Want to know an unusual way to spend your Friday evening? Sitting across from a therapist. “Do people actually come here to find some sort of resolution?” Venting to someone who only really wants to hear the crisp hundreds unfolding from your wallet. “Smells a little rotten in here…can we open up a window?” Today has left me easily bemused.
Every morning I wake up, 6 a.m. On the dot. I run on my treadmill for thirty minutes. I do fifty push ups and fifty sit ups. Taking my pre-made protein shake at 6:45 am, then by 7 - I am in the shower. At 7:15 - I take my dozen or so vitamins…was it a dozen? Or wait…no, ten. Ten vitamins. I take less than ten vitamins. My apologies…it must be a dozen.
Next, I walk downstairs to my kitchen to make my morning meal. Two eggs, one slice of ham and one cup of yogurt. Did I add granola? No…berries. Always adding fresh berries to my yogurt. That’s how it’s always been.
I finish my breakfast at 7:40 (sometimes finishing beforehand will allow me to sit in my chair until the clock hits 7:40). When choosing my three story abode, I tactically bought the one that was five minutes away from my work. Hearing the garage door squeal slightly as it approached the top - I noticed a pair of feet at the first glimpse of light.
“Hey neighbor!” A man. A young man, maybe early thirties approached my garage as my hand slid down the car handle. “Sorry for the intrusion, but we just wanted to introduce ourselves!” He extended his hand. A woman crept in frame from behind. “I’m sorry. I’m really in a hurry.” That was me having the due diligence to let them know that I was on a strict time frame. I must be at work by 7:50, ten minutes before work. I run my own successful insurance agency. I had no one working under me and that’s how I wanted it. Regardless of me being my own boss, I had to be there at that set time. “I told you we should’ve came later in the day Paul! My husband is terrible at introductions. We’re your new neighbors.” Neighbors? My neighbors were never this nosy. “We just wanted to introduce ourselves quick. Not new to the area, we actually run a little mom and pop p-“ I cut her off by looking at my watch. She could sense the urgency in my timelines, or at least that’s what I thought. “We baked you a chocolate french silk pie -“ I grabbed the pie and ran into my house. “You might want to refrigerate that!” She yelled from behind. “Sorry, I really must be going.” The roar of my engine startled my new neighbors. “Nice to meet you!” They yelled as they slowly trailed out of my garage.
I had a mini-heart attack when I noticed it was now 7:48. I’ve never driven so fast in my life. Running into my office like my life depended on it. Opening the front door, I looked down at my watch…7:51…or maybe it was 7:52. I can’t remember.
Feeling defeated, I slowly turned on my computer. 8:00 a.m. my day begins. My confidence was shot. I ruined the one thing that was most sacred. This was honestly the worst day in sales that I had ever had. Numbers didn’t add up. Words couldn’t be put together. I stuttered and stumbled over my script all day long. I closed down early to go home and rest. It wasn’t even…nothing made sense anymore. I couldn’t even remember what I had done earlier in the day. It was ten vitamins and…and granola in my yogurt…See? I lost it. This was the first time in my life where things didn’t follow the safe and narrow path I had spent years creating for myself. My purpose was mismanaged. I was left broken.
And that’s how I ended up in this chair. Across from the only person who could possibly listen to my issue.
“Doc!” I snapped my fingers to get his attention, “I said it smells a little rotten in here. Can we open up a window?”
My therapist looked at me in disbelief. His eyes glanced over at his dying secretary wife, bleeding out from the gash I just engraved into her throat. “I’ve never heard of a mom and pop psychology practice. You guys must’ve been the only one in town.” My therapist/ new neighbor slowly drifted his attention back to me. Rightfully so, I was waving his wife’s ring finger back and fourth until I finally got his attention and threw it at him. “You might want to refrigerate that.”
“Why…why would you…” My newly found, usually chatty - neighbor couldn’t even finish his sentence.
“Because Doc….because you ruined my routine.”