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Hello journal. It’s been a while since I’ve last took time and updated you… It was hard for me to open up myself again after what had happened. I couldn’t open up to Marie nor to everyone else. She was still as understanding as ever, despite barely talking with her. With that being said, now I feel like I can finally face the feelings I’ve had bottled up inside for the past month. I doubt that they will be gone, but at least I can begin again. As for what exactly happened, you can probably guess… but nevertheless, I will recount the events of that night.
“What are we going to do?” asked Marie, trying to remain composed after hearing what I just saw.
“We have to confront him, that’s what.”
“Why didn’t you do that right then? Why not just go right now and chew him for not telling anyone in the first place?”
“I don’t think it’s wise to cause a scene. He probably doesn’t know about the disease in the first place. What if I’m wrong?”
“And what if you aren’t? What if a few hours might make the difference between him dying or not?”
“I… I know that. Look. I saw his skin, and from what I saw, it didn’t have that yellowish look to it. The disease spreads slowly, right? I’ll go ask John to switch with me and I’ll talk with Matt, okay?”
“Let me do it. You’ve been pushing yourself too hard lately, taking at least a shift every night to study that journal. Let me talk with him in your place.”
“What if he is uncooperative?”
“I’ll tell you. At the very least, you would’ve slept enough by then and you can give it a try.”
It took me a few minutes to consider. The thing I worry about the most is that both of them are very stubborn. She might push too hard and make Matt close off. However, I can’t deny that I may have went too many sleepless nights already. Eventually, I agreed and let Marie handle Matt. With one last kiss, I gave her the journal and began falling asleep. The last thing I saw before closing my eyes was the black mist that was following us, sitting in a corner.
I found myself standing in a subway cart, the only similarity between the ones I’ve been traversing and this one was the structure of the cart and the pitch darkness of the outside. Beyond that, I might as well have been in a different plane entirely. Strange colors kept flashing in and out of reality as I looked around the lush vegetation covering every nook and cranny of this place. It was like stepping in into the middle of an alien jungle. The plant life itself had this weird shade of pink and purple, similar to when in a video game there is a missing texture on one of the objects. Vines were hanging from branches on the ceiling of the cart twisting and turning across the chairs and metal poles. Except from the light sources, the leaves on the branches covered all of the ceiling. At the end of each vine there was a black flower, in the middle of which being a black sphere. Looking at it closely, the size, smell and even texture were similar to that of an orange. I didn’t think it was wise to try and taste it. In between each window, black wood trunks were visible, each of their roots and branches intertwining, giving the cart a temple like look. The roots, hidden among the knee length grass, coupled with the abundance of vines, made it hard to move around, at least for myself.
I wasn’t entirely alone in the cart. Animals, unlike anything I’ve seen before, were strutting around as if this was their home. In between the vines, there were a group four-armed monkeys covered in sapphire blue fur, hanging sideways as if it was their natural position. Some of them were collecting the orange-like black fruits while others were grooming their young. A golden furred antelope with six legs was mindlessly drinking from a small river that was flowing on the side of the cart, unaware of the wolf that was stalking it. The wolf itself, looking like someone cast it in a silver mold and given it life, was ready to jump it, but the antelope finally noticed, running away with a blinding speed while the wolf began chasing it, rustling the monkeys. Thankfully, none of them noticed me. It was as if I was invisible to them.
I began exploring this weird place I found myself in. Unlike the subway, which was just an infinite straight line, this one curved and bent at unusual angles. Sometimes, the floors and the walls switched places, forcing me to try and void the trunks of the trees, while other times it looped around and around. As I walked, I saw more and more odd plants and animals, such as flowers with crystal petals and wooden stems that gave bell like sounds whenever you passed them, bushes made of rubber that would bounce around if you hit them, mechanical bats, three-legged shadow horses, spiders made of bright light. If I made a list of the things I’ve seen, it would be comparable to Ramirez’s Journal.
Eventually, I found myself in a cart that was more maintained than the rest. While there were still plants and water flowing, there was an order to it. The grass and vines were cut to a more manageable size, the branches on top were given patterns, even the animals were more relaxed. However, there was another thing that stood out.
A person was standing at the end of the cart, his back turned towards me. Long, flowing silver hair was touching the floor at the cart, contrasting the pitch black cloak that was draped across the figure’s body. In it’s hands, covered in white gloves, he was holding a large lopper and cutting down overgrown tree branches. He began whistling. That whistle was the most beautiful thing I have heard in my entire life. It was incomparable. I wanted to get closer.
Moving towards the figure, I stepped on a fallen branch, snapping it in half, making the man stop it’s whistle and cutting.
He began to turn towards me. His face was just as white as his hair, with a long, snowy beard. I only managed to get a glimpse of his golden eye before Marie woke me up. Still in a bit of a daze, I asked her how did it go. Even before she could open her mouth, I saw a deep sadness in her eyes.
“Come with me…”
“Wh-what happened?”
“Just… Please come…”
Half-asleep, I went with Marie to see what happened, thinking of the worst case possible. The rest still soundly sleeping.
Just before entering Matt’s cart, I could hear a quiet sob, and when I finally did enter, I could not have believed my eyes.
The first thing I saw was Matt laying down on the floor, breathing heavily, his hands wrapped tightly on his chest. Still alive, but barely. As I approached him, his skin immediately jumped to my attention. Green and plant-like, it looked more so like an abstract art exhibition rather than a man. All across his body, pulsating yellow blood vessels were covering his body. His eyes, a twisted combination of blood-shot red, tiny yellow eyes and pitch black pupils.
We were too late. He already progressed to the second stage.
Kneeling in front of Matt, we covered the cart’s lights, making him turn towards us. When he saw me and Marie, he began to calm down a little bit, allowing him to sit up and talk to us normally.
“We’re sorry…”
“No… I am sorry…” Matt replied. “I’m sorry you guys got to see me like this…”
“What do you mean?”
“I knew something was off ever since I got shot back then, but once I saw the green patch on my leg, I knew it was over for me. Figured that if worse comes to worst, I would leave when no one was looking.”
“Why would you even do that?!” Marie jumped in, visibly angry.
“You don’t get it kid,” Matt said calmly. “You think this is the first group that I was in ever since I’ve got in this god forsaken place? No… I’ve had different groups, different friends… It gets tiring seeing your loved ones go. Over, and over, and over again. Age, wounds, disease… I’ve seen it all. And…” Matt began to choke up a little, “do you know what the worst part is? Seeing their life slowly fading, knowing you can’t do a god damn thing to save them. No matter how hard you tried, eventually you’d have to see them gone. When I would’ve finally left,” he said while pointing at us “I would’ve done you a favor. You are just unlucky enough that I couldn’t time my leaving correctly… Figured I still had a few more days in me.”
“Oh yea?” Marie said loudly, “If you wanted us to not see you, why not leave earlier, huh?! Why wait until the last possible moment?!”
Matt was a little surprised at this sudden outburst, taking him a few seconds to answer it.
“I… wanted to, it’s just that with my leg being in that condition, you would’ve found me before I made it too far, making me come back to the group.”
“And why didn’t you tell us sooner?!”
“Because I knew I was gone. I didn’t want everyone else to worry for something inevitable, and, might I add, that was the reason I didn’t run from the Janitor back then. It would’ve been a faster way to go, not to mention easier for you to accept than this.”
“What makes you think we wouldn’t have accepted it?” I asked
“I know everyone in this group,” Matt answered, “and not a single one of you chuckleheads would’ve agreed with me. You would’ve desperately tried to save me, and when it would’ve finally entered your thick skulls you couldn’t, you would’ve blamed yourselves. Why do I know this? Look over there and see…”
Matt pointed out at the corner of the cart. That was the source of the sobbing I heard when I entered. It was Nick, huddled up in a ball.
“It’s all my fault… It’s all my fault…” he kept repeating in between his tears.
“You see what I mean?” yelled Matt in the back. “I told him it was his dick of a boss that shot me,not him, but he wouldn’t listen! He is been like this ever since I got to this point.”
“Marie?”
“On it.” she said as she sat down next to Nick, trying to comfort him. I returned to Matt.
“So, what now?”
“I don’t know kid. Doubt you’ll let me go now that you’ve seen me in this state. Not to mention that even if wanted to, I couldn’t run away fast enough with a shot leg, much less when I’m like this. Unless…”
“Unless?”
“Kid, do me a favor. Go and wake up John.”
“Why?”
“You’ll see. Just go.”
I stood up, leaving Matt to sit in his chair, breathing heavily. Once I woke him up and brought him to Matt, John was shocked to see him like that. The only thing he managed to utter at first was “You dumbass…”. Afterwards, me and Matt had brought John up to speed on the situation.
“Now that you’re aware, we can begin.”
“Begin what?” I asked.
“My last subway exploration.”
John frowned deeply at that, but eventually nodded.
“What does he mean by that?”
“It’s the code name of a plan we hatched years ago. If something were to happen to either of us, we’d tell everyone that one will return with supplies while the other went to gather extra. In reality, it would’ve meant that we either died of natural causes or got caught by a monster.” John said.
“It would’ve been easier on the others.” Matt added.
“You don’t mean you want us to leave you at the hands of one of them?!” I asked, shocked at what I heard.
“God no.” answered Matt. “You’d just carry me over the way we came and leave me there until I passed. That would’ve happened under normal circumstances. However, there is another thing you’ll have to do now that it’s possible.” he said while looking at Nick and Marie, who rose up and began walking towards us.
“Nick!” yelled Matt.
“Y-yes?” Nick jumped, surprised by the sudden yelling.
“Do you still have ammo in that gun of yours?”
“Yeah…”
“How much?”
“Around 10 bullets.”
“Good. One should suffice…”
“You don’t mean…” Marie asked.
“I do. I’ll be gone in a few days anyway. All I wish for is to die dignified, with my mind still intact, not paralyzed on the floor, my brain getting consumed.”
“Why not wake the others up then? Let them at least say good bye.”
“I already told you. I don’t want anyone else to see me like this. Think about it. They last saw me somewhat healthy, if a bit cranky. I would want that to be their last memory of me, and not as this barely alive thing. I want the rest to know that it was my insistence on extra resources that got me killed, not this disease. Please,” he said while looking at all of us “at least allow me this if nothing else.”
One by one, each of us nodded.
“Thank you…”
Since he was barely able to walk on his own, John and Nick carried him. Once we sneaked past the group, Matt having one last look at everyone, we marched on quietly. A hundred carts later, we had put Matt down. One by one, each of us had a last conversation with Matt before leaving the cart.
“I am sorry, I am sorry,” kept repeating Nick, who was the first.
“Hey, It’s ok. Sooner or later I would’ve died anyway. You had no idea that we were there when you entered with your former group. And without you defecting, the rest would’ve ended up in a far worse position under your shit stain boss. Cheer up a little. These are good people, you will do fine, just try and be more assertive.”
With that, Nick stood up, wiping away his tears as he handed the gun to John and leaving the cart.
Next was Marie. She didn’t have much to say beyond calling Matt an idiot, a dumbass, reckless and so on as she contained her tears. He just smiled and took all of it, saying that he knows. Marie then left as well, joining Nick.
Next was my turn.
“Without you,” I said, “I would’ve died when I first got here. I owe you my life…”
“And you’ve repaid that debt several times over. Don’t worry about that. Just take care of that woman, ok?”
“Yeah, I will…”
“Good. She is a good one. Shame I won’t be able to attend your makeshift wedding… It would’ve been something nice in this hellhole for once.”
I kept quiet as tears began to come out.
“Go now. Goodbye, Anthony…”
“Goodbye, Matthew…”
And with that, I left the cart and joined in with Nick and Marie. A few minutes later, a loud gunshot was heard coming from the cart. John came out, holding Nick’s smoking gun.
Once we got back, everyone was still asleep. When they woke up, we explained that Matt had gone looking for extra supplies, as he instructed us. Helen, with a dejected look in her eyes, figured out what we meant, but kept quiet. The rest were none the wiser, waiting for someone who won’t come back.
It’s been a while since Matt died. I managed to gradually began talking with the others and now, I finally took a step forward towards dealing with Matt’s death. Although, now we have another thing to worry about. Yesterday, while reading the Journal, I glanced around, looking for that black mist that kept following us to see if it was still there. However, once I finally found it, I realized something that made me shiver in fear.
There were two of them now.
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