I’ve been meaning to start working out for a while now, but never got around to it due to having a busy schedule and being lazy. I’d set my alarm up earlier before work to do some cardio, but would always end up snoozing it. Then, one day as I wasted my time browsing facebook, I saw an ad which immediately caught my eye.
NEVER MISS ANOTHER WORKOUT WITH OUR TOOL
Curious, I clicked on it and it took me to a website which sold a wrist gadget called DreamBody. It was essentially a wristband which you connect to your phone via bluetooth and it gives you daily reminders about your training and weight goals, caloric intake, etc. It cost only 59.99, so I ordered it immediately, not even caring if I was going to get scammed.
A few days later, the gadget arrived and I wasted no time setting it up. I downloaded the app for DreamBody and connected it to the device, after putting it on my wrist. From there, I customized my plan.
I input my age, weight and the goal of losing 10 pounds. The app asked me in how much time I’d like to achieve that goal and I said one month. A message in red letters popped up on my screen:
WARNING: The weight loss goal deadline you input is higher than the recommended goal by DreamBody. Would you like to proceed?
I shrugged and clicked yes. From there, it told me how many calories a day I should take and how many times I should work out a week. I set the daily workout alarm for 6 am, three times a week. Being as hyped as I was, I went running the very same day, mostly just to test out the app. After twenty minutes of running, another message popped up:
You are one step closer to your goal!
Total training time: 15 min
Calories burned: 150
Happy with my first day of using the app, I returned home and made a healthy meal. I watched some TV after and when it was midnight, I got another notification:
Your physical activity indicates you are not asleep. If you go to bed now, you can get approximately 7 hours 12 minutes of sleep before your next training session.
I realized it was probably time to go to bed, so I turned off the TV and fell asleep almost instantly. I was awoken in the morning by a vibration on my wrist and on my table. The wrist watch and my cellphone were vibrating. I drowsily checked my phone and saw an annoying notification:
IT’S TIME FOR YOUR WORKOUT!
Below I had the option to turn off or snooze the alarm. I lazily snoozed it and put my phone back on the table, closing my eyes. Another incessant vibration ensued, forcing me to grab my phone again.
WARNING: Skipping your training puts you at a risk of not reaching your weight loss goal within the requested time.
There were no options to remove the notification, so I just dropped the phone and closed my eyes again. A few seconds later, an excruciatingly painful electrical shock surged through my entire body, jolting me wide awake.
“Ah! What the fuck!” – I screamed.
I glanced down at my phone, which had a big message in red letters over the screen.
BEGIN YOUR TRAINING
Next shock in: 3 min 24 sec
The timer was counting down. I tried to remove the pop-up, but it seemed as if my phone was frozen. I restarted it, but the message was still there. I pulled down the drop menu and turned off my bluetooth, but to no avail. The timer was still running.
Next shock in: 1 min 15 sec
I tried to get the wristband off, but it wouldn’t budge, no matter how hard I yanked it.
Next shock in: 23 sec
“Come on, you piece of shit!” – I yanked harder and harder, making my wrist hurt, but it wouldn’t come off.
Next shock in: 5…4…3…2…1…
Another wave of electricity shocked my entire body, this one even longer and more painful than the last one. When I recovered from the pain, I glanced at my phone again.
BEGIN YOUR TRAINING
Next shock in: 4 min 49 sec
I jumped out of bed and started running around the house, picking up clothes to put on along the way. The message on the screen changed now and said:
Maintain heart rate of: 140 bpm / Current: 110 bpm
Next shock in: 2 min 18 sec
I quickly put on my clothes and shoes and ran outside the house, practically sprinting on the sidewalk. The message changed and was in addition to my heart rate displaying the elapsed time and burned calories. My lungs and legs were burning, but I continued jogging for twenty minutes, until a notification sounded on my phone.
Training complete!
Total time: 20:00 min
Calories burned: 253
Make sure to drink water and consume protein-rich foods after any strenuous physical activity.
I leaned on my knees, breathing heavily. I tried to get the gadget off my wrist again, but no dice. I returned home and took a knife out, carelessly trying to slice through it. It was as if the object was made from otherworldly material, because in the end my knife was left dulled from the sawing.
Alright, no big deal, I’ll just figure it out when I get back from work. It was time for me to go, so I didn’t even have time to take a shower before work. I went to the office, finished my shift and came back home, exhausted. I ordered some pizza and tried out various tools in removing the gadget from my wrist. None of them worked, even the electrically powered ones and I was left in the end with bloody wounds on my forearm. I tried uninstalling the DreamBody app from my phone, but I got an error every time. I was so desperate in the end that I formatted my entire phone. Everything was gone, but the app was still there.
My pizza arrived, so I decided to take a break and eat dinner. As I sat down and took two bites of my pizza, a notification popped on my phone:
WARNING: You are about to exceed your daily caloric intake.
“Oh come the fuck on!” – I scowled.
Starving, I decided to ignore the message and continue eating. I mean, if the app was about to shock me, I could tough it out and eat some more, right? I took a bite and you can guess what happened next.
The shock was so strong this time that I fell to the floor and writhed in pain for a whole minute, my vision becoming blurry. I threw the entire pizza away and spent the rest of the night starving.
The following morning I was woken up by the vibration on my wrist. I jumped out of bed immediately, heart racing. The message on my phone said:
The device detects sedentary lifestyle. Based on that, your training has been increased from 3 times a week to 5 times a week.
Before I even had the chance to process that properly, the message changed again and said:
Begin your training
Next shock in: 4 min 58 sec
I quickly put on my clothes and obeyed the device. The message now said:
You’re one step closer to your goal!
Time left: 25 min
Calories to burn: 300 kcal
Warning. Not burning the recommended amount of calories for the allotted time will increase your training time.
I finished the training session, exhausted, frustrated and hungry as hell. It’s been a week now and I’m not sure how much more I can take. I tried cutting the tool off my wrist, but nothing can damage it and the website I ordered DreamBody from is nowhere to be found anymore. The device has been forcing me to invest more and more time into fitness and I’m unable to change its settings. It’s been progressively increasing my cardio, cutting down my calories to two small meals a day and I have to bike to and from work. The electrical shocks have been getting worse, too.
I’m not sure if my heart will be able to survive this for much longer. If any of you see an ad for a fitness gadget called DreamBody, avoid it at all cost.
As for me, on the table in front of me are a hatchet, a blowtorch and a bottle of whiskey. When I’m done posting this, I’ll get this damned device off my wrist. One way or another.