I used to be a devout believer, a faithful follower of my religion. I was convinced that my religion was the truth and it was perfect in every way. I prayed every day believing that I would achieve heaven and I promised myself that no matter what happened, I would never stop believing in my god. But that all changed when I started hearing a voice in my head. At first, I thought it was just my imagination playing tricks on me. But then the voice began to speak louder and clearer, until I could no longer ignore it.
The voice claimed to be the voice of God, and whatever it said became real. For example, if the voice said an unexpected guest would arrive at home today, it really ended up happening. So I didn’t have any other option without believing that it was God’s voice. At first, it was just simple things, like telling me to pray more often, be kinder to my family and friends, or donate to poor people, etc. But then, the voice started to become more demanding, more menacing.
It told me that I needed to focus more on my religious prayers, or else terrible things would happen. It threatened me with eternal damnation or killing my loved ones if I didn’t obey its commands. And so I tried my best to concentrate, but it was never enough. You see, I have ADHD, which makes it difficult for me to stay focused for long periods of time, and the threats didn’t help because the fear of what it would do if I didn’t pray properly just distracted me while praying.
The voice became more and more frustrated with me. If I got distracted a little bit while praying, it would tell me to pray again and again, and if I didn’t, I had to face the consequences. Soon it began to drive me insane. I couldn’t escape it, no matter how hard I tried. It was always there, whispering in my ear, threatening me with unspeakable horrors if I didn’t do as it commanded.
The nightmares were the worst. They started off as simple things, like falling from a great height or being chased by a shadowy figure. But then they began to get more twisted, more horrific. I dreamt of seeing my loved ones die in front of me, of being trapped in a burning building, or being eaten alive by some sort of creature.
And then, one night, I dreamt of the end of the world. I saw the sky turn red, the ground split open, and the dead rise from their graves. The voice was there, too, promising me salvation if only I would pray harder. But I knew deep down that it was lying.
I tried to tell people about what I was going through, but they just called me crazy. They thought I was making it all up or that I was just seeking attention. But I knew the truth. I was being tormented by a voice that claimed to be God, but was really something else entirely.
So I made a decision. I renounced my faith and became an atheist. I came up with my own theory that the voice I was hearing was not God’s voice, but the voice of an extra-dimensional being. I convinced myself that God couldn’t be so cruel, so the voice must be coming from somewhere else, maybe from a parallel universe where everything is higher dimensional. But I just don’t know.
I committed blasphemy. I ripped off the holy book of my religion, cursed God, and burnt His name. It was just to show that He didn’t own me and I wasn’t afraid of Him. I started watching videos on YouTube that provided me with enough information that proved the religion I was following was false and ignorant. And, in a way, it helped me to increase my belief in the idea that higher dimensional entities were manipulating people to believe in stupid nonsense. I also learned the truths about what horrible things the founder of the religion did, and my hate towards this cult rose even more.
But the voice obviously didn’t like that. It punished me for my blasphemy and caused me mental pain that I couldn’t handle and started manipulating reality to make my life a living hell. It forced me to believe that it was God, but no matter what it did, I kept up with my belief that it wasn’t. I lost my job, my friends, and my sanity.
I tried to fight back, to do things that went against the voice’s commands. But every time I did, it punished me even more. It caused accidents to happen, made people turn against me, and even caused me physical harm.
I knew I couldn’t go on like this. I was tired of being tormented, tired of being a prisoner to the voice in my head. So I made the ultimate decision. I decided to take my own life. But I want people to know my story, so before that I decided to post my story on this subreddit.
The voice still whispers in my ear, promising me salvation if only I pray harder.