I’m 29 weeks pregnant and something weird is happening.
For some context, I live in the south. The deep south. I moved here on a whim for a change of scenery right before the pandemic started.
As a result, I haven’t made a single friend here. Between the pandemic, my own anxiety, and just generally not being a very social person — i’m on my own.
My parents live across the country, my best friend moved to a different country, and the only people i interact with regularly in person are the people at my OBGYN’s office.
That is, until recently. But i’ll get to that.
First, I think I need to explain a little bit about my situation so that what i’m about to tell you makes a little more sense. Or maybe it won’t matter either way.
I’m 25 years old and I am currently studying mortuary science from a school that is 5 hours away. It was the only one in my state and i’ve never stepped foot on campus — it’s all online. Anatomy amazes me and science is a huge passion of mine.
I should also mention that before getting pregnant, I was clinically infertile.
Three different doctors specializing in fertility across different offices all told me that my body was simply too damaged to carry successfully. To make a sad story short, I was involved in a violent sexual situation as a child into my teen years that left me with several injuries internally. A broken pelvis, scar tissue from penetrative wounds, and thyroid and hormone problems from being given drug cocktails to name a few.
What i mean to say is that me being pregnant is, for lack of a better term, impossible. Medically speaking. My body isn’t compatible with creating life.
Or at least it wasn’t — until now.
You’re probably wondering about the father. Where he fits into all of this. How we met, where he is now, and all the juicy details of how a 25 year old woman ends up on her own at 29 weeks pregnant.
I wish I could write it off as a product of improper contraception with a hook up or something like that, but it’s just not that simple.
First off, I don’t actually even know his name, so from here on out I will be referring to him as Josh.
Josh and I met at a coffee shop. I had stepped inside to grab a drink when it started storming pretty badly. I’m talking flash flood, dark skies, out of nowhere. Typical for the south, right?
I decided to sit down and drink my coffee and browse my phone when he came up to me and asked if he could sit down. I’m not a social person, so I imagine he perceived me as awkward or quiet. We talked about the storm and what I was drinking, he talked about how storms remind him of camping with his family- normal shit ok? So, whatever, the rain ends and I leave and think nothing of it.
Then I see him again. Or rather, he sees me, i guess. In a fucking publix of all places. We make small talk again and somehow end up on the topic of religion. Something about fate and universes lining up. He tells me he actually runs a very small congregation nearby and would love to have me attend.
I’m not religious, but i’m not exactly against it— so I took the card he gave me with the information and said I’d make it if i could. He assured me everyone was nice and normal and accepting of all walks of life.
Thinking about it now? I probably seemed like an easy target. I was radiating loneliness and had mentioned a few times that I didn’t really know my way around because I didn’t go out much.
I went. To the event, I mean. My mom told me it would be a good way to make friends.
I don’t really know how to explain the people I met that night.
Each and every one of them grabbed my hands when we met, thanked me for coming, assured me that I was making the right decision, and praised Josh and the community they had built together.
I’m not from the south, maybe it’s normal here to be so touchy and warm, but i felt awkward.
There was some organized get to know you activities (which again, seems weird for a church night?) Everyone there knew each other except for me so I was forced to talk quite a bit about myself. Which was annoying.
Josh talked about how the world was starting to heal and how proud he was for all of them to continue to show up and stay together through hard times.
It wasn’t particularly religious, is my point. There were no hymns, no bible verses, no sermon, not even a depiction of any kind of deity in the whole place.
Fast forward a couple of weeks, it’s right after the holidays and Josh finally asks me on a date. I say finally because, he was very attractive and very respectful and it seemed like we had a lot of chemistry. A few of the ladies from the congregation liked to joke about how perfect we were for each other.
The date was unremarkable. But I’m going to give you some details because maybe it will help you piece some of this together and help me out.
We drove around to different parts of town. Josh would tell me “this is where i met ___” (someone from the group) and a little bit about how they met, and then we’d go to the next place, and the next place. Until we got to the coffee shop.
I thought it was romantic, i guess.
We hooked up. It was the most bizarre sexual encounter I’ve ever had, tbh. There was a small moment of silence before where he just looked at me for awhile and didn’t say anything. It lasted all of 5 minutes and didn’t involve any kissing or anything other than the act of penetration itself. No foreplay, nothing like that. We took precautions. Diseases still exist even though i knew i couldn’t get pregnant. I told him that too. That there wasn’t a risk of a baby.
I thought he was just being nice when he replied with “miracles happen every day”.
That was the last time I saw Josh.
I never had a number for him or anyone else I had met at the group, they all just called him “our founder” in reference to him so i really had nothing to go on.
I tried looking up some of the people who’s names i did know in the group on social media but i couldn’t find them either.
Group night happened on Wednesday’s and Fridays and I tried to show up but the doors were locked, which was weird.
So, back to being alone.
Only to find out a couple weeks later that i was pregnant.
I was and am terrified, obviously. I thought this was not in the cards for me. I didn’t know what to do.
Don’t judge me, but I went to planned parenthood. They told me I was 7 weeks along and everything was normal and healthy and looked good. Eventually I went to my now OB’s office and got an ultrasound and yadda yadda.
I saw these gender blood tests online that you could buy and use early and so I did that — and it’s a girl.
I should mention that I DO NOT have social media. I have a FB page i use to keep in touch with my family, and it is set to private. I do not post about my pregnancy at all. My parents and my best friend are the only people who know in my life.
So, here’s where it gets weird.
Everywhere I go, I get approached. Now I have no idea if this is a southern thing, but if it is, you gotta stop.
Anyway.
Everywhere I go, people come up to me. This started right after I found out. I wasn’t even showing yet as I was just in my first trimester, I wasn’t buying diapers or anything baby related as I still didn’t have a plan. What i mean to say is, there is absolutely NO reason why complete strangers would have any inclination that I was pregnant.
Except they did.
Hands on my stomach, beaming smiles on their faces.
“You’re carrying so well.”
“You’re so strong.”
“I can tell she’s going to change the world.”
“Oh honey, what a miracle.”
I didn’t know these people. I certainly never disclosed it was a girl, or that i was supposedly infertile before conceiving. So how the fuck did they know all of that about me?
I wrote it off as me being a little plus sized so maybe they just thought my chipotle burrito lunch was a bump— whatever, right?
Well, it didn’t stop there. It didn’t stop at random people at the store or the movies or restaurants.
About two weeks ago, people started showing up to my house.
If there’s any interest, I have a video doorbell and I can blur the faces and post the screenshots here. Maybe you will be able to recognize the area and say “that’s my neighbor dale” and ease my mind.
It’s not just adults or older folks anymore, it’s children. Families. The other day I had a large family of about 8 people standing in my front yard just staring at my house.
I live alone and I’m not really trying to get murdered, so I communicate through the doorbell behind a locked door, and they all just tell me they wanted to meet me.
The other day I went to the movies (Thor is really good by the way) and when i came home there were children in my driveway.
They just wanted to hug me and say hello.
Different families, different ages, just sitting in my driveway in the sun for… however long.
My video doorbell doesn’t see the driveway, so I have no way to know how long these kiddos were just baking in the sun for a chance to… say hello to me?
I’ve lived here since moving and never seen any of these people before. I’m not exactly neighborly.
I don’t know what to do anymore. My mom thinks i’m being dramatic, of course. She thinks they’re neighbors who see me pregnant and without help and are trying to be friendly, but I can’t shake the feeling there is something else going on.
Am i crazy? Does any of this make sense?
Nobody has done anything to me even remotely scary or threatening, the exact opposite. They’re so nice and warm and comforting and honestly? Exactly what my life is missing. I’m torn between letting this warmth envelope me and my unborn child or moving or something to get away from the weirdness.
There’s another woman on my porch right now, she just keeps saying “so wonderful”.