and dry from a lack of speaking. “Help. I need help.” I was met with silence, the man’s expression falling.
“W-well,” He began, the smile returning, but weaker this time. His eyes traced the campground, taking a look at Penny’s remains, and wincing. “What’s your name?”
“John,” I croaked, slowly peering from around the tree. Once I saw the piece of paper in his hand, my eyes widened, and a desperate grin pulled at my lips. “Is that a map?”
“Y-yeah, but- wait, John?” He turned to the girl, whose frantic nods validated whatever he was thinking.
“You went missing! You and, uh, three others. Max, Sarah, and Penny. Your parents have been looking everywhere for you,” The man explained, the map now being used as a prop. “Where… Where are the others?”
He stepped forward, and I felt his hand press against my forehead. “Oh, wow, you’re really warm. Where are the others?”
“Gone,” I whispered, jolting my head away from his touch. Giving each other a look, the two of them seemed to realize what I meant.
“Come with us. We’ll get you back home,” He spoke, his voice gentle, before extending his hand.
“Okay.”
Eventually, by following the directions laid out by the map, we were able to return to the foot of the mountain, where hints of civilization were visible. I was driven to a hospital, as the infection taking up a good chunk of my ankle seemed to only get worse. I wasn’t made aware of the results of the various search conducted across the mountain, but I figured they at least found Penny’s jacket, as the police frequently visited me to ask about her.
I just told them she had died. It didn’t matter that I would certainly face some kind of repercussion; The only thing on my mind then was living.
Family members and friends alike visited frequently, all sharing the same reaction upon entering the white room. Relief followed by immediate terror. I didn’t dare look in the mirror, not wanting to spoil what little sense of normalcy I had left.
Even worse yet, without the persistent gnawing pain in my stomach, I could now feel the full effects of the infection. Despite attempts at treatment, the pain refused to subside. Each time I so much as shifted, the entire limb would burn up, thousands of scalding needles poking through every pore, leaving me just as debilitated as I was in the forest.
Though I finally had a proper bed to rest on, I felt restless, my body constantly shifting despite the agony in my ankle demanding otherwise. Each day the room felt smaller and smaller, the walls closing in on me, the ceiling falling closer and closer, the floor swallowing me whole. Initially, I thought of this as all in my head, a trick my mind was playing on me to pay for the cardinal sin I committed. But that wasn’t the case. My legs, eventually, draped over the steel bed forcing me to curl further and further in on myself to avoid touching the cold metal.
No food was able to satiate my hunger, no matter how many times the nurses and doctors would check in, and the constant beeping was driving me insane. I could feel it, the desire, the lust, the yearning, for more. Something inside of me was begging to be let out, ripping at the seams to break free from its confines. And worst of all, it was writhing underneath the now-yellow cyst on my ankle.