I’ve always been the shy, loser who’s always been chosen last and never had any partner in school. No one has ever had the chance to know me on a personal level. People would even be rude to me, just for existing. I believe this has shaped me into who I am today, or who I have become. Also the experience of being manhunted by a psychopath who abused me. Ever since meeting them, I have isolated myself and have become increasingly paranoid.
I would run off into the forest and the woods in the night sometimes. I would put myself in a dangerous position, just to escape fear. I still to do this because I can simply not think right when I’m loosing my mind. Sometimes I hallucinate things that aren’t there. For seconds, the worst I’ve seen was a blue person running all over before disappearing. Or I see scribbles who would slowly go inside of my chest.
A while ago my body especially my eyes have been twitching non stop. And combined with the hallucinations my hypochondriac self thought I had cancer. I got no sleep for the full week, and I was shaking uncontrollably. I ran off into the night in the freezing weather my body was numb. I didn’t care I kept waking, people gave me strange looks like they wanted to hurt me. This neighborhood isn’t the safest, it’s not the worst but definitely nowhere near the best. Most people such as myself struggle with money. I have been avoiding work, and avoiding everything. Imagine having cancer as a young adult. I went to the hospital, and they didn’t take my seriously. My eye twitching got worse.
My face felt numb, I got a needle a sliced it. I inserted it it everywhere on my face to test if it really want numb. I slapped it and scratched it until it became a pulp of blood and I felt pain. I was satisfied. My arm was numb, I grinded it with a cheese grater and sliced it. I was going to cut my arm off. I tried several times to do it. I also violently started slicing my leg to stop feeling the numbness. I got a knife and slice my right eye which twitched non stop.
After some time after searching up like crazy on the internet and seeing signs of anxiety. I took control of my body and the symptoms stopped. I told myself how much anxiety ruined me. And how all of these symptoms can be caused due to it. And I felt better. I’ve never had a symptom since. I can’t be absent from work again I took too much days. And now, I’ve been working hard, and I have been going out even though I have no friends. This is another thing, I had nobody to tell this too. I have no support system in my life just the internet. I have no friends at all, no one at my job knows me or about me.But I went out alone and enjoyed myself. I realized I can overcome this. I felt free.
That is until 4 days ago. My eye was twitching non stop. It wasn’t stoping, my right eye was twitching like crazy again. Brain cancer? No, I thought. I just got through this. I ignored it and pushed on. 3 days ago, I got a headache. It was sharp and lasted for 3 hours. Yesterday before sleeping I got the headache again, and it was so painful. I got concerned. But I decided to sleep instead of worrying. Today I woke up with a deliberating painful headache that has not gone away even since yesterday. I rolled out of bed and slapped my head against the wall I screamed in agony. My eye twitching also was there for all of these days. I’ve been in the corner crying and hyperventilating for hours now. I’m in pain. I have cancer and it’s killing me. I cried and cried, I can’t take it anymore. I have cancer as a young adult. I got a knife, and I started slicing above my head