I don’t think there was ever a time somebody didn’t know that I was just indifferent and self-centered. I modeled my whole faith where I was essentially my own God in a world where we could all be gods in a sense, as I believed we are all God. It all seemed fine to me, although it led to me not really caring about events, there was nihilism at it’s heart.
Around a month ago I was called into work. I did maintenance work for a large company and they have been having some problems with animals that have been coming in to find warmth. I did my usual routine of grabbing my tools, took my impact battery off the charger and slid it into one pocket in my bag. I grabbed my gloves, my boots, and most importantly my coffee. I thought I was being called because of just the rats, but unfortunately I was wrong.
I walked into the site and the member of management that called me explained the situation. Apparently a rat began to chew through some wiring and now the power seems to fluctuate. I sighed a heavy sigh and started to look for where they have been chewing. All I had to do was follow the smell of a Kentucky fried rat, or rather a few of them. The wiring definitely looked bad, but I figured it should be a quick job. The unfortunate thing is I had to rely on help from the man who called me in.
I gave him a call and asked him to cut the power off while I checked the wire to make sure the power was off. I saw the little red light from the voltage tester telling me there is still power. “It’s off!” The man says quite loudly. And after about ten seconds the light goes off. I decide to start cutting into the wire, but it seemed like God had other plans. It turns out the manager cut off the wrong breaker and by the worst stroke of luck, the cheap little voltage tester I have, it’s batteries died at the moment it happened. All I know is the power I felt through me should have sent me to the hospital, but instead it was as if I was struck down by lightening.
When the pain stopped, I felt an intense heat and was unable to see in the darkness. I made it to Hell it seems. I looked around and was in a line that kept moving as if time had no meaning. Soon I saw where the line led to, a bearded man who had another man with a darker beard. They spoke in a language I did not know and it slowly changed to English as he saw me.
“Raymond!” The voice cried out with an angry sorrowful tone “you are to be judged and we will see where you may spend your eternity.” I was silent, this had to be some absurd near death dream being concocted by the fleeting chemicals in my brain. “I am Moses” said the voice “You were given the laws I gave to you from our God and you shall be judged according to the laws.” Yep.” I am not going to heaven.
“Have you formed any Gods beside the one true God?” I decided to just tell him what he wants to hear “of course not!” He looked down and I saw a tear. “You are lying! The God you worshipped on Earth was a God of your making.” He stated as I felt a cold hand on my feet. I looked down and saw fingers curling and digging into me. “Please be honest with me son.” He said as he asked “have you made idols?” I have never built anything to worship, so I felt confident in my answer “No.” I said it calmly and maybe a little to smug. Then I felt worms crawling on my feet making their way up. “You have turned all of man into an idol of worship! Please don’t make this harder than it needs to be.” I could see the pain building up as he proceeds.
“Have you taken the name of our Lord in vain?” I already knew I have “yes.” I said looking down as I felt the worms digging into my flesh. “What about the Sabbath?” “Sir I have done an absolute disservice to the Sabbath and used it for my own pleasures” and as I finished that, I felt teeth sinking into my legs from a rotting corpse. “I have abandoned my parents! I have not murdered! I have cheated on every woman I have been with! I’ve stolen more than anyone I have ever known! I’ve lied about people to obtain goods that they had! I have broken nearly every commandment!” I yelled in a quick fire session. And as soon as I did, corpses began to rise gnawing at my flesh dragging me down into what could only be described as a sea of burning gasses teeming with screams and bodies. And as I was being pulled I could hear from Moses “I wish for my sake that our Lord could give you a chance before you fall to find he that could take your punishment.” And in a bright flash, I woke up in the hospital bed.
After this I went to church, I learned about Jesus taking my punishment for me at the moment of his death. That through him, I do not have to fear that torment. But it is a double-edged sword. I see why Moses cried as I answered, I know the fate of those who have been like me and I cry everyday in prayer wanting them to be saved as well, I can’t bear the thought of my friends and family being added to that screaming sea. I have been comforted and I have found a new sorrow.