When I left my office on a cold, sunny Friday in February, I never could have imagined what awaited me at home. I put on my coat, threw my purse over my shoulder and approached the exit, saying bye to my colleagues on the way out. My heels clicked on the fake hardwood floors as I left, but I was stopped as I reached the door.
“Oh, you uh, heading out Sophie?” a familiar, tentative voice said. I silently groaned.
“Yeah, it’s 5pm.” I said flatly, looking at my watch. I looked over at the timid figure who represented my final barrier to weekend freedom. Jim meant well, but clearly had a crush on me, despite being 20 years my senior. He was infamous among the women in the office for having a wandering stare that bordered on inappropriate, but he was harmless. He now stood before me, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck and wincing at his own words.
“Could I uh, grab us…or, I mean, you, a drink? With me?” he choked out, barely hanging on.
“No thanks Jim, see you Monday.” I hurried off. We’d had this exact exchange dozens of times, and I had no reservations about brushing him off. He’d flirted with some of the other women but was more persistent with me.
I let out a sigh of relief as I exited the building. As always, I took a side street because it was quieter and bordered the woods, and I loved the smell of the trees and the sounds of the forest. I had just started thinking about what I’d have for dinner when I heard a twig snap about 15 feet into the tree line. I stopped abruptly, squinting into the trees.
There wasn’t much light during February afternoons, and I struggled to see anything as I looked between the tree trunks. The forest was still, like I had caught it red-handed.
“Hello?” I called out, my mind immediately suspecting a serial killer, kidnapper, or a bear. Unsurprisingly, I received no answer, and I continued my walk home.
I reached my front porch and slipped the key into the door. As I turned it, I felt no resistance – holy shit, did I leave the door unlocked? I do that all the time and thought nothing of it, except that I’d make a terrible mother. I walked inside, threw off my outside clothes, and slipped into the rattiest, oversized black t-shirt I could find. It was a relic from high school that had stood the test of time. I walked to the bathroom, leaving the door open behind me, and started washing my face.
Thump.
I froze. I was using face cleanser, and if I opened my eyes, it would hurt like a bitch. I panicked and fumbled around, arms outstretched, looking for the door. Fuck, I thought. Just before I finally reached it, I felt an unfamiliar fabric graze my fingers. Was that my towel? I slammed the door shut, exhaled, and quickly rinsed my face. There was no towel hanging on the door.
I did a quick sweep of the house and unsurprisingly found nothing notable. The noise was probably just the house settling into place (what does that even mean?). I was starving and immediately pushed my concerns away so I could start chopping onions.
As I reached for my go-to cutting knife, I noticed it was missing. I checked the sink and the dishwasher, both of which yielded no results. Huh. I’ll figure it out after dinner, I thought. While cutting the onions, I managed to stop only twice to cry. While I was waiting for my water to boil, I decided to listen to a quick meditation; I slipped my earphones in.
I sat cross-legged in the middle of my living room, ready to take in a guided meditation. I saw an email notification from YouTube advertising one called “Guided Meditation for Relaxing by Yourself at Home”. I had unsubscribed from YouTube marketing emails, but this one got through. It seemed legit. I clicked on the video, which had literally 0 views. I had never seen this channel, which also had 0 subscribers, but decided to take a chance on it.
I closed my eyes and absorbed myself into the meditation. A somewhat familiar male voice came on, but I didn’t pursue the association.
“…and get nice and comfortable, as you focus only on my voice and your breath. In, deeply…out, for just a little longer than you breathed in…and as you feel your thoughts disappear, ask yourself why the door was unlocked.” My eyes shot open.
“What the fuck?” I shouted aloud, looking around the living room. There’s no way I heard that right. I closed all the curtains, flipped the lights on, locked the doors and windows, and checked on my pot of water before going back to the living room. Tentatively, I picked up my phone and looked at the video. The channel had a blank description, and had only posted one video. My heart pounding, I went back to the video to listen again.
“…really feel each part of your body. Observe and scan your body for sensation; your toes, ankles, knees…” the video droned on, completely normal. I was thoroughly confused. Obviously, I needed to take some more PTO. I went to the kitchen, poured myself a healthy serving of wine, and returned to my meditation.
“…moving up to your hands, ask yourself when you last paid attention to your hands. Rub your thumb against your index finger…then your middle finger…ring finger…then your pinky…and ask yourself, how would you get on if I cut each of those fingers off?”
For the second time, I opened my eyes wildly and threw myself to my feet. I checked the video – this is either some fucked up genre I know nothing about, or – my thoughts were interrupted by a sinking realization. The channel icon was surrounded in red, meaning…the meditation I was watching was a live stream. With shaking fingers, I put an earphone back in, completely terrorized at this point.
“And as this meditation comes to a close, reflect on past relationships. Is there someone in your life you’re neglecting? Are you being an ungrateful fucking bitch who can’t see that what she needs is right in front of her?” My whole body started trembling as my vision swam, and the lights shut off.
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.
I screamed as footsteps closed in on me. The intruder was in the room with me, brandishing my knife. I threw myself to the left to avoid his path. As he turned towards me, I scrambled to my feet and ran into the kitchen. I looked around for something, anything, as I heard him clamber towards the kitchen entrance.
“YOU WERE EVERYTHING TO ME!” Jim screamed in a horrifying voice. “If you’d just LOOKED and seen what we could’ve HAD, I wouldn’t have had to DO this! Why do I always do this?” he yelled, the final sentence coming out in a quiet, strained voice, and more as a question to himself. As he emerged from the darkness of the living room into the kitchen light, I used the only weapon I had.
“What are you-” he let out before I doused him in the boiling water. He let out an agonized scream as steaming liquid struck him in the face, which he clutched in despair. As he laid on the floor, I ran upstairs, clutching my phone and frantically dialling 911.
If you meditate by yourself, NEVER close your eyes – and be wary of seemingly harmless people.