On Christmas Eve back in 2019,I was left by my so called friends all alone at a party in a different city.
I decided to go at the end of the city, hoping to catch a ride home. While walking I realized it was Christmas Eve and the streets where completely empty,I was high as shit btw,with and empty phone battery. I walked to the edge of the city on the road that leads home, wating in the cold and snow for a ride home when an interesting though popped into my mind. A similar thing happened to him too, many many years ago.
My grandfather was an alcoholic,he crashed his car while drunk back when there were no mobile phones,they didn’t exist then. He walked in the dark and cold dead of winter almost 20 miles, while contemplating what a big loser he is. When I was a kid he told me all this,he said “you become a man after you walk the distance”.
So I decided to follow my instinct,pulled by the idea to just be a man and walk home,that was not what my grandfather tried to tell me,the real walk was in the mind while walking in shame,to come to the realization that I had to stop doing bad stuff so often so I don’t get stuck all alone at some strangers party where nobody really gives a poop about me.
So..half of the way, it was this dark vibe, lonely and cold and only a joint left,not even a lighter to spark it BUT GUESS WHAT,that night something happened to me that never happened before..while walking angry inside and mad at myself , suddenly a dog appeared,cute and playfull,came to me for a good old petting session.
That dog for some reason, decided to follow me all the way home,he made me feel that I was not alone in this little journey of mine.
As we were walking together and talking,I noticed a light ahead. It was a reminder,a cross and 3 lit candles for 3 youngsters who died there in a car crash a while back. A reminder for all who want to drive fast on this road and remember,those where just the ones that were lit.
As I was looking at their pictures it suddenly hit me.
They are no longer here, because of the choices they made. ‘Why can’t I stop doing bad things,bad decisions”… I said to myself..I starded crying because I was so confused,I needed a light to spark my joint and look and behold,3 little almost ready go out candles,just waiting for me in the dark. I stood there just crying,fully realizing where I’m at due to my poor choices. That’s the day I decided to quit my bad habbits for good. In that moment I realized what my grandfather tried to tell me. He knew the only way for people to change is for them to fall,then rise up and enjoy the small little things in life.
After that I litt up my stogie,said thank you and said “come on boy, let’s go home” ,I started to notice how beautiful the stars are ,the moon,the snow,the air,the dog became cuter and cuter,when I sat down,he copied me and sat down too and just looked at me with his tongue out,like he was smiling or something.
I started to realize how stuck in my head I was all the time and forgot to look around me.
This was ~ 1 year after both my grandfather and grandmother died,they died in the same year. My grandma loved him very much and after he died,I saw her giving up on life too,they were both 95. Even now sometimes I sit and wonder,how did this amazing dog happen to cross paths with me exactly when I needed someone the most.
The whole journey took about 7-8 hours,when I arrived home,I had this huge pain in my left leg that went up my spine. My body was trying to tell me I’m a lazy bastard. I invited the dog in,but he didn’t want to,I came out with food and water, but when I came out,he was gone. I cannot explain the feeling I had,both hope and loss at the same time,I didn’t have any energy to look for him,I wanted to have that dog more than anything. I really hope the dog didn’t think I abandoned him. God I hope that’s not true. My thinking is that he was just a free spirit, exploring this thing we call reality from a dogs perspective and shared it with me. Winter at night with the vast ocean of stars is damn beautiful!!!!! It’s almost like God himself knew this would blow everyones minds and to take it easy and chill sometimes.
I didn’t turn into a religious person after this experience but that day I realized..pets are amazing, mother nature is the true treasure on this planet,not just gold and diamonds but everything and it seems in our ever expanding arrogance,we messed it all up.
The real walk is in the mind and without falling,u can’t tell wich way is up. There’s not a week in my life where I don’t go outside and just look at the sky,night or day,Gods creation is probably the most beautiful thing ever imagined.
We all have to walk the the distance in order to change,the best part about it is,at least in my opinion,that when it happens to you, it’s like a rebirth, it’s like you are full of life and joy and forgive everyone who ever did u wrong and especially yourself. We are all stuck in this maze called Tera,and some of us are without an education or a low IQ,have the patience to understand them and move on.
Alone with nature is truly a healing experience.