Ok, I know what you’re thinking, right? Not exactly a very original idea for a horror story. But I swear to God I’m not making this up. I just don‘t know how to get anyone to believe me. And I don’t blame them. How the hell do you take something like that seriously? I almost don’t believe it myself and I’m in the goddamn hospital. It’s like being murdered by the fucking “Harlem shake strangler“ or some shit. It’s fucking embarrassing.
Let me start at the beginning. My niece loves Minecraft. Plays it all the time. So one day when I’m babysitting so my brother can get wasted with his wife, I play some Minecraft with her. I’m trying to be a cool uncle, you know? And it’s better than watching a Tinkerbell movie for the millionth time. No man in his 30’s should to know this much tinkerbell lore unless he’s a fairy himself. Anyway, I load into the server or whatever, and my niece has this little wood hut set up. I played some Minecraft when I was younger, I know the tricks, and I’m sure as shit better at this game than a 7 year old, so I help her out like a good uncle. Blah blah blah, fast forward, I walk around a corner and I see herobrine staring me in the face.
Now I’m not a gullible idiot. I’m a pretty grounded guy in most circumstances. So I think that my niece is pulling a prank on her ol‘ uncle. But I can see her screen and she’s nowhere near me. Ok, whatever. Probably some kind of mod or something. So then “herobrine“ pulls out one of those fire starter items and starts lighting stuff on fire. Naturally my niece starts crying, because her parents are raising her to be a sissy, and it’s a whole thing. My brother comes home, and I drive home. Pretty normal night.
My house had burned down. Apparently I left the stove on, which is bullshit because I haven’t cooked a meal in that thing in weeks.
I’m not stupid. I was never good in school, but I’m street-smart. I got intuition. I got moves that would make your head spin. I know this shit ain’t a coincidence. But how the hell do I explain that to the cops? A decades-outdated scary story for tweens burned down my house? How do I explain it to anyone? The whole fucking thing is stupid!
I need proof. And I need to know I won’t be fucked with again. I get some money and buy a copy of Minecraft on a burner email. I go to a public library, and boot it up. Open single player. When I spawn in, Herobrine is standing right in front of me holding a blue sword. Then he hits my character with the sword, and disappears.
Then some homeless motherfucker shanks me while I’m processing this. I beat his ass up, obviously, but I still have to go to the hospital and give a police statement. Three witnesses said it was unprovoked, so I’m off the hook. Issue is that I don’t have health insurance because of fucking Obamacare so I need to call up my brother and ask him for some money. Which he obviously holds over my head even though his wife is the who actually earns it while he sits at home playing housewife in a dress like a fucking queen. Then I tell him about herobrine and he has the balls to ask me if I‘m using again the rat bastard.
Look, I’m getting off topic. I need advice. Please, please take this seriously. My character just got killed by TNT, and it’s got me pretty worried. Has anyone been in a similar situation? You’d really be doing me a solid.