I’ve never really had a lot of friends. When my husband died I really hit the rock bottom. I have never felt lonelier infact.
I’m writing this to you, as a friend. Someone who just listens and accepts. I have never kept a diary before, I’ve never had the chance to.
Well. It’s been a while now since I’ve talked to anyone. So I guess I’ll tell you how I got to this point.
I still remember the day of the accident. I got a call from the police department. They informed me my husband had died under “unknown circumstances”. They told me they would investigate. But they never did. They ruled it a suicide and I never got to hear back. I knew he was traveling. I knew we were both so happy. I don’t believe their words for a second. I never even got to see the body. It was “too damaged”. It makes me so angry and resentful. I should’ve came with him.
I spent months home depressed. I lost my job and didn’t feel like even moving an inch. We had so many plans. I had to sell the house. I just couldnt afford it. I sold the car too. I’m so stupid for that.
Well. I ended up here in this one bedroom cabin in the middle of rural Montana. I have faith, I do believe this is something he would’ve wanted me to do. Well. I’ve been living here alone now for some months. Just trying to get back on my feet, trying to get over the fact I will never see him again. I managed to even start some farmland. Get a few chickens. I’m actually surprised how much I’ve gotten done.
I lost a few of my chickens to wildlife. I really value those animals. It’s upsetting. I would find their corpse occaisionally near my property. Looking at them made me sick.
Well. It seems I like birds quite a bit. I did some reading on crows. I learned they actually leave you gifts when you feed them enough times. So I started doing that. I see them sometimes. So I figured why not make another friend or two.
I gave them peanuts. I would leave maybe a pound of them behind the shed and theyd come during the night and eat them. I have a huge sack of them from one of the town folk. They sometimes leave feathers behind. But last month I got my first trinket. It was a pearl earring. It’s crazy, I got so excited. They are so intelligent. I kept feeding them but aventually they made their way into the shed where I store all the peanuts. There was a hole on the ground near the corner. I guess they just got in. I repaired it.
Over the past weeks they gave me some piece of metal. Then a paperclip. Then a locket. It looks really old. Inside was a photo of a man. I guess someone must’ve lost it back in the day.
Last week was really hard however. I woke up to this awful sound. It sounded like scratching. I checked the windows and I see some black mass move into the forest. Its the crows. I’ve never seen them before during the act so I obviously started watching. I think they saw me move the curtain. They didnt come back. That same morning I saw something I could’ve never imagined. The “crows” left me a gift.
It was deep in the soil. I saw it glimmer through the muddy leaves. I picked it up and it’s some kind of a ring. I go inside to rinse it and it’s not just any ring. It was my husbands wedding ring. I don’t know if it’s really his. We never got ours carved. But this looks like the exact same ring. I feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t know what to think. I feel like I want to scream out of joy but also shut myself in because of fear. I know he must not be dead. Right? He must be close by me infact. I’m so scared though. I don’t know how they got the ring.
Come to think about it. I’m not sure if they really are crows. I’ve never seen them. Almost all my chickens have died by this point. I feel stressed. I don’t want to find another corpse tomorrow.
I’m going to stay up tonight and see what happens. I don’t want to be alone anymore.