If I could turn back time, I’d be a lot nicer. Especially to my sister.
My poor baby sister.
I went to visit her for the first time today in the hospital.
We hadn’t spoken in months after the last fight. Sure, siblings have occasional squabbles but not like ours.
When things are good, we are inseparable. We are the best of friends, pouring out an infinite amount of love and support for the other.
But when things are bad, chaos ensues.
Our fights were ground shaking madness. A small jab or dirty look could send us over the edge. It only took a little spark to reignite a decades-old war.
And our poor mother. She was always stuck in the middle, constantly torn between a raging firestorm and a thundering tsunami. Every time she had to break up a fight, she’d cry out that we would end up killing each other if left unchecked.
Fortunately for my sister, I ended up leaving for college and never got around to killing the little shit.
…It’s a joke. Besides, now I actually can’t because someone else got to her first.
It was that piece of shit ex-boyfriend of hers. The pile of rotting garbage that lied about every speck of its being. It plopped itself at her front door like a poor, helpless animal then it devoured her whole.
If I ever got my hands on it, I’d rip its guts out and force the intestines down its throat until it threw up. Then, I’d pick up the regurgitated pieces and do it again.
But, I can’t do that either. Because the pile of rotting garbage is now rotting in prison with an illegal firearm charge. Not even an assault charge. It was found hiding out in an abandoned shack after it threw her down the stairs and cracked her skull.
It gets to sit in a cell while Lilah, my baby sister, sits in a coma.
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I set down a vase of peace lilies and some crystals I bought at a healing mineral shop on the table next to her. She was super into witchcraft and all that spiritual nonsense. I never believed in any of it but I was sure she made a voodoo doll of me, and she definitely poked holes in it. As for the peace lilies, I brought them to signal a truce. It’s not fair to fight someone who’s unconscious.
I sat for a while watching Lilah. Her slow breaths matched the beeps of the machinery keeping her body functional as her mind rests. The arms at her sides were healing slowly. I can only imagine how black and blue she was before I came to visit.
In that moment, I sensed a familiar feeling. A blistering heat I haven’t felt for years after moving away. The searing burn, the raging firestorm growing deep in my chest.
“I am so sorry, Lilah”, soft words escaped my clenched jaw.
What I wanted to say was I am angry with you. I am angry because for months, you didn’t tell me what you were going through. You knew you could have talked to me about anything and instead you stayed quiet, and let it eat away at you.
You let it eat, and eat, and eat knowing it would never be satiated. It ate your heart, and your brain, and your voice, and your soul.
It ate all the best parts of you. And now, there’s so little of you left.
I sat quietly, staring at her still body trying my hardest to not pop a vein in my forehead.
What if I was kinder? What if I was a better big sister and actually looked after you? What if I just let you be my annoying sibling, and embraced you anyway?
All of this wouldn’t have happened if I was nicer.
I wanted so bad to hear you scream in my face and laugh while you froth at the mouth readying a fist for my skull. I wanted to throw my hands up in a fit and point out all your flaws as you stomp around yelling about my worst failures. I wanted to be at each other’s necks spewing all of the insecurities that only a sister would know.
I wanted anything that wasn’t this. I wanted you to be awake.
Even through our bad times, you were always my best friend. I needed my best friend today.
I sat in the hospital chair frozen with anger. The fire just reached my throat when I heard a shatter.
I looked around to see if a breeze knocked over a glass or if a machine broke down. It smelled like something was burning, one of the machines could have short circuited. Next to Lilah’s head and all over the ground were pieces of a crystal.
That’s what I get for going to some cheap ass mall kiosk.
I cleaned up the mess and left but the fire didn’t subside.
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I didn’t realize how much time I spent in that hospital room until I walked outside. It was already pitch-black dark.
“Fucking daylight savings”, I muttered under my breath, watching the heat from my lips dissipate into a fog.
I shoved my hands in my pockets and hurried to my apartment. I live a few blocks away and am used to the city’s wind tunnels so it was an easy trek.
But, it’s not so easy when your entire block is under construction due to a busted gas line.
I threw a cold stare to the construction workers and turned to take a detour. Whatever, I could get through the back of my building if I slipped into the alleyway where the block keeps its dumpsters.
I held my breath to keep from gagging at the smell and ran up to reach the back door. I stopped when I smelled burning. Who the hell set trash on fire again?
My eyes followed my nose to the end of the alley.
A small dark figure was standing in the middle of the narrow road.
I squinted at it to get a clearer look through the steam emanating from the potholes. The shadow lifted its hand and waved at me.
I gave it a nod and walked into my building, making sure to lock the door behind me.
I’m used to dealing with transients in the city. The rule is to be polite and disengage, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone that small all alone this late.
It was probably only three feet tall, and I began to feel guilty. What if it was just some kid left out in the cold?
Still, as a young woman living alone, I’ve learned to err on the side of caution.
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I successfully put the unsettling encounter in the back of my mind as I opened my laptop, and hunkered down to catch up on a bunch of late school assignments.
I soon got sick of staring at a screen and decided to call it a night.
I practiced my skincare routine and ducked into the bathroom sink to rinse off the day. As I brought my head up, I saw Lilah. She stood behind me in the mirror with a panicked look on her face.
I jumped at her presence. “What the fuck! Did you just wake up and follow me in?”, I bent down back to the running water to scrub the suds off my eyes.
“You didn’t have to be all super secret agent about it!”, making an attempt to lighten the mood due to the recent events of Lilah getting thrown down a flight of stairs and into a coma.
I began to make another dig but paused when I smelled something burning again.
As I brought my cleared vision back to the mirror, Lilah began to speak with wide eyes.
“It got me, and now it’s coming for you. Get out of here. NOW. Before it-“, she was cut off as the glass doors of my shower shattered. My head turned quickly to the noise when I saw it again.
The shadow. It was standing in my shower behind the remnants of the glass. It was bigger now, probably four feet tall. It raised its hand slowly, and waved at me again as if it were a guest entering my home.
It began to step out and reach for me.
I looked around to see where Lilah went and figured she ran when the glass broke.
I began yelling in all directions, “Lilah? Lilah, where the hell did you go? What the fuck is that thing!?”.
In a panic, I darted through the apartment calling out her name, making quick glances at the slowly advancing figure.
When I couldn’t find her in any of the other rooms, I bolted out of my apartment in just my pajamas, making sure to grab my phone.
As I exited the front door, I saw the shadow standing in my bedroom doorway, watching me leave.
It wasn’t following me anymore, but I still didn’t dare look back. I ran down 8 flights of stairs, out onto the street, and hopped on the subway.
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I’m finally catching my breath now after I called the cops. They’re sending someone to check my apartment, and I’m not going back until they say it’s clear.
It’s freezing on this subway right now, and all I’ve got on are thin clothes and fluffy socks. I don’t know what the hell I saw in the alley that ended up in my shower. Lilah said I had to get out before something happened, but I have no idea what that means. I desperately need answers.
I’m gonna get off the next stop and make my way back to see if I can find Lilah.
I’ll update you guys when I do.