“Holyfuckingshit! It’s a grizzly!”
“Shutthefuckup!” I whispered.
I crawled over to an opening in the brush to get a better look. I motioned for Richie to hand me his binoculars.
It took a few seconds to find it. There was a large brown blob up on the hill. I focused in and as the edges sharpened, there wasn’t any doubt. It was a freaking HUGE bear.
I watched it for a good long minute. Its head was facing away, just standing in one place. I figured it was probably going to town on one of the many blueberry bushes in the area.
But it was weird. Even if it was eating in one place, you’d think there would be some movement. This thing was like a statue.
Richie took back his binoculars.
“The fuck is it doing?” he asked.
“I know. It’s weird… “ I said. “Keep an eye out for cubs. Maybe it’s acting funny because it can smell us.”
“We’re downwind though.”
We sat with these thoughts for a good twenty minutes, just watching and getting more confused by the second.
Richie was getting anxious.
“We need to do something here.” he said.
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, but we’ve gotta keep moving if we’re going to make camp before dusk. And we can’t exactly head back to the car at this point either, because then we’ll for sure be hiking in the dark.”
Even armed with a big can of MACE, we both were getting worried that the bear might be rabid or something. We were a good football field away, but grizzlies can cross that distance faster than a running back. It was just too close to the trail to continue.
“Alright, I’m going to try something.” Richie said as he pulled out the air horn.
“Are you freaking serious?”
“You have a better idea? This should scare off everything in a five mile radius.”
He was right. I didn’t have a better idea… at least not then. Now, I wish I had just said to turn back for the car and keep driving till we reached home. Don’t even stop to pee. We could use empty bottles for all I care.
They say some bells can’t be unrung. Turns out the same goes for air horns.
God help us.
Richie pressed the button and let out that horrible SCREECH.
Nothing fucking happened. The bear didn’t move an inch.
Richie let it rip a few more times, so long and loud we were dizzy by the end of it. We started marching up the trail in a daze, drawn to the animal despite all our natural instincts. We just had to know at this point.
Why wouldn’t it move?
We closed in, both of us aiming our bear spray, ready for the slightest twitch, but none came. We edged up and around to face it head on. It was like a dream.
It stared at us, its open mouth filled with yellowed teeth, sharp enough to rip right through bone, and a paw outstretched with claws so long they didn’t even look real… None of it did. Not quite.
That’s because it wasn’t real.
That is to say it wasn’t really alive. Not anymore.
It was stuffed.
“What in the actual fuck.”
Richie tossed a stone at it to be absolutely sure. It bounced off the bear’s unblinking glass eye.
We couldn’t help ourselves. We started laughing. It was so weird, but also in that moment it was pretty cool.
“It must be like a photo op spot for the camp.” Richie said.
“Wouldn’t you have heard about that?” I asked.
Richie pulled out his cell phone to do a quick Google, but as to be expected there was zero service. We were way the fuck out there.
Instead we just accepted this idea and took selfies with the grizzly. Grinning like idiots. So fucking ignorant and dumb. Never considering that we were stood next to one of the greatest predators on the planet, but something, someone had killed it.
What hope would we have?
After covering every conceivable angle for Instagram, we continued on, further into the forest.
According to the map we were still a few miles out from the campsite. It was supposed to be one of those communal cabins any hiker can use. This trail isn’t like the Appalachian or Pacific Crest where loads of people attempt it every year. I hadn’t even heard of it. This was all thanks to Richie and his obscure internet research. Always trying to find something off the beaten path, i.e. something cooler than everyone else.
It was fine for awhile after that. We settled into a groove again, making good time and chalking up the bear to something kitschy and fun.
Then came the meadow.
And the deer.
There were twelve of them. Whitetails. Ten doe and two bucks.
None of them moving. Permanently “grazing” amongst the wildflowers. Staring at us with their big black doll eyes.
We didn’t wait this time. We could see right away they also were stuffed. We left the trail and walked amongst them, petting their painted “wet” muzzles and frozen flicking tails. Feeling the large antlers meant to attract mates.
Was this the same thing? Someone trying to lure us in?
“You’re telling me none of the websites mentioned these?” I asked.
Richie shook his head. Half in amazement, half in fear.
“Who did this?” I said.
We took photos again, though our smiles were far more forced. If this was just some weird tourist trap thing, it was losing its appeal. Fast.
We continued on.
There was the squirrel forever searching for acorns.
There was the raccoon climbing toward the tree tops it would never reach.
Birds sat silently in branches with songs stuck in their feathered throats. A coyote mid howl, waited for the moon it would never see.
I asked to go back. I didn’t like this anymore. It didn’t feel right. But the sun was setting, and neither of us wanted to walk back in the black, even though the woods seemed totally devoid of real life.
Predator and prey alike.
We finally arrived at the camp. A fire pit and small lean-to (so not an actual cabin) was all there was. I had really been hoping for something with a locking door, but once we had the fire going, some of the fear subsided.
This was supposed to be a week long hike, but we both agreed that come morning we would head for home. I couldn’t wait. I was counting down the hours as I tried to sleep. Not a cricket or owl to be heard.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The BUZZING woke us up.
It was so high pitched it must have been just on the edge of what human ears can even hear.
It was the middle of the night. The fire had burned low, barely more than embers, but as I looked around, I saw another glow, coming from the woods.
The pines were backlit with a pulsing white and green, the thrum of something mechanical throbbing in our heads.
Richie and I looked at each other, our faces frozen in confused and terrified stares. I wanted to scream. I wanted to start screaming and not stop till I was safe in my own bed. I wished for ruby slippers to just click and disappear from this moment. But, all I had were muddy boots.
There was nothing we could do, but hunker down against the back wall of the lean-to and pray for this to end.
I closed my eyes and asked Jesus to save us.
It sounded like we weren’t alone. The sky started filling with the cries of dead or dying things. Wailing with primal fear to be delivered from whatever was out there in the trees.
I don’t know how long it lasted. It felt like it would never end.
And then SUDDENLY-
It was morning.
I don’t remember falling asleep again. It was like someone just switched on the lights and now here I was… and Richie wasn’t. He wasn’t anywhere in camp.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I ran back down the trail the way we came.
I kept yelling Richie’s name with no reply.
My legs and lungs were burning. I was ready to do this the whole way to the car, I wasn’t going to stop.
But then I did stop. I had no choice.
I rounded a bend in the trail, and there stood Richie, staring at where the rest of the trail used to be.
Now there was a wall of thorn brush twelve feet high and impenetrably thick. It stretched into the forest on either side of the path, no end in sight.
Richie’s arms and legs and face were covered in bleeding scratch marks as he turned to face me.
“I think we’re lost.” he said with zero emotion.
He dropped the crumpled map from his hand.
“I’m sorry.” he said. “This was supposed to be fun.”
Back at camp I cleaned up Richie’s wounds with the first aid kit and tried to get our bearings on the map. There’s only one trail in and one trail out. With the way back blocked, we would have to just keep moving forward.
There was a small town a few hours hike ahead. A note said that this was a good place to stop for supplies, as it’s the only civilization for days. So that’s where we headed. Not like we had any choice.
I took the lead, Richie basically in a catatonic state. He followed behind, completely silent. His fear seemed to be gone, replaced with something worse. He was resolved to whatever fate had in store.
I tried to talk to him about what had happened that night, tried to theorize on our situation, but all I got back was a mannequin stare. He must have been in a state of shock. I know I was.
As we walked, we continued to meet all sorts of taxidermied woodland creatures.
Rabbits stood posed next to their dead dens.
A rattlesnake reared back to strike with its maraca on mute.
A pack of saw dust filled wolves circled around an old bull moose towering so high that its antlers touched the branches of the surrounding firs. Its hide was moth eaten and peeling in places. How long had this dramatic scene been happening? Years? Decades?
Our feet carried us mile after mile. Our minds numb. Each new tableau of the natural world more incredible then the last. We hardly noticed anymore.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The first thing I saw was the church steeple.
A white tower with a glittering cross shining in the midday sun. It looked like hope.
Looks can be deceiving.
We ran the last few hundred yards to the edge of the town. The trees giving away to neatly manicured lawns and a small main street of brick and plate glass windows.
Richie and I both felt the trance of the trail lift, and tears ran freely down our cheeks. We had always considered ourselves woods people, much happier in nature than amongst our fellow man. Now I felt I could kiss the first stranger I saw.
But it didn’t turn out that way.
We still had no cell service, so we headed straight for the gas station hoping they had a public phone or an understanding clerk. We were in the middle of fucking nowhere, but there was a road so that meant someone could pick us up.
I saw a run-down booth and snatched up the receiver, but surprise surprise there wasn’t a dial tone.
Fantastic.
We headed into the station’s convenience store.
The fluorescents hummed and a radio played old country music through a tinny speaker, but the man behind the counter said nothing.
When I asked if we could use the phone, he ignored us.
So much for small town charm I thought, wishing that he was just rude.
And he may have been at one time. I’ll never know.
All I know, is that as I approached the counter, his bloodshot eyes didn’t blink. His greasy bearded mouth made no attempt to speak. His fingers worked a register for customers he couldn’t see.
He smelled faintly of formaldehyde and leather.
He was just another stuffed animal. The work of a skilled taxidermist. A trophy.
I fainted.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
When I came to, Richie was sat on the floor beside me, and an acidy pile of puke.
“Sorry.” he said. “Couldn’t help it.”
I could barely see him through my tears.
“What are we going to do?” I asked.
“Maybe it’s OK…” he said.”This could all be some sort of weird art installation… or like a prank.”
“No… No, it’s not” I said.
“Yeah. I know.”
We gathered what little strength we had and stood up.
We checked the phone behind the counter with the same result. As dead as the clerk.
We walked back to the middle of the desolate street like gunslingers at high noon, cans of bear mace in our hands instead of pistols.
We did the only thing we could do. We looked around.
Each corner, every building was an intricate work of the mundane and everyday.
Children played in a front yard, one ready to throw a bleached and deflating red ball.
A postman looked like he was whistling while he worked, with a dog mid bark at his intrusion.
The butcher cut a laquered ham prop on a slicer not even plugged in, while a house wife smiled and seemed to ask he not make it too thin.
Dull eyed drivers sat in cars that never finished turns into their driveways. Families in prayer over food that had gone cold, but would never spoil.
We searched the police station for help.
It was like a scene from the Andy Griffith show on pause. Only if Andy and Barney’s skin had gone waxy and green and grey. I took one of the officers radios, no clue what the range might be, but figured it was worth a shot.
I certainly hope someone’s hearing this now.
At this point it’s hard to imagine there’s anyone out there at all. But if there is, this story needs to get out. Tell the police, tell the internet, please… just get the word out so no one ever ends up in this God forsaken place again.
And most of all, please… tell my family I love them and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.
Richie and I decided to hold out in the church tonight. I don’t know if I ever really believed in God, and now maybe less than ever, but it seems like if there was ever a time to pray, it would be now.
The people in the pews (all in their Sunday’s best, even though it’s Tuesday) they look serene. The preacher looks like he’s yelling about fire and brimstone, but they don’t seem to mind. They all are just the picture of tranquility.
I want what they have.
Peace at the gates of Hell.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I wake up from a dream.
It was beautiful and NOISY.
So much wonderful noise.
Traffic and honking and rude drivers. TV’s with obnoxious day time shows, kids playing, dogs barking. Rap music. Country music. Rock and roll that’s blowing out the speakers. People laughing, crying, screaming…
There was a lot of screaming.
Was that Richie?
I’m running out of the sanctuary and into the street. It’s bright out. There’s not a cloud in the sky. Just blue. So much blue.
There can’t be anything wrong with that kind of sky.
Richie is standing looking up at it too. Taking it all in.
This has all just been a nightmare. So silly what the trail can do to your head!
“What a day Richie! Isn’t it amazing?!”
He doesn’t answer, but I get it. Sometimes this world and everything in it can overwhelm you.
There was that bible verse I learned as a kid.
“Be still, and know that I am God.”
That’s what it is. He’s just stunned by the AWE of it all. It’s gotta be… Has to be.
I’ll just leave him for now.
We’ll both just be still.