All right, I know this is going to sound insane, and I’ll admit, my head feels a little fuzzy. I feel like I have no filter and I start typing really insane things? Maybe it’s something I ate, I don’t know.
Anyway, I considered posting this in the r/AITA subreddit, but I’m not really looking for that kind of validation. I really feel like I did nothing wrong. And by that, I mean that I got into yet another fight with my boyfriend, and long story short, it’s about him not contributing nearly enough to our household, not picking himself up, etc. It seems so inane in retrospect, and I’m at a point where I’m not sure if it’s the reason why I was upset at him, or if it’s about him. I’m trying not to think about it too much, though, because the more I think about my boyfriend, the less he seems like a person to me. It’s weird.
We blew up at each other, obviously, and after we were both sulking each in our corner, he basically tells me he’s going out with friends because I’m a drag to be around. And at that point, I’m just too exhausted to even cry, so because I have very healthy habits, I just go to the nearby pub and order a beer just to feel something. And then there’s this gorgeous girl who comes in – like, legs for days, flawless skin, piercing eyes, and first thing she looks at is me. I’ll call her Valerie for this story’s sake, although that’s not her real name, and I feel really stupid for not putting two and two earlier now. Or not, because I would have probably run away like a fool. Anyway, I’m super flustered because I don’t usually grab the attention of anyone that pretty unless I’m doing something embarrassing, but then Valerie comes straight to me and we start talking. I don’t believe in love at first sight and all that but it just really felt that way. Or maybe I was just sad and horny. But it was like we knew each other our entire lives – I tell her about my boyfriend, she tells me about that really intense relationship she had with a guy who basically turned her life upside down and changed it forever, but she ended up overcoming him. Looking back at it, she was incredibly vague about it. But as I said, I guess I was just sad and horny, because next thing you know, we’re both making out in the pub’s bathroom.
I only snapped out of it and felt bad when she asked me if I wanted to go back at her place. But I was pissed off enough at my boyfriend to not care and say yes. Looking back at it, I can’t help but think my boyfriend is just too inferior compared to me to actually care, and I feel horrible. For a while, at least. I think the headache I’m having right now is just making me cranky and it doesn’t feel like that thought (among many others) is coming from me.
So I went back to her place, and we have the best sex I ever had in my life. And what I’m going to say will sound weird, but she bit me pretty hard, and I think she drew blood? But I was in the middle of an orgasm so I could be wrong. I’m not kidding, I saw stars, and I’m usually pretty vanilla in bed, but when she bit in her wrist and gave me her blood to drink? I lapped it up, and it was divine. I’d totally have more, actually. Guess I am kind of kinky, haha.
Next morning, Valerie is just super considerate around me, asks me pointed questions about how I feel, and it doesn’t strike me as weird because, well, I just had a hookup that I barely regret and cheat on my boyfriend after a fight with him. We even had breakfast together, and she tells me about that raw meat diet she’s on, and I don’t know what got into me, but I ate raw steak with her for breakfast, because I was that hungry. We even joked about having terrible table manners because you have no idea how messy eating raw steak is, with all the juices and blood, so we’d just suck on whatever pieces we’d chew and lick our mouth and fingers. At the end, I tell her I really have to go, and she makes me promise to come and see her in the evening. I walk out, and of course, I fall across a hundred worried texts from my boyfriend, and I just answer that I’m fine and that I spent the night at a friend’s. Although I’ll admit I felt almost offended he dared to text me, so guess I was still angry at him, haha.
He’s at work right now, and I’m waiting for him to come back. I didn’t go to my job myself because I have this splitting headache right now, and I had to close all the curtains in the apartment because I can’t even stand the sun right now. But at lunch time, I didn’t feel like eating anything that was in the fridge despite being super hungry. That never happened to me before, but I was famished enough my lips were curling up and I had to constantly lick my lips. So, you guess it, I went to the grocery store, wearing my raincoat and looking kind of insane because it was sunny outside, and the only thing that was in any way appealing to me were the steaks, which I ate raw once again. I know you’re all probably telling me I should be disgusted with myself but I think I understood something you can never hope to understand on that level. Seriously, you know who eats vegetables? Cattle.
I also managed to grab a couple of birds at my window and I ate them as well. It was an interesting experience as well, because you still feel them wriggling in your grasp while you tear into them. I grabbed the little fuckers because their singing was annoying me, but the chirps of pain they made really made me laugh, lol, and the best part is when they stop fighting and go limp. I kind of want to try on bigger things now, because it’s gotta be a really powerful feeling. I should check outside my city for hunting lodges and make it a hobby. I know it sounds weird, but it just comes very naturally to me. It’s like… a feeling of catharsis, after feeling powerless and underestimated for so long.
I might not even wait for my boyfriend to come back and go straight to Valerie’s, and hopefully my headache will feel a little better. Even if it doesn’t, I must go back to her anyway. I’ll probably post an update later, but I just want you to know, don’t worry about me. I feel like I’m really going to greater places. I’ll also do my best to reply as much as I can before heading out.