Cars was my favorite movie as a kid; sure, it was mostly made to sell toys and was probably the least inspired of Pixars movies, but I loved that trilogy and watched all of them many times.
Never did I expect that stupid fucking red race car would fill me with so much rage.
It all started with reports of a car that looked exactly like Lighting McQueen showing up all around the country. The reports were initially harmless, a meaningless, but funny story nonetheless. However, it didn’t take long for all sorts of shit to hit the fan.
Children getting in the car and never being seen again, a plateless red car speeding through red lights causing all sorts of accidents, and the house crashes, oh the house crashes…
It almost feels wrong to call them crashes, as the result was always a house with a car shaped hole running through it and no car at the scene of the crime. Sometimes, people were lucky and weren’t home, or were on a different floor when the car came through.
My grandma wasn’t so lucky.
My grandma was a strong person, taking care of herself even in her old age, not that we could afford a retirement home for her. She always tried her best to help her community, and wanted the best for everyone around her. She lived in her one floor house for many years, never forgetting to check the mail or leave the sink running. Near her house, the Lighting McQueen business was happening in full force, with countless reports of the red fuck wrecking havoc wherever it showed up. I pleaded with my grandma to come stay with me; but she was a proud person, and told me firmly she wouldn’t abandon her community.
It was 2 weeks after that conversation I got the call.
They say it happened in the middle of the day, the time my grandma usually checked her mail. Witnesses say a red race car sped towards the house at full speed, completely destroying the front of the house and went out the back. It then turned around and sped through the house again, swerving as if to cause the most damage as possible.
My grandma didn’t stand a chance. There wasn’t even a point in seeing the body, I’d already seen what that sick fuck does to people.
Ever since that day, I’ve been preparing.
The government attempted multiple times to capture the car, but every chase ended with more carnage then it prevented, and roadblocks did nothing to stop it, it would cut through wherever it needed to go. It was unstoppable.
I still knew there was a way, there had to be. Every sicko has their weakness, and I’d been studying McQueen for 2 years. I knew what made it tick, what it “enjoyed” the monster wouldn’t know what’s coming.
Everyone thought the attacks were random, but I had to find something to track it. I knew there had to be a pattern, and I found it. McQueen was real sick in the way it operated, it liked alternating between families of 4 and elderly on their own. The families were harder to get, usually because they had multiple story houses or an apartment. But I knew McQueen enjoyed the thrill of terrifying a family, I’d seen it all too many times while researching the cases. However, McQueen also liked easy pickings, and old people In their old houses were perfect for that.
McQueen also never struck the same place in a row, always moving across the city before it struck again. It took a long time, much longer than I wanted, but I knew where it was gonna strike next.
The family took a bit of convincing to help with my plan. They had a hard time accepting that the target was on their backs. It took a lot of reassurance of their safety and details of my plan to make them feel confident in the idea. Eventually, we came to an agreement.
The family will arrive home after a nice restaurant dinner, all happy as could be. The mom will immediately take the children upstairs, where there is a reinforced room with support so strong it could survive much worse than a shoddy race car. The father has a different role, however. The father will go into the house with the rest of the family, but will come out a few minutes later to take out the garbage. This is when I’m sure McQueen will strike.
You may be wondering, “why would McQueen strike while its only the father is outside, wouldn’t he want to attack the children?” This perplexed me for a long time, as I had the same thought. It took me a long time to realize McQueen is so cruel as to enjoy taking out the primary breadwinner of a house, shattering the family forever.
The father will also be equipped with one of those airbag motorcycle vests, hopefully negating damage if McQueen hits him.
Everything was in place, and the plan was ready.
It’s a cool summer night, the streets are quiet, and there is the faint chirp of crickets. The family pulls into the driveway, doing their best to keep up the appearance of a happy family returning home from dinner. They briskly, but not to briskly, walk into the house and the mother quickly brings the children upstairs. A long 5 minutes pass, but finally the father opens the front door, carrying a trash bag with him.
The sound of a combustion engine rapidly approaches.
McQueen strikes like lighting in a storm, hitting the father head on and crashing through the front of the house.
Inside is where the real plan was set.
As I approach the gaping hole that was once the front of a house, I hear a car desperately trying to rev its engine. The smell of gasoline and burnt rubber floods my nostrils as I approach the all so famous Lighting McQueen, who now has four flat tires.
Across the entirety of the first floor spikes were attached to the ground, the mother had to be very careful bringing the children upstairs. The police had tried road spikes on McQueen before, but he always managed to avoid them, like the fucking star driver he is. McQueen didn’t expect this though, and he’s not gonna expect what’s coming next.
I quickly attach a wheel stopper to his front wheel. I then use the baseball bat I brought to smash all four of the fuckers lights, and also destroy his mirrors. Every hit with the bat was like euphoria for me.
I then reach to open the hood, which is locked. I expected this of course, while it’s not common for cars to have a locking hood, I knew the bastard would wanna protect his heart.
I drop the bat and grab the jackhammer the family had in their garage. I would’ve brought my own, but I wouldn’t wanna dirty it with this shitbags innards. I climb on top of the sick fucks hood as I power up the jackhammer. Every crack of McQueens hood breaking was a symphony to my ears. I laugh as I hear McQueen desperately try to startup it’s engine, knowing it’s time is fleeting. The hood is basically destroyed as I climb off, prying it open with a crowbar. I could’ve easily destroyed the engine with the jackhammer, but I wanted to do it slowly.
I reach for the bat again, ready to put an end to the menace who took my grandmother from me. Only to hear a loud crack and searing pain in my legs. I fly into the air and land with an unpleasant thud, I only manage to stay conscious for a few seconds before passing into the abyss.
I wake up in the hospital 3 days later, and am quickly caught up by the family. The father is alive, but in critical condition. In my rage I completely forgot about helping him, so it was only when the family called 911 that he got help. They also tended to my injuries, which are pretty terrible. Both my legs are completely shattered, and one of my arms suffered a fracture too.
But I wasn’t thinking about any of that. Not the family, not my injuries, not even my grandmother.
All I could think about was what I saw in my last few seconds of consciousness.
A rusty brown tow truck towing McQueen away.