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State Of New York Case No. PT444fffjd3234
The following document was recovered from the home and crime scene of Jack Marlow of Upstate New York. It’s unclear if he wrote the following before committing suicide, but first responders to the scene believe it to be directly linked to the investigation. Certain aspects of the material have been redacted for the privacy of the people and companies involved. The document has been directly linked, not copied.
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Let me begin by saying that my several years at [REDACTED] have been truly fulfilling! Since my first day, I’ve only looked forward to the next, hoping there were more ways I could help keep the company growing. My strict but fair manager, [REDACTED] has been supportive and honest with me about my workload and the compensation thereof. I foolishly attempted to ask for a raise years before I knew my role. I was immediately reprimanded for the company time I wasted and including the time for the disciplinary action that I brought upon myself. It was a great learning experience! I could not have been corrected without it.
Today I begin my 25th year of obedience employment and am very proud to give my mandatory acceptance speech. The rewards I will be given, which I have agreed to as ‘fair’ on my HR’s behalf, include the following: A voucher for half-off any (1) item from the company cafeteria’s ‘soon to expire perishables’ section, (1) discounted re-used company uniform, and a single ten-hour vacation day (to be used in the break room; subject to be on-call). My requests for the use of a personal fan and to have the fluorescent light fixed over my cubicle were denied. I accept that and the resulting disciplinary action scheduled for next week.
What a ride it has been! Every day as busy as the last and no different from the first. I can’t wait to see what is in store for me for the next 25 years. My “disobedient will to distract myself and others”, as diagnosed by the company-provided medical professional (terms and conditions may apply) Dr. [REDACTED], I might hope for something new, more pay, or a sense of personal fulfillment. But I understand and agree that I will be happy with what I get!
Luckily, my thoughts are just that. Thoughts. I know to keep my head down and look to the future because when the company succeeds, we ALL scream SUCCEED! I would like to thank my company-approved “work friend” in cubicle 94-B of section LL, [REDACTED] (deceased), for always being there for me during our 5-minute quarterly breaks. And to my former intern and trainee, [REDACTED] (missing) for reading to me one of the many 15 company-approved they fucking killed him jokes during our gracious 4 minute lunch break. I was instructed to clear my cubicle out last Friday because I’m getting old, because when I return Monday, and I’m not as productive anymore I’ll have a new position waiting for me!
I just know my superiors are looking out for me, so I know they’ll make sure I’m taken care of!
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DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE
Pursuant To Penal Code §9945003
Notes: The victim was pronounced dead upon the officer’s arrival. The case was first closed, marked as suicide, but has recently been reopened.
